Confused...to stay home or return to Australia???

AineM2013

I have just returned home to ireland for 3 months after 5 years in Australia. My husband who is Aussie is home with me to. We spent 4 months travelling before coming here. We have both taking a year leave from our jobs. I was really dying to get home and thought I would really want to stay here and maybe find a job and see if we could make a go of it here. However, now I am here I really cannot see myself staying. I really miss my Aussie life. It's funny cause when I'm in Australia I miss home so much. I'm from a really close family and my parents would really love to see us staying here. They are getting on now and are quiet lonely when I'm away. I've applied for some jobs but am not putting my heart into it as I know I really want to go back to Australia. My husband likes it here but cannot see us living here.
I really don't know what to do and am just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and has any advice?

My_Sharona

Could you maybe invite your parents to stay with you for a few months of the year when you're in Oz? Or invite them to join you on a road trip in Oz?

ifeelill

I seen one of those BBC programs about moving to Australia, wanted down under i think was the name of it, similar situation in that the family was very close, so in the end the about 17 member of the family moved over to Aus. I don't know if your whole family would move over but they should go for a visit at least and see what its all about

Cushie Butterfield

AineM2013 wrote: »

I've applied for some jobs but am not putting my heart into it as I know I really want to go back to Australia. My husband likes it here but cannot see us living here.

YOu've more or less answered your own question there!

I've been in a similar situation to you & I could ramble on about it but there's no real point because in such situations there is firstly no right or wrong thing to do, & secondly everyone's personal, family & career decisions are pretty unique to their own set-up, so there is no textbook answer to your predicament.

My advice would be to do what's best for you, your husband & children (if you have or plan to have any) & how any decision you make now will affect all of you (financial, career prospects, quality of life & happiness) in the long term. If you stay in Ireland would you regret it five or ten years down the line or vice versa. No-one can tell the future but you have to try to detach yourself & weigh up the pro's & cons for both scenarios.

You could consider giving yourself a fixed amount of time e.g. six months, going all out to try to get jobs that you would be happy with & if things haven't worked out by that deadline just bite the bullet & return to Oz in the knowledge that you have tried your best & that moving back is the right thing for you. No waiting around after that just do it. If, within the six months you do both get set up you could then set another time limit e.g. 12 months as a review date of how things are going & how you feel about things at that stage. If the cons outweigh the pro's then it's time to return.

You also have to consider your employment opportunities in Oz. Will they get better or worse if you did decide to wait a year & a half to return? How will any moves affect any children you may have as regards education, settling/resettling? What (if any) future is there for children in Ireland? If you stayed & had any would they eventually end up moving to Australia anyway?

I can understand how you are feeling as regards your parents, but honestly you have to try to put the feelings of guilt where they belong & that's at the very back of your mind. I'd say that in the majority of cases the last thing parents would want is to think or feel that they are holding their children back or that they are becoming a burden on them.

Parents are very practical when push comes to shove & perhaps if you involved them in the decision process they would be able to come to terms with any plans you make if you involve them, & you'd be happy in the knowledge that you have their 'blessing' either way. I have no doubt that if you did, that the very first thing they would say to you is not to stay in Ireland because of them. Neither you or they would want any subconscious feelings of resentment to interfere with your relationship. What good would you be to any of them if you're going to be desperately unhappy & constantly longing for a life elsewhere? How would these feelings affect your relationship with your husband? How would your own general wellbeing be affected?

As has already been suggested prolonged visits by your parents to Oz is a very good idea if possible & alternating family holidays with your siblings every year or other year would also help bridge the gaps if they came at different times throughout the year.

It's important that you make some sort of plan with definite timeframes & stick to it. Otherwise you'll just be stuck in limbo & ten times as confused.

I was hoping not to ramble on, but it's too late now :eek:....the main thing is that you make a decision based on a combination of everything, not just your parents or siblings. Once you have made that decision follow through with it, give it a year & re-evaluate your situation at that stage.

One more thing: if you do decide to return to Oz one of the first things you should do (money permitting) is to book flights back home for a holiday, even if it means you'll have to pay extra to change them before the time comes. That way you'll have something immediately to look forward to & would help any pangs of regret that you might be feeling.

Best of luck!

amandakeaveney

Hi there,

Just wondering if you have returned to Oz or stayed put in Ireland? We have returned from Queensland a year ago to Ireland. We had lived in Australia for 6 years. We have two kids under 3. It is such a tough decision to make and hard when you are back here in Ireland and missing life in Oz. Would be great to hear from you

AineM2013

amandakeaveney wrote: »

Hi there,

Just wondering if you have returned to Oz or stayed put in Ireland? We have returned from Queensland a year ago to Ireland. We had lived in Australia for 6 years. We have two kids under 3. It is such a tough decision to make and hard when you are back here in Ireland and missing life in Oz. Would be great to hear from you

Hi Amanda

I went back to Australia after much deliberation and moved home last December, it was like those extra couple of years really helped me figure out what to do. We made a 5 year plan to move home and just test the waters so to speak. We bought a house in my hometown so have to say that has helped us to settle in and given us lots to do in terms of DIY. We are now in the process of looking for work so hopefully we get jobs soon. We do not have children yet. It's a slower pace of life as we live in a country village but I am enjoyimg the quietness.
Car insurance, bank accounts, pps numbers and drivers licenses were quiet cumbersome to work out, it seems these things are much more straightforward in Australia. My husband gets frustrated with the drivers here, and how some people park but if that's all he has to complain about I'm happy out. The weather has not been so bad, it has not rained every day so that's a real positive.
I do not miss Australia (yet). However I'm sure those feelings will come at some stage. I'm enjoying being close to my family.
What I would like is to be part of a returned expat social group as I think that would help, having people in the same situation.

How are you finding it being home?