Wednesday 'Uns

MonkieSocks

During his physical examination, a doctor asked a man about his physical
activity level.

He described a typical day this way:

"Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7km through some pretty rough terrain.

I waded along the edge of a lake.

I pushed my way through brambles.

I got sand in my shoes and my eyes.

I avoided standing on a snake.

I climbed several rocky hills.

I took a few 'leaks' behind some big trees.

The mental stress of it all left me shattered.

At the end of it all I drank eight beers"

Inspired by the story, the doctor said,

"You must be one hell of an outdoors man!"

"No," he replied,



"I'm just a sh1t golfer".


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A defendant was on trial for murder.

There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found.

In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch.

"Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!"

He looked toward the courtroom door.

The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked, eagerly.

A minute passed. Nothing happened.

Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement.

But you all looked on with anticipation.

I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

With that, the jury retired to deliberate.

But after only a few minutes, they came back and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

"But how?" the lawyer asked. "You must have had some doubt. I saw all of you stare at the door."

"Oh, yes," the jury foreman replied.




"We all looked - but your client didn't!"

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I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.

The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

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Yorkshireman takes his cat to the vet.

Yorkshireman: "ayeup, lad, I need to talk to thee aboot me cat".

Vet: "Is it a tom?"

Yorkshireman: "Nay lad, I've browt it with us".