The 'Funny (ha, ha)' side of religion

robindch

UKIP pledges to send homosexual couples to drought affected areas

http://newsthump.com/2014/01/19/ukip-pledges-to-send-homosexual-couples-to-drought-affected-areas/

BNew Thump wrote:

UKIP has announced a new manifesto policy by offering to send groups of homosexuals to those parts of the world suffering drought, ensuring God sends them the rain they need. After UKIP councillor David Silvester linked homosexuality to God sending copious amounts of rain to a given region, party leaders have been quick to use the link between gays and the weather to develop a new policy they hope will prove popular.

A UKIP spokesperson explained, “People often say we’re racist and don’t care about foreigners and immigrants, but this policy is aimed at helping them stay where they are, by sending them some homosexual-infused rain.” “These are some of the most arid places on earth, desperate for a bit of rain that UKIP is happy to help them receive.” “And this helps both parties – because they get some respite from their drought, and we get to not have them cross our borders whilst also getting to send some homosexuals out of the country. It’s the very definition of win-win which I’m sure will prove popular with our core supporters.”

Political analysts say that UKIP may have hit upon a masterstroke, and should see them wrap up the lucrative racist homophobe vote long before the local elections are held in May.

The UKIP spokesperson went on, “We have spent years watching film of drought-ridden African countries and thought to ourselves ‘not my problem mate’ – but now we can help them by sending them gay couples who want to get married.”

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robindch wrote: »

A believer calls upon Jesus in her moment of need. But Jesus does not help.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zfdi_PWV-ZY

She's class.

Worztron

Cabaal

http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/2014/01/21/church-hires-jk-rowling-to-rewrite-the-bible/

The latest PR coup for Pope Francis has seen him hire famous and revered children’s author JK Rowling to rewrite the Bible.

It is hoped the author, most famous for her Harry Potter series, can make it more accessible and believable for a new generation of Catholics and Christians.

Delirium

oscarBravo

robindch

Putin Has His Pet Dog Put Down For Humping Same Sex Dog

http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/2014/01/20/putin-has-his-pet-dog-put-down-for-humping-same-sex-dog/

Waterford Whispers wrote:

RUSSIAN NEWS agencies have reported today that the country’s president, Vladimir Putin, had his pet dog put down after it ‘dry humped’ another dog of the same sex. The leader of the once soviet state was said to be devastated at the death of his 4-year-old pooch, but said it was a necessary evil to stamp out perversion in the canine community.

Stalin, a Bulgarian shepherd, was reported to have been found by Mr. Putin humping a fellow Russian politicians Poodle, while visiting his house yesterday afternoon. It is understood both dogs were humanly put down shortly after the incident. Mr. Putin has recently come under fire for his homophobic stance towards the gay community, and this will no doubt only further tensions.

In a statement issued this morning, the Russian government defended Mr. Putin’s decision to execute the dogs, claiming both animals were mentally sick and needed to be dealt with before spreading the gay disease. Sources say Mr. Putin is currently looking to ban the breeding of poodles in Russia, as they were ‘the devils dog’.

“Poodles are known in Russia to seduce other members of the same sex into homosexuality.” said a spokesman for Mr. Putins office. “We urge dog owners to report homosexual behavior to their nearest veterinary clinic, were they will be ‘treated’ immediately for free, under a new state sponsored scheme.”

Worztron

robindch

LeinsterDub

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gvv_UM7CYg

the_monkey

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054901926&page=40

I'm so tempted to post a request for me to win the lottery there ...

but will probably be banned ..

Knex*

the_monkey wrote: »

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054901926&page=40

I'm so tempted to post a request for me to win the lottery there ...

but will probably be banned ..

Don't think I could ever see myself doing that, or getting on board with it.

There's a lot of people there with genuine issues and concerns in their life and they are desperately looking for help and guidance with regards to these.

Do I think they're misguided? Certainly.

But we should still be able to recognise the thread for what it is, and empathise with people posting in it who are there with a lot of real world issues.

Maybe it makes me a hypocrite that when it seems more personal I shy away from ridiculing, but I just don't see how it can help in this scenario.

AstraMonti

I understand that there is a comfort for some people in praying, but the concept of prayer itself is ridiculous without an extra hand.

Knex*

AstraMonti wrote: »

I understand that there is a comfort for some people in praying, but the concept of prayer itself is ridiculous without an extra hand.

I don't think you'll find anyone who posts here regularly say anything to the contrary.

But are you going to say that to someone seeking comfort for their terminally ill brother? Or another who has just lost a close friend?

As I said, I certainly think its misguided, but the pain is evident enough to make me take a step back and let them be.

I'm aware that may well make me a hypocrite to a degree.

AstraMonti

No I agree with you, I have no interest of upsetting anyone's life over how they choose to deal with their issues, as long as I am not directly affected by it. I just laughed at the evilness of what the the_monkey suggested in the same way I 've laughed in all of the other funny stories!

the_monkey

I wouldn't do it for that reason that there are some very serious stories in there, if they were all stories about little sarah bumping her head - but she'll be grand in a few days it would be different.

Cabaal

the_monkey wrote: »

I wouldn't do it for that reason that there are some very serious stories in there, if they were all stories about little sarah bumping her head - but she'll be grand in a few days it would be different.

Some people that use tarot cards have some serious stories also,

AstraMonti

http://www.aljazeera.com/news/asia-pacific/2014/01/pig-photos-censored-malaysia-201412213118362885.html

The company that prints copies of the International New York Times sold in Muslim-dominated Malaysia has blacked out the faces of pigs in two photos in the newspaper, sparking a wave of online ridicule.

OMG is the only appropriate response.

Kivaro

When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the Two Tablets of the covenant law in his hands, he was not aware that ........................
Hmmmmm, that it would not play flash-based videos.

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The shining knight of our colander wearing brothers:

smacl

Penn

A religious leaflet with an important message:



Except... they got the texts the wrong way around and accidentally made it look like Jesus is the one saying he's busy

Worztron

joseph brand

Dis-Comfort.

AstraMonti

and another gem:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjxOVOLKkdQ

norrie rugger

I can NOT believe that Rev. Lovejoy just sat there and took it

robindch

robindch wrote: »

Ulster says "F*ck off":

http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/entertainment/theatre-arts/stop-unholy-play-that-mocks-bible-dup-man-billy-ball-urges-29901228.html

Looks like DUP councillors are prepared to spend Council money to break the RSC's performance contract:

http://www.newsletter.co.uk/news/regional/dup-councillors-may-have-to-pay-to-ban-offensive-play-1-5824046

News Letter wrote:

DUP councillors in Newtownabbey will decide next week if banning a show deemed “offensive” to Christians is worth the cost of the financial penalties involved. According to the DUP’s Billy Ball, his party members are backing a ban on the irreverent theatre production being staged in the council-owned Theatre at the Mill.

However, it is expected that a late-notice cancellation of ‘The Bible: The Complete Word of God (abridged)’ will result in a compensation payment being paid to the Reduced Theatre Company. The two shows are scheduled to take place on January 29 and January 30. A video trailer on the theatre’s website describes the production as being “better than the book”. It goes on to say: “In the style of Monty Python’s Life of Brian, it’s juvenile but not blasphemous.” Free Presbyterian minister Rev Brian McClung has also called for the shows to be cancelled.

He said the production was unacceptably hurtful to many Christians in the borough and that other religions would not be mocked in such a way. “Some evidently think that the Bible can be treated in this disrespectful fashion and be uniquely singled out for special derogatory treatment,” he said. On Monday night, a Newtownabbey Borough Council arts sub group met with the Policy and Governance committee to discuss a ban.

Speaking yesterday, Cllr Ball said a number of points were raised – including the likelihood of a surcharge being levied against those councillors voting for the show’s cancellation. “It’s now going to be discussed at the full council meeting next Monday. The way the [council’s] chief executive was outlining it last night, there would be a cost if we withdrew it,” Cllr Ball said. “The Alliance Party are looking for us to pay the surcharge – anyone who votes for a ban. The surcharge itself will come out of our own pockets.

“All of our colleagues in the DUP supported us last night. There are 12 DUP councillors but only ten were there last night as two are on holiday, plus we had support coming from the Ulster Unionist Party as well. There are one or two in the UUP that would be wavering and I can understand that, because once the word surcharge is spoken people start backing off.” Cllr Ball said the ban was an important matter of principle and added: “In our case, what we are doing is just going for it, and if they surcharge us then so be it. As a born again believer, it doesn’t matter to me. They can do whatever they want.”

A spokeswoman for the Theatre at the Mill said the show was “a modern comedy which looks affectionately at biblical times”. She added: “The artistic programme provided by the council aims to offer a diverse range of shows by leading arts performers with something for everyone.”

Bannasidhe

robindch wrote: »

Looks like DUP councillors are prepared to spend Council money to break the RSC's performance contract:

http://www.newsletter.co.uk/news/regional/dup-councillors-may-have-to-pay-to-ban-offensive-play-1-5824046

You know what they need - A Blasphemy Law.

robindch

Bannasidhe wrote: »

You know what they need - A Blasphemy Law.

They can take our one -- it's not like we're using it or anything.

norrie rugger

robindch wrote: »

They can take our one -- it's not like we're using it or anything.

The Funny Side of Religion (Blasphemy Free Edition)

Careful now