Child maintenance

Zonn

Please help, I have searched the internet and found no help. I have a 3 year old child with a woman I used to see. I was physically abused several times until I could not stay. After moving I started sending her money via bank transfer until she closed the account and refused to take the money I was offering to help with the child. She insisted she did not want anything to do with me or my money and She managed to make sure I could not find her and the child for a while until today, she called telling me where she is and asking me to renounce parental rights. It is not an option. I would rather support my son financially even though at the age of three he Says, "God told me to say you are not my dad" (so dramatised, my son sounds so trained and well coached to hate my second name yet so much in love with the name I gave him such that at the age of three he recites his and completes by saying "I am not xxxxxxx referring to my surname which is on the birth cert) Part of the call was to tell me that I must renounce my parental rights so His surname can be changed to something else and displaying maintenance as the worst thing I could ever choose. I did not at anytime choose not to be a father to my son, my crime is running for my life. If I had stayed I could be paralysed now or even dead considering the kind of physical abuse I got and the mountains of apologies. I need to know, Can I apply to pay maintenance (i do not want to do an informal arrangement because I cannot trust the mother involved) or is it only processed if the mother makes an application? If I can, how best can I go about it. I may not get custody rights but i am not interested supporting the idea that has be coaches to a three year old boy by agreeing to renounce my parental rights. If I can at least give financial support to my son even though he is not going to be allowed to see me, I am not going to deny my son because of any pressure. I cannot afford a solicitor bit I will do what I can to support my child.

Bepolite

Put the money aside each month into a separate account. Under no circumstances give cash. I applaud you for wanting to support you child but I'm confused by why you would not look to take custody of the child if your ex partner is abusive.

While you might not be able to afford a solicitor there are options available. www.flac.ie is one such organisation, I would suggest making contact with them.

Zonn

Bepolite wrote: »

Put the money aside each month into a separate account. Under no circumstances give cash. I applaud you for wanting to support you child but I'm confused by why you would not look to take custody of the child if your ex partner is abusive.

Just to Clarify, she was only physically abusive to me in the presence of the child. I have not seen her being abusive to the child. If permitted in anyway I would be very happy to spend sometime with my son.

Bepolite

Zonn wrote: »

Just to Clarify, she was only physically abusive to me in the presence of the child. I have not seen her being abusive to the child. If permitted in anyway I would be very happy to spend sometime with my son.

She's clearly a nut bag given I take you at your word that she is manipulating the child against you. Get on to FLAC and post in the parenting forum for a bit more informed advice on how to deal with this situation.

Pro Hoc Vice

Zonn wrote: »

Please help, I have searched the internet and found no help. I have a 3 year old child with a woman I used to see. I was physically abused several times until I could not stay. After moving I started sending her money via bank transfer until she closed the account and refused to take the money I was offering to help with the child. She insisted she did not want anything to do with me or my money and She managed to make sure I could not find her and the child for a while until today, she called telling me where she is and asking me to renounce parental rights. It is not an option. I would rather support my son financially even though at the age of three he Says, "God told me to say you are not my dad" (so dramatised, my son sounds so trained and well coached to hate my second name yet so much in love with the name I gave him such that at the age of three he recites his and completes by saying "I am not xxxxxxx referring to my surname which is on the birth cert) Part of the call was to tell me that I must renounce my parental rights so His surname can be changed to something else and displaying maintenance as the worst thing I could ever choose. I did not at anytime choose not to be a father to my son, my crime is running for my life. If I had stayed I could be paralysed now or even dead considering the kind of physical abuse I got and the mountains of apologies. I need to know, Can I apply to pay maintenance (i do not want to do an informal arrangement because I cannot trust the mother involved) or is it only processed if the mother makes an application? If I can, how best can I go about it. I may not get custody rights but i am not interested supporting the idea that has be coaches to a three year old boy by agreeing to renounce my parental rights. If I can at least give financial support to my son even though he is not going to be allowed to see me, I am not going to deny my son because of any pressure. I cannot afford a solicitor bit I will do what I can to support my child.

If you can not afford a solicitor one can be provided under the Family Law Legal Aid Scheme, check online for your nearest office. It will need an application and a wait of about a year.

In relation to you wanting to pay maintance, as advised do up a income and expenditure and decide based on that to pay a set amount into a bank account for the child.

In relation to you renouncing parental rights, not sure if you can do that or more importantly forced to take your name off birthcert. LAB can advise on this matter as well.