The 'Funny (ha, ha)' side of religion

smacl · 11-10-2017 11:27am

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

Yeah but have Jainists ever knocked at your door, or handed you a leaflet?

We've got a new church starting up down the road in Firhouse, hoping they'll by handing out comic books

coolhull · 12-10-2017 4:38pm

Facebook post today :

"Hi, we are starting a angel care chain of 1000 for all cancers. Please say a prayer and pass this on to 10 other people. If you can't do this please let me know so the chain doesn't stop."

Right, well that's the cancer situation taken care of.
Now, has anyone got any other problems?

CabanSail · 13-10-2017 5:54am

coolhull wrote: »

Right, well that's the cancer situation taken care of.
Now, has anyone got any other problems?

Maybe poverty next. Instead of a prayer each person could send me €10

robindch · 13-10-2017 8:48am

http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/2017/10/12/ucd-student-union-vote-is-an-orgy-of-sin/

Waterford Whispers wrote:

In his regular column, Bishop Cornelius Byle, WWN’s resident priest and conscience expert, explains why anyone who dares vote in a UCD Student Union vote might as well change their name to ‘baby killer’.

Good after morning to you all and welcome to my column. I must start off with an apology as in my last column, I stated that drowned Syrian refugees can’t have been Christian otherwise God would have saved them. Now, onto the actual important news, one parishioner has made me aware of a vote in the UCD Student Union, which will make abortions mandatory for first year’s students, be they male or female. And if we follow that logic, in a matter of weeks they will be aborting actual adult students who don’t agree with their undemocratic democratic process.

A vote on such matters that young people shouldn’t even be allowed know about is tantamount to staging a sinful orgy upon the tomb of Christ himself. These warped minds love nothing more than upsetting their grandmothers before having what they have taken to calling ‘singasms’. You read that right, they actually get sexual gratification from offending God.

I admit, I expected little from the liberal brainwashing bourgeois den of sin that is third level education, but the idea of putting information about abortions and abortion service on a piece of paper is a flagrant poke in the eye of God. My opinion on Irish universities is well known, once they started letting Catholics attend TCD, it was all downhill from there.

Not to upset the devout readers, but just imagine if you will if UCD students had access to a time machine, and before you laugh at such a thought remember they teach scientific witchcraft at that institute, so it is possible. If these sin-addicted abominations we call students had such a device they would certainly set a course for the time of Mary’s pregnancy and force her to have an abortion by handing her a leaflet with information on it.

These are the sort of demonic things education can do to folks, it puts ideas in their heads and asks them to think for themselves – a terrifying thought, I’m sure we can all agree.

And so, it has come to this, a strong Catholic person removed reference to abortion information in a brochure without consulting anyone else, and ignored a vote, which confirmed the Student Union’s pro-choice stance and a shadowy network of Jewish billionaires in America are now ousting her from her position.

I spoke to a student who was appalled by this sort of sinful scenario. That the student in question is a 59-year-old man studying in the seminary is an irrelevant point. The point is, of the students I talked to, 100% of him said you’ll suffer in hell if you vote in this thing, and I happen to agree.

Yet another reason to raise the voting age to 45, these young people suffer a sickness of the mind, one which has a corrosively high opinion of women’s rights. Well, I’ve another word for them, more like women’s wrongs.

Now, please burn the contents of this electronic article immediately after reading it. Your bodily desires disgust me.

recedite · 13-10-2017 9:04am

CabanSail wrote: »

Maybe poverty next. Instead of a prayer each person could send me €10

If you'll just pm your name and bank account details to me, I'll be happy to oblige. Don't forget to include the 3 digit code on the back of the card.

MrPudding · 13-10-2017 1:33pm

coolhull wrote: »

Facebook post today :

"Hi, we are starting a angel care chain of 1000 for all cancers. Please say a prayer and pass this on to 10 other people. If you can't do this please let me know so the chain doesn't stop."

Right, well that's the cancer situation taken care of.
Now, has anyone got any other problems?

****ing hell, and still only late afternoon. Good work Facebook. World poverty next, perhaps.

Reminds me of this...

MrP

Worztron · 15-10-2017 12:45pm

Lithium93_ · 16-10-2017 6:42pm

MrPudding · 18-10-2017 10:06am

Lithium93_ wrote: »

What? Even gingers? No one told me that.

MrP

CabanSail · 18-10-2017 11:31pm

If they are letting the Left Handed in then I am out.

I now need to make up a God that I can worship and then vilify everyone else in the world for not having my belief.

Ohhh I wonder if I build an extension on the house to worship my new God (who will really like TV and comfy chairs) can I get it Tax Free?

Worztron · 22-10-2017 12:48pm

robindch · 26-10-2017 4:46pm

Atheist somehow able to make moral decisions

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-technology/atheist-able-to-make-moral-decisions-20151123104107

The Daily Mash wrote:

HUMANS who do not believe in a god still have some morals, it has emerged.

In an experiment inspired by the continuing popularity of religion, 28-year-old Helen Archer was given consequence-free opportunities for selfish gain including the chance to get unlimited free crisps simply by pushing over a small child.

But despite not having a deeply-rooted fear of an omnipotent entity’s wrath, Archer consistently showed basic empathy.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “We gave her the opportunity to steal, lie, fornicate and even do a murder, although we had to substitute a chicken for a person in that one because of legal issues.

“We covered most of the things mentioned in the major religious books, plus we even threw in some internet fraud in a nod to modernity.”

Archer said: “They gave me the login detail’s for a stranger’s PayPal account, which had 800 quid in it, and told me to go crazy on my preferred fashion website.

“I just felt weird about it, even though they said the money just belonged to ‘some proper knobhead nobody likes’. I thought of the person having to ring up PayPal to sort it out, and it just being a massive nuisance for them.”

Professor Brubaker added: “It seems that humans have some innate moral sense that tells them not to do things like murders. So it’s probably fine to ignore religion, unless you don’t want to gamble on the ‘Hell’ stuff which to be fair does sound bad.”

Worztron · 29-10-2017 6:36pm

Hotblack Desiato · 29-10-2017 7:43pm

There's something going wrong with image attachments lately, they just appear as a 1x1 pixel image. Could you put the url of the attachment in [noparse][img][/img][/noparse] tags?

smacl · 30-10-2017 2:56pm

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

There's something going wrong with image attachments lately, they just appear as a 1x1 pixel image. Could you put the url of the attachment in [noparse][img][/img][/noparse] tags?

Must be the goddamn rapture.