Are women usually the bosses in relationships?

Chefrio

I've noticed this amongst friends that the women are usually the ones that have more of a say in the relationship. Then there is the widespread jokes you hear about men being "whipped, under the thumb"etc. So does a woman usually end up as the boss in a relationship?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

No

SV

My girlfriend says no. I agree apparently.

Zzippy

I dunno, I'll have to ask herself...

oceanman

only if you are stupid enough to let them be!

old hippy

I've noticed this amongst boards that there's an awful lot of sweeping generalisations about women. Fat women, ugly women, pushy women, independent women, ginger women. women who wear too much make up, women who don't wear make up, women who wear skimpy clothes and on and on and on.

KTRIC

I personally wouldn't put up with that in a relationship.

Wacker The Attacker

When in the bedroom its good to remind them who the real daddy is.

Ideally with a fist/vegetable/citrus fruit or a battery powered kitchen appliance

gramar

It's fairly 50:50 with the missus although maybe that's what she would have me believe and I'm deluded.

Chefrio

old hippy wrote: »

I've noticed this amongst boards that there's an awful lot of sweeping generalisations about women. Fat women, ugly women, pushy women, independent women, ginger women. women who wear too much make up, women who don't wear make up, women who wear skimpy clothes and on and on and on.

The thread title isn't a generalisation. Notice the word "usually".

Potatoeman

old hippy wrote: »

I've noticed this amongst boards that there's an awful lot of sweeping generalisations about women. Fat women, ugly women, pushy women, independent women, ginger women. women who wear too much make up, women who don't wear make up, women who wear skimpy clothes and on and on and on.

That's a sweeping generalisation too.

ZiabR

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

When in the bedroom its good to remind them who the real daddy is.

Ideally with a fist/vegetable/citrus fruit or a battery powdered kitchen appliance

That made me lol!

OP - My OH would say yes, I would say no.

old hippy

Chefrio wrote: »

Then thread title isn't a generalisation. Notice the word "usually".

Yes, I did take note of that. Maybe change it to "in my experience"?

Relationships aren't or at least shouldn't be about who is in charge. Equal relationships are the ones that tend to last, in my experience.

testicle

old hippy wrote: »

I've noticed this amongst boards that there's an awful lot of sweeping generalisations about women. Fat women, ugly women, pushy women, independent women, ginger women. women who wear too much make up, women who don't wear make up, women who wear skimpy clothes and on and on and on.

What about naked women?

old hippy

Potatoeman wrote: »

That's a sweeping generalisation too.

That was my point.

Lyaiera

I've read a few studies on familial systems and Ireland is generally considered fairly matriarchal when it comes to families. Whether that applies to all relationships, relationships when a couple settles down or only relationships where children are a concern I don't know. Spain and Italy are seen as similar and I wonder if it has something to do with Catholicism. (Germany and the UK aren't matriarchal.)

old hippy

testicle wrote: »

What about naked women?

Oh I'm sure we'll have plenty of that plus "amusing" suggestions of violence towards women to remind them who's boss...

Valetta

KTRIC wrote: »

I personally wouldn't put up with that in a relationship.

"Wouldn't" - not "don't"? hmmmm

newport2

old hippy wrote: »

I've noticed this amongst boards that there's an awful lot of sweeping generalisations about women. Fat women, ugly women, pushy women, independent women, ginger women. women who wear too much make up, women who don't wear make up, women who wear skimpy clothes and on and on and on.

Women usually get lumbered with most of the housework in relationships.

That's a sweeping generalisation about women, does that mean people should stop saying it?

Please say it does, I'm sick of hearing/reading it.

El_Dangeroso

Ireland is a bit of a matriarchal society in general, so do tend to be the main decision makers in a lot of things. The stereotypical Irish Mammy comes to mind.

But I think as newer generations of men are more involved in the running of a household and childcare this is changing. I know some relationships where men would be the main decision makers and some where the opposite will be true.

Though I do like to think most people think it's 50:50, even when the power balance usually tips even slightly one way or the other.

Wacker The Attacker

old hippy wrote: »

Oh I'm sure we'll have plenty of that plus "amusing" suggestions of violence towards women to remind them who's boss...

In fairness, my suggestions were for fun and bedroom based activities purely for the mutual pleasure of all participants in the frolics.

Dyr

wimmens have "relationships", men tend to just have "girlfriends/wives" etc

Chefrio

old hippy wrote: »

Yes, I did take note of that. Maybe change it to "in my experience"?

Relationships aren't or at least shouldn't be about who is in charge. Equal relationships are the ones that tend to last, in my experience.

I asked a question, I didn't state a conclusion.

Karl Stein

I think a lot of men don't mind sitting in the passenger seat when it comes to relationships.

brevity

Men just don't want the argument so it probably comes across as that way.

ThirdMan

It's 50/50 in my relationship, exactly as it should be. We don't give each other an inch and it works brilliantly. In my experience the people that say relationships are about compromise are usually unhappy or 'under the thumb'. I might occasionally watch a crap film, or eat in a restaurant that only she likes. But when it comes to the important stuff I won't budge. And neither will she. We refuse to live unhappy lives. If it ever starts to happen I'll be out the door and the 15 years we've spent together would be water off a duck's back.

SCOOP 64

No, its just good to let them think they are.

Wabbit Ears

Shes the boss, some women like to let their partners believe they have a say in things but deep down we all know its not true.

TeddyTedson

Out of my friends the guys who have had the least amount of relationships tend to have their girlfriends as the "boss". Not all but a lot.
The also seem to be a lot less happy than the couples that appear to be 50/50.
The relationships where the guy is the "boss" also don't seem as happy.
I definitely wouldn't be in a relationship unless it was give and take...

Holsten

No, not unless the man allows it.

Invincible

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

When in the bedroom its good to remind them who the real daddy is.

Ideally with a fist/vegetable/citrus fruit or a battery powdered kitchen appliance

Can't imagine a whisk or blender being too successful...lol

Wibbs

A good relationship should be a partnership where it flows back and forward between two people to make them as individuals and as a unit stronger. If someone is under the thumb, male or female, I don't blame the thumb wielder. outside of people with genuine emotional/mental issues 9 times outa 10 they take that position out of necessity, because one half of the partnership isn't carrying their weight, so they have to.

I've known men "under the thumb" and each one of them was emotionally and psychologically weak to some degree. Didn't like too much responsibility either. In these cases I've known they either specifically selected for harridans or turned normal women into harridans. I've seen similar with women under the thumb.

PucaMama

Men like to say women are bossy or controlling etc but in reality they just don't like a woman who will stand up to them

old hippy

Maybe men should just date men. Maybe we understand each other better.

Wibbs

Lyaiera wrote: »

I've read a few studies on familial systems and Ireland is generally considered fairly matriarchal when it comes to families. Whether that applies to all relationships, relationships when a couple settles down or only relationships where children are a concern I don't know. Spain and Italy are seen as similar and I wonder if it has something to do with Catholicism. (Germany and the UK aren't matriarchal.)

I'd agree Irish culture is more matriarchal in this regard. More than Italian and Spanish IMHO. They have the element of machismo which can run strong. That's lacking here by comparison. Might be a Catholic thing alright, though Polish folks would be less again. I'd consider the US a matriarchal society in a lot of ways and that's a much more Protestant culture.

I'd say that most societies have an element of matriarchy going on behind the familial door. Traditionally and for a very long time the home was considered the woman's domain. Well for the vast majority of women in history that was the only domain open to them. That and reproduction. Though as El_Dangeroso points out this is changing with the wider societal changes afoot.

PucaMama wrote:

Men like to say women are bossy or controlling etc but in reality they just don't like a woman who will stand up to them

Aye, but on the other side of that generalisation one can argue that some women confuse being a harpy with being independent and equal.

poundapunnet

Wibbs wrote: »

A good relationship should be a partnership where it flows back and forward between two people to make them as individuals and as a unit stronger. If someone is under the thumb, male or female, I don't blame the thumb wielder. outside of people with genuine emotional/mental issues 9 times outa 10 they take that position out of necessity, because one half of the partnership isn't carrying their weight, so they have to.

I've known men "under the thumb" and each one of them was emotionally and psychologically weak to some degree. Didn't like too much responsibility either. In these cases I've known they either specifically selected for harridans or turned normal women into harridans. I've seen similar with women under the thumb.

Bingo. I can see it a lot in my extended family on my dad's side, it seems like the women are constantly on the men's case, bossing them, talking down, telling them what to do. But then you realise that this is in a family with six kids and the men will sit in the middle of world war three UNTIL they're roared at to get up and go to the shop or whatever. There's also a huge amount of hard drinking men who could disappear on benders, spend the rent money if it's not taken straight off them etc.

But then that model of relationships filters down to the next generation where it's not even necessary. I often find myself bossing my male relatives or friends around and talking to them in a way I never would to a woman, I really have to be aware of it and try and catch myself, it works for my family (my parents are the exceptions) and I think for a lot of Irish people of that generation, but there's really no call for me to do it.

Wibbs

old hippy wrote: »

Maybe men should just date men. Maybe we understand each other better.

maybe OH. As a huge generalisation men tend to have a lot less emotional drama in their dealings with each other. My personal, mad, "oh this wacky baccy is goooood" theory on this at a very reptile brain level is down to violence or the potential for such between them. So they have to take more care in general compared to women, where violence is rarer. Over the years I've certainly seen comments all the way up to arguments between women where they're being "honest", that if that was a couple of blokes the chances for fisticuffs would be high enough. Ditto for actions or comments by women aimed at men that wouldn't be so easily tolerated if coming from another man. I've seen women in clubs and the like actually slap guys and in most cases there is no expectation of the guy responding in kind, yet if that was two blokes, the bouncers would need to be on top of that real quick.

As an extreme; I was watching a documentary on the US Italian mob around the time of the Sopranos. Real gangsters were interviewed and they liked the series as entertainment, but found one aspect didn't gel and that was the excessive cursing and busting of balls. In reality, unless the actual blood was up mobsters were almost excessively polite with each other when compared to "civilians". Basically because the wrong word could get you killed. They specifically avoided drama as much as possible. Apparently this was one reason the Irish American mafia guys in the 1970's freaked the old guard out as they didn't seem to care on this score. real loose cannons and mad with it.

kowloon

Everyone I've met with the 'it's easier just not to argue with them' attitude has been miserable.

Daveysil15

At the pearly gates there's a sign above St Peters' head which says, "all men who have been dominated by their wives stand here." The queue is a mile long. Then there's another sign which says, "all men who have not been dominated by their wives stand here." And there's one little guy standing there on his own. St Peter walks up to him and says, "what do you want?" The man replies, "well my wife told me to stand here."

Wibbs

kowloon wrote: »

Everyone I've met with the 'it's easier just not to argue with them' attitude has been miserable.

+1000. Though some get off on it too. Still having seen these relationships, these men - if we're only talking of men in this situation - have purposely selected for this type of woman out of all the women in the world. They then ignored more red flags than Chairman Mao's birthday party throughout the relationship and still went through with marrying them. TBH my sympathy is low on this. Like a woman I know who was dragged along by this one bloke for years, while he cheated on her, treated her like dirt and when he finally got tired of whoring around asked her to marry him and she accepted and now she's miserable. Dumb. Really bloody dumb. I can only surmise they like being miserable, or that its a state they find the most comfortable. Certainly in this woman's case she went out with nice ordinary non dickish guys, but left them.

looking_around

newport2 wrote: »

Women usually get lumbered with most of the housework in relationships.

That's a sweeping generalisation about women, does that mean people should stop saying it?

Please say it does, I'm sick of hearing/reading it.

"Sweeping generalisations" aren't always false :pac:

I would say the above is true in most households, unless it was pre-talked about who would do what work, when,

__
@OP,
I can't say. Alot of women I know are more submissive.

In my own relationship, there's a bit of a tug of war on who's the boss.

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

I've known men "under the thumb" and each one of them was emotionally and psychologically weak to some degree. Didn't like too much responsibility either. In these cases I've known they either specifically selected for harridans or turned normal women into harridans. I've seen similar with women under the thumb.

Yet with the genders reversed the man is "controlling" and the woman should get sympathy rather than be described as "weak".

suicide_circus

Every morning when you wake up, the second you open your eyes, ask yourself one question; "who's the daddy?"

Hint: the answer is "me, I'm the ****ing daddy!"

bee06

I'm the boss in relation to some decisions, he's the boss for others and we're 50/50 for the rest.

.jacksparrow.

Why can't Stevie wonder see his mates?


Because he's married.

Chefrio

One rule that I find women usually lay down is the standard of cleanliness which is acceptable or the organisation of household items. There is no strict right or wrong but I find women usually determine these rules.

mickydoomsux

Women are in control of "the relationship" because most men done care one iota about "the relationship" as long as they keep getting their dicks wet on a regular basis.

kowloon

Wibbs wrote: »

I can only surmise they like being miserable, or that its a state they find the most comfortable. Certainly in this woman's case she went out with nice ordinary non dickish guys, but left them.

I would have said she was too afraid of being alone right up until that last line.

Wibbs

Deleted User wrote: »

Yet with the genders reversed the man is "controlling" and the woman should get sympathy rather than be described as "weak".

Not with me. I have sympathy of course. That is or should be a normal human reaction, but I still think them weak/unenlightened if this is a consistent behavior pattern in their relationships. Goes for male and female. If you're a woman and all your exes were bastards, then the problem ultimately lies with you, because you are preselecting the bastards out of the majority of men who may have faults but aren't bastards.

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

Not with me. I have sympathy of course. That is or should be a normal human reaction, but I still think them weak/unenlightened if this is a consistent behavior pattern in their relationships. Goes for male and female. If you're a woman and all your exes were bastards, then the problem ultimately lies with you, because you are preselecting the bastards out of the majority of men who may have faults but aren't bastards.

I can hear the screams of "victim blaming" in the distance. :pac:

kingshankly

I honestly don't get the concept of having the misses as the boss lads at work working all week handing up the money for her to give them back a few quid.
Lads having to consult with the misses before being able to comit to a lads weekend.
Don't get me wrong two week lads holiday in the sun is stretching it a bit but I'd rather be single than have to ask the wife's permission to do anything and vice versa for her