Christmas

EdenHazard

Just wondering, I'm trying not to get into the mindset that christmas is going to be so difficult since I lost my mum 6 months ago, as far as I'm concerned today will be as tough as any other day be it Christmas, my birthday, my mums birthday etc. But I'm working part time and they asked me am I free to work full time over Christmas, I'm thinking this could be real tough especially since its my first Christmas without my mum. Working full time over this period might be too much for me to handle.

CaraMay

How would you be spending it if you weren't working?

EdenHazard

just with my family, relaxing, enjoying the season. I'm in college thats my real priority, working is just for going out money/buying clothes.

baby and crumble

Well all I can say tell you is from my experience (lost my Mum 4 1/2 years ago) is that I wish I had been working. It would have been easier than all of the rest of my family sitting in my brothers house trying to be merry and just feeling like sh1te. But only you will know if you can handle it.

Baybay

After my dad died we had planned to go abroad with my mum for Christmas, make some new memories etc.
That was the Christmas of the snow & we spent all day in the airport watching it fall but ultimately got nowhere.
Unfortunately, given the difficulty we had getting to the airport, we knew we wouldn't get home.
My in-laws, who weren't snowed in, kindly invited us to spend Christmas with them.
While we certainly made new memories, it was surprisingly difficult being in someone else's home & with someone's else's family.
I have already decided that our first Christmas after mum, who is currently a hale & hearty 80-something will be spent in really nice hotel, somewhere in Ireland where only we will have known her so that we can dip in & out of the festivities without offending any host or feeling under any pressure to do anything.

CaraMay

We went to a really nice hotel and I'm glad we did

battser

Similar to you I lost my mam in september 2011 and only in a new job I had to work nightshifts xmas eve, xmas and Stephens day. I couldn't get out of it and have to say it was very tough as I missed out on xmas day pretty much with the family. Nights are a bit different as is the way everyone deals with it. Whatever decision you make it won't matter how you will be feeling.

Hope you get sorted either way.

NIMAN

Unfortunately Xmas might well be a tough time for you. It will be if its your 1st after your mum's death, and the 2nd and 3rd etc may be hard too. As you mention, other milestones such as her birthday, your birthday, mothers day etc will all bring back memories and probably get you down, but only advice I can offer is that time will allow you to accept the loss and make them less painful.

My father died in October and that 1st Xmas was painful for everyone, although we were all still grieving come December. I felt so bad for my mother than for myself. But as I said, these get easier as time moves on. Of course I still miss my dad every Xmas now, especially as he never got to meet my 3 children, but the sorrow I would feel now doesn't compare to that which I felt all those years ago when he died. Time does heal. I still feel for my mother, as we all have our own lives now with families etc.

The_Conductor

There isn't a right and a wrong- sometimes being really really busy helps you to put your feelings, emotions and memories in the background- where you can dip in and out of them, rather than spending entire days, contemplating your Mum (or other loved one) and what might have been.

I'm a bit raw myself- but I have a 2 and a 3 year old, and will be remote working over Christmas too- which will keep me busy.

I was never a Christmas person to begin with- now I'm trying to make nice memories for my children, its for them, not for me.

Sometimes taking time out works for some people- sometimes it doesn't- I'm one of the ones it doesn't work for. You need to have a think about what will be best for you- its not up to me or anyone else to suggest that any particular course of action is better or worse than any other.

If you do decide to work through Christmas- make sure you have friends around for those quiet times- we all need friends.

clairefontaine

I think only you can gauge that, and even hen its a crap shoot because grief can't be codified. It strikes when it wants to.

My dad died quite near Christmas time, so the reminders are a plenty but if it weren't for having a small child iId prefer to work at Christmas, and it is made more poignant by the fact my child never met his grandfather and vice versa, because I know they'd have adored each other. Christmas brings it home a little harder, and makes me wish I had more escape from Christmas, but having a small child ensconced me in it further, ironically.

So its up to you, and even then you can't be certain.

kerry4sam

EdenHazard wrote: »

Just wondering, I'm trying not to get into the mindset that christmas is going to be so difficult since I lost my mum 6 months ago, as far as I'm concerned today will be as tough as any other day be it Christmas, my birthday, my mums birthday etc. But I'm working part time and they asked me am I free to work full time over Christmas, I'm thinking this could be real tough especially since its my first Christmas without my mum. Working full time over this period might be too much for me to handle.

EdenHazard wrote: »

just with my family, relaxing, enjoying the season. I'm in college thats my real priority, working is just for going out money/buying clothes.

I hope you're doing okay EdenHazard & that you had one Magical Christmas with your Loved Ones

Thinking of You,
kerry4sam