My mom is dying

PTH2009

my mom at 54 years of age is dying from pnamonia and i am disraught.

Its only going to me and my dad in the house.

i need help in dealing with it all.

i want to live my life the way my mom would want, find a nice girl, have a family, i want to be there for my dad and the rest of the family. My sister is having a baby in march so want to there for the baby too

Chareth Cutestory

I'm so sorry to hear that. My mum in her 50s is dying also, but of Alzheimer's disease. It can be so difficult to get your head around. I'm sure apart from your own sadness you feel worried about your dad, and your sister. Perhaps a sense of guilt also as you know that you'll be moving out some day and are worried about your dad being alone? These are all natural feelings/worries to have. I think talking to someone - a family member or close friend, even a bereavement counsellor, could really help you make sense of your feelings. I know it's a scary and devastating thing to be going through. Don't be afraid to ask for help in coping, and try not to put too much pressure on yourself to be the strong one for your family. The sadness can be so overwhelming at times, if its causing you anxiety you could visit your gp. Talking about it can be difficult, but also a great help.

PTH2009

my mom passed away at 5am dis morning.

I dont know if im coming or going. People coming in and out of the house

I need some advice ??

therealme

I'm so sorry to hear that, my thoughts are with you.

My Mum died suddenly a few years ago. It still hurts - a LOT but you learn to live with it - in time.

You will go through the motions - you will cry, be in shock, at some times laugh, wont sleep - if you do you will wake up thinking it's a dream until reality hits and you will cry...again!

You will feel sad, lonely, angry to name but a few emotions. She will be the only thing you will think of in the coming days and honestly it will pass in a blur.

Don't hold back - if you need to cry, play music, go for a walk, talk to family and her friends etc. When you look back in time, those things you remember. Let others help and be there, do what you need to do.

Take the next few days as they come, give your Mum the best send off you can and take consolation in time that you had her in your life. Be kind to yourself also, you WILL get through this.

kerry4sam

PTH2009 wrote: »

my mom at 54 years of age is dying from pnamonia and i am disraught.

Its only going to me and my dad in the house.

i need help in dealing with it all.

i want to live my life the way my mom would want, find a nice girl, have a family, i want to be there for my dad and the rest of the family. My sister is having a baby in march so want to there for the baby too

PTH2009 wrote: »

my mom passed away at 5am dis morning.

I dont know if im coming or going. People coming in and out of the house

I need some advice ??

My thoughts are with you. When you get the chance, you might post and let us know how you are getting on & how you are coping?

These few days will go by so fast, like a whirl-wind. You'll be trying to ensure you have thought of everything and everyone. Your mind will be going 90, it's just surreal how your mind gets into this coping capacity and your body into this get-up & go attitude.

People will be coming and going for weeks to come (maybe longer but my own loving Dad, now Resting in Peace, only passed away on 20th Dec '13 so I can only comment on weeks at the moment. See here).

What will happen when it will just be yourself and your Dad, I cannot answer that I'm afraid.
My own loving Dad was always there for me, always there for everything I did, always ready to assist with anything I needed - always there! He is such a huge loss to me and my life, it just frightens me at times and I end up in tears!
Even at work I get emotional when people start talking about him, or asking about me and my family. This won't change overnight, so maybe that is something you should expect too.

What happens next week or even tomorrow is a mystery to everyone, but I hope that you can find peace within yourself. You will need that to remain strong in all you do from now onward.
Keep an eye on your Dad and yourself, and don't stop looking after each other.

Hope you post back in here when you get the chance,

Hope you're doing okay,
Hugs,
kerry4sam

December2012

So sorry for your loss. Just try lots of deep breathing and taking each day as it comes.
It's hard but it's doable.

NIMAN

So sorry to hear of your loss.

My dad died at 55 too, suddenly from a heart attack at home. More or less died in my arms.

It was a massive shock and you will probably find it very hard for quite a while. I had a very tough 6 months after my father died, but it does get easier with time, its a great healer. I know you don't need to hear this so soon after your mum passed on, but there will be a time that you all learn to cope with your loss and manage to live your lives again.

Try to be strong for each other, don't bottle anything up, cry as much as you need to, look out for each other, and if you find it tough going do not be afraid to consider bereavement counselling.

May you find the strength to soldier on in this tough time.

PTH2009

im doing ok. Its going to hard when my 2 sisters go back to there houses and its just me and my dad at home. I plan to head back to work soon and start a routine again. me and my dad have 2 rugby matches coming up we are going to so that will be a distraction.

It will be weird coming home from work or town and my mom is not there

kerry4sam

PTH2009 wrote: »

im doing ok. Its going to hard when my 2 sisters go back to there houses and its just me and my dad at home. I plan to head back to work soon and start a routine again. me and my dad have 2 rugby matches coming up we are going to so that will be a distraction.

It will be weird coming home from work or town and my mom is not there

It will be somewhat 'strange' for awhile to say the least. My loving Dads' (now Resting in Peace) birthday would have been New Years' Eve so I chose that day to return to work - just felt apt. Busy at work; and my colleagues were phenomenal with me - so lucky; but felt I needed to get out of the house and into steady routine also, like you say here.

Any distraction like a match will be more than welcome I can assure you. Hope you enjoy

Re: not being there physically. Oh man, I just felt so alone the first time I came back from a night-shift. My loving Dad (now Resting in Peace) was always there waiting up for me to have a few words like how my day was; any scá; just sitting up to chat with me to be honest. It was lovely. I'd phone him throughout every day to see how his day was going, it's small things like that I find that hurts big time, at times.

Such a gut-wrenching feeling walking in knowing, still half-expecting, yet knowing deep-down that he won't be physically sitting there. Just for a chat; a few words; advice; support you know. You will miss your Mom but I hope that in time the pain and hurt will become easier to manage for you too.

A routine is nice, getting back out to work with the love and support of your work colleagues will be lovely, believe me.

Hope all your family will be okay & returning to their own working & daily lives. It will hit everyone differently, and at different times.

Thanks for posting back in here,
kerry4sam

RubyRoss

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom and of course things are strange for you right now. My Dad died a few years ago and I often found myself missing him terribly for about a year afterwards.

As Kerry4Sam wrote, everyone deals with death differently so just take your feelings as they come. I was at home with my mom afterwards and we both found it helpful to talk about and remember him and later to do things for him like picking out flowers for the graveside.

People you love don't ever really leave you because you will always have memories to carry with you. You are right that you must live your own life but try not to put pressure on yourself to 'move on' until you are ready to do so.