The 'Funny (ha, ha)' side of religion

Shrap

whupdedo wrote: »

It's her boobs, you can just see them over the table and they look pretty big, and shes not bad looking, so ya, shes really my ideal woman :pac:

Honesty. I like honesty.

obplayer

Shrap wrote: »

Well that's what I think too, but that doesn't mean I'm right! Just interested in if it IS a male thing really. There are some differences in the way we think, afterall - is this one of them?! You're right about Justin Bieber, except that's a teen thing rather than a reasoning adult thing - and we can see from the "Christian Grey" bullsh1t fest that women are just as well able to fly in the face of reason for a fantasy, but ....hmmm. I fail to see how this particular woman's looks are at all a mitigating feature for her intellect. Gets up my nose a bit, that's all - male or female. Here's a person who's mind-numbingly ignorant, but hey, they're gorgeous! Doh!

Yes it very much is a male thing (and I speak as one). We (men that is) can easily look at her and imagine us furgling her provided she would keep her bl00dy mouth shut. What you talk about over breakfast is a different matter. Just keep feeding her so she can't speak I suppose.

Shrap

obplayer wrote: »

Yes it very much is a male thing (and I speak as one). We (men that is) can easily look at her and imagine us furgling her provided she would keep her bl00dy mouth shut. What you talk about over breakfast is a different matter. Just keep feeding her so she can't speak I suppose.

Thank you! Is there some little part of this fantasy that actually has to do with her keeping her mouth shut?!

Hate to say it, but I genuinely can't think of a man I'd rather fcuk than listen to. I think we're getting to the bottom of this...

obplayer

Shrap wrote: »

Thank you! Is there some little part of this fantasy that actually has to do with her keeping her mouth shut?!

Hate to say it, but I genuinely can't think of a man I'd rather fcuk than listen to. I think we're getting to the bottom of this...

No, just avoiding her talking is the important thing. Sticking your tongue down her throat also works (I'm told).

Shrap

obplayer wrote: »

No, just avoiding her talking is the important thing. Sticking your tongue down her throat also works (I'm told).

tongue :pac: Ha! Ah... the male fantasy. Reassuringly as lurid and as far fetched as the female. Thank fcuk for that. Have been despairing of woman-kind this week with the 50 shades thingy, but we're all just as messed up, yay!

legspin

robindch wrote: »

Hard to say since you can't really see it.

#offtopic - though as a guy with - how should I put it? - a high forehead, I've always wondered why many people leave their hair dangle in front of their eyes. What's that for? Isn't it annoying?

I just find it easier to tie it back in a pony tale. If I'm walking into the wind I'll take it down but otherwise...

What's it for? Well, I never need a woolly hat or scarf.

silverharp

An Alternative "apostles creed" by a Mary Johnson (an ex nun)

I don’t believe in God, an imaginary father with almighty power.

I don’t believe in heaven; I do believe in earth.

I believe that a man called Jesus of Nazareth lived in Palestine at the beginning of the Common Era,

That he was conceived in the way of all human beings, that he was born of a woman called Mary, that he had a following large enough to trouble the authorities of his day, that it’s very difficult to separate what he actually said and did from what people would later say he said and did, that odds are good that he was a more than decent man.

I believe that this Jesus suffered under Pontius Pilate; that he was crucified, died and was buried, that there were no souls in hell waiting for him to set them free, that his death was in no way redemptive, that crucifixion has to be hell enough for any person.

I believe that when Jesus died, he remained dead. He did not ascend into an imaginary heaven, nor does he sit at the right or left hand of God, an imaginary father.

I do not believe that Jesus judges human beings. It seems to me that far too much judging goes on in his name, and that most of us try to do the best we can with the lives we’ve been given and that all of us fall short of the unreachable ideals we sometimes set for ourselves, that we ought to be kinder to ourselves.

I do not believe in ghosts, holy or otherwise.

I believe that the church is a human institution that still has much to learn about the humane exercise of power and authority.

I believe that each human being is connected with every other human being by bonds we do not often perceive, that what we do matters because our deeds affect beings animate and inanimate, for better or for worse.

I believe that justice and mercy are both essential and that forgiveness is often one of the deepest kindnesses we can extend to others and to ourselves, but that it should not be offered indiscriminately.

I believe that when we’re dead, we’re dead, and that while we, for a brief stretch of years, breathe upon this planet, we experience mysteries we ought not pretend to understand, though one day human beings will understand them better than we do now. I believe that we should affirm as true only those things we know with reasonable certainty, according to rigorous standards of history and science, that to cede our intellect to religious tradition is to allow ourselves to be manipulated by those who benefit from our credulity. I believe in the value of helping others and nurturing ourselves so that we can live lives as full as they can be. Amen.

Undergod

Didn't make me laugh though

robindch

obplayer wrote: »

Yes it very much is a male thing (and I speak as one). We (men that is) can easily look at her and imagine us furgling her provided she would keep her bl00dy mouth shut.

Furgle? Today's new word, but which meaning? :eek:

obplayer wrote: »

Just keep feeding her so she can't speak I suppose.

I suppose no problem so long as any progeny had her looks and my brains, rather than the other way around?

Brian Shanahan

obplayer wrote: »

furgling

[offtopic] I wouldn't google that word if I were you. The results may shock (especially nos. 2 & 3 on urban dictionary).

And don't say I didn't warn you when you do google it.[/offtopic]

Orion

whupdedo wrote: »

It's her boobs, you can just see them over the table and they look pretty big, and shes not bad looking, so ya, shes really my ideal woman :pac:

On her page there was a link to another one - Christians Against Masturbation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0YAgXV4MiE

I don't know about anyone else but having a hottie like that preaching against having a tug is kind of self-defeating :pac:

it's a skit on a comedy show

robindch

The smell of poe pervades throughout.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbueoxsVLBs

looksee

I like that alternative creed. Something a bit 'well that was a change of direction' about an ex-nun writing it!

Worztron

Brian Shanahan

Worztron wrote: »

At least he got the nails in the right place.

looksee

I find that a bit disturbing.

mass_debater

On the plus side if he holds his hand at the right angle it'll look like he's getting head

obplayer

robindch wrote: »

Furgle? Today's new word, but which meaning? :eek:I suppose no problem so long as any progeny had her looks and my brains, rather than the other way around?

I read the word in The Fallible Fiend by L. Sprague de Camp. Funny book.

It takes the copulation variety of meaning although apparently both types of furgle can happen at the same time (I'm told).

Worztron

The great George Carlin. Damn, I miss this guy.

robindch

The scene is the Agora, outside the office of the magistrate. Socrates is on his way to answer charges of impiety, but first he bumps into Thermippos the Sophist holding forth confidently amidst a gathering of young men. Naturally, since death is on his mind, Socrates seizes the opportunity to discuss the subject with a man who seems certain of everything.

Socrates: You agree, Thermippos, that all men are mortal.
Thermippos: I do.
Socrates: And you agree furthermore that i am a man.
Thermippos: I have no reason to doubt it, Socrates.
Socrates: Surely then you agree that i am mortal.
Thermippos: I didn't say that. You did. Don't put words in my mouth!
Socrates: I beg your pardon, Thermippos, but I have simply drawn what follows.
Thermippos: Strawman.
Socrates: But no true reasoner could fail -
Thermippos: Ah, the no-true-Macedonian fallacy.
Socrates: But, Thermippos, given the logical form.
Thermippos: Define "logical form".
Socrates: You must either accept the conclusion or reject at least one of the premises.
Thermippos: False dichotomy.
Socrates: Thermippos, you are an idiot.
Thermippos: And that's an ad hominem. You're persecuting me! I demand my right to free speech!
Socrates: What on earth are you talking about?
Thermippos: And I'm going to defend myself from your violent ad-hominems!

Thermippos picks up a brick, throws it at Socrates who falls to the ground.

Socrates: Damn, I wish I'd paid that debt to Asclepius.
Socrates expires.
Thermippos: What a soon-to-be-forgotten aggressive fool he was.

Worztron

Worztron

Worztron

silverharp

Worztron

silverharp

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlpAW848BCA

joseph brand

HobbyMan wrote: »

That's hilarious. It looks like a piss take. I hope people from outside Ireland haven't seen it. Scarlet for us all.

joseph brand

Brian Shanahan wrote: »

Am I the only one, or does someone else find her quite good looking, despite being made of 100% concentrated fail?

I think she has that 'loose' look about her, coupled with a fairly decent face. And, as Alan Partridge once said, "she was at the top of the queue when God was handing out chests."

When I say 'loose', I mean the kind of girl who might drag you into a toilet cubicle and have her way with you Nudge nudge wink wink.

Just read the YouTube comments to see you're not alone Brian.

Harika

Best Bits:
"Some might find that ridiculous, but what does the bible say?"
"Scientist were not there" (seems to have listened too much to Ken Ham)
"Secular scientists are oppressing this information"
"I don't understand science, but I am quite sure there is a discussion going around in the scientific world if the earth is at the center of the universe"

Hotblack Desiato

joseph brand wrote: »

I think she has that 'loose' look about her, coupled with a fairly decent face. And, as Alan Partridge once said, "she was at the top of the queue when God was handing out chests."

When I say 'loose', I mean the kind of girl who might drag you into a toilet cubicle and have her way with you Nudge nudge wink wink.

somebody posted this a few weeks back -