The 'Funny (ha, ha)' side of religion

Lithium93_

I think we all have that one friend on Facebook who's a sucker for sharing stuff like this.

silverharp

http://murphysnails.blogspot.ie/2015/08/automass.html

Thursday, 27 August 2015
Automass
Dear Parishioners,

Rome has recognised that in recent years many families in developed countries such as Ireland are chancing their arms with baptisms, first holy communions, confirmations etc. They may very well not darken the doors of a church from one end of the year to the next but as soon as a new child arrives they are asking to have the child baptised. The same child may not be seen next or near to a church again until first communion. And so on.



To tackle this perfidious carry on the Church has had recourse to technology. In collusion with the University of Rome the Automass solution has been developed. It is in its early stages but the Parish of Ballysaggart has had the good fortune to be chosen to participate in a pilot roll out. Automass is designed to track the religious engagement of individuals from the cradle to the grave. At baptism a child will have a tracking chip implanted as part of the ceremony. People may be familiar with similar technology already used to identify and track household pets.



The entire family may be chipped on the day also if they so wish. In future, when a chipped individual visits an Automass church or location of religious significance the visit will be recorded and points will be added to the individual's Automass account. This is maintained in a central database in the Vatican's data centre. All visits to participating churches, shrines, grottos, pilgrimage sites and so on will be recorded electronically.



Points will be awarded in accordance with the Godly significance of the location. Bonus points will be awarded during the seasons of advent, lent and on certain feast days.



When the time comes for first holy communion time a child may have its communion postponed if sufficient points have not been collected since baptism. Similarly, the church may refuse to marry a couple if their combined Automass points have not met the required amount, taking into account their ages. Individuals can always access their data via the Automass website.



There is a proposal to allow points to be purchased for cash although this feature is not available in the pilot implementation. The ability to trade points between individuals is a feature that is also under consideration. Rome is hoping to see more back sides on pews and at greater frequently as Automass is deployed throughout the world.

Yours,
Father Murphy.

robindch

"MONSTER" drink is -- Wait.For.It -- the work of SATAN!

Here's why:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bntfUA6TmLs

Hotblack Desiato

It's always been about the cash. Although this probably wasn't made out of transparent Perspex for illustrative purposes only.

Coin-Operated Holy Water Dispensing Machine

Designed by the Greek inventor Heron, this coin-operated holy water dispenser was used in Egyptian temples to dispense water for ritual washings.

Worztron

Second Toughest in_the Freshers

Worztron

looksee

robindch wrote: »

"MONSTER" drink is -- Wait.For.It -- the work of SATAN!

Here's why:

That's not funny, that is terrifying. And the guy with the 'thinking is hard' poster, he doesn't look like someone who is being ironic, but we can hope. :eek:

robindch

Ulster Says "Where?"

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-northern-ireland-34088527

Nodin

robindch wrote: »

Ulster Says "Where?"

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-northern-ireland-34088527

But sure if you've no fenians to annoy or landrover bonnets to dance on, whats the point? No wonder they haven't had a parade in years.

MrPudding

Nodin wrote: »

But sure if you've no fenians to annoy or landrover bonnets to dance on, whats the point? No wonder they haven't had a parade in years.

Not sure if you are making a joke, or if you realise the accuracy of your words. Back when the whole Drumcree thing kicked off a senior orange order person, possibly one of the grand wizards, was asked 'why don't you March down roads where you are wanted?', to why he replied 'what would be the point of that?'.

MrP

Worztron

robindch

An Egnyptian muezzin brings new relevance to the morning prayer call. And gets into hot water.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-34105141

BBC wrote:

An Egyptian muezzin is facing disciplinary action for altering the words of the call to dawn prayer. The country's ministry of religious affairs is taking legal action against Mahmoud al-Moghazi, the cleric of the Nile Delta town of Kafr al-Dawar. Instead of chanting "praying is better than sleeping", the traditional call, he has been saying "praying is better than spending time on Facebook".

Worshippers at the Sayed Ghazi mosque have lodged complaints against him. He has been suspended pending an investigation. On a TV chat show on Sunday night, one of the worshippers came on air and accused Mr Moghazi of being a heretic. "Because of his inventiveness we have stopped praying at his mosque," the caller said. But in response, the cleric accused the caller of not frequenting the Sayed Ghazi mosque and of being a sympathiser of the banned Muslim Brotherhood.

On the programme, Mr Moghazi also threatened to go on a hunger strike in protest at his suspension and appealed for President Abdul Fattah al-Sisi to exonerate him. The cleric said he had never used Facebook.

Nodin

robindch wrote: »

An Egnyptian muezzin brings new relevance to the morning prayer call. And gets into hot water.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-34105141

Evidently they aren't ready for an Imam Trendy.

Michael OBrien

robindch wrote: »

An Egnyptian muezzin brings new relevance to the morning prayer call. And gets into hot water.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-34105141

It shows how fragile these peoples's faith is, when the slightest change in the message, a change that is hardly aimed at insulting Islam, but simply shows the cleric had an original thought about time wastage of modern online social activities, is punished for it. How dare he be inventive.
While praying is a complete waste of time in our view here, the idea of punishing someone for having an original thought, while still being respectful, shows why religion poisons everything, even itself.

Of course with Islam, any original thought is discouraged when it comes to it's submission to allah. That is why it plagiarises the older books so much.

Nodin

MrPudding wrote: »

Not sure if you are making a joke, or if you realise the accuracy of your words. Back when the whole Drumcree thing kicked off a senior orange order person, possibly one of the grand wizards, was asked 'why don't you March down roads where you are wanted?', to why he replied 'what would be the point of that?'.

MrP

Relations from up that part of the country. Suffice to say that there may be non-sectarian Orangemen, but they are greatly outnumbered by another element. Other countries may well be different, but not up there, and not during the marching season. The 12th became a day to show the croppies whose state it was and their place in it, in times gone by in ways far more blatant than you might see now.

Kivaro

coolhull

robindch wrote: »

An Egnyptian muezzin brings new relevance to the morning prayer call. And gets into hot water.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-34105141

He may well be correct in saying that praying is more important than Facebook.
Going by the FB posts I've seen on my page, Facebooking makes even less sense than prayer

Ain't dat rite, hun? Buh h8ers gonna h8, newayz

silverharp

Worztron

Peregrinus

The "ridiculous fiction" is the poster. The half-wit who prepared it seems to think that any description of an event is a commandment to emulate the event. Can none of his atheist friends teach him basic critical thinking?

Wortron, you really shouldn't circulate this kind of stuff. The poor creature needs to be helped, not to have his intellectual deficiencies exposed to public derision. Plus, by putting this in the "Funny, ha ha" thread, you give the impression that you expect atheists to find feeble-mindedness a subject for heartless amusement. I think better of atheists myself, but perhaps you had a bad experience with them in the past.

robindch

Peregrinus wrote: »

The half-wit who prepared it seems to think that any description of an event is a commandment to emulate the event.

To some religious people, unfortunately it is - hence the image.

Skinner's paper on superstitious thinking in pigeons is perhaps relevant here:

http://psychclassics.yorku.ca/Skinner/Pigeon/

Cabaal

Peregrinus wrote: »

The "ridiculous fiction" is the poster. The half-wit who prepared it seems to think that any description of an event is a commandment to emulate the event.

Yeah, it's crazy to think people might read something in the Bible or a religious text and then decide to take it literally! Nobody would ever do that!

:rolleyes:

robindch

MrPudding

robindch wrote: »

Not a big deal. I think they are already, effectively, the same thing.

MrP

smacl

MrPudding wrote: »

Not a big deal. I think they are already, effectively, the same thing.

MrP

Yep, and I can do the same thing in reverse. I am the anti-christ

smacl

Worztron

Peregrinus wrote: »

The "ridiculous fiction" is the poster. The half-wit who prepared it seems to think that any description of an event is a commandment to emulate the event. Can none of his atheist friends teach him basic critical thinking?

Wortron, you really shouldn't circulate this kind of stuff. The poor creature needs to be helped, not to have his intellectual deficiencies exposed to public derision. Plus, by putting this in the "Funny, ha ha" thread, you give the impression that you expect atheists to find feeble-mindedness a subject for heartless amusement. I think better of atheists myself, but perhaps you had a bad experience with them in the past.

It's sad that you chose to come to this thread in order to get all butthurt and resort to name calling.

Prepared it? I only uploaded it. You should get your facts right instead of surmising as your type do.

Stop believing in ancient silly books - perhaps you need help in telling the difference between fiction and fact.

Your comment is bizarre.

BTW, come back tomorrow and you can get bent out of shape all over again.

Go back to your humorless daft threads where you worship your imaginary friends.

Worztron

pauldla

Worztron wrote: »

It's sad that you chose to come to this thread in order to get all butthurt and resort to name calling.

Prepared it? I only uploaded it. You should get your facts right instead of surmising as your type do.

Stop believing in ancient silly books - perhaps you need help in telling the difference between fiction and fact.

Your comment is bizarre.

BTW, come back tomorrow and you can get bent out of shape all over again.

Go back to your humorless daft threads where you worship your imaginary friends.

In fairness to Peregrinus, I think his 'half-wit' comment was directed at the person who compiled the photo in question, not you. And for what it's worth, I think he has a point when he says that just because an event is described in the Bible, it does not mean that we are called to emulate it. Which is just as well, coz there is a lot of weird stuff in there.