My wife is dying

HeidiHeidi

654 including mine now. Like others, I don't really know what to say, except that your honesty and bravery in starting the thread in the first place really struck me.

I've followed the thread, and was really hoping that you'd have had better news - but as others have said, please know that even though we don't personally know you, we're thinking of you both, and rooting for you.

Wishing you both the best in the coming days/months.

banie01

O.P, my thoughts are with you and your wife at this trying time.
People will say prepare for the worst and hope for the best, and its good advice.
Get as much support for yourself and your wife as you can, if it means moving home...
Do it.
I was widowed myself 7yrs ago this April, Young(27) and suddenly.
I will be brutally honest here and say that although I consider myself a very strong and motivated person, able to cope with the worst life threw at me.
After being widowed, if it wasn't for the support offered and given by my family and friends(and all too often still given) I probably would have died myself.
My support network saved my life, being away from home, away from those you know you can rely on and receiving news such as yours is a traumatic and terrifying experience.
Its hard to realise that as a supposedly strong and independent man, who is supposed to be able to protect my loved ones and keep them from harm....
That fate can blindside and emasculate you.
That it can take the person you love from you in a flash and leave you to pick up the pieces.

Their is plenty of support out there, and as can be seen from the thankfully thoughtful, measured and supportive responses you have gotten here in AH...
People want to, and will help if you let them.
A hard life lesson for me was in learning how lonely grief can be, you push away those around you, those who want to help... to wallow!
I spent a long long time angry at the world for taking my Kate, for robbing us of our happy ever after and leaving me(Us) without her...
Now, I still have days where I want to burn the world(i won't lie) but I've learnt that its better to appreciate the time we shared, the memories we built and be happy for that time we did have together.
Rather than regret the future lost.

Take care of your wife, use whatever time ye have to build as many happy memories together as ye can.
Those memories are what will keep brightness in your heart when all the world feels at its darkest.
And remember this, don't worry about staying ''strong'' that kind of strong can often lead to trying to cope alone.
Strength can often come from the support of those who love us, use that strentgh to help both you and your wife through this trying time.

All the very best OP, I don't pray but my thoughts are with you.

aristotleirish

a

Play To Kill

Sligo Quay wrote: »

Its very hard to know what to say to somebody in your situation, but take comfort from the amount of ''thanks'' in your first post, 653 including mine. Its a long list, the most Iv seen here.

I wish you the very best.

There isn't anything anyone could say, I'm just glad that I had this outlet to post my thoughts when this all started to overwhelm me. I am both surprised and grateful that I got this support from After Hours.

As things stand I don't really have any update except that my wife can no longer walk since she woke up this morning, I'm told that it is presumed that the acceleration in growth means that the tumor is pressing on nerves in both legs now. The first stage of surgery is once again planned for the morning, the outcome will determine when a second operation to take a biopsy will be done.

Mrs Garth Brooks

This is so sad. Thinking of you.

Gmol

Sorry to hear OP. Thought s are with you.

W.Shakes-Beer

I genuinely don't know what to say here.

Have clicked onto this thread and the various stresses I'm going through currently are paled in comparison.

It reminds me that nothing in life is set in stone and to be thankful for what I have.

I can only wish you and your wife my best wishes, OP. It's not much but I simply could not fathom the thoughts of what both of you must feel currently. I wish the best of outcomes for the surgery tomorrow and that it provides positive hope towards the outcome.

now online

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

December2012

Good luck with tomorrow's surgery.

You both remain in my thoughts.

Moonbeam

Good Luck tomorrow

Happyman42

The very best of good wishes OP, hope your wife makes progress and can be relieved of pain. Stay strong.

angelfire9

Good luck tomorrow OP

And know this
Good news or bad everyone who has posted on this thread will be rooting for you, and no matter what the doctors say, if and when you want to talk about it, there is an entire AH community here to listen

Sir Arthur Daley

Best of luck tomorrow my thoughts are with you.

shamrock55

Op stay strong for you and your wife, your posts have made me,and i would imagine many others on here realise whats good in our lives and to treasure and appreciate our loved ones and family, god bless.

burgermasters

Best of luck to you both, myself and my family are thinking of you and your wife and family at this hard time.

Ciara GaGa

Thinking of you both at this time x

Play To Kill

[QUOTE=angelfire9;88593306
Good news or bad everyone who has posted on this thread will be rooting for you, and no matter what the doctors say[/QUOTE]

I'm glad I have this as an outlet right now, sometimes I'm sorry I started this thread and sometimes I get great comfort from the good wishes I have received from those who have posted and PM'd me.

Xavi6

Been following this thread since the OP and it's pulled at the heartstrings more than anything I can remember reading on boards.

Best of luck tomorrow and keep using this platform to share your thoughts, there's a lot of people listening

feargale

Wishing you both the best, OP.

Marchbride

Oh my god my heart breaks for you and your wife :''( I'm so sorry that you feel so alone especially at such a heart breaking and difficult time. I really hope your wife gets some positive news and my thoughts and prayers are with you. Hugs (((())))

crazygeryy

All the best op.ill say a prayer for you.

SellingJuan

Best of luck tommorrow OP. Spend as much time as you can with her. If it means not making it to work so be it, you dont want to have any regrets.

tony1980

OP, I only saw this thread tonight. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife.

annascott

I am so sorry that you and your wife are having to face this terrible time. Perhaps ask at the hospital about support groups for whatever illness your wife has. Sometimes there are helplines and support from others going through the same thing.
Wishing you strength and courage..x

athtrasna

I too have only seen this thread tonight, I normally avoid AH but this one caught my eye and my heart.

OP your posts are heartbreaking. To deal with this when surrounded by family and friends is tough enough, to deal with it when away from that network is epic. You've gotten a lot of great advice on here, there isn't really much I can add to it other than to send my thoughts and prayers in your direction.

Try not to overthink, keep an eye on the future, and the end...but live every day for itself, enjoy every moment you can, every joke, every smile, cherish the memories.

fr336

Really sorry OP, much love to you both.

Hermy

I've been losing interest in Boards over the past while - it's not like it used to be blah, blah, blah.
But this thread has reminded me why I love Boards, what's it's done for me in the past and what it continues to do for those facing into tough times.
I'm drifting way off topic but I just wanted to say well done to those who contributed so positively to this thread (I've only just stumbled across it). There's a lot of cynicism out there at the moment but it's nice to be reminded that people still care.
I don't know what else to say OP. My mother passed away suddenly in October and my partner lost her grandfather earlier this month and sometimes words just seem worthless. But as has already been said the support of those around you can make such a difference. It did for me and I hope it does for you and your wife too.

yermandan

Thinking of you and your wife buddy

D

Crea

I haven't read all the responses so excuse me if I repeat anyone elses advice.

Firstly, i'm so sorry that this is happening to you and your wife. It is an incredibly cruel blow and a completely unfair thing to happen to you.

Advice: Try to get back home. Your wife will want to be surrounded by her family and friends and so will you. Your wife will need people to practically care for her and emotionally support her and this is too big a job for one person. You will need to be able to step away from the intensity of the situation every now and then and you will need someone to step in for you. Money and practicalities don't really come into it now.

Secondly, let your wife talk. She will be terrified and sad and will need to say it out loud. This will be very hard for you but she needs to be able to say it without someone saying "Oh don't be saying that" or "It'll be ok". She may want to make plans and arrangements and let her do this too. She'll need something to focus on rather than sitting around being sick.

Best of luck and we're here if you need us.

Call me Al

Ive everything crossed for you that you get some good news today. I would also recommend you see about coming back to Ireland if you can, although I appreciate the logistics might not be very straightforward.
I think you'll both need help from a larger family group over the coming months. It's a lot to take on by yourself.

Mam of 4

Don't know what to say except thoughts and prayers are with you both, and wishing you both strength to deal with each day as it comes .

Drift

Still thinking of you and your wife OP.

crazygeryy

Does anyone know what happened or is happening withop s wife?

sullivlo

crazygeryy wrote: »

Does anyone know what happened or is happening withop s wife?

I am guessing that he will post here if and when he sees fit.

You're in our thoughts, OP.

scdublin

Thinking of you both!

Play To Kill

crazygeryy wrote: »

Does anyone know what happened or is happening withop s wife?

My wife has had a series of operations over the past two weeks to both relieve pressure on her organs and to also get a tissue sample. The news is not good, it's an aggressive form of cancer. A decision will be made in the coming days on whether to operate to remove the tumor or give her chemotherapy.

December2012

I'm still thinking of you here OP.

I hope your wife beats cancer.

dodderangler

Jesus mate.
Really hope you've people supporting yourself an your wife through all this.
A lot of boardsies are hoping for a turnround in her condition.
Havint posted in this yet as wasn't sure whT to write.
Praying for both of yas.

antodeco

Sorry to hear OP. I suppose cancer is one of those things that " someone else always has". No matter what happens at the end of the day, all you can do is your best. She will need comfort. You will need comfort. The more pain she goes through, it will be shared with you. You need someone to keep you strong, because otherwise you're going to be of no use to your wife. There's plenty of people here who will gladly help and are thinking of you both.

handlemaster

Stay strong and talk your family. Its times like this that you need family and friends around.

P. Breathnach

Thank you for keeping us updated. I'm very sorry that it's not with better news.

I hope that they are managing to control her pain, and that her morale is good - insofar as that is possible in the circumstances.

Make her feel loved, and do what you can to look after yourself too.

dm1979

Hi op, every one out here is thinking of you, I know to you your posts are a way to cope and provide an outlet for your thoughts and feelings. Things are easier to process when you see them written down in black and white, not just for you but I'm sure this tread has helped others in the same situation. Please draw strength from that, you have helped others. My thoughts and prayers are with you both, your wife is very lucky to have you.

feargale

Words fail me, OP, other than to say that I would like to associate myself with all the good words and good wishes of all the good people here.

beertons

Fair play to you man, I don't know how you do it.

we'llallhavetea

heart breaking situation
really hope theres a good outcome. i wanna hug you both x

FueledbyCoffee

My heart goes out to you as someone who has gone through this with my Mother. It's a surreal experience and all your energy goes into them and looking after them and caring for them. Please remember to look after yourself the best you can by eating and getting some sleep. I am thinking of you and your wife and sending you best wishes - take care of each other xx

caustic 1

God bless you both, stay strong.

abacus120

Wishing you and you wife strength to get you through this hard time,life can be so cruel at times,i hope you find strength and help in the people around you xxx

ezekel

My heart and good wishes go out to you and your wife OP, stay strong

Play To Kill

In the past week my wife has had surgery to remove the tumour, it was a very delicate procedure over many hours because the tumour had grown around many of her organs, nerves and blood vessels. The operation was pretty successful, most of the tumour was removed and it's hoped that what remains can be treated with chemo. She had lost the ability to walk due to the pressure on nerves leading to her legs but is now able to walk short distances and she is in pretty good form. She's also in a lot less pain and there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage to any of her organs.

I'm a lot more hopeful now than I was when I started this thread before christmas and although there is still a long way to go, things seem a lot more positive at the moment. She's also now in a section of the hospital that is relaxed about visiting and I can visit any time I want, that makes a big difference to her.

Again, thanks to you all here in After Hours for you kind posts and PM's.