The 'Funny (ha, ha)' side of religion

recedite

seamus wrote: »

So I don't recognise "travellers who live in houses, as belonging to their claimed club.

Now that is funny, but fair. :pac:

Bandana boy

Bannasidhe wrote: »

ummmm....I know a lot of Muslims who love dogs and do amazing work in animal rescue....

A lot can mean a lot of things i suppose

Nodin

seamus wrote: »

Must be ignorance then on my part, I was under the impression that dogs were "banned" in Islam because they're "unclean" or other similar nonsense.
Though I'm curious as to how a muslim works in an animal rescue - maybe they've just incorporated the ritual cleansing into their post-work routine?

It would explain why when my dog sniffed and then licked a kid's basketball net out on the street, I heard one kid say, "Oh no, he licked it! My Dad's gonna be so mad!".

There's some disagreement on the whole subject. As per usual, the wahaabis say "no" to dogs full stop. The rest vary greatly.

Bannasidhe

Bandana boy wrote: »

A lot can mean a lot of things i suppose

"one, two, many, lots"

Worztron

oscarBravo

recedite wrote: »

...a Roman Catholic by definition accepts papal authority from Rome.

A Roman Catholic, by definition, believes without a shadow of doubt that the bread and wine of the Eucharist are the actual physical flesh and blood of Jesus Christ, and that the fact that they appear in every discernable way to be merely bread and wine are physical "accidents" with no basis in reality.

By which definition I reckon approximately all Catholics (give or take a tiny percentage) are à la carte, but that's just me.

Worztron

smacl

oscarBravo wrote: »

By which definition I reckon approximately all Catholics (give or take a tiny percentage) are à la carte, but that's just me.

Which makes me wonder if zombie flesh and blood are the dish of the day, what exactly is on the á la carte menu

robindch

oscarBravo wrote: »

A Roman Catholic, by definition, believes without a shadow of doubt that the bread and wine of the Eucharist are the actual physical flesh and blood of Jesus Christ, and that the fact that they appear in every discernable way to be merely bread and wine are physical "accidents" with no basis in reality.

Bzzt. That should arguably read "metaphysical", not "physical".

See Aristotelian substance theory. The Vatican holds that the essence or substance (hence trans-substance-iation = transubstantiation -- geddit?) of the blessed biscuit changes, but that the accidents of the biscuit don't. In general terms, that means that the thing can continue to look like a biscuit while actually really being body parts and body fluids of a first century jewish guy.

The weirdness of the reality of Vatican-mandated belief is certainly odder than people's generally-mistaken understanding of it.

Bannasidhe

smacl wrote: »

Which makes me wonder if zombie flesh and blood are the dish of the day, what exactly is on the á la carte menu

Shellfish.

Cabaal

Why all the talk of dogs?

Surely if you really wanted to offend you'd leave a pig eat the Quran?

Bannasidhe

Cabaal wrote: »

Why all the talk of dogs?

Surely if you really wanted to offend you'd leave a pig eat the Quran?

Or get a book binder to put a lovely pig skin cover on it.

kiffer

Cabaal wrote: »

Why all the talk of dogs?

Surely if you really wanted to offend you'd leave a pig eat the Quran?

Easier to find a dog?
What about pig leather bound books?
Fancy and sacrilege at the same time.
Ink could be made from pigs blood mixed with dog saliva...
The paper could come from recycled porn mags...
That would be a lot of effort... would it be enough to get someone done under our blasphemy law?
I mean it would clearly be offensive...

Mr. Incognito

Religion defined; A cult that take a collection of letters waaaaaaaay too seriously

robindch

UKIP News does a hososcope for its careful readers.

http://upiknews.com/ukip-horoscopes/

UKIP News wrote:

Aries: The Sun has reached your sign, making this the perfect time for you to unveil your theory linking Socialism to Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease. Your love life receives a welcome boost when you meet an attractive heterosexual person who, like you, has a deep-seated hatred of anything they don’t understand.

Taurus: Your grandfather was killed in World War II, but don’t let that stop you speaking on his behalf. A new work colleague will arouse your suspicions by having a surname that ends in two vowels.

Gemini: An increased use of exclamation marks and capital letters will get you noticed on social media websites. A visit to a fast food outlet will end in non-racist triumph when you share a joke with the Turkish man who’s serving you

Cancer: Your opinions will miraculously align with your entire family and everyone you know. This will provide valuable ammunition when expressing your view that opinion polls are fixed.

Leo: You will face an uneasy journey to work when a man of Asian appearance wearing a rucksack boards your bus. The remainder of your journey will be spent sending emotional farewell texts to your family and friends.

Virgo: A man at the bus stop will tell you to ‘**** off’ when you insist that Muslims want to ban Christmas. Despite this rebuttal, you persevere by claiming that Eastern Europeans don’t have fingerprints. Beware the number 29,000,000!

Libra: The dangers of uncontrolled immigration will be at the forefront of your mind when you stub your toe while thinking about how an influx of Bulgarians could plunge your house into negative equity.

Scorpio: You will spend much of your day filled with anxiety after seeing an online Daily Express article entitled ‘Romanian tidal wave crime swamp ‘. After reading the article, you will leave a comment stating that only Ukip can save us.

Sagittarius: A sense of optimism will quickly give way to a bitter resentment of those less fortunate than you. You will spend the afternoon cheering yourself up by leaving hate-filled diatribes on the Mail Online.

Capricorn: A work colleague will belittle your views on climate change, leaving you with no alternative but to secretly put bleach in his coffee.

Aquarius: With summer approaching, you will spend much of the day looking for holiday to book. To ensure you don’t end up in the uncomfortable position of being surrounded by foreign voices, you book two weeks in Benidorm.

Pisces: Your views on political correctness will come under scrutiny when a work colleague openly sings ‘Ba-Ba Black Sheep’ without being arrested.

Brian Shanahan

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Religion defined; A cult that take a collection of letters waaaaaaaay too seriously

I prefer my definition: "A cult that got too big to be housed in one compound, suitable for Rambo-style storming by the ATF and FBI".

Genghiz Cohen

robindch wrote: »

UKIP News does a hososcope for its careful readers.

http://upiknews.com/ukip-horoscopes/

UKIP or UPIK?

Worztron

AstraMonti

Penn

recedite

Cabaal wrote: »

Why all the talk of dogs?
Surely if you really wanted to offend you'd leave a pig eat the Quran?

See, the worst thing to eat is a pig, but the worst thing to be eaten by is a dog. Its all in the saliva. Mind you, if you were going to be trampled, a pig would be among the worst. Then its all in the trotters (the cloven hoof is seriously unholy)

Cabaal

recedite wrote: »

See, the worst thing to eat is a pig, but the worst thing to be eaten by is a dog. Its all in the saliva. Mind you, if you were going to be trampled, a pig would be among the worst. Then its all in the trotters (the cloven hoof is seriously unholy)

So what you're saying is we need some sort of half dog, half pig animal and it';ll be the worst thing ever!

Sulla Felix

kiffer wrote: »

The paper could come from recycled porn mags...

Well, for some Muslims recycled paper itself is haram, because there might have been a Quran pulped in the process. So I think to be really offensive, it should be recylcled paper made from 100% rrecycled Qurans.

Bandana boy

Cabaal wrote: »

So what you're saying is we need some sort of half dog, half pig animal and it';ll be the worst thing ever!

sbsquarepants

seamus wrote: »

Must be ignorance then on my part, I was under the impression that dogs were "banned" in Islam because they're "unclean" or other similar nonsense.
.

Well the they do lick their balls a fair bit - but then wouldn't we all if evolution hadn't put them cruelly beyond our reach. But I think your most probably right, as a general rule muslims don't like anything except other muslims and even then it's begrudgingly.:D

robindch

Get yer goggles on, ladies and gents, Jesus has just discovered the internet!

http://www.dokimos.org/ajff/

Turtwig

robindch wrote: »

Get yer goggles on, ladies and gents, Jesus has just discovered the internet!

http://www.dokimos.org/ajff/

LGBT Jesus surely?
That, or they're using subliminal brain programming!:eek:

Bandana boy

shruikan2553

robindch wrote: »

Get yer goggles on, ladies and gents, Jesus has just discovered the internet!

http://www.dokimos.org/ajff/

Thats worse web design than a maths department in college. Also the whole rainbow this is confusing, it looks like a LGBT website and yet its the opposite. Can we add a new gospel according to web development. "And then jesus said, to use yellow font as one would use black is an abomination"

nibtrix

robindch wrote: »

Get yer goggles on, ladies and gents, Jesus has just discovered the internet!

http://www.dokimos.org/ajff/

The pop-up security warning at the top!!!! :D:D:D:D
"You are possibly not secure in your own personal faith. Trust in god solely through his Son Jesus for the forgiveness of all your sins and the free gift of eternal life. Click here."

I love websites that give a free gift! :pac: