The 'Funny (ha, ha)' side of religion

Worztron

joseph brand wrote: »

Top 10 MORE Anti-Religion Comedians.

...

(For anyone who hasn't seen Bill Burr, go check him out on YouTube)

Bill Burr is awesome.

Worztron

joseph brand wrote: »

I'm a bit late but . . .

...

Snakes that were never in Ireland, ever.

timetogo

Worztron wrote: »

Snakes that were never in Ireland, ever.

Not only did St Patrick remove all snakes from Ireland. He removed all evidence that Ireland ever had snakes. What a guy.

Timberrrrrrrr

Worztron wrote: »

Snakes that were never in Ireland, ever.

Hmmmmm that must have been an illusion of a snake in the pet shop today.

Worztron

Timberrrrrrrr wrote: »

Hmmmmm that must have been an illusion of a snake in the pet shop today.

You know I meant snakes native to Ireland. :cool:

mass_debater

Worztron wrote: »

Snakes that were never in Ireland, ever.

Pity there's so many 2 legged ones about

silverharp

biko

Funny to me

obplayer

ISIS Newbies Hilariously Regret Career Choice

Genuine quote...

I'm fed up, my ipod doesn't work here, I'm coming back.

Worztron

Worztron

mass_debater wrote: »

Pity there's so many 2 legged ones about

I'd much prefer regular snakes to the 2 legged versions.

smokingman

I'd prefer if there was just no snake oil...

silverharp

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/godlessindixie/2014/02/26/hollowing-out-the-promises-of-god/

if the New Testament had been written today

Then Jesus got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Suddenly a furious storm came upon the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping.
The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the disciples for letting the storm upset their faith in him.
He told them, “Perhaps I brought this storm into your lives to teach you to trust me, or maybe I had nothing to do with this storm. Either way, what really matters is that you trust me in the storm, regardless of whether or not I do anything to change it.” Then he went back to sleep and their boat capsized, drowning all of the disciples except Peter, James, and John, who thanked Jesus for sending/allowing the storm, and for sparing their lives.
The survivors were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this?”

Brian Shanahan

biko wrote: »

Funny to me
<snip>

More scary than funny really. That this kind of extremist, exclusionary and fundamentalist relgionista can consider his views to be both moderate and worth protecting is what worries me, especially as nearly all religions are producing this type of person at an increasing rate and more militant mien.

wp_rathead

Worztron

Kivaro

JaseBelleVie

The Sacred Heart. Sort of.

Timberrrrrrrr

pauldla

^^^

robindch

Iceland's chief pa­gan blesses Ice­landic jet named "Freya"

http://www.mbl.is/english/nature_and_travel/2015/03/27/chief_pagan_blesses_icelandic_jet/

mbl.is wrote:

An­cient and mod­ern Ice­land met yes­ter­day evening at Reyk­javik Air­port, as Ice­landic low-cost air­line WOWair held a nam­ing cer­e­mony for one of two brand-new Air­bus A321 air­craft pur­chased by the air­line. The guests of ho­n­our at the event were Dor­rit Mous­saief, First Lady of Ice­land, and Hilmar Örn Hilmars­son, high priest of the Ice­landic neo-pa­gan re­li­gious as­so­ci­a­tion, Ásatrúar­félagið. An ex­cited hud­dle of in­vited guests looked on as the shin­ing new Air­bus, re­splen­dent in WOWair’s trade­mark pur­ple, came in to land at Reyk­javik Air­port just be­fore 6pm yes­ter­day. WOWair had laid on drinks and re­fresh­ments in a nearby hangar out of the bit­ing cold.

Founder and CEO of WOWair, Skúli Mo­gensen, gave a rous­ing speech on the steps up to his air­line’s new jet, cel­e­brat­ing the air­line’s suc­cess in the few years since it was set up and set­ting out the ex­cit­ing prospects for the fu­ture. His words took a slightly more con­tro­ver­sial turn as he voiced some crit­i­cism of the cur­rent gov­ern­men­t’s over-em­pha­sis on heavy in­dus­try and lack of recog­ni­tion of how im­por­tant tourism is for the na­tion. [...]

Here's the Chief Pagan showing us his horn:

Worztron

Worztron

pauldla

I am a Christian business owner in Indiana

"Dear Valued Patrons.
Due to my sincerely held religious beliefs, and in light of the RFRA, recently signed by our Dear Leader Pence, I will no longerbe doing business with the following persons; nor permitting them in my establishment:

1. Divorcees. Matthew 19:9: “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery.”

2. Anyone who has ever read their horoscope or called a psychic hotline. Leviticus 20:6: "As for the person who turns to mediums and to spiritists, to play the harlot after them, I will also set My face against that person and will cut him off from among his people."

3. Anyone with a tattoo. Leviticus 19:28 "You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord."

4. Anyone born illegitimately. Also, anyone who, back to ten generations, is descended from someone born illegitimately. If you can not PROVE, using appropriate church sources, that ten generations of your family were born in wedlock, I will have to err on the side of caution and not serve you. Deuteronomy 23:2 "No one of illegitimate birth shall enter the assembly of the LORD; none of his descendants, even to the tenth generation, shall enter the assembly of the LORD."

5. Anyone who makes a practice of praying aloud, or in public. Matthew 6:5-6 "When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you."

6. Any woman with braided hair or gold jewelry. Just to be on the safe side, NO jewelry at all. 1 Timothy 2:9 "Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments."

7. Any man who has ever, by accident or not, had his genitals damaged. (Current interpretation of this scripture is under debate, so just to be safe, if you've had a vesectomy, or testicular cancer, I can't serve you. I apologize for the inconvenience but I am worried for my soul.) Deuteronomy 23:1 "A man whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off may never join the assembly of the Lord."

8. Please don't bring your kids in if they have a bowl cut. Leviticus 19:27 reads "You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard."

For those of you complaining that some of these scriptures are from the Old Testament, and that Jesus came to redeem us from these laws, I refer you to Matthew 5:17-19, where Our Savior himself says: "Do not think that I came to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I did not come to abolish but to fulfill. 18"For truly I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke shall pass from the Law until all is accomplished. 19"Whoever then annuls one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever keeps and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven"

Again, I am sorry for the inconvenience. It's nothing personal, "love the sinner but hate the sin," and all, but I simply can't serve anyone who would blatantly disregard God's sacred law in such a fashion.

(I suspect this is an update of an old circular, but it still made me smile)

kylith

That bit about illegitimate people and their descendants is a bit rich coming from a god who knocked up an unmarried girl.

Hotblack Desiato

Any man who has ever, by accident or not, had his genitals damaged.

Another reason to end the barbaric practise of circumcision

Cabaal

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

Another reason to end the barbaric practise of circumcision

Most circumcisions in the good old US of A aren't even done for religious reason, they are done purely because its the done thing.

However, circumcision really started in the USA as a way to stop kids masturbating, you have to thank nutcases like Mr Kellogg (yes the cornflake guy) for it starting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCSWbTv3hng

robindch

CERN confirms the existence of The Force:

http://home.web.cern.ch/about/updates/2015/04/cern-researchers-confirm-existence-force

CERN wrote:

Researchers at the Large Hadron Collider just recently started testing the accelerator for running at the higher energy of 13 TeV, and already they have found new insights into the fundamental structure of the universe. Though four fundamental forces – the strong force, the weak force, the electromagnetic force and gravity – have been well documented and confirmed in experiments over the years, CERN announced today the first unequivocal evidence for the Force. “Very impressive, this result is,” said a diminutive green spokesperson for the laboratory.

“The Force is what gives a particle physicist his powers,” said CERN theorist Ben Kenobi of the University of Mos Eisley, Tatooine. “It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us; and penetrates us; it binds the galaxy together.” Though researchers are as yet unsure what exactly causes the Force, students and professors at the laboratory have already started to harness its power. Practical applications so far include long-distance communication, influencing minds, and lifting heavy things out of swamps.

Kenobi says he first started teaching the ways of the Force to a young lady who was having trouble revising for her particle-physics exams. "She said that I was her only hope," says Kenobi. "So I just kinda took it from there. I designed an experiment to detect the Force, and passed on my knowledge." Kenobi's seminal paper "May the Force be with EU" – a strong argument that his experiment should be built in Europe – persuaded the CERN Council to finance the installation of dozens of new R2 units for the CERN data centre*. These plucky little droids are helping physicists to cope with the flood of data from the laboratory's latest experiment, the Thermodynamic Injection Energy (TIE) detector, recently installed at the LHC.

"We're very pleased with this new addition to CERN's accelerator complex," said data analyst Luke Daniels of human-cyborg relations. "The TIE detector has provided us with plenty of action, and what's more it makes a really cool sound when the beams shoot out of it." But the research community is divided over the discovery. Dark-matter researcher Dave Vader was unimpressed, breathing heavily in disgust throughout the press conference announcing the results, and dismissing the cosmological implications of the Force with the quip "Asteroids do not concern me".

Rumours are growing that this rogue researcher hopes to delve into the Dark Side of the Standard Model, and could even build his own research station some day. With the academic community split, many are tempted by Vader's invitations to study the Dark Side, especially researchers working with red lasers, and anyone really with an evil streak who looks good in dark robes. "We hope to continue to study the Force, and perhaps use it to open doors with our minds and fly around and stuff," said TIE experimentalist Fan Buoi. "Right now, to be honest, I don't really care how it works. The theory department have some crackpot idea about life forms called midi-chlorians, but frankly I think that poorly thought out explanations like that just detract from how cool the Force really is." With the research ongoing, many at CERN are already predicting that the Force will awaken later this year.

Worztron

robindch