Sunday Funnies

MonkieSocks

It is the End of Times.

All the JFK conspiracy buffs are lined up before the throne of Heaven.

The oldest conspiracy buff asks God,

"Can you please tell us who killed JFK?"

The Lord says, "I will tell you this just once. Oswald killed JFK, and he acted alone."

Another conspiracy buff nudges the one next to him.




"Wow - this goes deeper than we thought!"

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A deer walks into a gay bar, sits down, and says,

"Man, I can't believe I blew 20 bucks last night."

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"Doctor, when it's cold, I get stiff in the joints."

"Then stay out of those joints."

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A novice nun storms into her Mother Superior's office, fuming.

"Mother Superior!

You should hear those workmen building the road outside our convent!

Their foul language is simply disgraceful!"

"Now, now, Sister" says the Mother Superior.

"They're simple, honest, hardworking men. They merely call a spade a spade."

"No, they don't!" says the novice. "They call it a fookin shovel!"

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The Lone Ranger is captured by some bandits and is told that he will be executed in the morning.

He is given one last request.

"I want to talk to my horse" he says, and his faithful steed is brought to his side.

He leans over, whispers in the horse's ear, and the horse gallops away.

A few hours later, the horse returns with a beautiful woman on its back.

The bandits are amazed, and allow the woman to spend the night with the prisoner.

In the morning, the bandit leader is amazed by what he hears happened, so he grants a temporary reprieve of the execution until the next morning.

Again, on the eve of his death, the prisoner is given a last request, and of course again asks to speak to his horse.

He whispers in the horse's ear and it gallops off.

This time, it returns with TWO women, more beautiful than the last.

The bandits are incredulous, nonetheless honour the man's last request and he spends the night with the girls.

The next morning the bandit leader again grants a stay of execution, but warns him that no more delay will be tolerated, and he WILL be executed the next morning no matter what.

That evening, when given his last request, he says

"I' would like to speak to my horse... alone".

The horse is led in and the bandits retreat out of earshot.

The Lone Ranger grabs the horse by the ears, looks him right in the eyes and says


"Listen you mangy flea-bitten nag,

I only got one more shot at this so listen closely...bring POSSE!"