The 'Funny (ha, ha)' side of religion

Links234

Lithium93_

AstraMonti

Delirium

smacl

galljga1

My twelve year old daughter showed me this.
Makes ya proud.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TxjrHPHypA

galljga1

My twelve year old daughter showed me this.
Makes ya proud.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TxjrHPHypA

Worztron

joseph brand

Jim Bakker the televangelist is offloading pallets of potato soup and wants to know what you 'will do, with the doo-doo'?

BTW, the audience scares me. Have they all had a lobotomy?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q222J0PmGy4

Bristolscale7

http://i.imgur.com/HqOmLEB.jpg
:eek:

robindch

Further GCSE confusion as religious studies paper found to contain no answers

http://newsthump.com/2015/06/05/further-gcse-confusion-as-religious-studies-paper-found-to-contain-no-answers/

News Thump wrote:

Students have faced further confusion during their GCSEs after it was revealed that the answers for a religious studies exam were based on an illogical concept that revolves around superbeings and magic.

Students who took the exam were quick to voice their concerns on social media. “There’s no evidence to prove or disprove the existence of a god or gods,” insisted 16 year-old Zac Willingham, who took a punt on Christ’s last supper being a buffet of mini scotch eggs, chicken dippers and Tizer.

“I hope the exam board can open their minds to the possibility that people who follow Islam might spend the afterlife playing eternal Laser Quest.”

The exam board have reassured students who took the exam that no-one will be disadvantaged by the error. “In the absence of any concrete evidence to the contrary we’ve decided that all answers provided will now be marked as correct,” said an Edexcel spokesperson. “Awarding bodies have taken into account that religion is littered with contradictions and inconsistencies, but then so are a number of subjects.”

“With this in mind, we are pushing for exams to be centred around just two subjects that today’s teenagers will find invaluable.”

“Contraception and how to survive on unemployment benefits.”

The Black Oil

Really? :pac:

https://twitter.com/BenMank77/status/730163845096824832

Delirium

stevejazzx

this is great
it kinda just undermines any conversation to the religious on matters 'evolutionary'

http://imgur.com/5SsHyD3

Worztron

robindch

Haven’t Been To Mass In Years? Here’s 5 Changes That Will Surprise You!

http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/2016/05/19/havent-been-to-mass-in-years-heres-5-changes-that-will-surprise-you/

Waterford Whispers wrote:

HAVING rebelliously sworn off going to mass when you were 18 as your parents could no longer force you to, you find yourself in a place where you haven’t been to a chapel in years. Unfortunately you can’t escape the Catholic church forever… if you’re getting married and you don’t want to offend any older relatives by inviting them to a wedding that isn’t in a church, or you’ve just had a kid and you need to ensure their place in a nearby school, you’ll be drawn back to mass one way or the other.

When you head back, you’ll find that the mass service has been tweaked a little in recent years, and your muscle-memory bank of kneels, stands and chants may no longer line up. Here’s 5 things to look out for when you make your prodigal return to the fold:

1) “And also with your spirit” - The response to “Peace be with you” is no longer “and also with you”. It’s changed to “and also with your spirit”. It was changed after the Catholic church conceded that man can never know peace, only when he is dead.

2) Kids can do whatever the **** they want - Last time you were at church, kids were forced to sit in silence under pain of death. Today, the place is like a creche. Kids can bring toys, play with their parents phones, anything at all really. It’s all part of the church’s apology for the old (makes finger-in-hole hand motion). They really can’t give out to a kid for running up the aisle when they spent 80 years buggering them, a bit like how Germany can’t really condone Israel when they bomb Palestine.

3) There’s buns - Stick around after mass, there’s buns in the parish hall. The church is not to be feared; we’ve got baked goods! We’re all friends now!

4) Dubstep - Listen out for that sick drop right after the second gong at consecration time. Place goes ****ing nuts.

5) Two collections - This religion **** ain’t as cheap as it used to be.

Hotblack Desiato

Baked goods - sounds like a protestant heresy to me.

I presume they meant 'condemn Israel'.

There were always two collections 30-odd years ago when I was a weekly church conscript, on some occasions there were actually three collections.

coolhull

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

There were always two collections 30-odd years ago when I was a weekly church conscript, on some occasions there were actually three collections.

If, by some chance, I happened to be at Mass when there is more than one collection, I simply split my 50 cent into two or three, and put those coins in each collection box.

Links234

pauldla

robindch

Leviticus bans you from eating shrimp? Move over Jehovah, here come some food scientists!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3602823/A-kosher-prawn-3-500-years-synthetic-substitute-takes-red-algae-bakes-plant-based-protein-powder.html

Daily Mule wrote:

Since God’s law was handed down to Moses, religious Jews could only look with longing at a plateful of delicious prawns or shrimp – forbidden as non-kosher according to their strict dietary laws. But at last even the most devout can enjoy the taste of the seafood, in the form of a synthetic substitute.

Called Shr!mp, it is made by taking red algae – which the crustaceans feed on – and baking it with a plant-based protein powder. The innovation gets around an edict from the book of Leviticus – first written down about 3,500 years ago, according to scholars – forbidding Jews from eating animals from the sea unless they have both fins and scales.

The relevant verse says: ‘Whatever in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales… shall be abhorrent to you; you may not eat of their flesh, and their carcasses you shall detest.’ But soon kosher restaurants will be serving up the alternative that is said to taste and even feel like the real thing. The chef at kosher restaurant White Fish in North London said: ‘If it’s something customers feel comfortable eating, there’s no reason not to serve it, as long as it’s approved as kosher.’

But others questioned whether the innovation was in the spirit of the religion. Rabbi Dr Jonathan Romain, of Maidenhead Synagogue in Berkshire, said: ‘If it’s not real shrimp, then technically it’s kosher.’ But he warned: ‘There are some moral questions that need to be answered. Firstly, is it right to get around the Jewish tradition in this way? Secondly, there is the problem of giving the wrong impression. ‘If you are in a restaurant eating this, you know you are eating fake shrimp – but someone else might look over and think you are eating the real thing. They might then get the impression it is acceptable to do so. So it’s probably better not to eat fake shrimp. We’ve survived 3,000 years without it and I’m sure that we can continue to get by.'

The lab-grown shrimp is made by US firm New Wave Foods. Founder Dominique Barnes came up with the idea to stop coastal wetlands being destroyed by tiger-prawn farming. The firm said Shr!mp should be sold in the UK by late next year.

looksee

‘Whatever in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales… shall be abhorrent to you; you may not eat of their flesh,

but...but...algae doesn't have fins and scales, but it is from the sea?

Medieval Christians got up to much the same thing to get round religious edicts though:

While animal products were to be avoided during times of penance, pragmatic compromises often prevailed. The definition of "fish" was often extended to marine and semi-aquatic animals such as whales, barnacle geese, puffins and even beavers.

Worztron

pauldla

Michael OBrien

pauldla wrote: »

Not quite, as religion merely PROMISES horrible things will happen if you don't choose the right one. So its more a never fulfilled claim that sometime in the near future someone will set everyone on fire if they don't pick the right one, with no clue as to which, if ANY, is right. And the teacher in question is bright blue, with two heads, floats unaided and no one ever saw him personally other than visions brought on by head trauma from wacking each other with the wrong books.

Orion

looksee wrote: »

but...but...algae doesn't have fins and scales, but it is from the sea?

Medieval Christians got up to much the same thing to get round religious edicts though:

It's true. Beavers are fish.

http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/thoughtful-animal/once-upon-a-time-the-catholic-church-decided-that-beavers-were-fish/

Hotblack Desiato

"Eat More Beaver, Say Priests"

One eyed Jack

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

"Eat More Beaver, Say Priests"

/runs off to tell the missus the good news...


:pac:

Timberrrrrrrr

Worztron

@Timberrrrrrrr