How do you make people care?

Tranceypoo

I recently posted in the rehoming thread about the situation with my in-laws dog
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055626371&page=105

I don't know why I'm posting again, frustration, despair, anger, I just can't seem to get through to them, how do you get through to someone (mother in law), who, when I say 'I'm cleaning his shed out again because it's full of his poo', says 'ah it's fine sure he sleeps in there anyway' - like he has a choice. As I mentioned in my previous thread my husband is working full time driving plus he has a few cows calving at the moment so is up to his eyes, I've just taken on a 2nd part time job myself, neither of us have time to be cleaning out the poor dogs shed, not to mention the ongoing lack of water situation. I suppose because i had to go over there today and ended up cleaning out the shed again because it was full of sh!t that it's brought this situation to the fore again, I mean how can you sleep at night knowing your dog is sleeping in his own shi!t?!

I suppose I just wondered if anyone has any advice for dealing with this, I'm going to talk to my sister in law because she is the one who should take responsiblity for doing this (please read original thread for the 'set up'), but I'm so emotionally involved it's hard to be diplomatic and keep my cool, I just phoned my husband ranting and raving and telling him he needs to talk to her but he said I need to talk to her because she doesn't listen to him, he has told her numerous times to keep on top of cleaning out the shed and make sure the dog has fresh water. I have talked to her before but she seems to take it quite lightly and almost laughs it off, what is my best approach in this? I don't want to fall out with them (purely for my husbands sake really I was never really close to them), plus my sil is my boss at one of my part time jobs in the local school, just to make it more stressful.

Thanks for reading, maybe I just wanted to get this out because I'm home alone and have gone from fuming anger to tears, plus I've got a sh!tty head cold and feel hideous.
TP

Toulouse

Start actively trying to rehome him, it may be a long road but he's not getting any younger. If there's anything I've learned from rescue it's that you can't make people care. If you leave them to it that dog will sit in his own sh1t until the day he dies and none of them will care.

Personally I'd report them for neglect but I know when it's familiy it's not to easy.

maggiepip

Thats a disgraceful way to treat a dog. You said in the rehoming thread post that you think they would be glad to get rid of the dog but there would be no point trying rescues as they are bursting at the seams. You should try ringing as many good rescues as you can find with the story of the dogs life. They might put the dog on a waiting list or help get him foster care at least. If he is limping (as per your rehoming thread) and they are not getting him to a vet not providing vet care when needed is an offence. Short of reporting them Im not sure what else you can do as they dont appear to be taking any heed.

sillysmiles

You have said that your husband has talked to them and you have talked to them, but have you ever both sat them down and talked to them together about this, with each other as support. Maybe that might stimulate something to change. As the "in-law" there is only so much you can do, but there together there is probably an extra step that you can push? Worth a try?

Tranceypoo

Thank you everyone.

I have thought about reporting them and to be honest I would have no qualms in telling them, the thing is I think all that would be done is that they would be told 'this is the proper way to keep your dog' and we've already told them that to no heed, or they'll take him off them, which would suit them fine but I'm concerned about him being in kennels, he doesn't like other dogs in general (although he lived with their other dog until she got killed on the road, I won't even go there :mad:), which is one of the reasons I have concerns about contacting a rescue, I actually volunteer with a local rescue so I know the situation first hand, they are full with a waiting list and desperate for foster homes, the only place he could go is into kennels and I just don't think that would be good for him.

I hadn't thought of us both talking to them though, I think that is a good idea and I will talk to himself about that, it's just finding the time for him with not enough hours in the day at the moment.

Thank you for your comments, to be honest I was starting to think 'jesus am I going mad, how can they not see this, am I over-reacting' although I know I'm not, it's just good to hear others thoughts, I haven't ruled out reporting them at this stage to be honest, maybe if they just got a good talking to, especially if a big 'SPCA' van pulls up outside the house!

baby and crumble

In all honesty op I'd report them. Yes they'll probably get a warning at first but there should be a follow up call out after some time to (literally) clean up their act. Having the wind put up them about a possible criminal record might get them to toe the line.

aonb

What a nightmare situation for you, someone who cares about animals, to have to look at.
There are people who just dont have any feelings whatsoever for animals. Its like they are born without an empathy gene or something. People like this just dont 'get' what your problem is.

Do you think that if both you and your husband went to them, sat them down, and tried to explain to them how much it UPSETS you (and him?) to see the CRUELTY they are inflicting on this dog - hitting them between the eyes with the language and emotions - that it would have any effect? You could tell them you will report them if things done improve??

(Many years ago I had a situation like this - dog tied to a barrel at a gate, to keep the sheep in - b*stard farmer would feed/water the dog only now and then - never let it off the chain, ever. Took me months of trying to reason with him, dog deteriorating daily. In the end I gave up - knew I was talking to a brick wall - started feeding the dog daily for about 6 weeks til it trusted me - cut the chain and took him home. We had him put to sleep, age 17, a few weeks ago, but he had 15 happy years with us in the meantime)

Tea Tree

it's surprisingly and sadly common to see supposed pets treated as livestock like that (or worse). I had a similar situation recently. I offered and wanted to take him but they said no. Some sense eventually prevailed and the dog was eventually given to the Warden and to a pound which was thankfully progressive and I was able to see online that he was adopted a short time later.

I've had that "sh1t in the shed" conversation :rolleyes:

DBB

aonb wrote: »

Do you think that if both you and your husband went to them, sat them down, and tried to explain to them how much it UPSETS you (and him?) to see the CRUELTY they are inflicting on this dog - hitting them between the eyes with the language and emotions - that it would have any effect?

I've been brooding about your post all day Tranceypoo, and I keep coming back to the same answer, what I would do if I were in your shoes. And that is precisely what aonb has said here!
I think it's vital, just vital that you and your OH go at them together, united, and do not hold back on telling them why this is so wrong... But do it calmly and with your facts well thought out. Make clear boundaries as to what they must do, by what date.
Write out a checklist of things that must be done daily, if need be.
I don't envy you, but like yourself I would not be able to stand by and do nothing here.
Good luck!

Tranceypoo

I have decided that we will both talk to them however until we get a chance to do that I am going to go over every day and make sure he has the basics of a clean shed fresh water and food (as opposed to slops) and take him for a walk as well, Im going to get the vet out to him next week to check his back legs arent causing him pain. So in short Im taking over his care for the foreseeable future I should have done this a long time ago and not made excuses for them.

aonb

Tranceypoo wrote: »

I have decided that we will both talk to them however until we get a chance to do that I am going to go over every day and make sure he has the basics of a clean shed fresh water and food (as opposed to slops) and take him for a walk as well, Im going to get the vet out to him next week to check his back legs arent causing him pain. So in short Im taking over his care for the foreseeable future I should have done this a long time ago and not made excuses for them.

you know, by doing all that, you might SHAME them into realizing that they are mistreating their dog? On the other hand if they could treat him like that, they probably will think you are a pain in the bum showing them up?! In either case, its great that you can make the poor dog more comfortable, and if nothing else it will make you feel better knowing that someone is taking care of the dog, rather than getting upset waiting for them to do it, when you know in your heart they dont give a hoot.
Sounds like you have a very busy life, but you know that the time it takes you every day, will be time that you will feel very good about yourself, making this big effort for the dog. Hats off to you for caring enough. xx

Inexile

I would also bring copies of report, with photos, where dogs have been removed by the ISPCA from owners. While this situation may not be as bad as some of them it sounds like it could be if it wasn't for you.

Basically use the reports and photos to shame them - a photo paints a thousand words and all that.