No Sleep and No Coffee Makes Parents Something Something

MurdyWurdy

Oh and Fennugreek seed capsules are great for increasing your supply. I had to stop taking them because I'd too much milk! Are you in Dublin? I could give you my bottle! I only took a few and have stopped breastfeeding

nikpmup

vitani wrote: »

For me, I spent the first five weeks exhausting myself because I was trying to express milk as well as take care of her single-handedly. I felt guilty switching to formula but once I did, a lot of pressure came off my shoulders and that's when the bonding really began. I'm not advising you to quit breastfeeding, because it is a wonderful thing to do - but I just wanted to put it out there that if it's stressing you out trying to express and keep everything going, then the benefits of the milk might be cancelled out for both of you.

Anytime I wonder aloud about switching to formula, my OH - bless him - tells me, oh, you're doing a great job, look how big he's getting on your milk, you're feeding our baby, isn't it wonderful. I know he's trying to be encouraging, but it piles on the guilt! It's funny, when I was pregnant I asked him had he any strong feelings on breast vs bottle, and he was fairly non-committal! His sister breastfed her daughter, and every time she sees me she asks "how's the breastfeeding going?"
*it isn't, I'm expressing all his feeds*
"oh, have you just given up?"
GUILT!!!!!!!! I'm going to ask my OH to have a quiet word with her and ask her to stop going on about it.

wolfpawnat

I expressed for 6 weeks with no1, I think it is harder in many ways to just BFing. You are doing great and he is growing, if you feel like stopping then only you can make that choice. I felt so guilty for not getting it perfect with no1 and I think that delayed our bonding. Go with what works for you and do not think of any of it as failing!

MurdyWurdy

To be honest you'll feel guilty no matter what you do so do what's best for you! And tell your OH how you feel, he might not realise what he says makes you feel worse.

I was thinking about quitting breastfeeding when J hit 4 months and then I got an infection so he stopped wanting my milk anyway. Even though I fed him myself for 4 months which is great and in the end it was kind of his decision I still feel bad! I have some milk left so give him one feed myself every 2 days just so he still gets a bit. My infection has cleared so he will take the milk again but prefers the bottle

Das Kitty

It's very hard to bond with them in the first 6 weeks. They're just little animals who need constant caring for. On top of that you have to manage your own expectations.

There's all this advice flying about. What to do to avoid c-section, how to breastfeed successfully, how to keep your supply, how to soothe colic. The reality of labour and caring for a newborn is so much more complicated. It all seems easy when written in black and white but when you try it, very little actually works. The constant crying is extremely upsetting to experience.

Then you get thinking that everyone else is able for this, therefore I must be a crap mum. Well no. Some parts are easier for some, but no one comes through those first months without feeling like a failure at one point or another. Part of the problem is that people don't admit it. We're afraid of the judgement of other mothers because we're judging ourselves so harshly.

That's what I like about here. It's not judgemental.

nikpmup, I freely admit that I told my first to shut the eff up more than once when he was an infant. I felt awful at the time but I don't now. It's only since he turned three is he taking what we say on board and we have to be careful. The early days are literally only about keeping them fed, warm and dry.

If you were a bad mum, you wouldn't care that you shouted at him or worry that you're not bonding. You are an excellent mum. But you're still a human being, you're still the person you were before. You have needs and wants too.

All I can say it that this will pass. And you're not missing any precious moments. They come later.

wolfpawnat

Das Kitty wrote: »

There's all this advice flying about. What to do to avoid c-section, how to breastfeed successfully, how to keep your supply, how to soothe colic. The reality of labour and caring for a newborn is so much more complicated. It all seems easy when written in black and white but when you try it, very little actually works. The constant crying is extremely upsetting to experience.

Then you get thinking that everyone else is able for this, therefore I must be a crap mum. Well no. Some parts are easier for some, but no one comes through those first months without feeling like a failure at one point or another. Part of the problem is that people don't admit it. We're afraid of the judgement of other mothers because we're judging ourselves so harshly.

That's what I like about here. It's not judgemental.

Extremely well put DK.

This is why I wanted to put up this page. I have yet to meet a mother whose pregnancy/birth and child rearing went as planned, but no one ever says something about it because they are so scared of the judgement. It is not all buttercups and butterflies. I myself, think the good far outweighs the bad, but the bad can be horrific. And we need to know we are not alone. Once you leave hospital you get so little help.

iguana

Rachineire wrote: »

Im so stressed, my baby is up screaming again there is nothing that settles him besides rocking him for ages in his pram. This is bringing back so much anxiety from the early days and every night I feel like I did when my pnd was bad and I want to run away because I feel like this isn't going to end.

First off it's not any reflection of you that he's waking like this, it just sounds like he has bad teething pain and is feeling it worse at night. There is very little we can do when it comes to pain apart from comfort, distraction and painkillers and it won't always work. As well as that I think in a lot of ways this is just about the toughest period of parenting. Our babies have gone from having every want met, because up til now their wants and needs were the same thing, to suddenly having wants that may be dangerous or having more sophisticated needs that we have to guess at. Neither of us can communicate well as they don't understand us when we tell them to come away from the stove as it's hot or they can't tell us they have a toothache/terrible itch, etc.

It can leave you feeling really helpless as so often right now we're working off complete guesswork and we're not always going to get it right and they are going to get awfully frustrated and upset. I'm not sure there is anything we can do but wait it out and keep letting them know that even if we are getting it wrong, we are there. And that's exactly what you are doing so as tough as it is you can at least assure yourself that you are giving him what he really needs even though it doesn't feel like that.

My S had an awful accident last night that he was fine from after the initial shock while I still felt like I might have a heartattack hours after. But he wouldn't settle for me at all when I tried to put him back to bed and it feels like he cried more last night than in the rest of his life put together. I was still focussed on his accident and assuming he was unsettled from that so was trying to settle him with that in mind. I kept distracting him to calm him down only to have another melt down every time I took him back to bed. 3 hours later I noticed him pulling on his ears and gnawing his fingers, so I gave him some ibuprofen (which made him crazy hysterical) and 5 minutes later he lay down all by himself and went to sleep. The poor thing obviously had teething pain and was exhausted from it but couldn't tell me.

banbhaaifric

I'm not sure you bond with your baby so much as fall in love with them really. And like all great loves, some are at first sight and some grow in strength over time.

banbhaaifric

Oh and, the other night when I was feeding my daughter at around 4am, I briefly wondered what would happen if I poured the glass of water I was drinking over her head....:eek:

The mind can take you strange places in the early days, I wouldn't put much store in too much until you start getting some decent sleep and some lovely baby smiles:P

loubian

Had a long thread posted but was too personal. A's father is just the most annoying person in the world. We were told to organise access between us two by the solicitors, I told him he could see A once a week for an hour in my house. That was fine then I told him I wouldn't be in the room n my mam would be instead (this is the advice of my solicitor as he stresses me out n don't want A to sense the tension). He is now accusing me of restricting him (from what?), for making bad relations between him and the baby n said stop being mean to him........ whut?? I just can't do this anymore. Takes all my self control to not reply n eat his head off. Grrrh

January

loubian wrote: »

Had a long thread posted but was too personal. A's father is just the most annoying person in the world. We were told to organise access between us two by the solicitors, I told him he could see A once a week for an hour in my house. That was fine then I told him I wouldn't be in the room n my mam would be instead (this is the advice of my solicitor as he stresses me out n don't want A to sense the tension). He is now accusing me of restricting him (from what?), for making bad relations between him and the baby n said stop being mean to him........ whut?? I just can't do this anymore. Takes all my self control to not reply n eat his head off. Grrrh

Are you still breastfeeding A? It makes sense that such a small baby stays with you and just has supervised access until she's a bit older and he knows the ropes. Unfortunately, as she grows (and I'm talking age 1 and beyond), I don't think 1 hours supervised access a week would cut it in front of a judge unless he's a real bollix/danger to A.

loubian

January wrote: »

Are you still breastfeeding A? It makes sense that such a small baby stays with you and just has supervised access until she's a bit older and he knows the ropes. Unfortunately, as she grows (and I'm talking age 1 and beyond), I don't think 1 hours supervised access a week would cut it in front of a judge unless he's a real bollix/danger to A.

No I'm not bf her. The solicitor said once a week to build up trust n then it will show he's actually interested in her to the judge by the court date n he will be given more time n I should he able to trust him enough

January

That's it exactly, I've not experienced what you've gone through but I can tell you that if I had a newbie with the situation you are in, they'd have to step over my cold dead body before they got to take them on their own without knowing their routine!!

loubian

January wrote: »

That's it exactly, I've not experienced what you've gone through but I can tell you that if I had a newbie with the situation you are in, they'd have to step over my cold dead body before they got to take them on their own without knowing their routine!!

Exactly! He has no idea what she's like, what she eats etc, n I'm giving him a chance to learn yet he continuously makes it difficult!

Neyite

nikpmup, I felt exactly like you did in the early days. I distinctly remember the baby wailing with fury for what seemed like hours and I lay him down on the bed and wailed with frustration through gritted teeth "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!!!" and then I burst into tears. And felt like a sh!t mum afterwards for about a week - and I'd had years of TTC, I adored being pregnant, and felt so happy to be finally a mother. I remember wondering why I didn't feel this bond with him - I felt fiercely protective and it was lovely to snuggle him at times, but I felt like I was minding someone else's baby, not my own most of the time. I didnt know him until about 8 weeks or more. Then I started to recognise his cues, and become a bit more confident in my own abilities. Soon after, I did get that wave of adoration and love that I expected in the beginning and I cant stop snuggling him now. So you'll get there. Just post here whenever you need to let off steam.

Breastfeeding went fine for me, it was colicky tummy until 3 months and also it was the sleeping (or lack of!) that he never did by the book, not naps, not night sleeps, nothing. At 17 months now he has only slept through twice ever. And both of those nights I wasn't even here to appreciate the full nights sleep. So we all have something that is an area of difficulty.

What people dont realise is that you have double the feeding - you have the issues of breast feeding - supply, sore boobs, leaks, cracked nipples and all that jazz, plus you have all faffing with bottles, and sterilisers and bottle brushes and warming them etc. No wonder you are knackered! Mums who express have it hardest of all of us.

As DK says, you are NOT an awful mother. If you were, you wouldnt be on here upset, you wouldnt care. But you do. My mantra is "this too shall pass" and I think I'll be using it until he is fully grown up!

January

Neyite wrote: »

nikpmup, I felt exactly like you did in the early days. I distinctly remember the baby wailing with fury for what seemed like hours and I lay him down on the bed and wailed with frustration through gritted teeth "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!!!" and then I burst into tears. And felt like a sh!t mum afterwards for about a week - and I'd had years of TTC, I adored being pregnant, and felt so happy to be finally a mother. I remember wondering why I didn't feel this bond with him - I felt fiercely protective and it was lovely to snuggle him at times, but I felt like I was minding someone else's baby, not my own most of the time. I didnt know him until about 8 weeks or more. Then I started to recognise his cues, and become a bit more confident in my own abilities. Soon after, I did get that wave of adoration and love that I expected in the beginning and I cant stop snuggling him now. So you'll get there. Just post here whenever you need to let off steam.

Breastfeeding went fine for me, it was colicky tummy until 3 months and also it was the sleeping (or lack of!) that he never did by the book, not naps, not night sleeps, nothing. At 17 months now he has only slept through twice ever. And both of those nights I wasn't even here to appreciate the full nights sleep. So we all have something that is an area of difficulty.

What people dont realise is that you have double the feeding - you have the issues of breast feeding - supply, sore boobs, leaks, cracked nipples and all that jazz, plus you have all faffing with bottles, and sterilisers and bottle brushes and warming them etc. No wonder you are knackered! Mums who express have it hardest of all of us.

As DK says, you are NOT an awful mother. If you were, you wouldnt be on here upset, you wouldnt care. But you do. My mantra is "this too shall pass" and I think I'll be using it until he is fully grown up!

And way past that too I reckon!

loubian

My phone got robbed right out of my pocket today. All the pics of A and other important stuff just gone. I'm so pissed off. Need this on top of everything else.

nikpmup

loubian wrote: »

My phone got robbed right out of my pocket today. All the pics of A and other important stuff just gone. I'm so pissed off. Need this on top of everything else.

Oh no! Was it an iPhone? Cos if it was you can probably retrieve the pictures through iCloud. That sucks

nikpmup

Little man was awake all night, projectile vomiting is back Also, tried to get into my pre-pregnancy jeans.... Turns out I wasn't "all bump", I was quite a bit of arse & hips too! 25lbs to lose.... Better stop eating sh1te!

MurdyWurdy

nikpmup wrote: »

Little man was awake all night, projectile vomiting is back Also, tried to get into my pre-pregnancy jeans.... Turns out I wasn't "all bump", I was quite a bit of arse & hips too! 25lbs to lose.... Better stop eating sh1te!

Does he have reflux do you think? My LO had silent reflux - I feel like I'm an expert now

A friend of mine has a daughter with reflux of the vomiting kind. She has medicine for it and my friend gave up dairy (as she was breastfeeding) and it got a lot better.

Also, I've put loads of weight on since I cut back on breastfeeding a few weeks ago. I've started a diet this week and I've 12lbs to lose. All I can think about is chocolate!

Das Kitty

Looks like I probably have a bit of a wound infection.

I've been Achey for a couple of days, low grade temperature too. The PHN was just here and she pressed on my scar and it hurt. She said to get straight to the doctor.

Feck it. Should have gone two weeks ago when I had that bleed.

nikpmup

MurdyWurdy wrote: »

Does he have reflux do you think? My LO had silent reflux - I feel like I'm an expert now

A friend of mine has a daughter with reflux of the vomiting kind. She has medicine for it and my friend gave up dairy (as she was breastfeeding) and it got a lot better.

Also, I've put loads of weight on since I cut back on breastfeeding a few weeks ago. I've started a diet this week and I've 12lbs to lose. All I can think about is chocolate!

I suspected he did, he seemed to have got better in the last week or two but last night he was back to vomiting, gagging & swallowing, arching his back, wet burps & hiccups... I've his 6 week check in a week and a half, I'll keep an eye and see how he gets on in the meantime.

And yes, the chocolate & other crap has to go! I would love to start running again but I'd better leave it till after my check up :-/

DK, that doesn't sound fun Hopefully it'll clear up quickly for you

Rachineire

nikpmup wrote: »

Little man was awake all night, projectile vomiting is back Also, tried to get into my pre-pregnancy jeans.... Turns out I wasn't "all bump", I was quite a bit of arse & hips too! 25lbs to lose.... Better stop eating sh1te!

trying to get back in pre pregnancy jeans already?? you JUST had the child, give yourself some time! your body takes a while to go back to normal. Not saying its a reason to eat poorly or whatnot but you have to give your body time to recover and heal!


Well so on the advice of my PHN and my GP we tried controlled crying with my LO. I was really reluctant to do it because i was worried that it might traumatize him but my PHN just told me to research it and try it, the worst that could happen is it won't work. the way we did it was settle him in cot...leave for one minute. go back in, lay him back down, leave for two minutes, then 3 then 5, 7, up until 10 minutes at a time. the first night took about an hour and twenty minutes of him crying. My husband was the one who actually endured it. I was mentally not in a place where i could handle something like that so I had the earplugs in and tried to get some sleep and not feel like the worlds worst mom!
Well after the really bad hour and 20 minutes he went to sleep...and slept all night! in fact we had to wake him up! The next morning he was in great form all smiles and full of chat.
Last night we tried it again. This time only 5 minutes of crying, he settled himself back down and again slept the entire night through. not a peep out of him until half 6 this morning!
Tonight my husband put him down and no crying at all...only had to go in once to lay him down and he chatted for a bit and then went off to sleep.
I seriously can't believe it. I mean *knock on wood* hes doing great and it seems that the controlled crying worked for him. I definitely wouldn't have done it any younger. I think he had just gotten to the stage where he knew if he cried mommy and daddy would pick him up and rock him until he went back to sleep and was taking full advantage of it.
Now that he is sleeping during the night he is in so much of a better mood as well and not nearly as clingy. Fingers crossed it keeps working for us!

icescreamqueen

Rachineire, that's exactly what I used to do with my little one to get her to sleep. I felt like an awful cow but at the end of the day, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. She had to learn to fall asleep independently. My rule is if she is winded, has been well fed and has a clean nappy- do not pick her up from her cot again. Now at 3 months, she sleeps like a log. She could sleep 10-12 hours straight through at night.

Das Kitty

I remember doing it with my first when he was around 8 months as he'd gotten out of the self soothing habit after a bad cold. In the space of 3 days bedtime went from taking 2 hours to get him to sleep to 5 minutes.

wolfpawnat

I am having a terrible time with no2. With no1 I just left him cry, with this lady, she only is happy in someones arms looking at the world, it makes housework very hard. Nikpmup, what age is your LO now? Don't rush back down, but just to let you know, with bfing, it is fairly fast. I am back to my size 10 clothes already, hoping to get rid of my c-section shelf soon!

January

With my first two I never had to do controlled crying... Number 1 was spoiled and was in my bed until nearly 4... number 2 slept in her own bed from day 1 with no problems.

Number 3 never slept a day in her life until she was 15 months, I even let her fall asleep downstairs before transferring her upstairs and she was awake 4/5 times during the night too then.

At 15 months I had enough. The first night she cried for 1 hour, I went in every 5 mins for half an hour and every time I went in she just screamed louder so at 30 mins I decided to just let her cry... 30 mins later she was asleep and slept for the whole night. Night 2, I decided to buy a cot mobile, she'd never had one before. She cried for 45 mins (15 mins of that I was in at 5 mins intervals but same as night before was just worse when I tried to settle her).

Third night it took two rounds on the cot mobile (5 mins each turn so ten mins in total) and she was out cold.

Now, if she is teething or not well she will regress and it will take a day or two to get her back to routine but otherwise she has slept pretty much through the night since then. I will never look back and would never have advocated it on no. 1 & 2 but it totally worked for us, so all you can do is try!!

nikpmup

Lol, I'm not reeealy trying to get into my pre-pregnancy jeans, was just.... Curious! I don't have any clothes that fit, my maternity jeans are too big and my pre-pregnancy jeans are toooooo small! I don't really want to have to buy interim clothes, but I guess I'll have to! (And I do need to stop eating rubbish!) Wolfpawnat, he'll be five weeks on Friday - I have quite a substantial shelf there, although to be fair it was there before I got pregnant due to losing a lot of weight.
Funny thing today and last night, he was crying and hard to settle, and out of desperation/curiosity I offered him the boob - he took it! After four weeks of spitting out my nipple, screwing up his face and crying whenever he was offered the boob, he took it and stayed on for a good six or seven minutes and fell asleep. I don't know if he got much milk, I doubt it as I pumped straight after and had nearly 3oz, but it definitely settled him. Interesting. He wasn't in any way interested in the other boob, there's no nipple there to suck as it's so inverted, but if I can use one side as a settler, happy days.

wolfpawnat

nikpmup wrote: »

Lol, I'm not reeealy trying to get into my pre-pregnancy jeans, was just.... Curious! I don't have any clothes that fit, my maternity jeans are too big and my pre-pregnancy jeans are toooooo small! I don't really want to have to buy interim clothes, but I guess I'll have to! (And I do need to stop eating rubbish!) Wolfpawnat, he'll be five weeks on Friday - I have quite a substantial shelf there, although to be fair it was there before I got pregnant due to losing a lot of weight.

I bought jeans on sale in tesco for the few weeks. Not worth wasting money on. I am the same with the junk food, i nibble too much!

nikpmup

wolfpawnat wrote: »

I bought jeans on sale in tesco for the few weeks. Not worth wasting money on. I am the same with the junk food, i nibble too much!

*tries to discreetly hide maltesers family-size bag*
*fails*