22 month old such hard work 😫

Holyjebus

Hi guys,
Just wondered if any of you were going through the same thing and how you cope with it?
My 22 month old boy is such hard work, we never had it easy with him even as a baby. He never slept for more than 2 hours every night but thankfully he is finally sleeping through but lately has been waking again once or twice.
He is so demanding of our time and has constant tantrums when he doesn't get his own way. He wants to be amused always and hangs out of me crying when I try to cook dinner! It always seems to be me he wants.
We have a 4 year old boy too who is a little angel and completely different child. He has never even had a tantrum!
I find I'm tired and shouting all the time and my poor 4 year old is getting no attention because of his brothers demands.
Help! 😢

bp

Could you try the opposite and give the 22 month old some undivided attention and praise for staying in bed etc? Not sure how well this tact works but it is what super nanny does!!! I will let you know in about 10 months when I try it :-)

Holyjebus

That's my problem really, the 22 month old is getting all the attention at the minute because he's so demanding.
Thankfully he's in a cot so staying in bed is not an issue (yet).
I guess i just wanted some advice on how to cope with his tantrums, thanks for the reply

jigglypuffstuff

Holyjebus wrote: »

That's my problem really, the 22 month old is getting all the attention at the minute because he's so demanding.
Thankfully he's in a cot so staying in bed is not an issue (yet).
I guess i just wanted some advice on how to cope with his tantrums, thanks for the reply

There are many ways to cope with a tantrum

people prefer different approaches

some use a timeout chair

some put them to their room and close the door until they have calmed

some prefer to stay with the child

A child can only be as demanding as you allow them to be, remember you are his parent and he learns from you so if you teach him that being over demanding is ok he will do that

From working with children I've found personally the only response to a tantrum is to first explain why its wrong and if that fails completley ignore it and do a time out..any response to a tantrum is still a response and that is exactly what a tantrum aims to achieve

My girlfriend had a similar problem cooking dinner..solution was I put a baby gate up so child cant leave the sitting room, he has his toys and a cartoon and he cant harm himself there..she pops her head in every few mins to make sure hes ok..if you went that route then make sure the room you put him into is safe

Also bp made the point about praise...positive reinforcement is a good tool and many people often try to catch a child being good and praise them for it...many books ive read suggest it so its worth a try

Best of luck

Holyjebus

Thanks for the reply, some helpful tips there. Do you think a 22 month old would understand 'time out' in a chair? I've never tried it, I've tried the putting him in his bedroom and it has helped me get on with things but he just got so upset and screamed the place down, I felt so bad!

jigglypuffstuff

Holyjebus wrote: »

Thanks for the reply, some helpful tips there. Do you think a 22 month old would understand 'time out' in a chair? I've never tried it, I've tried the putting him in his bedroom and it has helped me get on with things but he just got so upset and screamed the place down, I felt so bad!

To be honest with you im not a parent myself, My girlfriend has a son though and he can be extremley demanding.

When i first met her the child ruled her life with an iron fist. He would scream and roar for sweets and refuse any other food, she used to open the sweets in the shop before they were even bought. She used to have to lie beside him for a full hour and 30 mins or even 2 to put him to sleep and he would wake screaming in the middle of the night 2 or three times jump out of his bed and into her ( she was in a one bedroom apt at the time). He would follow her every step and if she so much as touched me a tantrum occured. She couldnt talk on the phone and he constantly wanted up. He has no father around and she raises him alone

After she moved closer to me i seen the behaviour and pulled her on it.I informed her if she was going to allow a child to rule her life he would do that. She was very stressed and tired and could see where my concern came from

Cue 3 months later...she puts him to bed in 5 mins in his own room door shut and no tears. He eats whatever he is given or he will not get anything else. He gets nothing in the shop until they are out of there and he has not thrown a tantrum and he stays in the sitting room while she cooks or cleans and if theres a tantrum he goes into his room and the door is closed until he decides he wants to stop . So far its all been going great for her. My suggestion was that she became stricter as she was known as whats called an indulgent parent who seeks to be more of a friend to the child than a parent. Now she finally gets to sleep.

Of course you cant win every battle but remember the ones that are important of course. the most important thing here is consistency so if you decide to do something stick to it

I do believe the timeout chair is a good method. Its important to communicate and tell him why hes there but at the end of the day you are teaching him that regarding this matter it is your way and not his. Any attempts to leave and you put him back eventually he should get the picture

Im just about to finish a degree in early years and childhood studies too. I can say some of what I learned there is invaluable and some of it just not realistic

At the end of the day you need to be able to do basic things like cook and clean and sleep. I suggest this to everyone to look to the 4 parenting styles and see where they stand, I also suggest a Authoritative approach.

And about feeling bad i can see why you would..i seen how my own partner did but as I told her sometimes that is necessary and im sure you had your own reason for putting him there. I know she's had her fella in his room twice a day for the last 7 days. today he decided to be good

Authoritative parenting

The parent is demanding and responsive. When this style is systematically developed, it grows to fit the descriptions propagative parenting and concerted cultivation.
Authoritative parenting, also called 'assertive democratic'[15] or 'balanced' parenting,[16] is characterized by a child-centered approach that holds high expectations of maturity. Authoritative parents can understand how their children are feeling and teach them how to regulate feelings. They often help their children to find appropriate outlets to solve problems. Authoritative parents encourage children to be independent but still place controls and limits on their actions.[1] Extensive verbal give-and-take is not refused, and parents try to be warm and nurturant toward the child.[1] Authoritative parents are not usually as controlling as authoritarian parents, allowing the child to explore more freely, thus having them make their own decisions based upon their own reasoning. Often, authoritative parents produce children who are more independent and self-reliant.[17] An authoritative parenting style mainly results when there is high parental responsiveness and high parental demands.[18]
Authoritative parents will set clear standards for their children, monitor the limits that they set, and also allow children to develop autonomy. They also expect mature, independent, and age-appropriate behavior of children. Punishments for misbehavior are measured and consistent, not arbitrary or violent.[1] Authoritative parents set limits and demand maturity, but when punishing a child, the parent will explain his or her motive for their punishment. Children are more likely to respond to authoritative parenting punishment because it is reasonable and fair. A child knows why they are being punished because an authoritative parent makes the reasons known. They are attentive to their children’s needs and concerns, and will typically forgive and teach instead of punishing if a child falls short.[19]
Authoritarian parenting

The parent is demanding but not responsive. Elaborate becomes totalitarian parenting.
Authoritarian parenting, also called strict parenting,[16] is characterized by high expectations of conformity and compliance to parental rules and directions, while allowing little open dialogue between parent and child. Authoritarian parenting is a restrictive, punitive parenting style in which parents make their children follow their directions and respect their work and effort.[1] Authoritarian parents expect much of their child, but generally do not explain the reasoning for the rules or boundaries.[20] Authoritarian parents are less responsive to their child’s needs, and are more likely to ground their child rather than discuss the problem.[21] Authoritarian parenting deals with low parental responsiveness and high parental demand, the parents tend to demand obedience without explanation and focus on status.[18]
Children resulting from this type of parenting may have less social competence because the parent generally tells the child what to do instead of allowing the child to choose by him or herself.[22] Some children of authoritarian parents may develop insecurities and display anti-social behavior.I][URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Citation_needed"]citation needed[/URL][/I Nonetheless, researchers have found that in some cultures and ethnic groups, aspects of authoritarian style may be associated with more positive child outcomes than Baumrind expects. "Aspects of traditional Asian child-rearing practices are often continued by Asian American families. In some cases, these practices have been described as authoritarian."[1]
Indulgent parenting

The parent is responsive but not demanding.
Indulgent parenting, also called permissive, non-directive or lenient,[16] is characterized as having few behavioral expectations for the child. "Indulgent parenting is a style of parenting in which parents are very involved with their children but place few demands or controls on them."[1] Parents are nurturing and accepting, and are responsive to the child's needs and wishes. Indulgent parents do not require children to regulate themselves or behave appropriately. This may result in creating spoiled brats or "spoiled sweet" children depending on the behavior of the children.I][URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:No_original_research"]original research?[/URL][/I
Children of permissive parents may tend to be more impulsive, and as adolescents, may engage more in misconduct, and in drug use. "Children never learn to control their own behavior and always expect to get their way."[1] But in the better cases they are emotionally secure, independent and are willing to learn and accept defeat. They mature quickly and are able to live life without the help of someone else.[23]
From a recent study,I][URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Verifiability"]verification needed[/URL][/I

• The teens least prone to heavy drinking had parents who scored high on both accountability and warmth.
• So-called 'indulgent' parents, those low on accountability and high on warmth, nearly tripled the risk of their teen participating in heavy drinking.
• 'Strict parents' or authoritarian parents – high on accountability and low on warmth – more than doubled their teen’s risk of heavy drinking.[24]

Neglectful parenting

The parent is neither demanding nor responsive.
Neglectful parenting is also called uninvolved, detached, dismissive or hands-off.[16] The parents are low in warmth and control, are generally not involved in their child's life, are disengaged, undemanding, low in responsiveness, and do not set limits. Neglectful parenting can also mean dismissing the children's emotions and opinions. Parents are emotionally unsupportive of their children, but will still provide their basic needs. Provide basic needs meaning: food, housing, and toiletries or money for the prementioned.[25] Neglectful parenting can stem from a variety of reasons, this includes the parents prioritizing themselves, lack of encouragement on the parent's parts, financial stresses, lack of support and addiction to harmful substances.[26]
Children whose parents are neglectful develop the sense that other aspects of the parents’ lives are more important than they are. Many children of this parenting style often attempt to provide for themselves or halt depending on the parent to get a feeling of being independent and mature beyond their years.[1] Parents, and thus their children, often display contradictory behavior. Children become emotionally withdrawn from social situations. This disturbed attachment also impacts relationships later on in life. In adolescence, they may show patterns of truancy and delinquency.[1]
A study done by Maccoby and Martin (1983) analyzed adolescents, aged 14– 18 in four areas: psychosocial development, school achievement, internalized distress, and problem behaviour. The study found that those with neglectful parents scored the lowest on these tests, while those with authoritative parents scored the highest.[27]
Other parenting styles



With authoritarian and permissive (indulgent) parenting on opposite sides of the spectrum, most conventional and modern models of parenting fall somewhere in between. The model or style that parents employ depends partly on how they themselves were reared, what they consider good parenting, the child's temperament, their current environmental situation, and whether they place more importance on their own needs or their idea of what will benefit the child. Parents who place greater importance on the child's physical safety may be more authoritarian. Attachment parentingThe goal is to strengthen the intuitive, psychological and emotional bond between the primary caregiver. The parent seeks to create strong emotional bonds by avoiding physical punishment and modifying the child's behavior through interactions that recognize the child's emotional needs and focuses on holistic understanding of the child.Concerted cultivationA style of parenting that is marked by the parents' attempts to foster their child's talents through organized leisure activities, such as music lessons.Emotion coachingThis style of parenting lays out a loving, nurturing path for raising happy, well-adjusted, well-behaved children by teaching the child how to recognize and express the way he is feeling in an appropriate way.Historic developmental modelAlso called the Child as Apprentice model. As a child's independent capacities emerge, opportunities are continuously presented at an age appropriate level. The child gains self-worth simultaneous to the emergence of various competencies in an ever-growing number of essential venues, as adulthood is approached. From the initial highly dependent relationship with parents, high levels of independence are attained seamlessly while special skills and abilities of the child have emerged in a manner relevant to adult vocational choices and life interests.Nurturant parentingA family model where children are expected to explore their surroundings with protection from their parents.OverparentingParents who try to involve themselves in every aspect of their child's life, often attempting to solve all their problems and stifling the child's ability to act independently or solve his own problems. A helicopter parent is a colloquial, early 21st-century term for a parent who pays extremely close attention to his or her children's experiences and problems, and attempts to sweep all obstacles out of their paths, particularly at educational institutions. Helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they hover closely overhead, especially during the late adolescence to early adulthood years, when a level of independence and self-sufficiency is normal. Modern communication technology has promoted this style by enabling parents to keep watch over their kids through cell phones, emails, and online grades.[28]Positive parentingConsistent support, guiding them and supporting them for healthy development.Slow parentingEncourages parents to plan and organise less for their children, instead allowing them to enjoy their childhood and explore the world at their own pace. Allowing the child to develop their own interests and allowing them to grow into their own person, lots of family time, allowing children to make their own decisions, limit electronics, simplistic toys.Spiritual parentingRespecting the child's individuality, making space for child to develop a sense of their own beliefs through their personality and their own potentials.Strict parentingAn authoritarian approach, places a strong value on discipline and following inflexible rules as a means to survive and thrive in a harsh world. Focused on strict discipline, demanding, with high expectations from the parents.Taking Children SeriouslyThe central idea of this movement is that it is possible and desirable to raise and educate children without doing anything to them against their will, or making them do anything against their will.Toxic parentingPoor parenting, with a toxic relationship between the parent and child. It results in complete disruption of the child's ability to identify one's self and reduced self-esteem, neglecting the needs of the child and abuse is sometimes seen in this parenting style.[29]

liliq

Holyjebus wrote: »

Hi guys,
Just wondered if any of you were going through the same thing and how you cope with it?
My 22 month old boy is such hard work, we never had it easy with him even as a baby. He never slept for more than 2 hours every night but thankfully he is finally sleeping through but lately has been waking again once or twice.
He is so demanding of our time and has constant tantrums when he doesn't get his own way. He wants to be amused always and hangs out of me crying when I try to cook dinner! It always seems to be me he wants.
We have a 4 year old boy too who is a little angel and completely different child. He has never even had a tantrum!
I find I'm tired and shouting all the time and my poor 4 year old is getting no attention because of his brothers demands.
Help! 😢

Could you involve them both in what you're doing? If you're cooking dinner give them some pots and spoons and they can pretend to cook along?
If you're hoovering give them a dustpan & brush and let them 'help'.
Kids learn by emulating their parents, and by being involved.

Regarding sleep, it's just one of those things. Some kids sleep all night, others don't. It's biologically normal not to sleep all in one chunk, and it can take kids up to 3 years to sleep for a night.
My son is heading towards 2.5 and has only ever once slept for 7 unbroken hours, usually it's 4, or 5.

I think sometimes a large part of a parents frustration comes from expectations that aren't always realistic.
22 months is so very young. Attention spans are short, and they're at a stage where they're easily frustrated as they want to do more than they're quite able to do. In the long run it's sometimes easier to be a little mindful of them rather than trying to get them to meet our expectations.

jigglypuffstuff

liliq wrote: »

Regarding sleep, it's just one of those things. Some kids sleep all night, others don't. It's biologically normal not to sleep all in one chunk, and it can take kids up to 3 years to sleep for a night.
My son is heading towards 2.5 and has only ever once slept for 7 unbroken hours, usually it's 4, or 5.

I think sometimes a large part of a parents frustration comes from expectations that aren't always realistic.

To say that you child only sleeps 4-5 unbroken hours is more likely due to other factors besides biology

how does he nap?
do you go to him each time he wakes up?
does he co-sleep?

I would look to those before I look to biology...sleep can often be a learned thing in my opinion

liliq

pone2012 wrote: »

To say that you child only sleeps 4-5 unbroken hours is more likely due to other factors besides biology

how does he nap?
do you go to him each time he wakes up?
does he co-sleep?

I would look to those before I look to biology...sleep can often be a learned thing in my opinion

Science would say otherwise
(Will get links when I'm on laptop)

He hasn't napped regularly since he was 16 months old, bar a couple of weeks around his second birthday.
He typically comes to me when he wakes, and we co sleep the rest of the night. We co slept full time until he was 18 months, and his sleep hadn't changed in the transition from full time to part time co sleeping.

I agree sleep is a learned thing, that's kind of my point!

jigglypuffstuff

liliq wrote: »

Science would say otherwise
(Will get links when I'm on laptop)

He hasn't napped regularly since he was 16 months old, bar a couple of weeks around his second birthday.
He typically comes to me when he wakes, and we co sleep the rest of the night. We co slept full time until he was 18 months, and his sleep hadn't changed in the transition from full time to part time co sleeping.

I agree sleep is a learned thing, that's kind of my point!

It most definatley is a learned thing..winding down the body and falling asleep is a behaviour just like any other..

I believe co - sleeping can delay the process to a great extent due to sleep associations being formed and behaviour being reinforced... a very similar experience to the one you mentioned occured with my partners child

he co slept full time until 18 months as she had no other bed..tormented her to no end and woke at least every 4 hours if not more

She was so exhausted that she put him to his own bed in the same room..she had no choice but to lay beside him until he drifted off with a bottle of juice..which took anywhere from 30 mins - 2 hours..he constantly woke and cried until he either got up and climbed into her bed...when he was put back several time numerous hours of late night tantrums occured and shee eventually made a barrier to keep him in his own bed...more hours of screaming and tantrums

when i visited and i put him into that same room alone in his bed and we slept downstairs..no tears..no laying beside him..just sleep and 12 solid hours first night and 14 the second..my girlfriends jaw hit the floor in shock. All of a sudden she realised I wasnt lying about there being no need for all this madness at bedtime

once she moved closer to me...he was put into his own room and the door was closed....enter the CIO extinction method...after proving to her it was no more than his way of telling her he wasnt happy about the situation she went ahead with CIO and now theres no tears..no laying beside him, no bottle thats long gone...12 hours guaranteed sleep every night and a much happier mother and child.

The naps were also dropped as he was staying awake until all hours.

The conclusion i gave her..the child formed a sleep association with her being beside him....in other words the child didnt understand that he could sleep without her beside him....and whats funny is she believed that also....

She still laughs to this day that she thought I was making this stuff up but it is as clear as day..he used to play with her hair to soothe himself...now he does that with his own hair instead...the association is still there even though its been almost 3 months now

Anyway I dont condemn co sleeping...in this case it needed to stop for obvious reasons ( mental sanity being one) ...but in my opinion its not a very effective way to teach good sleeping habits in comparision to others..Im not saying I'm 100% right...everyones got an opinion after all and everyones situation and child are unique.

As we know behaviour is a learned thing and those habits we reinforce in children either good or bad are a result of what we choose to teach them.

Oh and in relation to science stating otherwise...for everything science says...there is often science somewhere to contradict it..the validity of the studies and research are a good indicator....control mechanisms used etc.

Were it not for me having an understanding of research methods I'd believe everything I read!! Bad science is pretty easy to spot!! bring on the links

liliq

pone2012 wrote: »

Were it not for me having an understanding of research methods I'd believe everything I read!! Bad science is pretty easy to spot!! bring on the links

Will do, Mr. Goldacre

Australian study of sleep in 0-9 year old healthy children: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/24347573/?i=18&from=child sleep

Study of Swiss 0-10 year old healthy children: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/15866857/?i=6&from=/24347573/related

How Strange

I have a 3 yr old and an 8 month baby and the 3yr old can be very challenging at times.

Op does your toddler have a lot of words and is he able to communicate with you? We found the preverbal stage the most difficult as they get frustrated when they can't tell you what's wrong.

If he has a broad vocabulary or even enough words to communicate then encourage him to use his words to explain how he feels.

Perhaps try to help him by articulating what is frustrating him at that moment ie 'I know you want to continue playing but it's time to get ready for bed'. Doing this shows him that you empathise with him and you're also helping him improve his vocabulary.

We found this really helped with our lad. Also try to involve him in whatever you're doing. That usually stops the whinging. In the evenings I try to be organised in such a way that we just sit down for the hour between coming home and bedtime.

I seem to spend a considerable part of my day deflecting tantrums or distracting him when I can see him getting wound up. I also don't entertain whinging so if he's moaning and being whingy I tell him I won't speak to him until it stops. But when he does stop and come to me I give him some time.

My boy is definitely high spirited and we've had a few tantrums and one huge meltdown but I find the best approach is to be firm as regards his behaviour but fair so if he's being very well behaved I tell him so and I give him one on one time. It's exhausting but so far it seems to be working.

How Strange

Also I'm not a fan of time out chairs, steps etc. We've never used it and we've managed just fine. We do put him sitting on the sofa to calm down when he's having a tantrum and I explain to him that I love him but I can't speak to him until he calms down. Once he has calmed down I give him a hug and a kiss and that's it. I don't punish tantrums as I don't think they can help having them. That's why I use distraction so he doesn't get to the stage of losing control.

I don't think toddlers are master manipulator a but I do believe they react to how their parents behave so if you're inconsistent in what you say or do then they'll react accordingly. I think the examples pone2012 is using shows how inconsistent parenting affects a child. They need to know where the boundaries are and as they push them you have to stand firm even if that means your toddler screams and shouts for a while.

Holyjebus

Holyjebus wrote: »

He is so demanding of our time and has constant tantrums when he doesn't get his own way. He wants to be amused always and hangs out of me crying when I try to cook dinner! It always seems to be me he wants.

Not sure how much stock you put in Jo Frost - she divides opinion around these parts - but this particular episode of Supernanny is about the very thing you describe. A clingly toddler who is so demanding of time - and throws so many tantrums - that the mother has no time for A) herself or her other children. And both suffer as a result.

So perhaps there is something in this episode that might help you along. Give it a watch and see - assuming of course you can get 45 minutes to yourself to do so

Hannibal Smith

How Strange wrote: »

Also I'm not a fan of time out chairs, steps etc. We've never used it and we've managed just fine. We do put him sitting on the sofa to calm down when he's having a tantrum and I explain to him that I love him but I can't speak to him until he calms down. Once he has calmed down I give him a hug and a kiss and that's it. I don't punish tantrums as I don't think they can help having them. That's why I use distraction so he doesn't get to the stage of losing control.

I don't think toddlers are master manipulator a but I do believe they react to how their parents behave so if you're inconsistent in what you say or do then they'll react accordingly. I think the examples pone2012 is using shows how inconsistent parenting affects a child. They need to know where the boundaries are and as they push them you have to stand firm even if that means your toddler screams and shouts for a while.

Distraction is great. ..and works a treat. There ate times when you don't see it coming though. ..it can be the craziest thing...like the crayon colouring blue instead of the red he wanted lol. I'm trying to think now and remember some of the things that have set him off...but they come right out of left field sometimes lol

But you are right that when you can distract them and pip them at the post it is much more pleasant for everyone

How Strange

Tiredness is the big red flag for us. I know if he's exhausted after a day in crèche just to go easy, give him something quick to eat and into bed earlier than usual.

Our huge meltdown was on a day that he was totally exhausted.

Sweets/sugar are the other big thing. He goes crazy if he gets too much and we've told all grandparents etc not to give him little treats anymore. We give him little things every so often but for a while he was getting far too much and the bold behaviour escalated.

jigglypuffstuff

liliq wrote: »

Will do, Mr. Goldacre

Australian study of sleep in 0-9 year old healthy children: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/24347573/?i=18&from=child%20sleep

Study of Swiss 0-10 year old healthy children: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/15866857/?i=6&from=/24347573/related

OBJECTIVE: To study age trends, long-term course and secular changes of bed-sharing practices, and sleep problems among Swiss families.
METHODS: A total of 493 children were longitudinally followed between 1974 and 2001 by using structured sleep-related interviews at 1, 3, 6, 9, 12, 18, and 24 months after birth and at annual intervals thereafter until 10 years of age. Parents were queried about bed sharing, night wakings, bedtime resistance, and sleep-onset difficulties during the 3 months before each follow-up interview.
RESULTS: Although in the first year of life relatively few children slept with their parents (<10%), bed sharing increased with age and reached a maximum at 4 years (> or =1 times per week: 38%). Bed sharing of at least once per week was noted in 44% of the children between 2 and 7 years old. Nocturnal wakings also increased from 6 months old to a maximum at 4 years, when more than half of all children woke up at least once per week (22% every night at 3 years). Less than 10% of all children demonstrated frequent bedtime resistance and sleep-onset difficulties. Bed sharing and night wakings during early infancy were not predictive for bed sharing or night wakings during childhood, whereas both bed sharing and night wakings during childhood tended to persist over time. In contrast, bedtime resistance and sleep-onset difficulties seemed to be rather transient phenomena across all ages. No consistent cohort trends were found except for bedtime resistance, which decreased significantly between 1974 and 2001.
CONCLUSIONS: Bed sharing and nocturnal wakings are common during early childhood. Developmental changes in separation-attachment processes, cognitive capabilities to develop self-recognition and nighttime fears, and motor locomotion may contribute to the particular age trend of night wakings and bed sharing during early childhood.
PMID

15866857 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE]

I think the words in bold speak for themselves...echoes what I pointed out about co-sleeping

Bed sharing and night wakings during early infancy were not predictive for bed sharing or night wakings during childhood

^^ And one would wonder why..Many co-sleep during infancy to make feeding easier, which is a need of the child, however past the crazy feeding schedule of infancy, its blatantly obvious that toddlers develop wants as well as needs, I wonder how many parents co-sleep because there toddler wants to and its just to difficult to do CIO or put up with the screaming..My guess would be a lot;)

Also to take a quote from the other study i downloaded the full PDF

the number of night wakes for the current sample remain low from infancy to 9 years. This suggests that it is the length of the night wakes ( and accompanying disruption) rather than the number that contributes to the high proprotion of sleep problems reported by parents in the first years of life. Most children learn to self settle by 12 months

Again this also echoes the point about co-sleeping...children are well capable of self settling by 12 months and even before that..

accompanying disruption plays a huge factor..in fact stimulation of any kind after being awaken is an accompanying disruption..where some come running looking for mommy...hence hop into the bed stroke head/back, lullabys etc.others who are aware of how to self settle would just simply turn back over and go to sleep majority of the time unless theres a genuine need for something (illness etc)

So again as I said biology has very little to do with it..night wakings past the feeding stage that turn into crying fits/tantums for no biological reason...its a response to their situation where they seek company/attention. This is more attributed a behavioural response to a condition and not a biological one...there is no biological need for a parent to sleep with a child.

everyone can wake up..however screaming the house down or looking to get into a a parents bed isnt a necessary one..Just as there is no need to respond to it...the sooner a child learns to sleep by themselves the better in my opinion...9 times out of ten my guess is that once a child is taught how to sleep alone through the night..it results in a better experience for all..including the child

Feel free to pick apart anything ive said that you dont agree with..as i said its all opinion really;)

Hannibal Smith

How Strange wrote: »

Tiredness is the big red flag for us. I know if he's exhausted after a day in crèche just to go easy, give him something quick to eat and into bed earlier than usual.

Our huge meltdown was a day that he was totally exhausted.

Sweets/sugar are the other big thing. He goes crazy if he gets too much and we've told all grandparents etc not to give him little treats anymore. We give him little things every so often but for a while he was getting far too much and the bold behaviour escalated.

Agreed tiredness tantrums can be mega. And it's amazing the amount of people eho will say sugar ha no effect on behaviour. Ive seen the change and the worst is sugar + tiredness = tantrum of epic proportions.

But there really are the unexplained unforeseeable out of the blue batton down the hatches kind thst you just don't see coming. I wish I could remember some of the scenarios now. ..but I appear to have blocked them out