Normal baby/ toddler behaviours

liliq

So I read this article the other day http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/health/active-toddler-is-wearing-exhausted-mum-out-29839700.html
And think its pretty interested how David Coleman responds.

It seems like a lot of parents prescribe to a rigid schedule with their babies and children, and that there's certain ideas about what we should & shouldn't do/ allow them to do.

Sleep, feeding methods, child's behaviours & our reaction or inaction, all seem to be really emotive. Obviously the vast majority of parents do what they feel is best for them & their families, but I'm just wondering where and how the huge variety in opinions came about, and what resources do you use to help make decisions about the way you parent?

Mink

I think the huge variety of opinions/methods stems from the fact that there is a huge variety of personalities/situations.

Every baby is different, and often one can be COMPLETELY different from another or indeed another sibling. Likewise each parent is different, each pregnancy, birth etc. Because every person is unique, certain things will work for them and not for others.

It's a question of finding what works for you as a parent and your baby, through trial and error often.

Having said that, there is some key things that are true for every baby - ie; they need several feeds a day, several nappy changes, a good bit of kip and they need lots of love. Those are probably the only common denominators between all babies. How you go about providing that as a parent really differs between families.

Mink

liliq wrote: »

what resources do you use to help make decisions about the way you parent?

To answer this - probably friends/family/other parents/PHN's/books/internet. All taken with a pinch of salt til I find what works.

pwurple

We wing it and see what works.

I ready the tracey hogg books, and the gina ford one. The Gina ford one got chucked out the window (literally) one day. Didn't suit us.

Only book we use now is the Dr Spock reference one. Decisions on the way we parent (regular bedtimes, not fussing when they don't eat) is just how we have found things work well for us.

cyning

Parenting has been a total eye opener for me... Breastfeeding past 6 months? Ah totally yuck. Then I fed until she was 15 months and I was 16 weeks pregnant. Strangely don't feel the same now! Co sleeping? No my bed is my own and my husbands. Hahahahaha it suited us again not for everybody. Baby wearing older babies? For total hippies. I now own 3 slings!

I quite literally fell into the way I parented: I just went with instinct: and while I would loosely call my style attachment parenting I also believe in firm boundaries with certain things. I don't think the way I would parent would work for others: and vice versa I'm sure! I don't think you can "know" how you will parent until you actually start. And I'm sure I'll change again when no2 arrives!

As to where I get information and what resources: friends, my breastfeeding group was great, both my phn and the nurse in my docs were fantastic: suggesting slings etc, my birth group from here has probably been the best. The only book I've read from start to finish is the no cry sleep solution and it's worked very well here doesn't mean it would work for other people either... I'm very much a whatever works for you works kind of person though!

Sligo1

cyning wrote: »

Parenting has been a total eye opener for me... Breastfeeding past 6 months? Ah totally yuck. Then I fed until she was 15 months and I was 16 weeks pregnant. Strangely don't feel the same now! Co sleeping? No my bed is my own and my husbands. Hahahahaha it suited us again not for everybody. Baby wearing older babies? For total hippies. I now own 3 slings!

I quite literally fell into the way I parented: I just went with instinct: and while I would loosely call my style attachment parenting I also believe in firm boundaries with certain things. I don't think the way I would parent would work for others: and vice versa I'm sure! I don't think you can "know" how you will parent until you actually start. And I'm sure I'll change again when no2 arrives!

As to where I get information and what resources: friends, my breastfeeding group was great, both my phn and the nurse in my docs were fantastic: suggesting slings etc, my birth group from here has probably been the best. The only book I've read from start to finish is the no cry sleep solution and it's worked very well here doesn't mean it would work for other people either... I'm very much a whatever works for you works kind of person though!

I'll be coming to you for sling advice! I didn't get one for my first but definitely getting one for my second!

Pretty much winged it. As Cyning said... Bed is my own and husbands. LO would never have slept it in anyway he was way too wriggly. Lol. And as mink said... Sleep, food, hygiene and lots of love, attention and protection. Never read a book. My mum was great.... And I can't remember how many post I've started on boards for advice from other parents

Chara1001

I'm winging it too!

People were trying to get me to read all kinds of books when I was pregnant but I couldn't be bothered- I was only interested in the medical ones that told you what the baby was up to growing in my tummy.
I'm from a really big and close family, so I had cousins, aunts, uncles etc telling me to follow what the baby wants, but mainly not to fuss about anything.

It's worked so far, he's 16 months old and a very happy and friendly little fellow and we get up to a lot. We have a routine now that sort of just developed and suits the two of us. Like he naps during the day late and goes to bed late enough- around 9-9.30. I often need to work at night (from home) and I don't want to be up at the crack of dawn, so he currently sleeps till at around 9am. He never shared my bed unless he was ill and needed extra cuddles as I was paranoid i'd squash him, and he moved into his own room at about 6 months as I couldn't sleep properly with him in the room, and was exhausted.
Lots of sleep, food, baths, nappy changing, love, attention and so far, so good.
I agree that it's trial and error mostly

I had a look through the Gina ford book one day and got through about a paragraph before I made it a rule to ignore parenting books entirely. Rubbish.

Hannibal Smith

Winging it here too. I never had time to research lol

wmpdd3

cyning wrote: »

Parenting has been a total eye opener for me... Breastfeeding past 6 months? Ah totally yuck. Then I fed until she was 15 months and I was 16 weeks pregnant. Strangely don't feel the same now! Co sleeping? No my bed is my own and my husbands. Hahahahaha it suited us again not for everybody. Baby wearing older babies? For total hippies. I now own 3 slings!

I quite literally fell into the way I parented: I just went with instinct: and while I would loosely call my style attachment parenting I also believe in firm boundaries with certain things. I don't think the way I would parent would work for others: and vice versa I'm sure! I don't think you can "know" how you will parent until you actually start. And I'm sure I'll change again when no2 arrives!

As to where I get information and what resources: friends, my breastfeeding group was great, both my phn and the nurse in my docs were fantastic: suggesting slings etc, my birth group from here has probably been the best. The only book I've read from start to finish is the no cry sleep solution and it's worked very well here doesn't mean it would work for other people either... I'm very much a whatever works for you works kind of person though!

Totally agree, I remember identifying with some things you said and did think like you about bf after 6 months,


but then had to resort to yoga for hip pain and it worked, I always thought yoga was all in your hEad.

Then ended up Co sleeping for 6 months with both and slinging for sanity, still do with both.

I also read the no cry sleep solution and while I didn't really follow it I saw the baby as a little person rather than the little drawing in the pregnancy book!

I do what ever I think feels right for them and i'm happy that way but I know once they hit school that will all change.

AvonEnniskerry

I think most people wing it, taking a little advise here and there to find out what's right for you. You could read all the books in the world during pregnancy but ultimately you'll adapt to what is easiest for you and what makes you feel most comfortable. Each person and each child is individual with their own personalities and the combinations are unique to each family. Parenting for me is about sussing it all out

dollybird2

I started out reading every parenting book under the sun when I was pregnant and had very defined ideas about how I was going to raise my child. When she arrived I kept a tight schedule with eating/sleeping/day time napping, nappy changes, time spent in car seat, time spent on tummy, constantly checking everything was right with my schedule.... I nearly drove myself & my husband insane.

As I am quite a stubborn person my family did not offer advice until I finally asked for it and I was so wound up at that stage I gratefully took their advice to calm down and follow my baby's lead as such. No more waking her from slumber as it was feeding time on my rota and the likes and it made such a difference for me when I was relaxed and not clock watching.

After a few months of ensuring baby was never in the bed with me at any time and other rules, I had to move home for a few months, where there wasn't any room for a cot so I ended up co sleeping out of necessity and I absolutely love it. I am so much more relaxed now and don't stress about the sleeping or not eating or other things that inevitably arise with a toddler. If I have another I intend to do things so differently and actually enjoy the early days of a new baby.

So basically, I too am winging it!

liliq

I really like all these replies, making me feel normal

We've spent the whole of my sons life pretty much going with the flow- feeding on demand for a year anyway, fell into co sleeping but he moved himself out after 18 months so went along with that, sleep etc isn't great but it's working for him...

I guess what I find hard to understand is how some parents keep up what your initial method was, dollybird- very scheduled etc. I think I would find it very restrictive?

Was there anything apart from the books that made you feel that you should keep to a schedule or did it just happen to be that the books you had all indicated that?

dollybird2

liliq wrote: »

I really like all these replies, making me feel normal

We've spent the whole of my sons life pretty much going with the flow- feeding on demand for a year anyway, fell into co sleeping but he moved himself out after 18 months so went along with that, sleep etc isn't great but it's working for him...

I guess what I find hard to understand is how some parents keep up what your initial method was, dollybird- very scheduled etc. I think I would find it very restrictive?

Was there anything apart from the books that made you feel that you should keep to a schedule or did it just happen to be that the books you had all indicated that?

I did find my schedule very restrictive, and it stopped me from finding enjoyment in those little things that keep new parents going.. I had no time for cuddles or affection in those early days as I was working off a time plan... never again. I feel now that I missed out on a lot of things with my baby as a newborn. I am quite an organised person and having had a traumatic birth I thought I was regaining control by being so organised. I am so glad my circumstances changed & therefore changed my thinking on parenthood. Now I am so relaxed & just enjoying it all.

Only the books indicated to me that I should keep to a schedule. My family (I am one of 8 children, 11 nieces & nephews preceded my daughter) advocated the "relaxed parenting" method - i.e they will let you know when hungry/wet/tired method. But I was originally to stubborn & full of book info to listen!!

pwurple

liliq wrote: »

I guess what I find hard to understand is how some parents keep up what your initial method was, dollybird- very scheduled etc. I think I would find it very restrictive?

Was there anything apart from the books that made you feel that you should keep to a schedule or did it just happen to be that the books you had all indicated that?

Schedule can mean a few different things to different people... We always started bedtime around the same time every night and generally followed the same pattern. (nappy change, story, snuggle for a minute then in the cot). To some that's a schedule. To us, that was following baby cues. we found the baby really loved knowing what was coming next as she got older. She would point to the books, point to the cot etc. Gave her a feeling of some control in her own life i'd guess.

And in general, i knew she would be hungry at around 12:30, 3pm and again at 6:30pm, so that was food time. I could see her getting sleepy, but it was roughly the same times every day.

I know there the gina ford one reads like an army mobilisation sheet, but when I compared what we were doing by following babies lead, with a gina ford follower friend, there wasn't a whole pile of difference on a 'normal' day. Ie, In between growth spurts, headcolds or tummy upsets, change in timezones, teething!... So about twice a month.

AvonEnniskerry

We initially said no to cosleeping. It just wasn't going to happen, until she grew out of the Moses basket and we found out the heating in her room wasn't working. The cot wouldn't fit in our room. And so began the co sleeping and I love it. She seems happy and independent enough to play on her own during the day. I am not sure how I going to get her back into the cot though when the time comes...

I would care for her 'on demand' however she would have a sort of routine. At 4months she gets up in the morning, has a play and a bath. Has her breakie and then a nap. In the evenings I would get her changed and ready for bed and she wiould go to bed sometime between 7 and 9 in the evening depending on her previous nap. I hear of others having a set bedtime. How do you manage this? If my baby isn't tired she simply won't sleep... At what age should I be getting stricter about her bedtimes, etc.

How Strange

I think I'm the complete opposite of how I thought I'd be as a parent. My husband and I have discussed our game plan as parents but more to make sure we're in agreement in terms of disciplining etc. I think I'm probably quite strict in that O has to say please, thank you, be respectful etc but I'd also like to think I'm fair.

I learned pretty quickly with toddlers that you have to puck your battles so sometimes it's best for everyone to turn a blind eye and pretend you didn't see something.

When they're babies I don't have/didn't have much of a routine except for bedtime. Both of mine go to bed at 7pm and that's written in stone. As O got older his nap times became scheduled. Other than that it depends on the day, their mood, my mood etc.

I read somewhere that some parents like structure ie bed times etc and others like to be free to do what they want at any time. We're definitely the former and it can definitely be restrictive but one is not better than the other. The only thing is you can't expect a child used to going to bed at 7pm to stay up until 11pm just because you're on holidays and conversely you can't expect a child used to deciding it's own bedtime to go to bed at 8 just because you want to go out or whatever.

JanaMay

I completely changed my ideas from what I thought I'd do before/when I was pregnant to what I did after. At the start you do whatever you can to have a 'pleasant' time ie get some sleep when possible and enjoy waking hours. I fed on demand for 11 months, she weaned herself when the time was right, we co-slept when she wanted, she was in her cot when she preferred. I suppose the only 'method' I followed was to learn from the baby and not from the clock/calender/book. The best advice I was ever given was by my own mother (who had many reservations about how I did/do things and who did things so differently from me) which was: 'your baby is your best teacher'. My daughter taught me what suited her and, generally, it worked for us.


Now that she's a sturdy toddler I really agree with the advice from another poster that you have to pick your battles!