breastfeeding in public

Idrive

I hope it comes to a happy conclusion for you.
I would find it very unnerving to be asked to move to another room, especially as its family after all and you are just finding your feet.
You need a confidence boost, not shunned out of the way for fear of embarrassment.

Im expecting at the moment and have already received comments about how long i intend to breastfeed for and how it might make my father in law uncomfortable to be around me.. :eek:
Ive made it clear that anyone that has a nipple anxiety can just stay away. Their choice, i will not be made feel uncomfortable for providing for my baby with the perfect nourishment.

ferretone

I think your in-laws' views feelings and reactions on this are thankfully rare at this stage. My sister has been feeding for almost 2 years, and has never encountered that sort of reaction anywhere.

The vast majority wouldn't bat an eyelid at the feeding: however I myself had a very different reaction when out at a restaurant in the states with 2 couples from an American family, and one of the women actually got up and proceeded to change her baby's nappy (sorry, diaper ) on top of the next table over!! My own tolerance was stretched beyond its limits by this, and I'd hope society's will continue to see this as a tad beyond the pale too :rolleyes:

KCC

Blocktober: just soldier on and feed your baby whenever and wherever you want. Ride out your MIL's comments and "looks" and she'll get over it.

Ferrotone - OMG - I know how you feel. I know it's completely off topic, but close friends of ours actually have a changing mat on their kitchen table, where they change their baby. It never moves, even when everyone is sitting down to eat dinner and the whole kitchen constantly smells of you know what. One of the parents is actually a health professional! I'd love them to realise that you literally should not sh*t where you eat.

grarf

the attitudes of some people towards breastfeeding make me sad

I've thankfully not have had any issues on that front, and I've fed both in front of my MIL, SILs, nephews, nieces ... the entire family basically... Nobody said anything. I continued chatting away to them as if nothing was going on

one really nice thing that happened to me, and goes to show that the attitudes may just be changing: I was feeding my little girl on a bench on the prom out in Salthill, and this woman in her fifties walks by and goes: "that's so lovely to see, fair play to you"

long range shooter

http://nurturedchild.ca/index.php/2012/05/11/the-best-and-worst-places-in-the-industrialized-world-for-breastfeeding-support/

uli84

Oh im not irish and didnt know there were any issues with it. I breastfeed in public all the time, hope i wont get any grief soon especially since baby is over 6 months now.

The Princess Bride

I remember back in the day, at husband's niece christening, his sister in law telling me that if I needed to b/f, there was an empty room inside.
I replied that I'd finished feeding ages before-discreetly and quietly without any fuss, with lots of children and adults rushing around, noticing nothing.
She was uncomfortable as she'd never b/f herself, and somehow thought I'd have to take most of my clothes off (& expose myself in doing so?????) in order to b/f.

OP -have a word with her, show her how well the baby is thriving, get husband to tell her how proud he is/ you are that you're b/fing her grandchild-
Remind her that your decision to breastfeed her grandchild is the most natural decision in the world, and that your intention wasn't to make them feel uncomfortable.

Hopefully, she'll feel embarrassed and change her mind.

liliq

There was an article in today's independent about breastfeeding in public!
It's really no wonder that our Breastfeeding rates are so low when our culture is so unsupportive of mothers.

ferretone

The Princess Bride wrote: »

I remember back in the day, at husband's niece christening, his sister in law telling me that if I needed to b/f, there was an empty room inside.
I replied that I'd finished feeding ages before-discreetly and quietly without any fuss, with lots of children and adults rushing around, noticing nothing.
She was uncomfortable as she'd never b/f herself, and somehow thought I'd have to take most of my clothes off (& expose myself in doing so?????) in order to b/f.

Princess, that is a really good point you make: perhaps that is where the residual discomfort is still creeping in, especially as it seems to predominantly women who seem to be having the problem with it.

Could it be that they feel guilty for not having breastfed themselves, and are therefore uncomfortable with having others do it around them? If so, I still don't know what would be the way to proceed, but perhaps understanding that might be a step towards fixing it?

Hannibal Smith

ferretone wrote: »

Princess, that is a really good point you make: perhaps that is where the residual discomfort is still creeping in, especially as it seems to predominantly women who seem to be having the problem with it.

Could it be that they feel guilty for not having breastfed themselves, and are therefore uncomfortable with having others do it around them? If so, I still don't know what would be the way to proceed, but perhaps understanding that might be a step towards fixing it?

Or maybe the woman was perfectly happy with her decision not to breastfeed and was just uncomfortable because of her unfamiliarity with what it would entail and how much would be on show? Fair enough its very childish and naive but I don't see why it should translate into 'sheddidn't breastfeed so therefore is jealous of those that so'.

I never breastfed but anyone coming into my home is more than welcome to feed their baby anyway they like. And I don't feel guilty or bad or in any way less a mother for not doing it.

That said op your baby is only 2 weeks...if the in laws haven't been around someone who breastfeeds before perhaps they just need a little time to get used to it. What happens when they come round to your house?

Wooha

I'm still a newbie at breast feeding with babba just under two weeks, but can I say that the opposite is just as unnerving!! My Mum is visiting for two weeks and she is fiercly interested... I was sitting on the armchair yesterday trying to get my boob out (still trying to get the hang out of those maternity bra's) and she was standing about 10 inches away from me, bent forward and intensely staring at me and my boob trying to get the boob out and trying to get him to latch on...

runawaybishop

Sala wrote: »

Wow, I can't believe she wanted to banish you and the baby to the cold den!! Especially when there was a sitting room no one else was in?? I sincerely believe this weird Irish breastfeeding issue will only go away when people like you good self assert their right and need to breastfeed wherever and whenever necessary.

You don't have a right to do anything in someone else's home and forcing the issue will just cause trouble.

Looks like the OP has the right idea, get the husband to tell his mother how she feels and if they still insist on forcing her into another room just leave and tell them they are welcome to visit the baby in their home, where breastfeeding is not seen as something that must be done behind closed doors.

meeeeh

liliq wrote: »

There was an article in today's independent about breastfeeding in public!
It's really no wonder that our Breastfeeding rates are so low when our culture is so unsupportive of mothers.

According to the study posted above I'm from a country that is in second place on the breastfeeding friendly list. There is f all difference between attitudes in Ireland and there. If anything there is more support in health service for it here. The only relevant difference I can notice is that formula is twice as expensive as is in Irealnd. I don't know why Irish mothers don't breastfeed but it is not because some evil society is forcing formula into baby's mouths.

Maybe we should stop trying to make a stand about breastfeeding or stop thinking it is some sort of a sacrifice and then more people would try it. There can be some problems with breastfeeding at beginning but after that it is a lot simpler, easier and also more intimate way of feeding a child. And it creates a special bond. Once we stop thinking of breastfeeding as a sort of a special achievement the rates will increase. And btw I would stop handing out those annoyingly smug leaflets why is breastfeeding better than formula and just hand out leaflets how to breastfeed and what support is there. And then you can also increase price of formula which should force some poorer women (who are more likely to bottle feed anyway) to breastfeed.

lang

Breastfeeding in public... what could be more natural and wonderful to see?! My wife is currently feeding our first child. It was a concern of mine before she was born that my wife would find it very uncomfortable to feed our daughter outside of the house. No concern was warranted! To my complete joy and admiration my wife (and daughter) took to this like ducks to water. We have been in other people's houses, cafes, etc and, when needs must, out comes the boob and on goes daughter. We have received nothing but positive comments from staff in cafes, no comments either way from friends. Staff in cafes have been nothing but accommodating to our needs (since we are currently topping-up feeds).

I am amazed at the ease at which my wife has taken to this as she would have been such a private person prior to our daughter arrival. I would say that for any partner it is very important that they support their partner in her want to feed in public.

pwurple

ferretone wrote: »

Could it be that they feel guilty for not having breastfed themselves, and are therefore uncomfortable with having others do it around them? If so, I still don't know what would be the way to proceed, but perhaps understanding that might be a step towards fixing it?

I breastfed for a short while and I've no probs with anyone feeding in my house. My friends feed their babies fairly regularly in the house when they come over, I barely even notice it when we are chatting, most people are dab hands at it. There is one girl though, and she is so nervous, it makes me wonder what to do with myself. She gets out a creastfeeding cover that fastens around her neck and covers the baby and herself completely from neck to waist. Then she can't see the baby, so is distracted trying to see under it to sort out the latch, without exposing herself... and then the velcro opens on the back, and she is trying to get that retied one-handed. Honestly I just feel like asking if she would be more comfortable in another room with me and the kids out of the way? But I let her work away... I don't know. It's not guilt or anything like that. I am uncomfortable because I feel she is flustered.

sari

Was in town today and seen a lady bf her tiny little newborn, was so lovely, I smiled to her as I walked by she probably thought I was some nutter!! Anyway after I thought maybe I should have mentioned the local breastfeeding group to her, it's a pretty small area here and a small group.
What do you think, how would you feel if someone approached you and mentioned something like this to you? Is it inappropriate or friendly?
Sorry off topic a bit

wmpdd3

I was in a playground in the early days with my daughter when I had to feed my son, I had to sit on the nearest thing, a roundabout and feed him.

This lovely lady came over to, I don't know, cheerlead me in a way. She was lovely and she did mention places I could go and sit locally and local groups but I had been to them all. I was so embarrassed for her, I think she really missed feeding her two who were about 4 and 5.

It was nice but odd!

lmullen

When I feed my little one when my 2 nieces are around they stand right in front of me giggling! At least they'll be well exposed to it! My first girl (16 months) says Mmmmm yummy every time I feed dd! I was feeding in the playground the other day and a little girl was very curious her minder didn't know what to do she was so embarrassed!

lang

@January Had forgotten about the use of abbreviations. Taken note of it and will not use them in future.

Orion

Ha - feeding is an AH topic now ... http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057076752

I personally love the response from BNMC: "What colour was the bus?"

sari

Just skimmed through some of the responses and it seems everyone is saying 'what's the big deal' woohoo that makes me happy apart from the few who said feeing a toddler is weird.
I really feel like attitudes are changing

wolfpawnat

3DataModem wrote: »

It's her house, I don't think its unreasonable for her to prepare an alternative room for you.

It's feeding a baby, not smoking! If she whipped out a bottle, people would say nothing, but feed a baby a free and healthy meal and there is war. Unbelieveable.

Penny Dreadful

lmullen wrote: »

When I feed my little one when my 2 nieces are around they stand right in front of me giggling! At least they'll be well exposed to it! My first girl (16 months) says Mmmmm yummy every time I feed dd! I was feeding in the playground the other day and a little girl was very curious her minder didn't know what to do she was so embarrassed!

Apparently when I was very young (3 or 4) my cousin was in our house with her baby and she started to breast feed him. I had never seen this before and so with the curiosity of a child I went over and had a good old look. I stood there, smiled, said "thats nice, our doggy does that with her new puppies too":D
Poor old mum, she nearly killed me.

How Strange

I find children's inquisitiveness in breastfeeding so lovely. They just want to know what you're doing and how it works. Once they see it they're happy and accept it as normal.

I remember a friends niece sitting beside me when I was feeding O. She wanted to stroke his head at the same time as she thought he's like it.

My nephews were 8 and 10 when O was born and they were very curious and full of questions. Once they saw how it worked they sat on either side of me and were fascinated. The 8 year old asked my sister if she'd breastfed them and wanted to know why not in a tone of indignation when she said she hadn't.

sari

Yes they seem to love seeing it. My dps relatives with kids, none have bf at all, the kids were so interested in what was happening, the parents were mortified.
One of the girls kept saying he looked so happy and that he really liked it. I asked her why she thought he did and she said because he was so close to me and it was like getting lovely cuddles. They also loved to touch his head and get a good look at what was going on.