Too tired to concentrate at work

Akrasia

I'm the father of a 4 month old girl, a 2 year old girl and a 4 year old boy and I don't think I've had a single night of un-broken sleep in months and less sleep than I need for 4 and a half years.

My wife is breastfeeding so the baby is in our room and while she's good for sleeping, she wakes around 3am for a feed and then sometimes again around 6 am.

When the baby wakes up I am the one who gets up and gets her out of the cot because My wife is a heavier sleeper and she never hears her cry straight away. Then It takes me ages to fall back to sleep again.

My other daughter wakes up between 6 and 7am every morning 7 days a week and she's full of beans so that's what time I get up too.

Even when my wife gets up early to allow me to sleep in, I can't sleep for long because the kids keep coming into the room and my brain is so used to waking up that it just can't sleep in

My performance at work has been getting very poor. My concentration is terrible an my decision making seems to be all over the place. It's like i'm getting stupider.

When I get home, it's all action, the older kids want me to play with them, my wife wants a break cause she's been dealing with them all day so I play with the kids and then we get them off to bed, usually by 8.30pm the older kids are asleep and by half 9 the baby is in bed. I feel like I should go to bed straight away to get some rest but then me and my wife would never get any time at all to ourselves.

People keep telling me that I should sleep in the spare room but we're only married since February and I really don't want to move out of our bedroom but I'm beginning to think I'll have to try it at least a few nights of the week.

Has anyone here got some ideas to help me before I get fired from my job for making too many silly mistakes?
I work as an 'analyst' so If I can't think clearly, i can't do my job properly

How do you all balance work and babies and sleep?

Gmol

Sleep in the spare room is the only answer unfortunately for the next couple of months,at the weekend you can move back in.

Rose35

My partner and I went through that phase of being absolutely exhausted at work and we only have one child(at the time he was 10 months old), he was never a great sleeper he is gradually getting better, but just for one week and it worked we slept in seperate rooms, well I stayed in our bedroom and my partner went to the spare room and we took it in turns every other night to tend to our baby, he has his own room, even just one night of uninterrupted sleep helped me immensely, it just has to be done every now and again, its hard working full time and not getting proper sleep, i also make a point of going to bed at least once a week early (at about 9) we are up every morning around 6.30. Sleep is vital in order to function properly, i work as an auditor so its vital im alert, i still have days when i feel my eyes slowly closing on the job, and like i said i only have the one baba. I feel for you.

seamus

I think in the short term, even taking one night a week to sleep in the spare room might be the way to go. It would probably also be worth looking at why you find it so difficult to fall asleep again when you're woken at 3am. I don't recall that being a problem for me

When this happens are you doing anything else - surfing the web, etc? Sleeping is generally a function of heart rate. If you raise your heart rate after waking up, you will find it difficult to get back to sleep again. On the other hand, if you just get up, lift the baby to your wife and then get straight back into bed, you should be able to drop off straight away.
Also, avoid looking at the clock. Nothing is guaranteed to keep you awake than worrying about how much more sleep you're going to get.

Akrasia

Thanks for your comments.
I'm thinking I'll have to bite the bullet and ditch the wife at least one or two nights a week.

We'll just have to lie to our grandchildren when we say "Your grandmother and I have not spent one night away from each other in 40 years of marriage"

(presumably everyone else who says that is lying too)

Akrasia

seamus wrote: »

I think in the short term, even taking one night a week to sleep in the spare room might be the way to go. It would probably also be worth looking at why you find it so difficult to fall asleep again when you're woken at 3am. I don't recall that being a problem for me

When this happens are you doing anything else - surfing the web, etc? Sleeping is generally a function of heart rate. If you raise your heart rate after waking up, you will find it difficult to get back to sleep again. On the other hand, if you just get up, lift the baby to your wife and then get straight back into bed, you should be able to drop off straight away.
Also, avoid looking at the clock. Nothing is guaranteed to keep you awake than worrying about how much more sleep you're going to get.

I'm a really light sleeper, I always have been. The sound of the baby feeding next to me is enough to keep me awake for a good 20 minutes

bp

When our little one was born my hubby spent many a weeknight in the spare room - he needed sleep for work. I wasn't insulted or anything at least one of us had energy!!!

wmpdd3

When I was full time and partner was home, I'd take 2 nights off per week and he'd do all the baby stuff, even just the thought of this would drive me to have a bath and go to bed early, it got me through the rest of the week, there has to be give and take.

Also for the first hour when I'd come home I took over kids totally and he went up stairs, it was his hour off.

Then wed have dinner together.

MurdyWurdy

My husband will do one night in the spare room to refuel and then he's back in with me and the baby for a few nights. We hate sleeping apart! I know it's not very romantic but needs must so I'm sure you'll be grand doing it every so often.

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture in some countries! It is hard being tired all the time - I know well

Moonbeam

Go sleep in the spare bedroom,it is only for a few months and you will feel alot better.
Sleep deprivation is not good for you or the kids.

liliq

I haven't read the replies but I would suggest definitely a night or two a week in the spare room to get some decent blocks of sleep.
Also maybe one night a week go to bed once the kids are all in bed,
Can your cot be converted to a side car cot? So you wouldn't have to wake fully to get our of bed when the baby wakes?

LilMrsDahamsta

We only have 2, but the hubby has been sleeping in the office for months while I've the baby in with me. It's the only practical solution. I have sufficient space to be able to feed the baby comfortably lying down, so we both go back to sleep quicker, and hubby gets his sleep too, without the noise from the two of us. Hubby will be back as soon as the baby sleeps through the night even semi-regularly, but right now it'd be silly.

Also, if your wife is on her own with the baby, mummy brain will kick in and she will wake up. I speak from experience!!

MurdyWurdy

That's a good point - on the nights my hubby is not here it can actually be easier for me. I don't worry about him waking up and I have loads of space to feed the baby/get myself organised. Our boy is not a great sleeper (wakes up a lot for no reason) so when my husband is not in the bed it can be easier to put him on my husband's side of the bed so he can sleep with me for a few hours;. We all get more sleep then. It wouldn't be safe to have him in the bed if my husband was in it as well.

You might make things easier for your wife if you sleep apart every few nights.

Akrasia

Thanks for all the replies

I slept in the spare room last night and It felt wierd but I did get better sleep.

As I said, I'm a light sleeper and my brain has been re-wired to wake up through the night after 4 years of constant baby/toddler ness so I did wake up when the baby cried for her feed and again at 6 am but it was much easier to fall back to sleep, and I didn't have to wake up fully so I feel more rested today.

emmabrighton

It is funny all the sleeping arrangements we as parents have. Maxes daddy is at home all day with max. I miss Max terribly when I am at work so at 5.30 its my turn to be with him. At 8.30 Max and I head up to bed. We cosleep so I get to count the night time as time I spend with him. I have always been a bad sleeper and even before I got pregnant I would get up 3 or 4 times a night to use the bathroom so I am already used to the broken sleep. Marcus has been sleeping in the spare room - I had to pump during the night because my little one wouldn't breast feed and the sound of the pump coupled with max crying and my going to the bathroom every couple of hours turned him into a grumpy bear. So, him moving out of the bedroom was the best solution for us. M

In terms of getting the full eight hours, I achieve this by being asleep from 9.30. It was hard for the first few months back at work and when I had to be conscious while max fed but now he starts fidgiting in his sleep, I reach over for the bobby and pop it in is mouth and fall back asleep. I have gotten so good at this now that I can hold the bottle in a half sleep until he is done. Its only ever 5 mins anyway. I think it is just a reassurance thing for him at this point, like the bobby makes everything better

Anyway, glad you are more refreshed

lazygal

I'm all for both parents pitching in and sharing duties but I think Monday to Friday you need to get a full night's sleep. And if that means a spare room/sofa sleeping arrangement, so be it. Its not permanent and the 'baby' phase is really quite short - our first child was sleeping through by five months.
I think you need to be able for work, you're bringing in the money so you need to be firing on all cylinders. Can you go to bed earlier? What's your commute like, any chance of 40 winks on a bus/train?

seamus

Akrasia wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies

I slept in the spare room last night and It felt wierd but I did get better sleep.

As I said, I'm a light sleeper and my brain has been re-wired to wake up through the night after 4 years of constant baby/toddler ness so I did wake up when the baby cried for her feed and again at 6 am but it was much easier to fall back to sleep, and I didn't have to wake up fully so I feel more rested today.

I would advise two nights of it.

From personal experience, when catching up on sleep, you can actually feel more tired after one good night's sleep, the second one is what sets you up properly. But YMMV.