"Man Up" campaign by SafeIreland

iptba

(December 29 article

Men Aren’t Victims (Because Women Say So)
By Chris Good
http://thoughtcatalog.com/chris-good/2014/12/men-arent-victims-just-one-of-feminisms-lies/

Male domestic violence victims tells his story. He mentions how he told people, when he had a blood injury, that random guys had hit him rather than his partner. Talks about the tendency for people to side with his female partner.

iptba

Good to see. NSW=New South Wales in Australia. Anyone ever see anything similar in Ireland?

http://imgur.com/xFrnsrZ

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DoYouEvenLift

iptba wrote: »

Good to see. NSW=New South Wales in Australia. Anyone ever see anything similar in Ireland?

http://imgur.com/xFrnsrZ

[Unfortunately this won't come up as an image embedded in the message]

Awesome!

iptba

This isn't about violence. I'm not sure what qualifies as emotional abuse these days so this might not fit with that either but I wasn't sure which other thread to post it to.

It's about nagging. Not nagging to get somebody to do something but nagging/lecturing when somebody does something one is not happy with.

The writer reflects on how she has sometimes talked to her husband and why she thinks it was unfair and how she vows to change.

I Wasn't Treating My Husband Fairly, And It Wasn't Fair

December 28, 2014

It's never easy to admit you have a problem, or that you were wrong. This woman had a recent "revelation" and decided to write it all down in hopes that it might help other marriages. This is what she wrote...

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/blog.php?blogid=610%2FI-Wasn-t-Treating-My-Husband-Fairly-And-It-Wasn-t-Fair#4sFbtu8eb99KJeWo.99

iptba

Here's a case where a woman who committed domestic violence on a man has received a long sentence, initially 8 years but it has now been increased to 12 years.

That may seem long but as the report said:

The Court of Appeal heard how it was a “miracle” that Gemma Hollings, from Darwen, had not killed Paul Kirkpatrick in the “relentless” attack on him.

RELENTLESS: Darwen woman grabbed boyfriend's testicles and hit him over head with bottle of Ouzo
http://www.lancashiretelegraph.co.uk/news/11733093.RELENTLESS__Darwen_woman_grabbed_boyfriend_s_testicles_and_hit_him_over_head_with_bottle_of_Ouzo/

Speaking after the hearing, a solicitor specialising in domestic violence cases said she hoped the increase would said a message out to victims that abuse was now being taken seriously.

Also

Rachel Horman, a solicitor specialising in domestic violence, at East Lancashire based Watson Ramsbottom, said: “The increase sends out a good message to victims, both male and female, that domestic violence is being taken seriously.

“For too long, the sentences have not reflected the severity of the offences.”

“This increase is great news and Hopefully it will set a precedent for future cases.”

Mark Brooks, chairman of the ManKind Initiative, which supports male victims of domestic abuse, said he had been made aware that Mr Kirkpatrick had requested for the sentence to be looked at again.

He said: “It gives a clear message that domestic abuse is wrong, no matter who carries out the crime, and that male victims must be viewed and treated equally to female victims.”

LostinBlanch

And just to prove that the last one is the exception rather than the rule, here is one where a woman got probation after trying to cut her husbands penis off with a pair of scissors.

Her husband blames the legal system for the delay in bringing the case to trial, the attack happened in 2011.

He spoke publicly Friday for the first time about what happened to him at the hands of his then-estranged wife.

"I am here in front of you today to emphasize that male spouses can also be victims of domestic violence, but in some cases, men are afraid to talk for fear of ridicule or for fear of being labeled as some sort of freak or a wimp," he said.

Attorney Gloria Allred, best known for handling high-profile cases involving women, represented Valdez.

"This is what was used on his penis," Allred said, while holding heavy-duty scissors. "There was a lot of blood coming out of his penis as a result of her attack on him."

Virginia Valdez did not want to speak with reporters outside the Palm Springs courthouse following her sentencing.

Allred says her client is the victim of a double standard when it comes to domestic violence.

"He feels that if he had been a woman victim of domestic violence that the case would not have been permitted to be delayed for so long and that the punishment for Virginia would have been harsher," she said.

iptba

iptba wrote: »

Good to see. NSW=New South Wales in Australia. Anyone ever see anything similar in Ireland?

http://imgur.com/xFrnsrZ

[Unfortunately this won't come up as an image embedded in the message]

This relatively benign image was attacked:

It’s a pretty straightforward post from the NSW Police Force. It is devoid of any political agenda, except to perhaps alleviate some of the stigma that male victims of violence may feel when reporting abuse to authorities. You would assume that no person who is interested in gender equality would be offended by such a post from a law enforcement agency. You would assume wrong. Jenna Price, Fairfax columnist, was offended, calling the Facebook post “deliberately misleading”, “offensive” and “flippant”. The title of the piece went so far as to accuse the NSW Police of “failing victims of violence”.

https://clairelehmann.wordpress.com/2015/01/23/fairfaxs-campaign-against-men-and-factual-reporting/

DoYouEvenLift

iptba wrote: »

This relatively benign image was attacked:


https://clairelehmann.wordpress.com/2015/01/23/fairfaxs-campaign-against-men-and-factual-reporting/

Lol

MODSnip

ancapailldorcha

DoYouEvenLift, please reread the charter before posting here again. Your latest post falls below the standard of the forum.

DoYouEvenLift

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

DoYouEvenLift, please reread the charter before posting here again. Your latest post falls below the standard of the forum.

All I did was put a face to the article's author, what's the harm in that?

tritium

iptba wrote: »

This relatively benign image was attacked:


https://clairelehmann.wordpress.com/2015/01/23/fairfaxs-campaign-against-men-and-factual-reporting/

It reminds me of the representative of one prominent Irish women's group who, when confronted with the statistics on female on male domestic violence claimed (with a straight face) that this was actually men being beaten up by other men. Either math wasn't her strongest subject or she believed homosexuality and psychopathic tendencies went hand in hand.

ancapailldorcha

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

All I did was put a face to the article's author, what's the harm in that?

Don't question mod decisions on thread. If you'd like to discuss this, please take it up via PM.

iptba

Interesting experiment, I thought.

http://imgur.com/zJ5dGov

I'm posting these all over my school today,

Updates will come later in the day

If you want to make your own version to post around: http://i.imgur.com/SBj6r2u.png

Sources: http://www.saveservices.org/2012/02/cdc-study-more-men-than-women-victims-of-partner-abuse/

UPDATE 1 - 9:20AM;

I posted the first poster next to a mural that said "1/4 women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime." I heard some people talk about how men need to "stop making things about themselves" or how "whoever posted it was a whiny pissbaby." However, it hasn't been torn down (yet) so I'm going to start put up the other posters soon as well.

UPDATE 2- 10:05AM;

Formal approval for the poster is required to post more than one. We're taking the posters for approval, but the person in charge of approval is female, so we'll record the reaction to the posters, and if it's interesting share it here in the form of an update.

UPDATE 3- approved with little opposition easier than I thought.

UPDATE 4- 2:30 PM:

2 posters were torn down, not sure why for one, but for the other I know who did it. Apparently a friend saw some white girl with blue dyed hair rip it off the wall saying something like "****ing misogynistic piece of ****" or something, before tearing it off the wall. I fail to see what's so misogynistic about the posters, but I guess feminists can find misogyny everywhere.

It was in one of the most heavily trafficked part of the school, next to the "1/4 women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime" mural. I'm posting up a replacement poster tommorow.

Day 1 Summary: Better than expected. Several people said they saw me putting up the posters and really liked them. I heard some people say things like "I really like that poster" and even a "finally someone talks about it." It seemed like many men, especially black or hispanic men, seemed to like to poster.

There was some bad stuff as well, however. Of the 8 posters I put up, two are already ripped down. I heard some "men need to stop making it about themselves," some "that's such bull****" and even a few "o no the poor menz." However, overall today was a success! I'm considering starting a men's rights seminar at the school depending on how the rest of the week goes.

http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/2vevs0/poster_at_my_school_live_updates/

I think a poster that only highlights domestic victims of one gender should be more controversial/more objectionable than one that highlights that both genders can suffer domestic violence.

tritium

iptba wrote: »

Interesting experiment, I thought.



I think a poster that only highlights domestic victims of one gender should be more controversial/more objectionable than one that highlights that both genders can suffer domestic violence.

Interesting experiment alright. I do love the irony of comments like "men need to stop making it about themselves" in relation to a poster that tries to move the focus of domestic violence away from "all about women".

iptba

Resources for battered men around the world:
http://www.batteredmen.com/bathelpnatl.htm

LostinBlanch

A Columbia University professor who teaches NYPD and FDNY anti domestic abuse program is arrested for domestic abuse.

Joann Baney, 54, of Columbia University, was charged with misdemeanor assault. Baney was accused of slugging Walter Frey, 46, while he slept inside her Upper West Side apartment about 10:45 p.m., court records show.

“I hit him because he cheated on me,” Baney told a cop who responded to the Saturday night assault, the court documents show.

Frey suffered cuts to his left ear and the right side of his neck.

The 5-foot, 125-pound Baney was taken into custody without incident at the luxury West End Avenue building, police said.

Baney is a staunch defender of women's rights and an outspoken critic against domestic violence.

I wonder should she be told to "man up"?

Lemming

LostinBlanch wrote: »

A Columbia University professor who teaches NYPD and FDNY anti domestic abuse program is arrested for domestic abuse.



I wonder should she be told to "man up"?

What I found interesting was not so much the article but the comments below it. More than a few women all chiming in with "who cares" or "she shouldn't be sentenced because it wasn't serious", etc. etc. etc. But if the shoe was on the other foot now ...

LostinBlanch

Well it's either that, or anyone that points out the hypocrisy is accused of derailing. Those that make such complaints can't argue with the facts so try and shut down any debate.

py2006

tritium wrote: »

Interesting experiment alright. I do love the irony of comments like "men need to stop making it about themselves" in relation to a poster that tries to move the focus of domestic violence away from "all about women".

Yea that part really stood out for me.

iptba

Feb 24 article by Jasmin, a (female) therapist who focuses on men:

The Misnomer of Family Violence
http://relatingtomen.com/blog/the-misnomer-of-family-violence/

She discusses her dissatisfaction with how the topic of male victims of Domestic Violence was treated on an Australian TV show on the topic of domestic violence and includes a short clip from it.

iptba

(Feb 26 article)

First shelter for Belgium's abused men

Starting in March men who are victims of extreme domestic violence will be able to seek refuge in the country's first shelter dedicated solely to male victims of abuse. Women's shelters have existed in Belgium for many years, but the shelter to open in Mechelen is the first of its kind.

http://deredactie.be/cm/vrtnieuws.english/News/1.2251703

Good to see.

iptba

(From the Daily Telegraph, February 26)

‘I’m a big, strapping bloke. Who would believe I was a victim of domestic abuse?’

Male victims of domestic abuse are 'less visible and given less priority', according to a new report. Two survivors tell Theo Merz why this needs to change

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/thinking-man/11435244/Im-a-big-strapping-bloke.-Who-would-believe-I-was-a-victim-of-domestic-abuse.html

GAAman

Lemming wrote: »

What I found interesting was not so much the article but the comments below it. More than a few women all chiming in with "who cares" or "she shouldn't be sentenced because it wasn't serious", etc. etc. etc. But if the shoe was on the other foot now ...

Also interesting that

The 5-foot, 125-pound Baney

was mentioned.

And by interesting I mean transparently obvious.

iptba

(March 2 Canadian newspaper article)

Domestic violence against men ignored
http://www.torontosun.com/2015/03/02/domestic-violence-against-men-ignored

Trottier says, “There are systems we can put in place to encourage men to report. When men come to the hospital with bruises, the hospital doesn’t ask whether those bruises are the result of domestic violence, but it’s standard practice to ask a woman who comes into an emergency room, whether she has bruises or not, whether she is a victim of domestic violence.

“There have been a couple of test cases; hospitals that have started asking both men and women whether they are victims, and they find that a surprisingly high percentage of men are coming in for that reason.”

Trottier recommends gender neutral policies at hospitals.

If this is the case in Ireland, it seems a reasonable suggestion for here too.

iptba

(Irish Times, March 9)

The phenomenon is largely hidden but at a conference two years ago, Declan Coogan, a lecturer at NUI Galway, who gave the example of the 14-year-old, said some research has suggested that violence by adolescents towards parents could occur in as many as 18 per cent of two-parent households and 29 per cent of one-parent households.

Statistics based on calls to the Parentline helpline show that of the aggressive teens complained of in 2013, 41 per cent were girls and 59 per cent were boys.

http://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/that-s-men-violence-towards-parents-is-too-big-a-problem-to-solve-alone-1.2126133

Another example that the percentage of female perpetrators of domestic violence isn't hugely lower than the percentage of male perpetrators.

(Despite this, it got the heading: "That’s Men: Violence towards parents is too big a problem to solve alone")

iptba

US study: Male Victims of Domestic Violence who call police are more likely to be arrested themselves than their female partner being arrested (See table 4 of this paper)

Full text available free at: http://wordpress.clarku.edu/dhines/files/2012/01/Douglas-Hines-2011-helpseeking-experiences-of-male-victims.pdf

The Helpseeking Experiences of Men Who Sustain Intimate Partner Violence: An Overlooked Population and Implications for Practice

J Fam Violence. 2011 Aug; 26(6): 473–485.

Emily M. Douglas and Denise A. Hines

Abstract

For over 30 years, research has shown that men can and do sustain intimate partner violence (IPV) from their female partners.

This is the first large-scale, nationally-based, quantitative study to systematically detail the helpseeking experiences of men who have sustained IPV from their female partners.

The sample is composed of 302 men who were recruited from resources specializing in men’s issues.

Results indicate that men who seek help for IPV victimization have the most positive experiences in seeking help from family/friends, and mental health and medical providers.

They have the least positive experiences with members of the DV service system.

Cumulative positive helpseeking experiences were associated with lower levels of abusing alcohol; cumulative negative experiences were associated with higher rates of exceeding a clinical cut-off for post-traumatic stress disorder.

Results are discussed in terms of implications for the social service sector and for future research.

Keywords: Intimate partner violence, Helpseeking, Men, Domestic violence services, Male victims

iptba

(March 25 article)

Wednesday 25 March 2015

What I've learnt from speaking to male victims of domestic abuse every day

Men might make up the minority of domestic abuse victims, but they need our help too

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/what-ive-learnt-from-speaking-to-male-victims-of-domestic-abuse-10133517.html

An interesting view:

Many men also think that support services are only available to women, which is not true. The Men’s Advice Line has an ever-expanding directory of services for male victims across the country. These aren't enough on their own, but the idea among men that there is no help for them (because "women get everything") only helps to further isolates them.

Along with the patchy provision of domestic violence services for men, these barriers end up aggravating many male victims, and often leads to them making harmful choices. They might respond to their partner’s violence with violence of their own, attempt suicide, or start abusing drugs and/or alcohol.

If true, this could mean that the lack of support for male victims by most of the domestic violence system could lead to more domestic violence something the system is supposed to be trying to prevent. Another reason to have better services for male victims.

iptba

A report ignoring men who are victims of domestic violence is being launched today in Ireland:

nThe Lawlessness of the Home: Women’s Experience of Seeking Legal Remedies to Domestic Violence and Abuse in the Irish Legal System will be launched today by
Minister for Justice and Equality Frances Fitzgerald.

Article in Irish Times:
Domestic violence cases are being failed by the Irish legal system
Women and children caught in lives of abuse merit a protective criminal process

http://www.irishtimes.com/opinion/domestic-violence-cases-are-being-failed-by-the-irish-legal-system-1.2157658

gizmo555

This is another example of how domestic violence against men is treated in the press as, if not "funny ha ha", at least "funny peculiar"

This case concerns an Ohio woman who stabbed her boyfriend because he ate her food. It's reported in the Indo as a "Funny Old World" kind of story and because, it would seem, women attacking their male domestic partners is still seen by that paper as Lorena Bobbitt-style novelty news category.

I don't believe the Indo would have considered publishing this story about a run-of-the-mill US domestic violence case if the genders were reversed.

http://www.independent.ie/world-news/americas/woman-stabs-boyfriend-after-he-ate-all-her-salsa-dip-31107874.html

iptba

(launched earlier in the month by an Australian group)

ONE IN THREE LAUNCHES RESPECTFUL RELATIONSHIP POSTER SERIES FOR YOUNG MALES

The One in Three Campaign, the sole national advocacy organisation for male victims of family violence, has produced a new series of six free digital poster designs aimed at educating boys and young men about respectful and healthy relationships. Covering issues such as sexual abuse/unwanted sex, social abuse/isolation and physical and emotional abuse, the posters aim to encourage young males not to accept unhealthy or abusive behaviours in their relationships.

One new poster will be released every day, starting Thursday May 7th. Please share on social media with hashtag #respect4boys.

http://www.oneinthree.com.au/storage/posters/rr/1IN3_RR_Poster_1.jpg

http://www.oneinthree.com.au/storage/posters/rr/1IN3_RR_Poster_2.jpg

4 more posters at:
http://www.oneinthree.com.au/rrposter1/