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Making too much of this or not?

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  • 02-01-2014 12:24pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi folks,

    Looking for a bit of input on this.

    A couple of days a week, We send our daughter (20 mths) to be minded by a woman who lives locally to us in her home.

    In general, it's a arrangement myself and my wife are very happy with - this women is great with her - brings her to a local toddler group and my daughter obviously likes going to her - gives her hugs when we arrive there etc.

    She has 2 girls of her own, who are off school on hols at the moment. The older girl who is 11 (I think), is great with my daughter - plays with her, gives her hugs etc.

    The younger one (about 8) is very jealous of the attention given to my daughter by her mother, jumps and hangs out of her mother etc as soon as we arrive

    She also has quite a fiery temper which I have witnessed on a couple of occasions, slamming doors, throw things down on the floor etc.

    This morning when we had arrived there, she came running out into the hallway and fell over, saying my daughter had tripped her. She then ran into the kitchen in a temper and slammed the door so hard the whole house shook. It actually surprised me a 8 yr old COULD slam a door that hard.

    Now, here's the thing - I know my daughter was no-where near the door when she slammed it, but I couldn't help thinking if she had been running into the kitchen (which she often does as there's a play kitchen in there that she loves)
    and was caught by that door, she could have not only been hurt, but seriously hurt. Her mother didn't react when her daughter slammed the door other than to raise her eyes up.

    The wider possible issue is also playing on my mind now - if this girl is resentful of my daughter being there, what is she like during the day ? Does she go about slamming doors etc when my daughter is running around?

    I think/hope its that she's just acting up when we arrive there due to the initial excitement and burst of attention from her mother that she feels she's missing out on.

    The question is - should I raise my concerns with her mother? Can she (or should she?) do anything? (If it's attention seeking on her daughters part, maybe ignoring it is best and told off is going to make her more resentful).
    Another part of me says I'm overreacting - that older and younger kids skirmish with each other all the time even within the same family, and they get by. The last thing I want to be one is of those parents that wraps their kids up in cotton wool!

    As I said in all other respects it is an ideal arrangement, and my daughter is very happy going to her.

    Any input appreciated.


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    #2
    liliq
    Registered Users Posts: 2,242 ✭✭✭liliq


    To be honest, I wouldn't stress about it too much. Maybe say something in passing to the minder along the lines of a sympathetic 'I hope she's not too put out all day' kind of thing. You might be told that she's fine within a half an hour or so.
    And school is back next week, anyway, so things will be back to normal for everyone :)

    I can understand that it's not nice to think your daughter is in a tense environment though :/


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    #3
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    You're paying for a service and as with everything else you're entitled to be happy with that service and have any concerns you may have answered.

    I would be concerned about sending my child to the home of a jealous child. Has the mother not explained the arrangement well enough or is it a normal thing for a child to go through? Like you say what if she had slammed the door and your daughter was injured? Or what if she takes it out on your daughter during the day?

    Its great your daughter is happy going there and maybe there is nothing to be worried about, but in my mind childcare is too big a deal to be unsure about.


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    #4
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    I'd have a chat to her about it. It may just be playing up when you arrive and be fine for the rest of the day, but I'd be worried that it might continue all day.

    Just have an informal chat about it when the child is not around... she'll be back at school next week?


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for the replies.

    On reflection, I don't think I'm going to say anything for now. As a poster mentioned kids are back to school next week anyway and when they're at school it's about 1-2 hrs they are back before I collect my daughter.

    I am inclined to think that its mainly acting out when we arrive which is only an issue over holidays (normally the 2 girls are already gone to school when we arrive).

    Also, my daughter doesn't seem to react negatively to her when shes around, so I guess they just don't pay much attention to each other.


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