6 year old is perfect at school, but not at home

eviltimeban

Not sure if I'm in the right place, a 6 year old isn't quite a "tween" I know, but nor is he a toddler!

Anyway my son is 6 and is a smart and bright boy. He does very well in school, has lots of friends, and is very kind and nice and polite and all his reports have always stated what a lovely little boy he is. We see him in school and he's generous and tolerant. He's creative and good at drawing and writing.

When he gets home though, he acts up a lot - he fights with his little brother (3), doesn't do what we tell him until we end up having to shout it, he talks smart back to us, and he makes a huge deal about things and often cries his eyes out if he doesn't get his way.

Now granted he's not like that 24/7 - a lot of the time he's grand. So is this him making up for the fact that he's really good in school, and his after school care? I ask him does he behave like this in those places and he says no. One time he even said "I save it up for when I'm home". !! The mind boggles.

Is it because his little brother is there? Often we might do things seperately and when you have him on his own he's a delight. But then he's often very loving with his brother, telling him stories or helping him wash his hands. We think he might also be bored at home, in the mornings and the evenings.

So should I go easier on him? I don't mind him messing or being funny or acting the mick, but its when he doesn't do what I say, it drives me bonkers.

Sleepy

Sounds like fairly classic attention seeking behaviour.

wolfpawnat

Sounds like every other boundary testing child tbh with you. My 4 yo is a bit of a nut too sometimes. I give one warning, before threatening to throw a toy in the bin. The thing is though, he knows I will follow through. I only had to do it once, and the toy was busted anyway, but the fear is there. What I am trying to say is, be consistent. When they push (and they all push) show there is only so far you will go. Kids are very good at testing us, we just need to keep the calm.


As I typed this, my guy went and pulled off the cushions off the couch :rolleyes:

CrazyRabbit

wolfpawnat wrote: »

Sounds like every other boundary testing child tbh with you. My 4 yo is a bit of a nut too sometimes. I give one warning, before threatening to throw a toy in the bin. The thing is though, he knows I will follow through. I only had to do it once, and the toy was busted anyway, but the fear is there. What I am trying to say is, be consistent. When they push (and they all push) show there is only so far you will go. Kids are very good at testing us, we just need to keep the calm.


As I typed this, my guy went and pulled off the cushions off the couch :rolleyes:

Throw those cushions in the bin. That'll teach him!! :P

You are completely right though. Set the boundaries, explain the consequences for breaking them, give a warning and then follow through with the stated consequences. Remain calm throughout, giving minimal attention to the child.

eviltimeban

Thanks for the advice. We got to spend some "quality" time together and it helped. Plus when we came home in the evening we got some games out and started playing straight away. And he was like a different person!

He's still a maggot a lot of the time though, but now that I know why he's doing it, I react to it better. So that was very helpful everyone. Thanks!

hallo dare

Our 4 year old can have his moments also. If he acts up he gets the step, More often than not he apologises and stops before he's sent to the step as we started a countdown from 5-1 before going to the step for 4 minutes. As soon as he hears you going 5..4.. he stops being bold and relaxes.

In time if he gets over the fear of the step we will remove a toy everytime he acts up.

Cruel, but it has to be done to keep control.

Grandadsbear

hallo dare wrote: »

started a countdown from 5-1 before going to the step for 4 minutes. As soon as he hears you going 5..4.. he stops being bold and relaxes.

Yes I use that too... only I count upwards to 5 and like that when I get to 3/4 ...things are usually relaxed!!!! :rolleyes:

Big Bag of Chips

eviltimeban wrote: »

One time he even said "I save it up for when I'm home". !! The mind boggles.

If you think about it though, its fairly natural, and what we as adults often do! He is comfortable at home, and comfortable enough to drop his guard and have a bit of a mood or a tantrum.

Our youngest can push things a bit. I remember one time asking him if he was bold like that in playschool. He was shocked that I'd even ask the question and said "Of course not!"

If they can't get moody and have the odd fight at home with their siblings where can they do it! I'd prefer mine to argue amongst each other, and figure it out between themselves, rather than go into school and do the same thing with classmates. Other parents mightn't be so happy with my lads using their kids to "find themselves"!

If things start getting too heated, we defuse it (often times with threats of toys in the bin, too!) But in general we leave them to it, and it blows over in a couple of minutes.

clairefontaine

They spend the day with no control over their environment. At home they feel safe, so it's no wonder all the frustrations of the day come out at home.

I find sitting down and having a good listen, even taking a pen and paper, to write down and take very seriously what is the problem, diffuses things very quickly, and then get through to the understanding.

Like most humans, they want to be heard.

eviltimeban

He's happy when he's occupied. So I've made more things available to him, things that are "just his" and he's a lot more controlled now, less moody. He does have his moments still, but they don't last as long as before.

Looking back things weren't as bad as the first post suggested; I guess as parents you go up and down yourselves, and you focus on certain things and they seem terrible, and at other times you don't even notice.

Its a hard job with no training - but we all get there, don't we?

anncoates

Sounds like my eldest lad (5) down to a tee and he even has a little brother aged 3 too. He gets glowing reports in school and generally behaves very well outside the house.

My feeling is that he feels comfortable enough to test the boundaries at home so while we never let him away with it, we tend not to worry too much about it.

BoardsMember

It's really important to re-enforce good behaviour. When he's being good, take him out for a hot chocolate and talk to him. Tell him how good he is. Put aside special time for him, allow him stay up a little later than the smaller one. He's doing great in school and he gets praise for that, make sure he gets as much praise at home. Ignore the bad behaviour that you can, and talk about rewards for good behaviour. Agree to buy him a comic at the end of the week if he's good. Remind him of it. When going to bed remind him how good he's been.

eviltimeban

BoardsMember wrote: »

It's really important to re-enforce good behaviour. When he's being good, take him out for a hot chocolate and talk to him. Tell him how good he is. Put aside special time for him, allow him stay up a little later than the smaller one. He's doing great in school and he gets praise for that, make sure he gets as much praise at home. Ignore the bad behaviour that you can, and talk about rewards for good behaviour. Agree to buy him a comic at the end of the week if he's good. Remind him of it. When going to bed remind him how good he's been.

Thanks. Yeah its all cool now.

Mods, we can probably close this one. Thanks for the advice folks.