The 'Funny (ha, ha)' side of religion

Worztron

Delirium

legspin

http://www.rightthisminute.com/video/aussie-builders-construction-workers-surprise-public-with-loud-empowering-statements-snickers-australia-women-empowerment?=rtmsoc

Slightly off topic but this suits here I feel.

wp_rathead

SW wrote: »

Love this remark from Tyson:

According to some beliefs, that [6,500 years] is the age of the whole universe. But if the universe were only 6,500 years old, how could we see the light from anything more distant than the Crab Nebula? We couldn't. There wouldn't have been enough time for the light to get to Earth from anywhere farther away than 6,500 light-years in any direction. That's just enough time for light to travel through a tiny portion of our Milky Way galaxy.

To believe in a universe as young as 6 or 7,000 years old is to extinguish the light from most of the galaxy. Not to mention the light from all the hundred billion other galaxies in the observable universe.

norrie rugger

but but you're using fact and logic. That's your big mistake right there

Hotblack Desiato

Absitnence[sic] Exam!

Worztron

Cabaal

Not funny, but kinda odd I suppose.

I think Indiana Jones had it right, if a man called Jesus did exist...he sure didn';t drink out of some fancy cup

www.theguardian.com/world/2014/mar/31/crowds-flock-spanish-chuch-leon-holy-grail-claim

New book claims precious goblet in León's San Isidro basilica is mythical chalice from which Christ sipped at last supper...........Made of agate, gold and onyx and encrusted with precious stones, the object in León is formed by two goblets joined together, with one turned up, the other down.

I think they have chosen unwisely......

TheChizler

For a moment there I was going to stick this in the hazards thread, but realized this may be more appropriate. I think... Says a lot that I can't be sure...

Saudi Arabia declares all atheists as terrorists in new law

independent.ie wrote:

Article one of the new provisions defines terrorism as "calling for atheist thought in any form, or calling into question the fundamentals of the Islamic religion on which this country is based".

obplayer

TheChizler wrote: »

For a moment there I was going to stick this in the hazards thread, but realized this may be more appropriate. I think... Says a lot that I can't be sure...

Saudi Arabia declares all atheists as terrorists in new law

Oh well, guess I won't be going there then.:p

GLaDOS

Links234

PopePalpatine

TheChizler wrote: »

For a moment there I was going to stick this in the hazards thread, but realized this may be more appropriate. I think... Says a lot that I can't be sure...

Saudi Arabia declares all atheists as terrorists in new law

Meanwhile, in the darkest depths of Nearly Dead!'s offices, Brian McKevitt simmers in his envious juices.

Worztron

recedite

TheChizler wrote: »

Saudi Arabia declares all atheists as terrorists in new law

Considering that 15 out of 19 of the 9/11 airplane hijackers were Saudi citizens, that is funny alright.

robindch

The New Yorker does the Libertarian Police Department:

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/shouts/2014/03/libertarian-police-department.html

Tom O'Donnell wrote:

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief. “Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.” I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside. “Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t. “Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?” It didn’t seem like they did. “Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.” Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it. “Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled. Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him. “Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!” He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

smacl

Jay and Silent Bob are doing chocolate Jesus' for Easter. Body of Christ anyone?

Obliq

robindch wrote: »

The New Yorker does the Libertarian Police Department:

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®”

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®”

Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs®

Classic

Worztron

CramCycle

Worztron wrote: »

So basically religion is like a 4th year PhD student who has run out of funding, results and direction.

kiffer

Worztron wrote: »

If you're feeling radioactive decay inside you then you have bigger problems.

robindch

Not sure if this story is hazards or funny-side. Or whether it's just a few days' late for April Fools' day...:

Anyhow, hang onto your hats, but a Polish priest has announced that Lego is the tool of Satan:

http://www.independent.ie/world-news/europe/lego-is-satans-work-and-destroys-souls-says-priest-30146903.html

Independent wrote:

A POLISH priest has warned parents to be on their guard against Lego, warning the plastic blocks are a tool of Satan and can "destroy" children's souls. In a presentation aimed at parents, Fr Slawomir Kostrzewa said the popular Danish toy company had taken a lurch to the dark side with its series of Monster Fighters and Zombie mini-figures, and that they "were about darkness and the world of death".

He said: "Friendly fellows have been replaced by dark monsters. These toys can have a negative effect on children. They can destroy their souls and lead them to the dark side." Lego's Monster Fighters range features Lord Vampyre, a fanged Dracula-like character, who battles the likes of Doctor Rodney Rathbone and Major Quinton Steele as they try to prevent him from "cloaking the world in darkness".

The priest, from the town of Wolsztyn, also cited research by the University of Canterbury in New Zealand that found the facial expressions of Lego figures had become angrier over the years, and that this compounded their evil potential. "Facial expressions may lead to confusion between good and evil," said Fr Kostrzewa. "It appears the good suffer in battle and the 'villains' have a face showing satisfaction with their evil deeds."

His claims were dismissed by at least one expert. "These are just blocks," said Monika Filipowska, a psychologist interviewed by the 'Super Express' newspaper. "Linking them to Satan is just wrong, and all that will happen is that children will be afraid of them now."

It is not the first time that Fr Kostrzewa has accused toys of harbouring evil. Hello Kitty and My Little Pony have also come under his scrutiny, with the latter being described as a "carrier of death". Lego was unavailable for comment.

CramCycle

robindch wrote: »

Not sure if this story is hazards or funny-side. Or whether it's just a few days' late for April Fools' day...:

Anyhow, hang onto your hats, but a Polish priest has announced that Lego is the tool of Satan:

http://www.independent.ie/world-news/europe/lego-is-satans-work-and-destroys-souls-says-priest-30146903.html

A quick google of the priest shows no stories before April fools day, setting up google to search before that day only leads to news sites that have it in their internal adverts/links

gaynorvader

CramCycle wrote: »

A quick google of the priest shows no stories before April fools day, setting up google to search before that day only leads to news sites that have it in their internal adverts/links

Nah look: http://labelleassemblee.blogspot.ie/2013/01/satan-and-priest-in-lego.html

Pretty much the same thing last year!

coolhull

robindch wrote: »

Not sure if this story is hazards or funny-side. Or whether it's just a few days' late for April Fools' day...:

Anyhow, hang onto your hats, but a Polish priest has announced that Lego is the tool of Satan:

http://www.independent.ie/world-news/europe/lego-is-satans-work-and-destroys-souls-says-priest-30146903.html

Lego certainly leads to occasions of sin in my house. Every time I find one of those little pieces sticking into my ass whenever I sit down, the air turns blue with my cursing and swearing.

robindch

All that needs to be said on the topic:

http://www.brickbible.com

Daveaherne

Religion its just makes sense

Hotblack Desiato

kiffer wrote: »

If you're feeling radioactive decay inside you then you have bigger problems.

Feel it or not, it's there, almost 8000 Bq in the average human body.

http://www.rerowland.com/BodyActivity.htm

⁴⁰K is the worst, so try to cut down on the bananas

There's not a damn thing you can do about the second worst, ¹⁴C though.




Edit: just in case no-one else but me can read the funny fonts, those are Potassium-40 and Carbon-14.
Why doesn't boards have subscript and superscript tags :mad: (and no, Jernal, we shouldn't have to use LaTeX for this.)

Hotblack Desiato

Lego's Monster Fighters range features Lord Vampyre, a fanged Dracula-like character

But I grew up on Sesame St in the 70s, and the fanged Count never had any bad effect on me.

Not even one.

Ha ha ha.

Two.

Ha ha ha.

Three..

Turtwig

We should have to use LaTeX all the time!
Potential forum charter change me thinks.