Dad moan\rant

LegacyUser

I am a dad of 3 kids (6, 5 and 3) currently entering a phase of parenthood that I am finding pretty challenging, and I just wanted to see how others are managing\have managed similar situations. I am sure this is pretty bog standard parenting stuff, but sometimes it's also nice to know that *you are not alone*. I also just wanted to get this of my chest, to say out loud that I am not "enjoying" this particular stage of parenthood as much as previous stages if that makes sense.

Basically my 2 boys (6 and 5) have started to ignore a lot of simple requests (stay sitting at the table during dinner, getting ready for bedtime etc) and say 'No' a lot of the time...nothing unusual there I hear you say. The 5 year old has also started lashing out physically a bit (mainly at me and his brother) so that is another behaviour we need to address. My little girl turned 3 in Sept. and basically doesn't listen to anything myself or her mother says. Everything has to be repeated multiple times and even then it may or may not register.

Myself and their mum have a solid relationship, and she is a really intuitive and loving mother. We try different strategies (trying to prevent negative behaviour & loosing of tempers by being aware of triggers, distracting\keeping them busy with tasks etc) but it's tiring being on the go all the time. We both work (me full time, mum just returned to part time job) so it's a pretty busy schedule, even though it balances out fairly well on day to day basis.

It can be very difficult to spend individual time with any of the kids and this something I need to work on, but the reality is that given the busy schedule there is sometimes not just enough hours in the day to meet their individual needs (it's just easier to treat them all as a unit at dinner time, homework time, bed time etc).

Don't get me wrong...they are generally great kids, very smart & good at school, love playing sports etc. so are not demon-children *all* the time, but I feel there is pattern developing at home where, due to their more challenging behavior, either myself of the mum are the big bad wolf most of the time. At times there is a lot more shouting than I would like, and I don't want my kids to think it's ok to shout in order to get the point across (even though sometimes it is after you have emptied the patience tank after repeating the same thing 20 times)

I'm struggling a little bit trying to work out how to best work with the kids in the 90 mins or so I have with them during weekdays (after work and before bedtime) so would appreciate any tips, strategies, similar experiences (I surely can't be alone...can I) that I can take on board.

Anyway, thanks for allowing me my little moan\rant

racso1975

It's tough alright!!!! I can only give you my experience and before i start i am not perfect, far from it and neither are my two!!!!

My 2nd son sounds like your second short tempered and more aggresive etc.

Good news is it a phase, like all the others ones you have gone through all ready so you are well equiped for it.

It could be your wife going back to work is causing extra stress and demands on everybody. And as you say 90 minutes is not a lot of time with the kids in the evening and like me you prob have it pictured as been waltonesque then you arrive home and it is madness :-) I suppose that is reality versus fantasy.

With regards the behaviour every parent disciplines differently and accepts different levels of mis behaviour. So i dont really want to offer advice on that.

Also keep in mind it is christmas time and kids tend to get wild(er) with the added excitement.

Best of luck and i hope it passes soon

marizpan

I am in a similar stage as you. Boys are 5&6yrs and our girl is almost 2yrs.

I am at home full time but hubby works long hours.
A few things that we have found with our kids is :
If hubby comes home stressed from work, this triggers the kids off immediately. They can't cope with this stress and become stressed which stresses daddy further. Vicious cycle.
I need to remove daddy, into the bedroom or outside for ten minutes, untill he unwinds and is relaxed. This immediately relaxed the mood at home.

If I am behind in the day, from a late night or skipping breakfast etc. my lack of patience winds the kids up and I need to remove myself to chill out. I find my tiredness causes me to shout at the kids and I only notice this when they start shouting, at me and each other.

They are our mirror, and sometimes we are too busy to notice our own moods.
Kids are too young to handle stress and other people moods.

Now, with a great deal of self control, when the kids get out of hand I become very calm and relaxed. I talk to them in a calm confident manner and they immediately respond.
If they are shouting, I calmly start whispering.
I am never emotional when dealing with their behaviour , I am always calm. The child is always shown to be loved just the behaviour is not acceptable.

Our second boy has terrible angry/control issues. But it is our job for him to learn how to control his emotions, mainly by example. I ask him calmly to go to his room untill he feels better/calm. A hug and a kiss afterwards and no grudges held.
His behaviour has improved a lot over the last two years. From mad/angry fits of rage to removing himself from the situation and going to a quiet room so he feels better, all on his own accord.

His other brother is far too sensitive, and I am always working on him to not take things personally. That things that upset him are not about him but about the event/child who said/did it.

Hope this helps