Your most embarrassing sex story

Insect Overlord

Can't say I've ever done anything too embarrassing in the bedroom. I do say some stupid stuff though.

There was one night with an ex when we were both exhausted, but still in the mood. In the midst of plenty of fore-play, says I to herself "I can't wait to feel you inside me". I didn't realise what I'd said until she grabbed my hand, moved it away, and fell into a fit of giggles. I got embarrassed and rolled over to the other side of the bed and went to sleep. Pretty sure we never had sex again after that night!

Sinfonia

Insect Overlord wrote: »

Can't say I've ever done anything too embarrassing in the bedroom. I do say some stupid stuff though.

There was one night with an ex when we were both exhausted, but still in the mood. In the midst of plenty of fore-play, says I to herself "I can't wait to feel you inside me". I didn't realise what I'd said until she grabbed my hand, moved it away, and fell into a fit of giggles. I got embarrassed and rolled over to the other side of the bed and went to sleep. Pretty sure we never had sex again after that night!

Fucking lol.
I've said some stuff the wrong way around too (although your line is particularly hilarious); I think it's the adulthood equivalent of calling your teacher 'Mum' in front of the class.

smurgen

Tried trap number two with an ex one night when we were drunk,bad idea!it culminated with two of us having to take a shower.
Scored an older woman when I was living abroad,woke up after the heavy session and both of us were passed out in a massive piss stain on her bed,I woke first realized it and bolted.never scored her again and she never brought it up,I think she thinks she done it.

Timmyctc

I'm so very hungover/drunk/drunkover and possibly could have an additional story to add to the many beautiful stories you fine folk have contributed to the thread but I cant remember :pac: But srsly.

Ya know the way girls fake it and on very rare occasion lads fake it too. I've been guilty of faking it when I'm tipsy and I'm simply doing the sexual equivilant of flogging a dead horse because lets face it, sometimes its not just the lady thats leaving unsatisfied. Anyways, One time I was getting an awful handy shandy off a lovely girl and I turned away from her and let on that I was done and it was great.

Anyways, cue about 2 minutes of skepticism on her part (clearly I'm not the thespian I believed I was) followed by her dropping her hand down the sheets around crotch level to feel if I had actually "enjoyed" what had gone on, followed by about 11 weeks of me trying to explain what had happened. I swear, ye girls have no problem faking it but reverse roles and suddenly its "disrespectful and upsetting"

starskey77

weird,,,,,,,, some strange people out there

Chairman Meow

Insect Overlord wrote: »

Can't say I've ever done anything too embarrassing in the bedroom. I do say some stupid stuff though.

There was one night with an ex when we were both exhausted, but still in the mood. In the midst of plenty of fore-play, says I to herself "I can't wait to feel you inside me". I didn't realise what I'd said until she grabbed my hand, moved it away, and fell into a fit of giggles. I got embarrassed and rolled over to the other side of the bed and went to sleep. Pretty sure we never had sex again after that night!

Reminds me of the time an en and i were getting hot and heavy and she says "Do you want to suck my dick??". Laughed my arse off but felt bad as she started crying :pac:

And no it wasnt a ladyboy, sadly.

Timmyctc

Chairman Meow wrote: »

Reminds me of the time an en and i were getting hot and heavy and she says "Do you want to suck my dick??". Laughed my arse off but felt bad as she started crying :pac:

And no it wasnt a ladyboy, sadly.

I went home with a 30something year old and her cats name was your username :pac:

Chairman Meow

Timmyctc wrote: »

I went home with a 30something year old and her cats name was your username :pac:

Thats so hot

lukesmom

A 'friend' of mine and her boyfriend had only been together a short while so they were at it like rabbits, this way, that way, anyway you want way. So decided to take the bus into Dublin City and hit a sex shop. They came home with a porno, willy rub (stuff that heats up on application), and a silly comical monkey willy warmer thing. Anyway they used all the above items and had some fun. A few days later when my 'friend' called out to her boyfriends house they walked into the kitchen where his mother was. And low and behold they noticed some very familiar items on the kitchen table. Yes the monkey willy warmer and rub were on display she had removed them from his bottom drawer. Extremely embarrassing when she locked eyes with my friend and looked at her in a 'you hussy polluting my sons mind) way.

Mr. Manager

Years ago me and the then current gf went out for some drinks. Got pretty smashed. Came home to drunkenly do the deed.

Stuck on some protection and away I went. Couldn't finish as I was too drunk. Just fell asleep.

Hours later I got up to go for a piss. Went to the bathroom and let rip only there was no splashing sound. Looked down to find the condom still on, filling like a water balloon.

Had to figure a way to take it off my manhood without getting it all over myself and the bathroom.

I achieved neither

Crooked Jack

I posted this before in another thread, so apologies if you've already read it, but it seemed to fit in with this thread. Not that it was exactly embarrassing, as Im pretty sure she didn't know, but still, it's hardly something to be proud of.


There was this girl worked in a bar in uni that i really fancied. She either was, or really looked like, one of the Suicide Girls.
Anyway, one particularly drunken night she eventually succumbed to my witty banter and insightful, uh, insights.
So we're maulin' the faces off each other in the taxi on the way back to her place and practically kept it up while payin the taxi, walking to the door, goin up the stairs etc...
We get to her bedroom and strip off and me lad near smacked me in the face. She had an unreal body. So I head south and go to town on her and after a fairly enthusiastic exchange of genital and oral fluids she cums.
I move up to kiss her and all of a sudden she's "very sleepy," gives me a quick peck on the cheek, says we'll go again in the morning and rolls over to go to sleep.
So I'm left there with this thumping truncheon and I can practically see the ****er pulsating. Basically theres not a chance of me gettin to sleep with this, so i give it a few minutes to make sure yer wan is asleep and then start seeing to the problem myself. It's not what I'd expected but it would tide me over until the morning.
Im about to shoot and I realise I havent thought this through. there's no where for this to go, so I just catch it in my other hand. Now i'm in this strange room, with a handful of jizz, using the glow from my mobile to find somewhere to throw it.
There's no bin or anything or even a packet of wipes and even the feckin floor was wooden.
Im sat there and this thing is becoming more watery and at a real risk of dribblin out of my hands.
THIS is the feckin moment she chooses to wake up and decide she wants to cuddle.
She murmured something about putting my arms round her and I had a split second to act as she rolled over...so I just hoofed it down my throat.
I wouldnt dip my chips in it now but overall i found the taste fairly inoffensive.
Just in case you're curious she had to "rush off to class" when we woke up the next morning and I never got any.
Never got out with her again after either. Should have rubbed it in her feckin sheets.

Ash.J.Williams

Timmyctc wrote: »

Gowann. Elaborate :pac:

ha i think it happened to everyone who thanked that post!

canadianwoman

Smidge wrote: »

Is anyone else craving a chicken fillet roll now?
It's just me, right?

I could murder a bacon butty right now.

Ash.J.Williams

Crooked Jack wrote: »

I posted this before in another thread, so apologies if you've already read it, but it seemed to fit in with this thread. Not that it was exactly embarrassing, as Im pretty sure she didn't know, but still, it's hardly something to be proud of.


There was this girl worked in a bar in uni that i really fancied. She either was, or really looked like, one of the Suicide Girls.
Anyway, one particularly drunken night she eventually succumbed to my witty banter and insightful, uh, insights.
So we're maulin' the faces off each other in the taxi on the way back to her place and practically kept it up while payin the taxi, walking to the door, goin up the stairs etc...
We get to her bedroom and strip off and me lad near smacked me in the face. She had an unreal body. So I head south and go to town on her and after a fairly enthusiastic exchange of genital and oral fluids she cums.
I move up to kiss her and all of a sudden she's "very sleepy," gives me a quick peck on the cheek, says we'll go again in the morning and rolls over to go to sleep.
So I'm left there with this thumping truncheon and I can practically see the ****er pulsating. Basically theres not a chance of me gettin to sleep with this, so i give it a few minutes to make sure yer wan is asleep and then start seeing to the problem myself. It's not what I'd expected but it would tide me over until the morning.
Im about to shoot and I realise I havent thought this through. there's no where for this to go, so I just catch it in my other hand. Now i'm in this strange room, with a handful of jizz, using the glow from my mobile to find somewhere to throw it.
There's no bin or anything or even a packet of wipes and even the feckin floor was wooden.
Im sat there and this thing is becoming more watery and at a real risk of dribblin out of my hands.
THIS is the feckin moment she chooses to wake up and decide she wants to cuddle.
She murmured something about putting my arms round her and I had a split second to act as she rolled over...so I just hoofed it down my throat.
I wouldnt dip my chips in it now but overall i found the taste fairly inoffensive.
Just in case you're curious she had to "rush off to class" when we woke up the next morning and I never got any.
Never got out with her again after either. Should have rubbed it in her feckin sheets.

p1ssin meself here reading this

Crooked Jack

canadianwoman wrote: »

I could murder a bacon butty right now.

Ha! Bacon Butty sounds like a euphemism for shagging a pig

Legs.Eleven

Keith wrote: »

A few years ago i was out in a club with a few friends, the night was nearly over, we were all really drunk, when one of them came up, said he pulled and didnt have any condoms so gave him one, a few minutes later i pulled too, ran into the bathroom to get some johnnys from the vending machine and went off with her.
Eventually get back to her place, just about to do it when i reach into my pocket and instead of a condom, pull out a packet of Poppets.

Ahahahahahaa!!!! x infinity and beyond.

the_monkey

Charlie Rock wrote: »

I don't mean to pooh-pooh your story but I think I've heard that one before.

Yeah another version I heard was some bloke down in Limerick or Galway and the bird stuck an enema up his hole ....

the_monkey

the_monkey wrote: »

Yeah another version I heard was some bloke down in Limerick or Galway and the bird stuck an enema up his hole ....

He must have been filthy.

sbsquarepants

Had this typed out already and it just disappeared on me - so here's the short version!
Went back to my ex's one night, she lived with her parents - they were asleep. Were going at it in the sitting room downstairs, she's feeling a bit frisky so she gets her vibrator and handcuffs, happy days:). Deed done we lie on the sofa and in our post coital drunken stupor fall asleep, only to be woken up the following morning by her very conservative and none too happy father tut tuting and fúck saking his way around the room picking up clothes, underwear and finally sex toys and handcuffs while we pretend to be asleep!

Grandeeod

A Moro bar. Difficult to get out when it melts.

Ash.J.Williams

Jarrod wrote: »

That happened a friend of mine too.

Unrelated, but my friend had a pet snake and for months, he kept waking up with the snake lying next to him. After a while he got a bit freaked out waking up with the snake stretched out next to him so he went to the vet. The vet said that the snake was sizing my friend up to eat him and that he was just checking if he was big enough yet.

urban legend?

BonsaiKitten

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

urban legend?

Fo'sho'mo'fo'.

LoonyLovegood

Shared a bedroom with a girl for my first year of college. I'd a 9am start so stayed in, she went out one night. She arrived back with a guy. We had a rule, if someone brought someone else back then you'd wake them. She decided not to, and I awoke to them riding. What made it worse was we have the same name. Woke up to "Oooh, CTYIgirl, oooh"

Grr.

Gongoozler

exador wrote: »

My first time was embarrassing...

After we had finished I looked around and her Mother was standing there looking at us...There was akward silence and nobody spoke for what seemed like five minutes..... And then eventually the silence was broken by he mother..

She just went Baaaaaaaaaa

Your first time was with a sheep?

blacklilly

It's more of an embarrassing istuation which involved sex.


So a few years ago while studying for my finals in college, myself and myself Sean* decided to do an all night cramming session (no innuendo please). All was going well until I started feeling really tired and needed to sleep. His GF then came over and we ended up chatting for a bit. Sean had one bed in his place so we were all sharing the bed, his GF was in the middle.


I fall asleep pretty quickly but then I'm awoken by movement, they were at it right beside me. I didn't know what to do (I didn't know his GF very well).At this stage I was facing the wall and next thing they get out of the bed, he bends her over the couch and keeps going. The thing is (and I can't get this image out of my head) there was street lighting coming in through the window which created a shadow on the wall, so I closed my eyes and hoped they'd finish quickly.


Next morning was even awkward, they barely spoke to eachother. The sex must have been really bad!


*not his real name

lau1247

Chairman Meow wrote: »

And no it wasnt a ladyboy, sadly.

The word 'sadly' sounded like you actually prefer a ladyboy :pac:

Doom

Doom wrote: »

Banjo string...I'm saying no more than that!

The old skin harp?

ColeTrain

CTYIgirl wrote: »

Shared a bedroom with a girl for my first year of college. I'd a 9am start so stayed in, she went out one night. She arrived back with a guy. We had a rule, if someone brought someone else back then you'd wake them. She decided not to, and I awoke to them riding. What made it worse was we have the same name. Woke up to "Oooh, CTYIgirl, oooh"

Grr.

What an inconsiderate bitch, she denied your man a threesome with the CTYIgirls

downwesht

Scored in my local one night and stopped for some loving in the car on the way home.Was been given a vigorous BJ when my ladyfriend proceded to puke on nethers.....appletart and icecream.......the smell in the car was impossible to get rid of and the walk to my flat more than uncomfortable.:(

Duff

First year in college I'm out one night putting the Christmas dinner into my moves on the dancefloor and managed to land myself this Bebo Stunnah. Anyway after a few more shots and heavy petting she asks me back to hers. Nice one. We get back anyway and after a Pot Noodle we head up to her room and I'm seeing my name in lights. Flick the lights off and under the covers we go and after a bit of foreplay I realise I've no condom in my wallet so I says to her had she got any on the off chance she did. She said she did and that there was one in the drawer on the bedside locker beside me.. So I stick my hand in, feel it and take it out of the drawer. Naturally you're trying to open it as fast as possible so I rip the packet open as fast as I could and suddenly I feel something powdery hit my twig and giggleberries. Somethings not right here, I thought. I'm lying there in silence trying to figure out what exactly was going on and she's looking at me with a ''come on t'fúck'' look on her face. I ask her to flick on the lamp beside her head so I can check the situation out. She does and what am I greeted with?... my lad covered in fúcking LEMSIP!

Don't ask me how I mistook a sachet of Lemsip for a condom, but there ya go! I can still hear her laughing to this day.

missierex

Duff wrote: »

First year in college I'm out one night putting the Christmas dinner into my moves on the dancefloor and managed to land myself this Bebo Stunnah. Anyway after a few more shots and heavy petting she asks me back to hers. Nice one. We get back anyway and after a Pot Noodle we head up to her room and I'm seeing my name in lights. Flick the lights off and under the covers we go and after a bit of foreplay I realise I've no condom in my wallet so I says to her had she got any on the off chance she did. She said she did and that there was one in the drawer on the bedside locker beside me.. So I stick my hand in, feel it and take it out of the drawer. Naturally you're trying to open it as fast as possible so I rip the packet open as fast as I could and suddenly I feel something powdery hit my twig and giggleberries. Somethings not right here, I thought. I'm lying there in silence trying to figure out what exactly was going on and she's looking at me with a ''come on t'fúck'' look on her face. I ask her to flick on the lamp beside her head so I can check the situation out. She does and what am I greeted with?... my lad covered in fúcking LEMSIP!

Don't ask me how I mistook a sachet of Lemsip for a condom, but there ya go! I can still hear her laughing to this day.

That is my favourite story so far! If she had a sore-throat that particular evening you were well-prepared

Hazys

CTYIgirl wrote: »

Shared a bedroom with a girl for my first year of college. I'd a 9am start so stayed in, she went out one night. She arrived back with a guy. We had a rule, if someone brought someone else back then you'd wake them. She decided not to, and I awoke to them riding. What made it worse was we have the same name. Woke up to "Oooh, CTYIgirl, oooh"

Grr.

I read that as some lad from the country pulled a girl from the city and he was delighted with himself, first day in the big schmoke and he's already playing out some sort of scene in Sex and the City...with till the lads back home hear of this

"Oooh, city girl, oooh"

Gummy Panda

Itwasntme. wrote: »

I got with a guy I really liked. I had a panic attack mid-action. I dressed up really quickly while trying concentrate on breathing and legged it. I've been trying to get him to talk to me since but it's never going to happen .

I heard cock induced panic attack is the worse

Daveysil15

Duff wrote: »

First year in college I'm out one night putting the Christmas dinner into my moves on the dancefloor and managed to land myself this Bebo Stunnah. Anyway after a few more shots and heavy petting she asks me back to hers. Nice one. We get back anyway and after a Pot Noodle we head up to her room and I'm seeing my name in lights. Flick the lights off and under the covers we go and after a bit of foreplay I realise I've no condom in my wallet so I says to her had she got any on the off chance she did. She said she did and that there was one in the drawer on the bedside locker beside me.. So I stick my hand in, feel it and take it out of the drawer. Naturally you're trying to open it as fast as possible so I rip the packet open as fast as I could and suddenly I feel something powdery hit my twig and giggleberries. Somethings not right here, I thought. I'm lying there in silence trying to figure out what exactly was going on and she's looking at me with a ''come on t'fúck'' look on her face. I ask her to flick on the lamp beside her head so I can check the situation out. She does and what am I greeted with?... my lad covered in fúcking LEMSIP!

Don't ask me how I mistook a sachet of Lemsip for a condom, but there ya go! I can still hear her laughing to this day.

Ahh well it could have been worse. You could have mistook vaporub as lube and burnt the hole off her.

EPointer=Birdss

Timmyctc wrote: »

Did he have sex with the snake then or what?

No he tied knots in it & ... oh wait!

jazz101

Crooked Jack wrote: »

I posted this before in another thread, so apologies if you've already read it, but it seemed to fit in with this thread. Not that it was exactly embarrassing, as Im pretty sure she didn't know, but still, it's hardly something to be proud of.


There was this girl worked in a bar in uni that i really fancied. She either was, or really looked like, one of the Suicide Girls.
Anyway, one particularly drunken night she eventually succumbed to my witty banter and insightful, uh, insights.
So we're maulin' the faces off each other in the taxi on the way back to her place and practically kept it up while payin the taxi, walking to the door, goin up the stairs etc...
We get to her bedroom and strip off and me lad near smacked me in the face. She had an unreal body. So I head south and go to town on her and after a fairly enthusiastic exchange of genital and oral fluids she cums.
I move up to kiss her and all of a sudden she's "very sleepy," gives me a quick peck on the cheek, says we'll go again in the morning and rolls over to go to sleep.
So I'm left there with this thumping truncheon and I can practically see the ****er pulsating. Basically theres not a chance of me gettin to sleep with this, so i give it a few minutes to make sure yer wan is asleep and then start seeing to the problem myself. It's not what I'd expected but it would tide me over until the morning.
Im about to shoot and I realise I havent thought this through. there's no where for this to go, so I just catch it in my other hand. Now i'm in this strange room, with a handful of jizz, using the glow from my mobile to find somewhere to throw it.
There's no bin or anything or even a packet of wipes and even the feckin floor was wooden.
Im sat there and this thing is becoming more watery and at a real risk of dribblin out of my hands.
THIS is the feckin moment she chooses to wake up and decide she wants to cuddle.
She murmured something about putting my arms round her and I had a split second to act as she rolled over...so I just hoofed it down my throat.
I wouldnt dip my chips in it now but overall i found the taste fairly inoffensive.
Just in case you're curious she had to "rush off to class" when we woke up the next morning and I never got any.
Never got out with her again after either. Should have rubbed it in her feckin sheets.

Why didn't you just dump it in one of your socks?

castletownman

Duff wrote: »

First year in college I'm out one night putting the Christmas dinner into my moves on the dancefloor and managed to land myself this Bebo Stunnah. Anyway after a few more shots and heavy petting she asks me back to hers. Nice one. We get back anyway and after a Pot Noodle we head up to her room and I'm seeing my name in lights. Flick the lights off and under the covers we go and after a bit of foreplay I realise I've no condom in my wallet so I says to her had she got any on the off chance she did. She said she did and that there was one in the drawer on the bedside locker beside me.. So I stick my hand in, feel it and take it out of the drawer. Naturally you're trying to open it as fast as possible so I rip the packet open as fast as I could and suddenly I feel something powdery hit my twig and giggleberries. Somethings not right here, I thought. I'm lying there in silence trying to figure out what exactly was going on and she's looking at me with a ''come on t'fúck'' look on her face. I ask her to flick on the lamp beside her head so I can check the situation out. She does and what am I greeted with?... my lad covered in fúcking LEMSIP!

Don't ask me how I mistook a sachet of Lemsip for a condom, but there ya go! I can still hear her laughing to this day.

Post of the year

McChubbin

Lost a condom inside me once.... :O

Timmyctc

McChubbin wrote: »

Lost a condom inside me once.... :O

Elaborate please :P

Boscoirl

They ate it

Ihatecuddles-old

McChubbin wrote: »

Lost a condom inside me once.... :O

Ha me too! I was using super sticky lube and ended up glueing the condom to my insides.

spitfireIRL

My friend was losing his virginity and a wasp flew into the room and stung his arse

Ihatecuddles-old

spitfireIRL wrote: »

My friend was losing his virginity and a wasp flew into the room and stung his arse

Yeah, is that what 'she' said to him? :pac:

spitfireIRL

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

Yeah, is that what 'she' said to him? :pac:

Yes :P He just roared and kept going :P

mattjack

spitfireIRL wrote: »

My friend was losing his virginity and a wasp flew into the room and stung his arse

more than one prick in the room so.

Crooked Jack

jazz101 wrote: »

Why didn't you just dump it in one of your socks?

To be honest, i didnt even think of that, but even if i had i wouldnt have done it. i had to wear them socks the next day

Bassfish

Second year in college, I pulled a girl from my course on a class night out. So we're back at hers going at it like good'ns. She's on top seemingly enjoying herself immensely. The room was pitch dark so we couldn't really see each other. I decide that it would be all rosemantic if I sat up with her on top and we're face to face like in de fillums!
At that same exact moment she seemingly thinks it would be good if she bent down to kiss me.
We did these things simultaneously without being able to see what the other was doing which resulted in me head butting her very hard straight in the nose as I got up. Que her letting out a loud scream and falling off the bed. I fumble and get out of the bed and switch on the light to see her standing there stark naked with blood pouring down her face and on to her boobs.
Her housemate then hears her scream and moaning an me apologising profusely and barges straight into the room and presumes that for some reason I decided to commit domestic violence in the middle of sex and screams that she's calling the guards. My girl is saying No he didn't mean it and she says Ya that's what all battered women say!
So after a minute we convince your one not to call the guards and she fecks off. Needless to say after that we did not continue the naughty activities after that.
She had a massive bruise on her face and had to make up a story to tell people in college about being happy slapped by a random scanger on the way home.
Oddly enough that wasn't the end I the saga........ Went out with her for four years afterwards. Should have known it wouldn't work out with that start! We did have many a laugh about our first romp in the bedroom afterwards though.

Sinfonia

Crooked Jack wrote: »

To be honest, i didnt even think of that, but even if i had i wouldnt have done it. i had to wear them socks the next day

Exactly: consume your own semen, fair enough, but get a bit on your foot?? That's ****ing disgusting.

exador

Gongoozler wrote: »

Your first time was with a sheep?

sense of humour is lost om you.

Don't knock it

Crooked Jack

Sinfonia wrote: »

Exactly: consume your own semen, fair enough, but get a bit on your foot?? That's ****ing disgusting.

Exactly. i dont want people thinkin im a weirdo. what if they started callin me sticky foot or crusty socks or treacle toes or humpy heel