Advice for unlucky guy on the dating scene

notthistime

Hi, So this is a question for the ladies,

Basically i need advice or opinions, i'm an easy going guy, in my mid 20's, i seem to make girls laugh and i'm told by a few that i'm handsome and lovely, however recently i have been on dates with 9 girls and not one has wanted a second one despite telling me they had a wonderful time and all that jazz.

So if i'm a good laugh, a lovely guy, handsome and easy to talk to, then why am i not getting a second date?

P.S i should add in that i'm shorter then average, like 5'7, maybe it's my height, cause two girls sort of said it was that.

desbrook

notthistime wrote: »

Hi, So this is a question for the ladies,

Basically i need advice or opinions, i'm an easy going guy, in my mid 20's, i seem to make girls laugh and i'm told by a few that i'm handsome and lovely, however recently i have been on dates with 9 girls and not one has wanted a second one despite telling me they had a wonderful time and all that jazz.

So if i'm a good laugh, a lovely guy, handsome and easy to talk to, then why am i not getting a second date?

P.S i should add in that i'm shorter then average, like 5'7, maybe it's my height, cause two girls sort of said it was that.

Are you using online dating OP?

Merkin

notthistime wrote: »

P.S i should add in that i'm shorter then average, like 5'7, maybe it's my height, cause two girls sort of said it was that.

If you want me to be honest then I will be although I'm sure I will be deemed as fickle as hell. Your height could very well be the reason why girls aren't interested in a second date. Especially if two girls said as much. A height difference might not bother some people at all but it would bother me. When I was online dating it did stop me from meeting people a second time. I'm 5 foot 6 so not a giant but I do love wearing high heels and I went on dates with a couple of really lovely guys but they were just much smaller than me when in heels and I wasn't really prepared to stop wearing heels because a guy might be a little shorter than average.

Have you got your height written down on your profile? If so then it might be worth going on dates with girls who are a little on the smaller side. Like 5 foot 3 for example as this allows for heels also! Height might bother some people and it might not bother others at all, it's very much a personal preference as is a whole host of physical features.

ash23

The height could be part of it for some girls. I am taller than you OP, not by much, but if I were looking at an online dating profile, I prob wouldn't go on a date with a guy who was shorter than me. So if you don't have your height on your profile, add it. If you do have your height listed, maybe remeasure yourself. I met up with a guy who said he was 5ft 11 and he was a bit shorter than my 5ft 8. Maybe he truly believed he was 5ft 11 but he wasn't.

Other than that, it's a numbers game. I had a 4 year period of being officially single but I dread to think how many kisses, flings, non-starters and dates I had in that time. Sometimes it was a once off, sometimes it was an on-going thing but none progressed.
I was back using online dating recently and had 3 or 4 first dates before having a second date. One or two wanted to see me again but I said no. No specific reason I can put my finger on, I just wasn't feeling it. I couldn't say "too tall, too small etc", there was nothing specific I can say was wrong but it just wasn't right.

PerrDub

notthistime wrote: »

P.S i should add in that i'm shorter then average, like 5'7, maybe it's my height, cause two girls sort of said it was that.

Hi OP, I too have been online dating for the past few months..

As you suspect, it is exactly because of your height that you are not getting 2nd dates.
I am not so tall either and have gone through exactly what you have, i.e., great chats online and by phone.. went on dates, had a great laugh and chats in person, only to get the "there is no chemistry" text the next day. And these were dates with girls of average height, except in heels it would add 4 inches to there heights.

As an experiment try change your profile height to read 6ft2, just for one day and you will start to get a lot of new mails and added to favourites by females on the site. You will also find that if you email the best looking women on the site that 90% will answer.
Of course be honest if they ask you out on a date, because you will only damage your self confidence if you accept a date with a woman who thinks you are tall.
This is why you hear loads of stories about women who say "oh i thought he would have been taller"... but just be honest!

Online dating can be even more superficial than meeting someone in a pub or club.

Chucky the tree

notthistime wrote: »

Hi, So this is a question for the ladies,

Basically i need advice or opinions, i'm an easy going guy, in my mid 20's, i seem to make girls laugh and i'm told by a few that i'm handsome and lovely, however recently i have been on dates with 9 girls and not one has wanted a second one despite telling me they had a wonderful time and all that jazz.

So if i'm a good laugh, a lovely guy, handsome and easy to talk to, then why am i not getting a second date?

P.S i should add in that i'm shorter then average, like 5'7, maybe it's my height, cause two girls sort of said it was that.

People will generally always just say that stuff anyway even if your dull as ditch water. Probably harder to admit(and analysis) but you need to work out yourself if you are a good laugh and easy to talk too and not to relay on what people you have gone on one date esepcially when it's followed by the word 'but..'.

thalia_13

Dont lie about your height on your profile! I know a few girls who are short themselves but went on dates with lads who described themselves as 5'11 or 6 foot, only for them to turn up and be shorter than them (5'4" or less!)

Honestly though, if a girl really clicks with a lad, she would want to meet again, regardless of height.
You arent even really short anyways, thats 4inches taller than me, so even with heels that would be a good height!

desbrook

If it is online dating and you are being honest about your height I'd look at other stuff. Before I leave the subject be very honest about your height - put 5'6. Also check your pics aren't too good - or more than a year old.
Classic reasons for lack of a second date for guys include - being mean with money on the night, talking too much esp about yourself, drinking too much, talking about one subject ad nauseum, trying to be funny all the time, being too touchy feely and not asking questions . That's for starters. Do you have a good female friend of a similar age? Ask them - but only if you have a think skin and can take constructive criticism.
Btw - I did a good few of the above and it took years till someone told me. I had no idea. Dating a BABE now!

Mint Aero

Are you sure you're 5' 7"? Cos it is the shortest you can be as a guy without really losing out on a lot of the dating population. So if you're 5' 7" then go on dates with girls that are no taller than 5' 3", 4 inches shorter than you to account for the heels. I'm 5' 9", wouldn't bother talking to anyone taller than 5' 5" in terms of dating.

Also, are you sporting all the basic requirements? I was in college last year, no car and I'm mid 20's too, honestly that was 90% of dates out the window. Have a nice motor now since finishing college and guess what? no more issues with dates for me

notthistime

Hi All, OP here,

I tried online dating for a short time and got a good few dates off it, but as you can guess i didn't get a second with any of them.

I am 5'7, however for those suggesting to date shorter, i have had three girls between the heights of 5ft to 5ft'3 telling me they would not date below 5ft'10, which i really don't get, i don't get the heels thing either, like if a girl is shorter then me without heels and only wears them sometimes on a night out, then why should it matter if i'm taller then her in heels or not?

prizefighter

In fairness I'm the same height as yourself and have never had any real issues with meeting girls, second dates or women in general. I'm not very conscious of my height, don't really care about it, I've had my whole adult life to get used to the idea. Maybe you're focusing on your height too much. As a previous poster saisd, there are myriad reasons as to why you wouldnt get a second date, chemistry is vital. Being told youre handsome and funny by friends in the past isn't empirical proof of anything, you may have personality traits that are so ingrained thast you don't notice them, but are glaringly obvious to your dates. As previously posted, if you're online datiiing be truthful about your height etc and that removes any vertical misconceptions, then if still no second dates maybe delve a little deeper into your interpersonal skills/habits.

LegacyUser

Nothing to do with your height OP, I am 6' 4" a good bit older than you and I have the very same problem. Internet dating provides both sex's with lots of potential to meet people so maybe we are both not creating enough attraction and they move on, I get text messages after the date saying they had a great time etc. and then the next day its like we never meet.

Try and meet and date girls outside of the internet and see what happens, try and develop an edge to your personality and see if that works.

OP It a good question in your post, one that is driving me crazy, I don't mind been single its the reason why I am single and can't get a second date that is tough to figure out. clearly there is something we are both doing to kill any physical attraction. As others have said if you have female friends ask them their opinion.

btw if you can get 9 dates in a short period of time your clearly good looking and your height is not your problem.

Emme

Every time I hear of a guy in his 20s having bad luck on the dating scene I want to say it will get better when you get older, particularly if you're still single when you hit your 30s. I know this is cold comfort to you now, but maybe that knowledge might help you relax and enjoy socialising rather than feeling you'll never meet anyone.

Your height is no big deal. Girls from Asian countries tend to be more petite than European/American girls so you might have more success with girls like this.

I second the guy who said to socialise off the internet. Meetup groups are fun and lots of people get together that way. People meet through shared interests so you're more likely to meet someone genuine.

PerrDub

notthistime wrote: »

Hi All, OP here,
I tried online dating for a short time and got a good few dates off it, but as you can guess i didn't get a second with any of them.
I am 5'7, however for those suggesting to date shorter, i have had three girls between the heights of 5ft to 5ft'3 telling me they would not date below 5ft'10, which i really don't get, i don't get the heels thing either, like if a girl is shorter then me without heels and only wears them sometimes on a night out, then why should it matter if i'm taller then her in heels or not?

It's because it's female nature to go for the taller man, "the protector" a "big man" who will keep them feeling safe and protected...you can't fight evolutionary hard wiring or societal expectations.

Although these days intelligence and social status are more desirable, however, you will still find that women will accept a man of lower intelligence and status if he is over 6ft tall...there was a study done i read about where women were asked to choose between two men to date, each time they went for the taller man over the average height guy... The tall guy was on food stamps and living in a hostel, the shorter guy was the head of the prestigious John Hopkins medical centre in the U.S...

Even walking down the street how many guys around 6ft+++ do you see walking with what looks like a little kid, but is in fact their girlfriend, a petite woman? I have seen plenty!

Though spare a thought for tall women of 6ft and over, their dating pool is extremely shallow if they want to find a guy taller than them, who is most likely with a woman half his size..

Competition on these dating sites for guys over 6ft is quite fierce, which is why you see a lot of otherwise very date-able and very attractive women on the sites for months and months on end as they won't accept an average height guy...

desbrook

When a guy first sees a girl he looks her up and down to measure her weight - a girl looks a guy up and down to measure his height....

However as long as you are being honest on your profile I'll wager it's not your height that's losing you a second date.

thalia_13

thalia_13 wrote: »

Honestly though, if a girl really clicks with a lad, she would want to meet again, regardless of height.

This is true. For a long time I only ever found myself attracted to tall guys, on one occasion ending up with someone purely because he was tall (ended in disaster). Then one night in a pub I ended up talking to a short guy, he was about my height, and he was lovely. Ended up in love with him and we were together for a long time. So if you do click with someone it really doesn't matter what height you are.

OP, with online dating, stats count. Your height is one of the statistics that many women will notice, and to many women it will be an important deciding factor.

However in real life there are many more important things that height, and attraction is based on more than just statistics. In person you can easily make your height a non-issue.

The fact that you've gotten dates online, and met these women in person, would suggest to me that your height isn't really the problem. You've had your chance to click with them. If you didn't click, it's unlikely to be a purely height related reason.

notthistime

Hi Everyone,

Thank you all for the sound advice so far, i'm going to try and take some of it.

For example going out and joining groups or going to more pubs/clubs. I find online even girls who say height doesn't matter then change minds and tell me they aren't interested as they like taller lads.

Keep the advice coming, it's all appreciated and helpful.

desbrook

notthistime wrote: »

Hi Everyone,

Thank you all for the sound advice so far, i'm going to try and take some of it.

For example going out and joining groups or going to more pubs/clubs. I find online even girls who say height doesn't matter then change minds and tell me they aren't interested as they like taller lads.

Keep the advice coming, it's all appreciated and helpful.

It's not your height OP - most of us think that.

PerrDub

Interesting article: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2524568/Size-matters-online-dating-Short-men-women-taller-counterparts--6ft-luck.html

Researchers analysed 80,000 interactions between online dating users
Women were more likely to contact taller men
6ft is ideal height for 'Mr Right'
Men shorter than 5ft 4in less likely to get a date

Taller men were significantly more likely to be contacted by women than shorter men.

Their data revealed that the ideal height women seek in a man is 6ft. The 6ft men who were members of the site were 33 per cent more likely to be contacted than a man of average height (5ft 7), and 77 per cent more likely to be contacted than a man under 5ft 4.

But there is a limit to this height preference as women tend to shy away from men that are too tall. A man who is 6ft 4 or taller is 24 per cent less likely to be contacted by a woman.

beks101

Through my albeit limited experience with online dating, "men lie about their height, women lie about their weight" is about the extent of it.

I learned fairly swiftly that my legitimate description of "curvy" in the traditional sense of the word - fairly slim with noticeable curves - implied I was in fact a plus size and assumedly disguising my weight through some smartly photoshopped photos or something.

It's a weird, weird world in my experience, where people get to pick and choose and customize the "perfect man/woman" based on a shopping list of things like height, weight, age, race, eye colour, profession, education etc...

Whereas the reality of having that elusive spark with someone doesn't tend to be so anal retentive about traits. It's either there or it's not, for a number of reasons, largely sub-conscious.

I like tall men, I would say it's a preference. In theory. In practice, my last ex was about your height OP - and I was hopelessly attracted from the moment I met him. Current guy I'm dating is 5' 6ish - about my height in heels. And he's a ride. His height isn't something I even think about. Online - I probably wouldn't have even clicked on his profile.

I hate smokers, it would usually be a non-negotiable and certainly something that would've gone up on any online dating profile of mine. Another ex I met through friends was a 20-a-day man, an inescapable addict. I fell for him quick and hard regardless and it was a beautiful relationship, made me truly happy.

Long story short - if you're playing the online game, be prepared for an artificially fickle game where competition is ruthless and disqualification happens at the click of a button. Because you're not 6 foot or don't have a car. Because you don't have a degree. Because you're "average" looking and there are 100 "good-looking" guys to choose from (it swings both ways btw, but think the women:men ratio swings things in our favour)

IME this "choosiness" can extend beyond the online part too - the dates can be muddled in a cloud of "he's nice, but maybe I prefer that other guy...maybe I'll meet someone nicer"...bearing in mind that any decent looking woman tends to get inundated with attention.

it can make that chemistry that occurs (or doesn't occur) naturally when you meet someone by chance tougher to gauge - because you can pick and choose just like you would from a box of chocolates. You become artificially picky, judgemental, spoilt for choice.

When you meet someone in "real life", they tend to be your focus exclusively. Because you meet and the attraction is either there or it's not, there's no formal "decision making" and evaluating going on in the background.

So my advice would be to work on meeting women outside of the realm of OD. It obviously can, and does work, for people everywhere, everyday, but it also fcuks people up, depresses people, frustrates people, and operates on a very (IME of course) artificial level that doesn't lend itself to an organically evolving relationship.

GreeBo

Would agree it's probably not height related, if your profile is honest.

I did online dating for a while and went on 5 dates or so. I had a good time on pretty much all of them, but only went on one second date. I just didn't feel it with the others. After the second date I realised that while I could definitely go on more dates I wasn't having long term thoughts. I also met another girl and the difference in how I feel about her compared to the others is marked.
The girl I'm seeing now I met online and it just clicked. It didn't with the others, that's just life I reckon.

Having realistic photos and an accurate profile is required. Nothing spoils a first date like the person you meet looking nothing like you expected.
After that, listen more then you talk, ask questions and be interested in the answers. I would personally advise against discussing anything too divisive, you don't want to go there on date 1 imo.

alias06

I'm six feet tall. I've been on about 10 dates from online dating and I have only been on one second date and didn't take it past that. Either because I wasn't that into them or they weren't into me or neither of us were into each. They were all nice girls by the way, but the chemistry just wasn't there. Chemistry is hard to find and I don't think the numbers you are reporting would be unusual. I don't feel discouraged that there has been so few second dates, I am going to keep on doing online dating. I find it a fun and easy way to meet new people and I might have to go on 20 or 30 dates or more before I find someone that I really click with.

So basically what I am saying is I don't think you should feel discouraged. And I think what other posters have said about trying to meet girls offline as well is good advice.

Also I wouldn't worry too much about your height. I previously thought I wouldn't want to date a smoker and then I met someone I really fancied and went for it and now it wouldn't bother me. I previously thought I wouldn't date someone with a kid until again I met someone I really fancied and went for it. As I get more experienced I am ruling less things out rather than more. The main thing is how you click with the person and when you do meet that person all you rules and terms and conditions can go out the window. Keep it up and you'll find the right girl for you.

Vision of Disorder

notthistime wrote: »

i seem to make girls laugh and i'm told by a few that i'm handsome and lovely,

I honestly think that this is a bigger issue than your height (if you'll excuse the pun) - it seems to me that you need a degree of reassurance about your own merits and that, possibly, can come across as being a bit needy or desperate? It's something to consider anyway, equally I know that it can become a vicious cycle, one girl doesn't show an interest and it can become all the more important to you and your esteem that the next one does.

As far as height goes, I'm 6'2 and struggled on dating sites to attract responses to my messages, let alone garner much direct contact. I presume this is because I'm a 32 year old man with a ponytail but I don't wonder about it unduly either, I don't expect to be compatible with a majority of people and nor should you (or anybody else in my opinion). You've only gotta click with one person to find yourself in a relationship.

That said my last ex contacted me on a dating site and we got two years out of it and I met my current girlfriend on the same site. So whatever way you're meeting girls, keep at it! Some people would be quite envious of the all the dates you're getting. Good luck!