No Sleep and No Coffee Makes Parents Something Something

icescreamqueen

nikpmup wrote: »

Overwhelmed with responsibility is exactly how I feel too. I'm generally a self confident, self assured individual and very little phases me, but I have never felt so unsure of myself, I have never doubted myself as much as I do now. My little fella is a legend during the day - feeds, burps, sleeps in 3 hour cycles. At night, however, he's a different creature, he's awake for hours on end, seems to be very windy and won't settle. At these times I'm convinced I'm doing everything wrong, that I have no natural mothering ability, that the poor fecker is after landing himself a gobsh1te of a parent. I worry about EVERYTHING - he occasionally gets sick after a feed - he must have some awful stomach complaint. He has jaundice and a mild case of sticky eye, must be my bad parenting, as is the fact that I failed at breastfeeding and couldn't even manage to keep him inside me for the full 40 weeks or deliver him normally. It's mental, if someone else told me they felt like this I would think they were off their head! I have mastitis now as well and my milk seems to be drying up - I haven't been able to pump as much as I should (today I had to go to the doc, then we had a round of visits; his mother is disabled so we have to go to her) by the time I got to pump I had feck all in each boob. All of this while everyone is telling me that it's a magical wonderful time.

Aww you're going through the hard part of having a new baby right now. I remember it so well and my little one is only 11 weeks now but those firsf 4/5 weeks were the hardest of my life. The lack of sleep drove me demented! I wasn't prepared for my baby to be feeding on me non stop or to be waking up every 2-3 hours for a feed or the constant crying and me not being able to figure out what was wrong! All I heard was it would get better and I never believed it but it really will. Your little baba will soon start to figure out the difference between night/day and you'll get more sleep soon! If you can get through this phase, you'll feel like you can conquer the world

As regards the milk drying up, maybe get your blood and iron levels checked?? My milk dried up around the 6 week mark and my LO didn't put on any weight after that. I had to start bottle feeding due to the lack of weight gain but looking back on it now, my milk drying up coincided with me stopping taking Galfer. The PHN told me yesterday the only way I would have had a low milk supply was because I could be anaemic. Wish she had told me that weeks ago and I wouldn't have had to give up the BFing so soon.

nikpmup

Thanks folks. I was tearing my hair out last night - I was very close to just getting in the car and driving away. He finally fell asleep just after 4.30am and slept until 09.30 this morning. I don't know how in the name of God to turn his sleeping pattern around! I have no objections to his waking to feed every few hours, it's just this relentless.... Being awake! He seems to come alive at 9pm after sleeping all day. Today, I'm starting a regime of stripping him at 4pm (doctors suggestion!) and rattling bright loud things at him to keep him awake, then wrap him up nice and cosy in the evening and putting him to bed. He's gonna get a bigger feed at 9pm and midnight/1am too - he's been getting 3.5/4ozs, I'm gonna see if he'll take 5oz (last night he had 3.5oz, followed an hour later by 2oz, followed by another 2oz an hour after that, so he's obviously in need of it) if anyone has any tips on how to get him to switch his sleeping pattern over, please feel free to share them!

Lolademmers, your OH needs to look after you, end of. In fact, show him this message:
Mr Lolademmers,
Your partner is exhausted. E. X. H. A. U. S. T. E. D. I don't think you can appreciate how much. Being pregnant and giving birth saps the life out of the fittest, most energetic person. Breastfeeding on top of that finishes them off - can you even begin to imagine how much energy is needed to grow a human, and then produce milk like a factory production line? Her job right now is to breastfeed. Nothing else. Your job is to facilitate that. And that means:

1: Cooking, and if necessary, feeding your partner (yes, I mean actually feeding her - she has to support 8 or 9lbs of baby so that he can stay latched on properly, and that's murder on the neck and shoulders - she needs both hands. And by cooking I don't mean throwing on a pizza, I mean cooking good, nutritious meals. Red meat is good for iron, start there - her diet has to feed 2 of them)
2: Cleaning the house - filling the dishwasher, cleaning the kitchen, hoovering, dusting, making the bed, putting on the washing machine. And yes, you should do it now, not after a browse on the web.
3: Shopping - make a list.
4: Driving - anywhere she needs to go. Childbirth hurts, she's still sore. Driving her around makes life a little easier.
5: Back rubs/shoulder massages - breastfeeding makes your neck and shoulders throb, and you have to do it over and over again, for hours. Don't believe me? Try slinging a five kilo weight around you neck and walking with a stoop for one whole day.
6: Any other requests she makes of you. Yes, I know you changed the last nappy. She's so tired, if she picks up that baby she'll fall over.
7: Above all, your job is to do all of these things without complaint, without prompting, and without resentment. When science figures out a way for men to have the babies we'll happily run the home while you gestate and lactate. Until then my friend, it's on you.

I'm very lucky to have an OH who has been amazingly supportive, I'd be sunk without him. I might hire him out for a fee when we're back on our feet

nikpmup

icescreamqueen wrote: »

As regards the milk drying up, maybe get your blood and iron levels checked?? My milk dried up around the 6 week mark and my LO didn't put on any weight after that. I had to start bottle feeding due to the lack of weight gain but looking back on it now, my milk drying up coincided with me stopping taking Galfer. The PHN told me yesterday the only way I would have had a low milk supply was because I could be anaemic. Wish she had told me that weeks ago and I wouldn't have had to give up the BFing so soon.

I am anaemic; I keep bloody forgetting to take my galfer! I'll be more consistent in taking it, see if that helps. TBH, I think I'm just not pumping enough to stimulate supply. I'll just have to be more vigilant about it. It's hard to work on three hour schedules! Yesterday, I pumped after lunchtime. By the time I fed him, fed me, had a shower & got changed it was time to leave for my docs appointment. The doc was late, and I was her third appointment so I got out of a 4pm appointment at 5.30. I then had to wait for my OH (not driving yet after c-section) who then told me we had to visit his mum (she's disabled and pretty much housebound - I know I should have said no but literally the only positive she has in her life atm is her new grandson; I can't say no!) We also popped into his elderly aunts house, supposedly for five minutes, but if course by this time he needed feeding and changing so it turned into a marathon visit. We didn't get home until 8.30pm, I sterilised the pump attachments and got pumping but it had been nearly 8 hours since the last time. I'll have to prioritise pumping for a while, try to build up my supply. If that even works!

Das Kitty

They figure it out themselves in a week or so nikpmup. There's very little you can do to change it. The only thing I can suggest is get out for a short walk in the daytime. Even if it doesn't help the sleeping, it'll help you. Make sure to sleep when he's sleeping in the daytime too.


You should tell your GP how you're feeling. You're feeling guilty over things that you have no control of. Give yourself credit, the newborn weeks are hell on your first. It's all so overwhelming the first time, but trust me it does change.

I breastfed my first for 14 weeks. About 12 weeks longer than was good for my mental health, looking back. The pain at every feed, and no one could help me. I resented my baby and felt horribly guilty. I also felt guilty stopping, but that only lasted a week because I started to love looking at him and holding him for the first time. It was a big turning point for me to realise that I was killing myself to give him what was best, but what was really best wasn't anything to do with how I was feeding him at all.

icescreamqueen

I think there are some ways you can help them differentiate between night and day. I used to wear my little one out during the day, bringing her out for walks, talking to her, showing her toys, playing music to her etc. Once 8 o'clock in the evening hit, I used to dim all the lights in the house (hard I know if you have other family). In the bedroom where she slept I just kept a small lamp on. I wouldn't give her any simulation after that time, as in toy time or big long conversations with her. When I changed her nappy, I did it quickly and quietly in the evening and at night. I'm really lucky (touch wood), my LO could sleep for 10-12 hours solid through the night now but I took the advice of my PHN about not getting her into bad habits. Once I knew she was well fed, winded and had a clean nappy, I would put her down in the Moses basket and let her self soothe a bit. I tried not to keep lifting her up and cuddling her. Hard I know but it'll pay off in the long run.

lolademmers

Thanks girls. Great to have somewhere to vent. My OH is being a star today and I didn't even say anything to him yet. I think he copped on the stress was written all over my face. Think my LO had a growth spurt yesterday and the day before if that's possible at a week old?? Wouldn't sleep but was not crying just wanted to be up looking around and was being fed constantly. He is spitting up a lot but he seems content enough? He has definitely grown to its mad to see the difference in a week. The nurse us coming to weigh him Wednesday so I will say it to her about him spitting up.

nikpmup

Thanks folks - I have a feeling he may have some issue with wind or reflux or something. I'm trying not to fall into the over-anxious first time mother trap; but he's just not happy at night. He guzzles his bottles, gets burped (hard to get the burps up sometimes) and then might spend the following 2 hours crying, squirming and arching his back. He gets really bad hiccups and occasionally vomits large amounts. He also does this thing that looks/sounds like he's bringing up milk and then swallowing it. He can sound very gurgly and 'wet' as well. He also hates being put into his Moses basket at night, cries, and wants to be on our shoulder being rocked or bounced. I did a search on this forum and found a thread from about four years ago that sounded identical; the OP updated it to say her baby had been diagnosed with silent reflux. Now, while I'm not going to do a boards.ie diagnosis, the symptoms were identical so it's good to read about. I'm going to try some of the suggestions on that thread : Dr Browns bottles, infacol and slightly raising the top of the Moses basket (not all at the one time) to see if it makes a difference. He has his 6 week check in 3 weeks, but if this continues I might bring him to the GP sooner.

wolfpawnat

Odd rant here today. No rain at all this morning, look out, nothing happening. I put the baby in the buggy and get the 4yo a jumper and head to the door, and............it's píssing from the heavens it has been down since. I have to get shopping and get a bus to Bray to drop the cat to a cattery with two kids alone. The OH left at 11:30 for a walk and hasn't come home yet. I was hoping he would mind Aidan or even both (wishful thinking) while I dropped the cat down

nikpmup

wolfpawnat wrote: »

Odd rant here today. No rain at all this morning, look out, nothing happening. I put the baby in the buggy and get the 4yo a jumper and head to the door, and............it's píssing from the heavens it has been down since. I have to get shopping and get a bus to Bray to drop the cat to a cattery with two kids alone. The OH left at 11:30 for a walk and hasn't come home yet. I was hoping he would mind Aidan or even both (wishful thinking) while I dropped the cat down

Yeah, it's a manky day Not helping the mood :-/

wolfpawnat

nikpmup wrote: »

Yeah, it's a manky day Not helping the mood :-/

Saoirse has slept all day, it is like she knows it is miserable.

The OH finally came home, he got lost and stuck. I arranged for a neighbour to drop me to the cattery, good thing too, I think we would have drowned waiting for a bus!

loubian

Stuck at home alone on a Saturday night.

My back is in absolutely in a heap and it took literally two hours to get a to sleep. N stupidly I'm didn't bring her upstairs because have no monitor n aforementioned home aloneness so will have to carry her up n she'll wake up

Waiting for bottles to sterilise, leaflet says it takes 8 mins, more like 28.. pissing me off hugely tonight.. I know you say sometimes ohs might not pitch in as much as ye'd like but at least they're also responsible for the baby.. being the sole carer is so hard sometimes.

nikpmup

loubian wrote: »

Stuck at home alone on a Saturday night.

My back is in absolutely in a heap and it took literally two hours to get a to sleep. N stupidly I'm didn't bring her upstairs because have no monitor n aforementioned home aloneness so will have to carry her up n she'll wake up

Waiting for bottles to sterilise, leaflet says it takes 8 mins, more like 28.. pissing me off hugely tonight.. I know you say sometimes ohs might not pitch in as much as ye'd like but at least they're also responsible for the baby.. being the sole carer is so hard sometimes.

I feel for you missus, I really do. I've just managed to get him asleep after 3/4 hours of feeding, winding, crying, puking, bathing, crying etc - and that's just me! Last night, I really was going to get in my car and just drive off. I'm assured by everyone that it'll get better I'm holding into that for dear life! And it'll get better for you too - the situation with A's dad will be sorted one way or another, she'll get bigger and more independent, and you'll have the time and energy to focus a little on yourself. And I can recommend getting Milton tablets to sterilise, just feck everything in the solution and fish it out as you need it

icescreamqueen

loubian wrote: »

Stuck at home alone on a Saturday night.

My back is in absolutely in a heap and it took literally two hours to get a to sleep. N stupidly I'm didn't bring her upstairs because have no monitor n aforementioned home aloneness so will have to carry her up n she'll wake up

Waiting for bottles to sterilise, leaflet says it takes 8 mins, more like 28.. pissing me off hugely tonight.. I know you say sometimes ohs might not pitch in as much as ye'd like but at least they're also responsible for the baby.. being the sole carer is so hard sometimes.

Tell me about it! Everyone is talking about what they'll dress up as for Halloween for their fun nights out. I wouldn't have it any other way though. I just look at CRs little face looking at the world of wonder around her and my heart melts

bp

Hi all,

Firstly it does get better but growth spurts are a pain! There is one around day 10 which killed me while bf as I didn't know about it. Also sleep regression at 18 weeks. Try wonder weeks - it is about developmental leaps an helps explain periodic crankiness.

With regard sleeping at night etc get the baby dressed in day clothes and then baby grow at night and grow bag if you are using one....it helps them learn.

Thirdly for the night time reflux, not sure if you are using a soother but give the baby 3/4 of the bottle stick the soother in (so they keep suckling and wind for 10-15 mins) which hopefully gets the big burp up!

Ok my rant: dear baby.....the clocks have changed an it's only half five!

MurdyWurdy

Stupid clocks going back!!

Synyster Shadow

My moan I had a babysitter all night for J and I spent the night in bed with a headache and was up and down all night with it! I thought I'd have a relaxing night watch a movie and have a bath take advantage but all I could do was lie down. Can't take anything for it cause I'm 4 months pregnant!

Also J now wants everything I eat even though some he can't have yet which means I don't get to eat right during the day

But then he smiles and I don't care anymore. He can't help it

Rachineire

Why clocks why?? Half 5 is not morning!

January

I got until 5.55am... her usual waking time is six anyway so she slept through the extra hour

nikpmup

He went in his Stokke sling today for the first time (he had to get to 3.5kg) ... Handsfree baby! I can actually walk around the house and do stuff without my shoulders and neck killing me!

banbhaaifric

Nikpmup, my lo was the same with the swallowing and hiccups, and she would make this painful face too sometimes and look like she was swallowing something disgusting. Poor thing, she would get upset and was so hard to settle. This was around week 4/5 so I did all the propping of the bed etc before the 6 week check so I'd be able to tell the doc what I had done, how we'll it worked etc. so he has put her on baby gaviscon now and it really does seem to be helping her. She still possets endlessly but the painful swallowing is gone and she is sleeping for longer at night after she gets it.

banbhaaifric

Btw, regarding the sleeping, I downloaded an app that allows you to log all the sleeping and waking times (along with loads of other stuff) and then shows it on a chart. It has become kind of like reverse Tetris for me trying to get the sleeping and waking blocks to start coming together in chunks.

It has been really helpful in a couple of ways - I've been able to see patterns emerging and so can work with her cues to get her down to sleep at night, self soothing in her Moses basket, or see when she is likely to snooze for a reasonable time so I can shut my eyes too.

And the not so good days I'm kind of distracted putting in the times, and can see on the chart the better days so I know there is hope

You don't even need the app really, pen and paper will do it too. Old school

How Strange

We're all wide awake and up early this morning as our 2.5yr old woke up before 6 and then had a full screaming tantrum when I told him he had to stay in bed until the sun comes up on his clock at 7.

Unfortunately I'd say all our neighbours are awake too but I'm not giving into a tantrum just to keep him quiet.

He's really starting to push boundaries in the last few weeks. I think we're very lucky up to now :S

How Strange

In the midst of our tantrum morning I almost forgot my little baby is 6 months today \0/

Where have those 6 months gone?

yellow hen

Our little man used to wake around 6:30 but since the hour changed, he's waking anywhere between 4:45 and 5:30. We're exhausted! We're trying to keep him in the cot until after 6:30 but he's not happy about it. I'm really hoping he returns to his old sleep pattern soon!

Rachineire

The last two nights have been awful in this house. The night before last he was up every hour from midnight and took twenty minutes of rocking each time to settle. Then last night he woke up at midnight and cried hysterically for an hour and a half. I was so worried I nearly took him into the a&e. As soon as I called the crisis nurse to ask her opinion he was all smiles. Im guessing it's his teeth, if not then I have no idea what it could be. I also don't know why he is still waking up at 6! Im a zombie! !

loubian

Not a moan coz I feel sorry for the poor mite. A is going through something, little pet is all out of sorts. We've had a busy few days so tomorrow its just going to be me and her. I'm going to go for a walk and give her a bath - find bathing her relaxes me too.

Think there's definitely a start to teething, she looks like she's rubbing her gums together and thought I could see faint white mark on the top gum! That and her bcg is coming to the end of the healing process so she has it all. She's been unsettled for the last few days, but cuddled her into me tonight and she fell fast asleep. Poor little thing.

Mink

banbhaaifric wrote: »

Btw, regarding the sleeping, I downloaded an app that allows you to log all the sleeping and waking times (along with loads of other stuff) and then shows it on a chart. It has become kind of like reverse Tetris for me trying to get the sleeping and waking blocks to start coming together in chunks.

It has been really helpful in a couple of ways - I've been able to see patterns emerging and so can work with her cues to get her down to sleep at night, self soothing in her Moses basket, or see when she is likely to snooze for a reasonable time so I can shut my eyes too.

I did something similar from when he was born up til about 7 months and his routine settled out after me going back to work. I found it invaluable as I was so tired all the time I couldn't keep track of when I last fed him, when he'd last woken etc. It was also great to look back at the patterns changing each week (ie sleep getting a little longer, being awake for longer stretches etc).

MurdyWurdy wrote: »

Stupid clocks going back!!

I'd been dreading this for a month so I started putting him to bed 15 mins earlier a few days before. More or less worked and wake up time didn't change.

icescreamqueen wrote: »

Tell me about it! Everyone is talking about what they'll dress up as for Halloween for their fun nights out.:)

I'm really getting sick of this and also people posting about how they are on the sofa all day watching Breaking Bad in their jammies etc. Wouldn't swap my little one of course but would love just one duvet day, just one!

vitani

Mink wrote: »

I did something similar from when he was born up til about 7 months and his routine settled out after me going back to work. I found it invaluable as I was so tired all the time I couldn't keep track of when I last fed him, when he'd last woken etc. It was also great to look back at the patterns changing each week (ie sleep getting a little longer, being awake for longer stretches etc).

I tried that for the first few weeks. But I found that I was so tired during the night that I'd wake up in the morning and find all sorts of random words written that made absolutely no sense to me.

icescreamqueen

Lol, for anyone looking for a good laugh, you should read 'Sh*tty Mom: The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us'! I read it when I was pregnant, just for some chuckles but now that I've got a taste of parenthood, I think I'll be using a few of the tips in it!

nikpmup

My little man has been constipated for a couple of days; he's been grunting and going red in the face trying to poo. I gave him some cooled boiled water earlier - barely 1oz - and he has now filled his nappy five times. And the water has been cut off :-/ If he carries on at this rate, I'll be washing him in a puddle outside!