No Sleep and No Coffee Makes Parents Something Something

b2dadizzle

Hi All
Just looking for a bit of advice. My daughter is 9 months, and from day 1, has been a very bad sleeper. Myself and the wife take some of the blame for this, as we gave her bad habits from the start, like letting her fall asleep in our arms, and being rocked in the buggy. lately she had been getting worse, and waking at 2am or 3am, and staying awake crying. As I have to travel 2 hours each morning, I used to move into the spare room once she was awake, but my wife had to stay awake with her.
She's back to work in a couple of weeks, so we decided, enough was enough, and sought the help of a baby sleep trainer. Basically, we put our little one to bed awake at 7:30 or 8, then go to reassure her 5 mins after she begins crying, and then every ten mins thereafter until she falls asleep. This is a very difficult thing to do, as any parent hates to see/hear their child roaring the place down and being visibly upset. The funny thing is that the first 3 nights we did this, she slept the whole night through. This morning though, she woke at 5:30 roaring the house down, so we went against the rules and picked her up.
When she cries in the cot before she falls asleep, we are not to pick her up, only go to her, rub her on the head, and shhh her, then leave straight away.
I was just wondering if anyone else here had followed this method? I don't want to mention the name of the sleep trainer as I'm not sure whether I'm allowed to do so. I believe this method is known as controlled crying.
Anyone got tips on how to make it more bareable. My wife is getting so stressed with this, and is ready to pack it in and revert to the previous regime of getting next to no sleep.

Lola92

If you are both stressed and upset by this then it is clearly not working for your family. It is distressing for all concerned, particularly the baby. Sleeping through the night isn't biologically normal behaviour for babies, they are designed to wake and feed frequently at night. A stretch of 7.30- 5.30 is actually a pretty good 10 hours!

If you wanted to try something else the book 'No Cry Sleep Solution' by Elizabeth Pantley is very good, and I have seen it recommended a lot and have read it myself. It's not a quick fix, it is about building up a solid and consistent sleep routine and keeping your baby feeling secure and safe at night times.

How Strange

The no cry sleep solution technique worked for us and we had a baby who never slept more than 3 hours at once since she was a month old.

It requires a commitment to persevere for about a month but if you do you'll see results

loubian

Why is it that when your baby won't sleep, it feels like you're the only one in the world who's baby won't sleep and every other parent had a blissfully sleeping buba

January

loubian wrote: »

Why is it that when your baby won't sleep, it feels like you're the only one in the world who's baby won't sleep and every other parent had a blissfully sleeping buba

I felt like that earlier when my two week old was screaming at me...

wolfpawnat

loubian wrote: »

Why is it that when your baby won't sleep, it feels like you're the only one in the world who's baby won't sleep and every other parent had a blissfully sleeping buba

Saoirse is fighting sleep so much the last few days, loads of cranky sulks and exhausted cries! She slept 13 hours last night and 3 hours nap today, but she really waited until late afternoon for it, so cranky throughout the day.

I don't know if I have a 5yo or a 15yo some days. Attitude and sass is all I am getting.

How Strange

Our 3 year old has had a fever since Saturday night so he's had 2 nights bad sleep. Our 1 year old was doing great but for the last few nights she's woken at 3.10 precisely and screams the place down for an hour and a half. I'm shattered and off work today to look after the 3 year old. I've already told him he's going for a nap whether he likes it or not.

yellow hen

How Strange wrote: »

I've already told him he's going for a nap whether he likes it or not.

Best of luck with that one. We are going through the phase of sleeping all night at the minute and being able to find and put our own dodie in at night. It only took 14 months to get here and I'm well aware it could revert back to the old routine at any time!

John Mason

loubian wrote: »

Why is it that when your baby won't sleep, it feels like you're the only one in the world who's baby won't sleep and every other parent had a blissfully sleeping buba

especially when the grannies are telling you its your fault for any of the following reasons

breastfeeding, refusing to give water, holding them too much, letting them sleep too much during the day, giving them too much attention, not enough attention, changing the nappy too often, not often enough

loubian

John Mason wrote: »

especially when the grannies are telling you its your fault for any of the following reasons

breastfeeding, refusing to give water, holding them too much, letting them sleep too much during the day, giving them too much attention, not enough attention, changing the nappy too often, not often enough

Tell me about it! Or if you're baby's sick, they ask if you've given them their medicine! That one is the worst!

loubian

I've been awake since 12.30 wh lo crying and itching like mad. There's no rash, just itch! I feel so helpless and so annoyed at the creche. They gave her strawberries, the only thing different to other days, and while I was happy at first that she loved them, it must be them that's causing the itch. She's finally asleep in her cot, but she's disturbed, scratching every few seconds. The side of the cot is down too, don't want to leave it down as she'll climb up and fall out, so I'll have to stay awake as I don't want to pull it up and wake her. It's very noisy. Plus she's lying against it! Aaahhh!

nikpmup

My little lad was awake all night too Loubian, every 40 minutes or so. I'm shattered. What happened to my perfect sleeper?

Rachineire

We had a rough night as well. Seb had a stuffy nose and every horrible night with him has beennbecause of a stuffed nose. He.panics when he can't breathe through his nose. I endedup going into town at 11pm to the late night pharmacy to get more olbas oil for kids and calpol saline spray. Poor kid. (And poor mammy and daddy who went to work with thier eyes hahanging out thier heads)

Loubian- I feel you on the food sensitivies. We had that problem with eggs. Have you given her any other type of berry like raspberries or black berries? Also do you have that zyrtec syrup? The gp gave us a prescription of it and if he eats something he has a reaction to I give him a dose of that and it sorts him normally within the hour.

loubian

Rachineire wrote: »

Loubian- I feel you on the food sensitivies. We had that problem with eggs. Have you given her any other type of berry like raspberries or black berries? Also do you have that zyrtec syrup? The gp gave us a prescription of it and if he eats something he has a reaction to I give him a dose of that and it sorts him normally within the hour.

She's had blueberries but no raspberries or blackberries. She'd had strawberries before and came out in a rash but it was quite a while ago when her skin was at its worst and then I thought as she's older, maybe she's grown out of it. But she was in bits last night! She's gone to creche, they're after ringing me to say she has a fever but they're gonna try and get it down, but debating whether to just go up and get her and bring her to the doc. She's just not 100%

How Strange

I think strawberries are a highly allergic food. Mine were fine with them but see kids do react.

A was awake last night too but we refused to take her out of the cot and went back to basics on the sleep training techniques. She didn't know what hit her as everytime one of us went in her little arms flew up. They just get so clever at a year and she got used to being taken up and given a cuddle. That's all well and good but mammy and daddy still have to go to work the next day with our eyes hanging out.

How Strange

She's properly walking now too!

It's funny how blasé we are about it this time around. Last time it was a huge big deal. I can only imagine what it'd be like with more kids. You probably wouldn't even notice.

loubian

Ugh I'm so fed up. Lo takes ages to get to sleep at night, an hour later she's awake and screaming, I manage to get her down again in the cot (although not always) and then she wakes again. If I do manage to get into bed without her waking up, she will eventually. When she wakes, she just lies there and screams. I try turn her on her side but she just pushes back against me and screams. Screams until I pick her up. I get her asleep in my arms again and try put her down, she wakes up and screams. Just 5 minutes ago, I was only standing up and she woke up kicking and screaming. . I hadn't even moved to place her in the cot. Then I have my dad yelling in at me to stop her crying.

Doesn't he think I'm trying to do that?
Doesn't he think I want and need to sleep too?
Doesn't he think I'd like my bed to myself for a night?
Doesn't he realise that while she's screaming the house down, along with her cries, I worry about him coz I know she'll wake him?

I'm so fed up of being on my own

Emmadilema123

loubian wrote: »

Ugh I'm so fed up. Lo takes ages to get to sleep at night, an hour later she's awake and screaming, I manage to get her down again in the cot (although not always) and then she wakes again. If I do manage to get into bed without her waking up, she will eventually. When she wakes, she just lies there and screams. I try turn her on her side but she just pushes back against me and screams. Screams until I pick her up. I get her asleep in my arms again and try put her down, she wakes up and screams. Just 5 minutes ago, I was only standing up and she woke up kicking and screaming. . I hadn't even moved to place her in the cot. Then I have my dad yelling in at me to stop her crying.

Doesn't he think I'm trying to do that?
Doesn't he think I want and need to sleep too?
Doesn't he think I'd like my bed to myself for a night?
Doesn't he realise that while she's screaming the house down, along with her cries, I worry about him coz I know she'll wake him?

I'm so fed up of being on my own

I don't know how you do it.its so hard with 2 parents! I would say EVERYONE is going to disagree with me here but I'm a big fan of the "let them in the bed" method lol my son never slept. He Was up all night and so was I watching true movies with him. I was literally going demented. Thought I would have a breakdown. Everyone kept telling me not to take him into bed which was fine until I went back to work. when I did go back to work I had to be up and out for 7 so needed sleep. He started coming into bed with me and OMG got sooooo much sleep lol I asked a parenting expert if it was effecting his development and why did people keep telling me not to do it. He said it wouldn't effect him in the slightest and if he was happy and I was happy there was no harm. No long term damage and is now a 3 year old that sleeps in his own bed. He does have a double though so I do occasionally sleep in but that's for me ha ha love a good cuddle sometimes :-D

How Strange

I agree, take her into bed if it means you both get more sleep. It's even harder for you as you're living with your parents. I feel under pressure to keep ours quiet when we're staying overnight in my parents so I can only imagine how stressful it is to do it all the time.

I've always found with my two that happy baby = happy mammy. I know people say it's the other way around but my kids don't seem to give two whits about my happiness. As long as they're happy we're all happy.

Neyite

Loubian, its a phase and it too will pass

I'd bring her in to the bed with you. Some phases are the clingy ones - just out of one myself and he is two. So do whatever suits you both to get through it together. If its extra snuggles in a bed together, and you are happy with that, then do it. And give your Dad a LOOK if he even dares to give out about the methods you are using to comply with his wishes. :P

loubian

Thing is, I do have her in the bed. Then she gets too warm, which makws her eczema react, whixh causes her legs to itch like mad. Cue crying and me scratching her legs and being awake for an hour. She was awake crying from 4-6 30 last night, my dad shouting in at me to take her into the bed, when she already was :@ I had to come downstairs and put her in the pram at half five, she slept for 30 minutes and when she woke, I brought her back up and we both slept from 7.30-8.30... I got up then but she's being asleep in my arms all morning, she's got a fever, so gave her calpol and just letting her sleep!

Going to a hotel with my friend on Sunday, dying for it!

dori_dormer

My fella was a nightmare last night as well. fussed and kicked all night. I didnt get a wink of sleep. took him in with me after his 4.30 feed. he usually passes out on my chest but he continued to kick and moan, so that didnt help either. was sick of getting kicked after an hour so laid him beside me.

Do you have the duvet over your LO loubian? your not supposed to I think due to suffocation issues. I always pull the duvet back and to the side so it cant go near him. then hes in the same amount of layers as in his cot - vest, babygrow and sleeping bag nad shouldnt over heat.

I really wanted one of those co sleeper cots but we dont have the room was supposed to go to my workout class this morning but had to cancel cos Im like a zombie today.

iguana

loubian wrote: »

Thing is, I do have her in the bed. Then she gets too warm, which makws her eczema react, whixh causes her legs to itch like mad.

Change your bedding. If you have a double bed, get yourself a single duvet and use that on the bed to cover you, while leaving her next to you but under her own coverings. We do something similar by having a double duvet on our kingsized bed.

I don't think my son could be described as being at all clingy, he's usually a highly independent, confident little guy. But we've always slept together and he often reaches out for me at night and needs me to be in arms reach so he can touch base and know he's not alone at night. Tbh, I don't think he could have the confidence he does when he's awake if he didn't have the reassurance he needs at night. It's normal for babies, toddlers and even young children to feel a need for the security of their parents at night. If your little girl is showing a need for it, don't feel like you shouldn't give it to her.

iguana

How Strange wrote: »

happy baby = happy mammy.

That's my motto too. No way can I be happy if he isn't but no matter how bad other things are in my life, if he's smiling, it lifts me right up and gives me the strength to keep going.:)

CityChick21

Hello,

I'm wondering if I could get some advice if possible.

My 10 month old could wake 3 times a night. He goes to bed at 7pm, no problem. But he could wake at 11, 1am, 4am. He only gets water in the bottle when he wakes and once finished, he will go back to sleep. I don't think he is hungry, he gets 3 meals per day, plenty of everything.

I was hoping to attempt the controlled crying program. But I'm unsure how to start...do I go cold-turkey? Stop all bottles the first night? Or do you think I should gradually cut them out, as in one the first night, two the second night etc?

I would appreciate any advice....thanks in advance,
CC

How Strange

We sleep trained our daughter 3 months ago and we cut the feeds out one at a time. It took about a week and we cuddled her instead of feeding her when she woke up. She was distressed for the first couple of nights and that's why we went softly softly but she was fine after that.

CityChick21

Thank you for your reply!

Which feed did you cut out first? The first? And did you cuddle her until she went back to sleep? Or for a certain amount of time?

kandr10

I was delighted with myself getting ahead and prepping dinner at 11 this morning. It's the other half's bday and wanted to do him something nice. Everything's now burnt to a crisp and completely dried out. Lesson learned. Never gonna try to be organised again.

Emmadilema123

loubian wrote: »

Thing is, I do have her in the bed. Then she gets too warm, which makws her eczema react, whixh causes her legs to itch like mad. Cue crying and me scratching her legs and being awake for an hour. She was awake crying from 4-6 30 last night, my dad shouting in at me to take her into the bed, when she already was :@ I had to come downstairs and put her in the pram at half five, she slept for 30 minutes and when she woke, I brought her back up and we both slept from 7.30-8.30... I got up then but she's being asleep in my arms all morning, she's got a fever, so gave her calpol and just letting her sleep!

Going to a hotel with my friend on Sunday, dying for it!

Can you use anything for the itch like calamine lotion? Also have you tried playing sounds like ocean sounds CDs? I think there are some phone apps for sounds but I might be wrong. Tumble drier used to get my guy to sleep because it drowned out any other noises that I was making. So if you snore lol or move a lot in your sleep ocean noises etc might help.

loubian

Ladies, I'd like your opinion. A's dad has text me begging me to see her. He asked if we could go to his side of the city as he can't afford bus fare. I'm not going to, so I said I could meet him in town. He said ok, to let him know for sure and that the fares are the same. So I calculated the bus fare from my house to his area and from his area to town and it's the same. Am I in the wrong if I text him saying if he can afford bus fare to town, he can afford bus fare out to me? Should I go to blanch for his benefit?