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Intimidating housemate.

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  • 29-10-2013 8:17pm
    #1
    Ed293
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11 ✭


    I'm a girl in my late 20s who just recently moved into shared accommodation with two guys and another girl. One of the guys I live with is becoming increasingly intimidating towards me and I'm not sure what my rights are.
    This man is in his mid 30s and cornered me alone on Sunday evening for having 2 guests to stay for the weekend(my own business). He was quite aggressive in his tone of voice and I was very frightened after it.
    This man smokes tobacco (and other stuff) in his bedroom and has frequent overnight visitors.
    The encounter has left me very shook but I don't want to be forced out of the house. I get on very well with the other two in the house. He also intimidates the other girl and we would love if he would move out.
    Any advice anyone?


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    #2
    The_Morrigan
    Registered Users Posts: 9,368 ✭✭✭The_Morrigan


    Tell the landlord firstly and if it happens again call the gardai.


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    #3
    Santa Cruz
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,126 ✭✭✭Santa Cruz


    Why put up with this? Unless the landlord gets rid of him you are stuck with him. Cut your losses and go. Tell the landlord why you are leaving.


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    #4
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 33,406 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    Get the other girl to make a complaint too.

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



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    #5
    wirelessdude01
    Registered Users Posts: 8,423 ✭✭✭wirelessdude01


    Where did the guests sleep? Were ye noisy/take over the living space? Just wondering what his exact issue was?


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    #6
    CatFromHue
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators Posts: 18,157 Mod ✭✭✭✭CatFromHue


    Is there are rights or laws regarding housemates? Other than the general laws of the land.

    My advice would be it's just not worth the hassle getting into a to with a pain in the backside housemate.


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    #7
    Ed293
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11 ✭Ed293


    Guest slept in the spare room, we weren't noisy and only spent a very short amount of time actually in the house. He is just very unreasonable and seems to rule the roost which is very unfair.
    I'm contemplating getting on to the landlord about it but am uncomfortable at how said housemate might react.....


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    #8
    wirelessdude01
    Registered Users Posts: 8,423 ✭✭✭wirelessdude01


    Did you let the other housemates know that you were having people over? It is common courtesy to tell them. A girl renting a room in my house had people here last night and they made such a lot of noise. Waiting for her to come home to tell her that it isn't on and that if it happens again she is out. They left the place in a state this morning.


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    #9
    Ed293
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11 ✭Ed293


    Also I think he is being very unreasonable taking up issue with me on this when he is very difficult to live with himself. EG smoking in his room, being messy and generally behaving strangely.


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    #10
    wirelessdude01
    Registered Users Posts: 8,423 ✭✭✭wirelessdude01


    Ed293 wrote: »
    Also I think he is being very unreasonable taking up issue with me on this when he is very difficult to live with himself. EG smoking in his room, being messy and generally behaving strangely.

    In what way?


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    #11
    Ed293
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11 ✭Ed293


    I let the other housemates know but not him as I didn't see him. Plus why should I have ask permission to have guests over?


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    #12
    NewBeefFarmer
    Registered Users Posts: 544 ✭✭✭NewBeefFarmer


    after renting from 1998 to 2010 i met all sorts, and tried all sorts when not happy. . .

    and i can tell ya. . . the only way is be happy, and to do that, as said above. . . move out. . . . tonnes of places to live. . . . may not be A1 pad. but hey, if a house with 80% looking comparing to this one, or even 60% . . isnt that better than living where u are now with that house mate. . .


    Trust me. . .. This is the same as an employee fighting with another employee or employer. . . .. never ends well for you.

    people will say on fight back. . .

    ull bring it up with the landlord. . .
    then next monday he will speak with the house mate.
    then he will tell you he gave him a warning,
    all the while you are not living in that house like u should be,
    then something happens again in late Nov.
    you get on to landlord. . .
    he doesnt care as the tenant is paying his rent. . . .

    OR

    Move out tomorrow. . .
    I know what id be doing. . .


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    #13
    wirelessdude01
    Registered Users Posts: 8,423 ✭✭✭wirelessdude01


    Ed293 wrote: »
    I let the other housemates know but not him as I didn't see him. Plus why should I have ask permission to have guests over?

    It is common courtesy to let all the housemates know. What if your guests had arrived and he had also arranged for people to stay? What then?

    In every place I have rented it is regarded as the right thing to do to tell the others if you plan on having someone to stay even if it is in your room.


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    #14
    wirelessdude01
    Registered Users Posts: 8,423 ✭✭✭wirelessdude01


    NewBeefFarmer wrote: »
    he doesnt care as the tenant is paying his rent. . . .

    Really isn't anything to do with the LL. He rents a house and not his issue if tenants don't get on once the rent is paid on time each month. I someone moves out it is up to the lease holder(s) to get someone else in or they can split the additional rent between them.


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    #15
    Ed293
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11 ✭Ed293


    I do agree with you to a degree but he doesn't live by his own standards. If he did he would let us know when he was having an overnight guest.


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    #16
    efb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35,514 ✭✭✭✭efb


    Housemates- urgh I hated it. Live on my own now I actually love it! My house, my rules!


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    #17
    NewBeefFarmer
    Registered Users Posts: 544 ✭✭✭NewBeefFarmer


    wirelessdude01 wrote: »
    Really isn't anything to do with the LL. He rents a house and not his issue if tenants don't get on once the rent is paid on time each month. I someone moves out it is up to the lease holder(s) to get someone else in or they can split the additional rent between them.

    no mention if the house is leased to one person, or individually on room by room basis. .

    it will be the landlords problem if the house is rented room by room and tenants keep leaving because of this ucker


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    #18
    srsly78
    Registered Users Posts: 7,157 ✭✭✭srsly78


    Just waiting for the inevitable thread: "A new girl moved into our shared house and she seems to have moved her friends into the spare room without even telling anyone. When confronted over this she was very passive aggressive about it and I'm unsure how to proceed."


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    #19
    wirelessdude01
    Registered Users Posts: 8,423 ✭✭✭wirelessdude01


    Ed293 wrote: »
    I do agree with you to a degree but he doesn't live by his own standards. If he did he would let us know when he was having an overnight guest.

    Have any of you actually said it to him and also tit for tat doesn't work. Been in enough places to know that it only festers resentment.


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    #20
    NewBeefFarmer
    Registered Users Posts: 544 ✭✭✭NewBeefFarmer


    i just think you had bad luck, u can get good house mates. . .


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    #21
    NewBeefFarmer
    Registered Users Posts: 544 ✭✭✭NewBeefFarmer


    srsly78 wrote: »
    Just waiting for the inevitable thread: "A new girl moved into our shared house and she seems to have moved her friends into the spare room without even telling anyone. When confronted over this she was very passive aggressive about it and I'm unsure how to proceed."


    seriously. . . . was there no other thread appealing to you on boards tonight.


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    #22
    Ed293
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11 ✭Ed293


    srsly78 wrote: »
    Just waiting for the inevitable thread: "A new girl moved into our shared house and she seems to have moved her friends into the spare room without even telling anyone. When confronted over this she was very passive aggressive about it and I'm unsure how to proceed."


    I was in no way passive aggressive about it. I stood up for myself and posted this thread for advice on my rights. The guests staying over isn't the issue as such. it is his intimidating and bullying behaviour that all my housemates witness is.


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    #23
    srsly78
    Registered Users Posts: 7,157 ✭✭✭srsly78


    No :(


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    #24
    Ed293
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11 ✭Ed293


    wirelessdude01 wrote: »
    Have any of you actually said it to him and also tit for tat doesn't work. Been in enough places to know that it only festers resentment.


    Yes he is aware of how we feel about his behaviour. I want to know what I can do next.


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    #25
    wirelessdude01
    Registered Users Posts: 8,423 ✭✭✭wirelessdude01


    Is the place let by the room or on a lease? Also how long has this guy been in the house?


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    #26
    my teapot is orange
    Registered Users Posts: 313 ✭✭my teapot is orange


    Next time he has one of his frequent visitors, tell him straight that you will not be heeding his little rule if it doesn't apply to him too.

    If he ever raises his voice to you, you tell him in the most calm, non-bothered voice you can manage that you're not in the mood for being shouted at, and walk away.


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    #27
    Ed293
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11 ✭Ed293


    Its a lease but I don't think any of the current house mates are actually on the lease. I haven't signed anything anyway. The other girl I live has been there for about nine months and is unhappy also, choosing to spend a lot of her time at her partners house.


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    #28
    wirelessdude01
    Registered Users Posts: 8,423 ✭✭✭wirelessdude01


    I would move out. Why bother with this crap when you can probably get a room in another place that is just as nice.


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    #29
    Ed293
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11 ✭Ed293


    I know it would be the best and easiest thing to do but then isn't that letting the bully win? I'm probably a bit too stubborn :)


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    #30
    Mr.Fred
    Registered Users Posts: 1,055 ✭✭✭Mr.Fred


    At the end of the day I assume he's been there a while. You're only in the door.

    If you contact your LL and start complaining about tennant that's been paying his rent and hasn't caused any issues before you arrived. The LL may well see the easiest solution is getting rid of you. Harsh but tbh LL don't really want to listen to complaints from their tennants.

    It would probably be easiest to move on life's short.


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    #31
    wirelessdude01
    Registered Users Posts: 8,423 ✭✭✭wirelessdude01


    Ed293 wrote: »
    I know it would be the best and easiest thing to do but then isn't that letting the bully win? I'm probably a bit too stubborn :)

    Life is too long to be fighting these battles but it sounds like you have made your decision so good luck with your battle.


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