Sexual Identity

nikinova

Hello

I have the above identity problem and it has been with me from a year young age, I won't divulge too much information. I am undertaking psychotherapy who said eagerly at the start of the therapy sessions that we will explore the issues surrounding it and also do testings. Roll forward now five months - she has just given me my diagnosis (BPD) and that is what I have and that is why I cannot have relationships.

I spoke with fear that she would not help me through this as we have already talked about relationship stuff .unbeknownst to me, and that now it is up to me to figure out if I have these identity issues...one of her comments was,,,you are 40 and I am not your mother...you need to go and test out things.

Honestly this has been my worst experience in therapy, I have got absolutely NOTHING out of it and she is a qualified clinical psychologist. Her tone is always cold and she just spent time giving me hand outs and at the beginning of therapy she would start one thing and jump to another...so I could make no sense of what she was talking about.

I am left feeling abandoned - and feel that nobody can help me, my last therapist was exactly the same, started off with therapy saying she could help and then couldn't.

I did a really stupid thing after my last session with the said clinical psychologist - I felt so low and extremely upset and confused...almost as if a bubble landed on me and made things go in slow motion...so to cut to the long spiel, I overdosed, was admitted in to hospital.

DOn't know now what to do, even though I went out crying from the last session she said ring me for another appointment . I can't go back to her as she is utterly non-compassionate, cold manner and matter of fact on issues. I have no faith now what so ever and the relationship has been broken...

What to do? Run for the hills and live in a hermit hut I think

endacl

Sorry to hear of your difficulties. Out of interest, have you researched Borderline at all? Its key feature is extreme difficulty in forming and maintaining emotionally intense relationships. I'm not suggesting your therapist was either right or wrong. This forum really isn't the place for that. But have you considered the possibility that she was right?

nikinova

endacl wrote: »

Sorry to hear of your difficulties. Out of interest, have you researched Borderline at all? Its key feature is extreme difficulty in forming and maintaining emotionally intense relationships. I'm not suggesting your therapist was either right or wrong. This forum really isn't the place for that. But have you considered the possibility that she was right?

Thank you for your reply, I have researched BPD and she also gave me a handout on the key areas of BPD, I tick three out of the four she presented. But this is not my issue, it is the fact that she will not help me understand how to build relationships or to help me understand my identity...I don't know where to go wtih this now as I am still as confused now as I was before I started with her. It is ok to give a diagnosis but I feel that this diagnosis needs to be worked with and this is not happening, nor will she help me work through my issues with identity. I am leaving her as she is not helping but need to get a referral to someone that will help...apologies for putting this in the wrong forum.

Torakx

Sorry to butt in. I don't mean to distract from therapy and hope you continue on that path.
But I can't help but share my own experiences in finding myself.
It came through constant research and reading, writing on forums and more research.
Things like NLP, Carl Jungs writing and any information on my personality type. The more i learned the more I wanted to learn.
This lead me to realise that the more I learned about myself and why I felt certain ways or why I reacted to things in certain ways, helped me to see becoming more self aware helps me to let go of these things.
When I see them coming I can now choose how I want to feel and make a decision instead of a reaction.
Understanding and self awareness basically.

I started with online personality tests to get a rough idea and went on to research each area and so many other things to do with introversion (in my case) and social anxiety,depression etc.

I also was a bit crazy a good few years back, by crazy I mean very confused and cloudeed of mind. Depressed and couldn't concentrate, no energy etc. That was due to my diet and research there helped me to fix that too.
Body and mind are linked and if one is out of sync the other will follow.

I don't believe we all have the same path to healing, but I do believe that finding these things for ourselves makes them much more powerfull than being told them by someone else. That could just be my independant streak though

Anyway, I progressed from all that to philosophy lately and it has helped again to polish a lot of the work I have done in self exploration and how I think about the positives and negatives.
I learned to rejoice in the negatives just as much as the positives if not more.
There isn't enough space for me to express all that I learned and think on this....
I just wish you the best in finding yourself and if you look eventually you will find. Make it your driving force. It was and is the greatest journey I could ever have wished for and I am even more inspired now to continue and hope you chase it to.
By all means continue to see someone and express yourself.
In the early stages I found an american forums for depression and shared a lot there which helped me release a lot of emotions. I also found that helping others through their depression on the same forums really helped me feel better as well.

So take what you wish of all this, but don't give up on finding yourself. I promise when you can see your "failings" and "negatives" in a positive light you will love yourself so much more. You are just hiding right now.

Lastly i would say and probably will get my wrist slapped for it lol
But I really do think healing the body is a priority to the mind, so you can have a clear path to think in the first place.
It may not be a physiological issue, but no harm doing a checkup, seeing what is going into your body and learning what you need to have a clear head. When that is covered you have only your mind to discover.
My own opinion, not medical advise etc etc.

dar100

If you are not happy with your therapist, then change. If you can't agree on the goals/task of YOUR therapy, you need to bring this to the session, if it can't be worked through, changing my be the best option.

Just out of curiosity, is the therapist a qualified Psychologist?

nikinova

endacl wrote: »

Sorry to hear of your difficulties. Out of interest, have you researched Borderline at all? Its key feature is extreme difficulty in forming and maintaining emotionally intense relationships. I'm not suggesting your therapist was either right or wrong. This forum really isn't the place for that. But have you considered the possibility that she was right?

dar100 wrote: »

If you are not happy with your therapist, then change. If you can't agree on the goals/task of YOUR therapy, you need to bring this to the session, if it can't be worked through, changing my be the best option.

Just out of curiosity, is the therapist a qualified Psychologist?

Thank you dar100, yes, she is a qualified clinical psychologist in a community mental health team. I am seeing my psychiatrist on Wednesday and pray to God he can refer me to a more understanding person.

nikinova

Torakx wrote: »

Sorry to butt in. I don't mean to distract from therapy and hope you continue on that path.
But I can't help but share my own experiences in finding myself.
It came through constant research and reading, writing on forums and more research.
Things like NLP, Carl Jungs writing and any information on my personality type. The more i learned the more I wanted to learn.
This lead me to realise that the more I learned about myself and why I felt certain ways or why I reacted to things in certain ways, helped me to see becoming more self aware helps me to let go of these things.
When I see them coming I can now choose how I want to feel and make a decision instead of a reaction.
Understanding and self awareness basically.

I started with online personality tests to get a rough idea and went on to research each area and so many other things to do with introversion (in my case) and social anxiety,depression etc.

I also was a bit crazy a good few years back, by crazy I mean very confused and cloudeed of mind. Depressed and couldn't concentrate, no energy etc. That was due to my diet and research there helped me to fix that too.
Body and mind are linked and if one is out of sync the other will follow.

I don't believe we all have the same path to healing, but I do believe that finding these things for ourselves makes them much more powerfull than being told them by someone else. That could just be my independant streak though

Anyway, I progressed from all that to philosophy lately and it has helped again to polish a lot of the work I have done in self exploration and how I think about the positives and negatives.
I learned to rejoice in the negatives just as much as the positives if not more.
There isn't enough space for me to express all that I learned and think on this....
I just wish you the best in finding yourself and if you look eventually you will find. Make it your driving force. It was and is the greatest journey I could ever have wished for and I am even more inspired now to continue and hope you chase it to.
By all means continue to see someone and express yourself.
In the early stages I found an american forums for depression and shared a lot there which helped me release a lot of emotions. I also found that helping others through their depression on the same forums really helped me feel better as well.

So take what you wish of all this, but don't give up on finding yourself. I promise when you can see your "failings" and "negatives" in a positive light you will love yourself so much more. You are just hiding right now.

Lastly i would say and probably will get my wrist slapped for it lol
But I really do think healing the body is a priority to the mind, so you can have a clear path to think in the first place.
It may not be a physiological issue, but no harm doing a checkup, seeing what is going into your body and learning what you need to have a clear head. When that is covered you have only your mind to discover.
My own opinion, not medical advise etc etc.

Thank you so very much for your wonderful and insightful reply Thorakx, you have given me some really good and positive tips here. I never thought to look into my diet, I am a vegan so maybe I am not getting the nourishment I need. I need to look into this in more depth. Thank you for sharing your journey too, it has given me a lift. Thank you.

38Flowers

Nikinova,

The comments your psychologist has made are highly inappropriate, completely unprofessional and you should not blame yourself for that. Her diagnosis may be right, her behaviour is not. The job of any kind of counsellor, psychologist, psychiatrist (medical) or therapist of any kind, is among other things to guide and open the mind of the client, and if resorting to comments like ' I'm not your mother' is happening, then hear the alarm bells and walk away. High qualifications in any field unfortunately does not indicate a person's ability once in the job, nor account for personality flaws.

Have faith, ask around and find a recommendation of someone you trust if possible - even asking on boards. The very best of luck to you.