How did you know you were ready or that you never would be?

blondie990

Hi all,

I thought this might be an interesting thread to start now that the Summer wedding season is over (my own wedding having taken place in August) and some newlyweds may now be thinking of their plans for the future and whether or not they include children.

My husband and I are at the stage where we think we probably do want a child. We talk about the hypothetical child often and we both seem comfortable with the idea but I don't think my husband is ready yet for a child. I won't go into grand detail about it but I just know he needs a couple of more years before we go down that road. Me, I think I'm prepared but I would like to wait a little while longer and do some more living, just the two of us, before introducing a child into the family.
For the moment we are both happy with this "plan", if you can call it that, and are satisfied with our lot in life. We have a lovely home, our 3 dogs, we are comfortable and enjoying the time just us.

But I have started wondering about how we will know when the time is right. Is it some amazing lightbulb moment? Is it a gradual thing?
Would anyone like to share their story?

And of course, there are plenty of people who do not want children and I wonder, when did you know that kids were not for you and has it caused you any difficulty in your relationship/marriage?

(Mods if this is not in the appropriate place, given the sometimes sensitive nature of the topics in here, please feel free to move).

barbiegirl

I just always knew that when I found the right guy, been with him long enough and was totally in love then the next step was a baby. When we started trying we were 33 and 32 that was 5 years ago and no baby. Don't assume it will all go to plan case as we found out sometimes it doesn't.

blondie990

Not assuming anything, just hoping.

Sorry for the hard time you've been through.

barbiegirl

I really do hope so too.

jennnn

I'm 27 and my partner is 29. We're going out just over a year and a half and are in a strange place because of my endometriosis. I'm on an urgent waiting list for surgery and have been told we'll be helped along to conceive once I heal. It seems waiting another few years won't be an option for me.
We'd both love to have children, but I don't feel ready just yet.
It's scary to have the decision taken out of your hands. :eek: We're gonna try and see how it goes. No point stressing over something that might never happen I suppose!

Hello Lady!

I'm 8 months pregnant with twins after IVF and I still can't say I am certain! Lol I still panic some days and think, oh my god, am I ready for this? Do I really want this? It's perfectly natural. There are very few people who are 100% certain all the time that they do/don't want kids.

Personally for me it was more a case of imagining my life in 20 years and no kids. I don't even have nieces/nephews. I was incredibly close to my mum and the big thing for me was imagining never experiencing that closeness again. In a way having kids is my way of once again having that wonderful relationship again, just from the other side. I know no one knows how life will turn out, and my kids might just HATE me, but human nature makes you believe that it will all be happy families!

I am not a 'baby' person, and not obviously to others a natural mother. But I reckon if I can do half as good a job as my mam I'll be grand and my kids will be well nurtured! I think sometimes people assume that you have to have a very definite desire to have babies and be a parent to be sure. But for me it was more a case that rather than be certain I want kids, I could only say I was NOT certain I didn't want them. I think that's true for many people.

Penny Dreadful

My husband and myself were very clear about wanting a baby very early on in our relationship.
After we got married we discussed trying straight away and decided to shelve it for 6 months just to be happy out with each other and our newly married status. That was great and lovely.
We both (foolishly) thought that as soon as I stopped taking the Pill I'd get pregnant straight away and it would be smooth plain sailing.
We've been trying for almost a year now and have just started down the medical investigation route. I had bloods drawn this morning and he is having a semen analysis done next week.

We have a lovely life, we're very happy and are really lucky with that and that we feel that way. A baby will really be the icing on the cake and its an icing we both really really want. We both know (possibly me more than him) that a baby will change things so much and free and easy "will we cook or go out for dinner" 5 minute decisions we can make now will be no more but we're happy with that.

I suppose in answer to the question how do you know you're ready? I'd say 1) you never really are actually ready for the impact a baby will make to your life but also 2) you know you're ready for it when you know you'd do anything in your power to have one as you can't imagine not.

bobskii

very well put Penny!

gemini_girl

I wanted a baby with my husband 2 months after we started going out with each other (we were only 21 & 22!). We started trying after 3 months together & had our first baby 6 years later aged 28! Sometimes life can throw all sorts at you & cant always be planned. We had another baby that took another 2 years to conceive & we are hoping to have a 3rd sometime in the next 5 years hopefully. I'm glad that we ended up having a few years of just the 2 of us but I wish we'd known that there would definately be a baby at some stage. Even after all that time i think you can never really prepare yourself for becoming a parent until you are one