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Intimidating housemate.

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    #32
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Jesus, that sounds spookily similar to my ex housemate, except he was well in his 40s. This isn't in cork city is it?

    We had that exact situation. Two girls in our 20s, older guy who'd been there for years. Unemployed, slept most of the time, smoked like a chimney, did a lot of drugs, and within a few weeks, started to get stroppy about guests. It culminated in his basically losing his mind when off his head on drugs one evening. We thought he was going to burn the house down with us in it. We'd said it to the landlord about his behaviour previously, but like you, our LL wa only interested in rent. We moved out the next morning and only went back for our stuff. The LL regretted his inaction when he couldn't shift the guy from the house through any means at all.

    My advice is MOVE OUT. He won't get better, he'll get worse. Find somewhere else with normal housemates - or better yet, get a place to yourself if you can afford it!


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    #33
    NewBeefFarmer
    Registered Users Posts: 544 ✭✭✭NewBeefFarmer


    Faith wrote: »
    Two girls in our 20s, older guy who'd been there for years. Unemployed, slept most of the time, smoked like a chimney, did a lot of drugs, and within a few weeks,


    why. .. why would you wait more than 1 week in this place :pac:


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    #34
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    NewBeefFarmer wrote: »
    why. .. why would you wait more than 1 week in this place :pac:

    He just seemed like a harmless hippy stoner until he lost it.


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    #35
    Ed293
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11 ✭Ed293


    Faith wrote: »
    Jesus, that sounds spookily similar to my ex housemate, except he was well in his 40s. This isn't in cork city is it?

    We had that exact situation. Two girls in our 20s, older guy who'd been there for years. Unemployed, slept most of the time, smoked like a chimney, did a lot of drugs, and within a few weeks, started to get stroppy about guests. It culminated in his basically losing his mind when off his head on drugs one evening. We thought he was going to burn the house down with us in it. We'd said it to the landlord about his behaviour previously, but like you, our LL wa only interested in rent. We moved out the next morning and only went back for our stuff. The LL regretted his inaction when he couldn't shift the guy from the house through any means at all.

    My advice is MOVE OUT. He won't get better, he'll get worse. Find somewhere else with normal housemates - or better yet, get a place to yourself if you can afford it!


    Ha that's gas, your guy sounds exactly like mine! Yeah probably better moving alright. It's just so frustrating!


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    #36
    cerastes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,601 ✭✭✭cerastes


    Need to have a balance between housemates, obviously people being intimidating isn't on

    Being new and having people over could seem like pushing it
    But also should be allowed to have some guests over at some time

    It depends on the circumstances, is this person on the lease and has permission to sublet or is it room by room basis but the tenants arrange it?

    There was a program on tv last night about housemates, E4 or more4 I think?

    People move in with other they dont suit to live with, without asking some questions of what others are like and are willing to accept or completely unwilling to tolerate.


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    #37
    Media999
    Registered Users Posts: 1,695 ✭✭✭Media999


    Why not just move in with people you know?

    Two girls living with a strange old fella is never gonna work out well.

    From his point of view he should have a family and his own house by now.


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    #38
    cerastes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,601 ✭✭✭cerastes


    Media999 wrote: »
    Why not just move in with people you know?

    Two girls living with a strange old fella is never gonna work out well.

    From his point of view he should have a family and his own house by now.

    Thats all ridiculous, no offence
    but moving in with people you know can have its own problems

    Two girls living with two older fellas wasnt it? why isnt that ever going to work out? its possible

    And the last bit is the worst, why should he have a family and his own home??

    Anyway, thats off topic but jeez


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    #39
    fasttalkerchat
    Registered Users Posts: 5,652 ✭✭✭fasttalkerchat


    No lease?

    Easy solution! Tell the owner why you need him out, in the meantime, run out the remainder of your time paid, deposit as last month. If its still not sorted by then, you're better off somewhere else.


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    #40
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,414 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    What is the arrangement? Are ye renting the property together? Renting separate rooms from the landlord? Does the landlord live on the premises?
    Ed293 wrote: »
    Plus why should I have ask permission to have guests over?
    Not permission, but it would be nice to let the housemates know not to call the Garda if a stranger comes out of the bathroom at 5am.
    Media999 wrote: »
    From his point of view he should have a family and his own house by now.
    How do you know what thinks?


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    #41
    mb30
    Registered Users Posts: 33 ✭mb30


    In fairness if you are living in a "shared" house you shouldnt really have your friends staying over for the weekend your renting a room in a shared house its not a self contained apartment.

    You should apologise to this guy shake his hand and tell him it wont happen again problem solved no more friction in the house. You were in the wrong in future show your housemates a bit more respect :D


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    #42
    Ed293
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11 ✭Ed293


    mb30 wrote: »
    In fairness if you are living in a "shared" house you shouldnt really have your friends staying over for the weekend your renting a room in a shared house its not a self contained apartment.

    You should apologise to this guy shake his hand and tell him it wont happen again problem solved no more friction in the house. You were in the wrong in future show your housemates a bit more respect :D


    I feel my point is being missed by a lot of people. I can accept that I probably should have mentioned something to him. However that doesn't give him the right to intimidate me to the point where I am frightened.
    I had mentioned to the other two what I was doing and they were both 100% fine about it, basically saying why did I even ask.
    Also he has a lot of anti social habits that I put up with that I disagree with e.g.. smoking and taking drugs in his room; promiscuous behaviour when he is already in a relationship; leaving washing up for days etc.
    I have learned to live with these because it is his business and would prefer to keep the peace. however he seems to have double standards.


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    #43
    wirelessdude01
    Registered Users Posts: 8,423 ✭✭✭wirelessdude01


    Ed293 wrote: »
    I feel my point is being missed by a lot of people. I can accept that I probably should have mentioned something to him. However that doesn't give him the right to intimidate me to the point where I am frightened.
    I had mentioned to the other two what I was doing and they were both 100% fine about it, basically saying why did I even ask.
    Also he has a lot of anti social habits that I put up with that I disagree with e.g.. smoking and taking drugs in his room; promiscuous behaviour when he is already in a relationship; leaving washing up for days etc.
    I have learned to live with these because it is his business and would prefer to keep the peace. however he seems to have double standards.

    This has nothing to do with you really.

    Just get out of there. That is the advice you have been given by the majority of us who responded.


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    #44
    cerastes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,601 ✭✭✭cerastes


    mb30 wrote: »
    In fairness if you are living in a "shared" house you shouldnt really have your friends staying over for the weekend your renting a room in a shared house its not a self contained apartment.

    You should apologise to this guy shake his hand and tell him it wont happen again problem solved no more friction in the house. You were in the wrong in future show your housemates a bit more respect :D

    I tend to agree with this, although the OP said the other person does this also.

    I think in a shared house, its not really on, the house is for the use of people that live there, if there arent spare rooms, where do guests stay? not like in a persons younger/student years, where its ok for someone to be sprawled out on the floor or kipping on the couch.

    I definitely think its not something that should happen without advance notice, and for someone that is only just in the door, I wouldnt think it looks to good for an established tenant to see.

    I dissagree with the OP that its not anyone elses business, shared house, agreed rules or problems, hence problems.


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    #45
    callaway92
    Registered Users Posts: 14,696 ✭✭✭✭callaway92


    Ed293 wrote: »
    I feel my point is being missed by a lot of people. I can accept that I probably should have mentioned something to him. However that doesn't give him the right to intimidate me to the point where I am frightened.
    I had mentioned to the other two what I was doing and they were both 100% fine about it, basically saying why did I even ask.
    Also he has a lot of anti social habits that I put up with that I disagree with e.g.. smoking and taking drugs in his room; promiscuous behaviour when he is already in a relationship; leaving washing up for days etc.
    I have learned to live with these because it is his business and would prefer to keep the peace. however he seems to have double standards.

    You SHOULD have mentioned something to him. Not probably. Like another poster said already, what if one of the guests came out of the bathroom at 5 a.m giving him a scare. Could've been a bad result right there.

    To be honest, and maybe it's just the sceptic in me but I feel we aren't getting the whole story here, or at least in the op's sake, getting her biased side of the story.

    I dunno why, I just feel that you could be increasingly annoying for your housemate and he finally reached boiling point with you. (Cornering you)

    I don't mean offense or anything, but it's just I'm taking what you're writing with a tiny pinch of salt is all.


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    #46
    cerastes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,601 ✭✭✭cerastes


    Ed293 wrote: »
    I feel my point is being missed by a lot of people. I can accept that I probably should have mentioned something to him. However that doesn't give him the right to intimidate me to the point where I am frightened.
    I had mentioned to the other two what I was doing and they were both 100% fine about it, basically saying why did I even ask.
    Also he has a lot of anti social habits that I put up with that I disagree with e.g.. smoking and taking drugs in his room; promiscuous behaviour when he is already in a relationship; leaving washing up for days etc.
    I have learned to live with these because it is his business and would prefer to keep the peace. however he seems to have double standards.


    Him having people in his room, Id suggest thats his own business, if they are in his room, they arent in anyone elses way, presumably not more than one person at a time, compared to a number of guests on the OPs part, I wouldnt really call that double standards. People practically residing and running up bills would be a different story. whether he is in a relationship and doing anything else, really isn't anyone elses business, Id recommend not saying anything about that, they might get more annoyed and Id consider with good reason.

    Id have established before moving in were dishes left for days or did people smoke in the house, easy enough to determine if you arent a smoker, smoke permeates a house where people do smoke.

    Id make a decision if you want to stay, it would probably be easier to find out what the rules are or if things can be improved rather than leaving but if people are of completely different opinions then parting company is the best thing.


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    #47
    the_syco
    Registered Users Posts: 37,301 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    Ed293 wrote: »
    Plus why should I have ask permission to have guests over?
    Because you don't own the house.

    I find the fact that you don't like when he has guests staying, yet you have no problem having your own guests over, to be be uncompromising.
    Ed293 wrote: »
    I had mentioned to the other two what I was doing and they were both 100% fine about it, basically saying why did I even ask.
    Did you ask the dude in question?
    Ed293 wrote: »
    promiscuous behaviour when he is already in a relationship
    Why do you think this?


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    #48
    my teapot is orange
    Registered Users Posts: 313 ✭✭my teapot is orange


    I don't like, and I don't think the OP should entertain, the idea that because the OP is new, they have to get permission to do things that others do automatically.

    Either it is OK to have people over in this house or it is not.
    Either permission is required or it is not.
    Same rules for everybody and the OP is entitled to interpret the "unwritten rules" based on what others do.
    I don't agree that it's ok for one person, but a new person doing it is "pushing it", like you have to earn your stripes or something. Same rent, same rights.


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    #49
    poundapunnet
    Registered Users Posts: 1,119 ✭✭✭poundapunnet


    cerastes wrote: »
    Thats all ridiculous, no offence
    but moving in with people you know can have its own problems

    Two girls living with two older fellas wasnt it? why isnt that ever going to work out? its possible

    And the last bit is the worst, why should he have a family and his own home??

    Anyway, thats off topic but jeez


    Not saying anyone should have a family and own a house by any age, but after years of house-sharing I'm never again going to share a house with anyone past their mid thirties still renting rooms in shared houses, I've done it several times and they've all been mental or horrible. Not that there aren't mental/horrible people in every age bracket but I've been burned too many times to give older house sharers the benefit of the doubt any more.

    (Actually in fairness though I've never lived in stupid expensive Dublin, maybe people have to go on house sharing for longer there)


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    #50
    my teapot is orange
    Registered Users Posts: 313 ✭✭my teapot is orange


    poundapunnet wrote: »
    Not saying anyone should have a family and own a house by any age, but after years of house-sharing I'm never again going to share a house with anyone past their mid thirties still renting rooms in shared houses, I've done it several times and they've all been mental or horrible. Not that there aren't mental/horrible people in every age bracket but I've been burned too many times to give older house sharers the benefit of the doubt any more.

    (Actually in fairness though I've never lived in stupid expensive Dublin, maybe people have to go on house sharing for longer there)

    This bit is true. There are a lot of Londoners on boards too and that is 10 times worse.

    On the age thing, I have had similar experiences.


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