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Son suspended falsely - Extremely angry

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135

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    #62
    JumpShivers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 580 ✭✭✭JumpShivers


    OP, I suggest for all purposes.. Let him apologize? You just said you wouldn't, on YOUR principle, not his? Let him make his own decisions, perhaps?

    It could've been solved very easily if you'd back off. Jesus Christ, I'd be mortified if my parents went down to my school to sort out MY issue. I'm assuming the son is of a teenage age.. Mortifying.

    Seriously, I'd echo another boardsie here. It's the sort of over protective and know it all parents that'd ruin being a teacher for me. Your kids don't always tell the truth... Yaknow?


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    #63
    whippet
    Registered Users Posts: 7,687 ✭✭✭whippet


    Bobby The Builder wrote: »

    I refused to let him apologize in principle

    I have taken my son home now and he is very upset. .

    So based on your principles your son is out of school at the moment and very upset. He will have to eventually go back to the class and face this up by himself.

    Crap happens at this age, kids have to get over it and chalk it up to experience. So what if a young wan was acting the maggot and got away with it ..... life isn't alway fair but when you make the whole thing out to be a travesty of justice and type of denial of human rights you just further isolate your son and make him a focal point of idol gossip and childish games for the next term.

    I am firmly of the belief that you have allowed your own temper and lack of personal control cloud your judgement. Remember it is your son .. not you ... that will have to spend every school day with the class.


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    #64
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    Bobby The Builder wrote: »
    I went down to the school at 10AM and asked to see Mrs. *******, the principal.

    She called my son out of class along with Mrs. *******, the teacher and the girl who was flicking rubber.

    The girl outright denied flicking rubbers as she wasn't actually seen when the teacher walked back in, despite there being segments between his chair and the front of her desk and segments stuck to his jumper.

    The principal recommended a "compromise", that my son apologizes there and then and the whole thing will be dropped.

    I refused to let him apologize in principle as the rubber segments were clear evidence and were there for the teacher to see, and there is sweet fúck all way else for there to be those segments between the two desks.

    I have taken my son home now and he is very upset. Like I said he is only a timid lad at the best of times and is not that popular among his classmates compared to his girl, which means even if he is in the right, people might stick up for the girl because of popularity etc. Being timid, I also admire him for sticking to his guns, which makes me believe him even more.

    I am not going to let this finish at this and him apologizing.

    What did they want him to apologise for?


    Actually it doesn't really matter, he was talking (regardless of the reason) when he was told not to so apologising for it, even if it has to be followed by a "but I was doing so for a specific reason and I feel that it should be considered a valid reason to talk in this case" is to be expected really.


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    #65
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 33,424 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    Chattastrophe! wrote: »
    You're seriously posting about this in a legal discussion forum? :eek:

    Jeez. Your son messed up and was caught, no it wasn't really his fault, and no it's not really fair, but life's not always fair! Use this as a learning experience.

    How is he ever going to respect his teachers if you don't?! Dodging the punishment shouldn't even be in question!

    If you felt he was being victimised on an ongoing basis, I'd be sympathetic. As it is a once-off, I think you're doing him no favours by trying to avoid punishment in this instance.

    Life is also abotu standing up for yourself. You think we should do away with the appeals court because "life is not fair"?

    Kid has done well here, imo - accepted the crime, accepted the punishment. There is no reason for him to apologise, not should he. The matter should end with the detention.

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



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    #66
    Grolschevik
    Registered Users Posts: 3,472 ✭✭✭Grolschevik


    Bobby The Builder wrote: »
    One of the girls was flicking bits of rubber at his back continuously,

    Maybe she fancies him. Just a thought...


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    #67
    Bobby The Builder
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 24 ✭Bobby The Builder


    Yes, on principle he won't apologize either. If you all bother to read the thread, you will see that he was the one who refused to apologize at first and I am backing him up in case he caves. He is upset more at the fact that this girl is in school (not that she probably wants to be there) and he is at home (even though he wants to be in school). The whole system is a joke.

    I am going to arrange a further meeting. They want my son back in school tomorrow morning anyway. Just off the phone from the secretary who told me on behalf of the principal.


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    #68
    PucaMama
    Registered Users Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭PucaMama


    Thargor wrote: »
    I only finished secondary school 7 or 8 years ago but I must be getting old... If Id brought this bullsh1t home to my parents I would have got screamed at by my mother or a smack in the face from my father and both would have made me crawl to the teacher and principle with an apology for disobeying their instructions and an offer to do the detention. Feel sorry for todays teachers if they actually have to enter into debate with the parents and children on every bit of irrelevant crap like this.

    Im just laughing at the thought of my parents going online to seek legal advice on what my rights are in this situation, Ireland must have been a more innocent place in the naughties :P

    Is a smack in the face an acceptable way to deal with a child? Is that maybe why children won't talk about bullying? Couldn't help point this out it disgusts me.


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    #69
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 33,424 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    Bobby The Builder wrote: »
    Yes, on principle he won't apologize either. If you all bother to read the thread, you will see that he was the one who refused to apologize at first and I am backing him up in case he caves. He is upset more at the fact that this girl is in school (not that she probably wants to be there) and he is at home (even though he wants to be in school). The whole system is a joke.

    I am going to arrange a further meeting. They want my son back in school tomorrow morning anyway. Just off the phone from the secretary who told me on behalf of the principal.

    Tell them to apologise to him for accusing him of lying.

    Seriously - send the kid back to school in the morning. No apology has been made, your principles (and his) have been upheld. Just make sure he knows that he is backed up by you if not the school and you're proud of him.

    Contrary to public opinion, this isn't actully Sparta.

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



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    #70
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    Bobby The Builder wrote: »
    Yes, on principle he won't apologize either. If you all bother to read the thread, you will see that he was the one who refused to apologize at first and I am backing him up in case he caves. He is upset more at the fact that this girl is in school (not that she probably wants to be there) and he is at home (even though he wants to be in school). The whole system is a joke.

    I am going to arrange a further meeting. They want my son back in school tomorrow morning anyway. Just off the phone from the secretary who told me on behalf of the principal.

    The system isn't really a joke, you're turning it into such by ensuring your child doesn't apologise for something he did regardless of the reason behind it. There's a lot to be said for teaching a child to just be the bigger person sometimes and choosing your battles wisely. There is nothing to be gained here by him not apologising. Just let it go and get him back focusing on his education.


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    #71
    saltyjack silverblade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 480 ✭✭saltyjack silverblade


    Your son is not very popular and timid and your solution to this was to march into the school and have him pulled out of his class with an apparent little bitch of a girl as a witness before walking out the door of the school with him?

    The school was never going to suspend him. It would be an over reaction and too much hassle. Besides these days they can't just say "You are not to come in tomorrow because you are suspended". There is a performance they have to go through in order to do it and even at that the parents have the right to appeal it to the Board of Management. It reminds me of the threats my mother used to make- "I could murder/shoot/kill you!". It's not that she would but it is the extreme threat of it that makes you think.

    Let your son go to school tomorrow as I think your reaction was over the top. Write a letter to the principal and teacher involved if it makes you feel better. Fill it with many a threat yourself if it makes you feel better. Explain how your son was the subject of verbal and physical bullying and the school has failed in its duty to address the manner.

    On a side note, it is interesting how many boardsies had parents that believed the teacher over their own child. I predict a psychologist's chair in many futures!


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    #72
    JumpShivers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 580 ✭✭✭JumpShivers


    Bobby The Builder wrote: »
    Yes, on principle he won't apologize either. If you all bother to read the thread, you will see that he was the one who refused to apologize at first and I am backing him up in case he caves. He is upset more at the fact that this girl is in school (not that she probably wants to be there) and he is at home (even though he wants to be in school). The whole system is a joke.

    I am going to arrange a further meeting. They want my son back in school tomorrow morning anyway. Just off the phone from the secretary who told me on behalf of the principal.

    Did you ever consider the theory that your son is afraid of disappointing you? If I was a teenager, I'd much rather just apologize and move on from it.

    I wouldn't want my dad fighting my battles for me.

    You're seriously not doing him any favours.


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    #73
    desertcircus
    Registered Users Posts: 2,648 ✭✭✭desertcircus


    Your son was told not to talk in class and talked in class. Unless there's an unbelievably clear reason (and bits of eraser is a long way short of that, then he gets in trouble. That's how a school operates, and getting furious about it serves zero purpose and achieves nothing. If the teacher rescinds a punishment because there were bits of rubber on the floor, then their ability to control their classroom will vanish; students will know they can get away with anything as long as they have a story to justify it. The teacher has very little option to do anything except punish your son.

    If you're concerned with your son's treatment by his classmates, then it might be worth discussing that with the school - but independently of this.


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    #74
    yawhat!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 970 ✭✭✭yawhat!


    Seriously just let it go. It's not a big deal! Tell your son to be the bigger person. Your Just making things worse!

    Tell him to do the detention.


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    #75
    No Pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,347 ✭✭✭No Pants


    How many lunchtimes does he have to spend in detention?


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    #76
    Bobby The Builder
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 24 ✭Bobby The Builder


    No Pants wrote: »
    How many lunchtimes does he have to spend in detention?

    One, he can bring his roll / sambo in with him.


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    #77
    whomitconcerns
    Registered Users Posts: 4,363 ✭✭✭whomitconcerns


    "He is refusing to apologise and accept his lunch time detention"

    tell him to apologise and get on with it....


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    #78
    No Pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,347 ✭✭✭No Pants


    Bobby The Builder wrote: »
    One, he can bring his roll / sambo in with him.
    Six pages of this thread, your time with the principal, interrupting class, etc. Just put him in the room for an hour and the job's done.


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    #79
    BQQ
    Registered Users Posts: 2,096 ✭✭✭BQQ


    Bobby The Builder wrote: »
    He is upset more at the fact that this girl is in school (not that she probably wants to be there) and he is at home (even though he wants to be in school).

    This didn't have to be the case.

    Just tell him you 100% believe him and you know it's bs, but the best thing to do is be the bigger man and say sorry.
    He doesn't even have to mean it. ;)

    As has been said previously, the teacher can't back down or she may as well retire. That's not gonna happen.


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    #80
    IrishSkyBoxer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 269 ✭✭IrishSkyBoxer


    Stick to your principles, always outnumbered, never outgunned.

    The threat of legal action will see the school cool down very very quickly, last thing a principal wants is the club crest in the paper.


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    #81
    No Pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,347 ✭✭✭No Pants


    IrishSkyBoxer wrote: »
    Stick to your principles, always outnumbered, never outgunned.

    The threat of legal action will see the school cool down very very quickly, last thing a principal wants is the club crest in the paper.
    Yeah, add to the costs now by seeing a solicitor. :rolleyes:


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    #82
    irishwaldo
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭irishwaldo


    Bobby please think of your son and the consequences this action will have on him.
    While I admire both yours and your sons principles on the matter, at this stage I think you both need to build a bridge and get over this, for his sake.
    At this stage everyone in the school is now aware of what is going on and your son will not be let forget this, kids/teenagers can be especially cruel with things like this.
    The more you push this the longer it will be remembered by all concerned.

    IMO the way to have dealt with this would have being to take the detention under protest and explaining by letter the reasons/logic of your protest. Matter dealt with, move on and learn from it.Unfortunately, from your description, your son was doing what he was told not to do when the teacher returned.
    Hope this all ends well for your sons sake.


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    #83
    SteM
    Registered Users Posts: 6,724 ✭✭✭SteM


    This thread has been an interesting read, brought back some memories of secondary school for me.

    OP, my advice is if he is not interested in apologising and you insist on backing him up then have him do the 1 hour detention and that'll be the end of it. He's stood up for himself and not apolagised, the school have made their point and everybody comes out of it saving a bit of face and hopefully things go back to normal. Your child doesn’t have to enjoy his detention but if that is the school's punishment then he should do it.

    As an aside, if I was the girl's father and found out that she was brought out of class into a meeting with the principal, a teacher, another child accusing her of doing something and the child's father without being told about it or allowed to attend I wouldn't be too happy (whether she was a little b**** or not).


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    #84
    saltyjack silverblade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 480 ✭✭saltyjack silverblade


    helen-lovejoy.jpg


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    #85
    Triangla
    Registered Users Posts: 818 ✭✭✭Triangla


    OP - I think the teacher could have diffused it by listening to your son afterwards and making a judgement call to drop the detention. The teacher is sticking by their original call and looks like they will not back down.

    You are an adult and if you have an issue with your son being bullied, call a spade a spade. The teacher has a choice, drop it and move on with no casualties (save the teachers ego?). Or else support the bully where the casualty is your son.

    Check out points 4.2.1 & 4.2.2 in the below.

    http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=web&cd=2&cad=rja&ved=0CEgQFjAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.education.ie%2Fen%2FPublications%2FPolicy-Reports%2FAnti-Bullying-Procedures-for-Primary-and-Post-Primary-Schools.pdf&ei=MyrdUo6bKsjbygOZooDQCA&usg=AFQjCNEkn3lxzTJrVu4IgmxVQ4rTReEV3w&sig2=HP_JOtjFmAj_pM2N_FfnyA&bvm=bv.59568121,d.bGQ


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    #86
    SteM
    Registered Users Posts: 6,724 ✭✭✭SteM


    saltyjack silverblade wrote: »
    helen-lovejoy.jpg

    Is that aimed at me?


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    #87
    Phoebas
    Registered Users Posts: 9,371 ✭✭✭Phoebas


    Triangla wrote: »
    OP - I think the teacher could have diffused it by listening to your son afterwards and making a judgement call to drop the detention.
    The teacher/principal did make a judgement call - that detention was merited.

    OP - if you keep fighting this you may well win. The school might well decide that its too much grief to follow your line of escalation and let it pass; if a pyrrhic victory is important to you.


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    #88
    saltyjack silverblade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 480 ✭✭saltyjack silverblade


    SteM wrote: »
    Is that aimed at me?

    Nope! Just a general comment ;)


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    #89
    redandwhite
    Closed Accounts Posts: 105 ✭✭redandwhite


    I'd be phoning the Principal and asking one simple question.

    Why was the class left unsupervised?


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    #90
    Phoebas
    Registered Users Posts: 9,371 ✭✭✭Phoebas


    redandwhite wrote: »
    I'd be phoning the Principal and asking one simple question.

    Why was the class left unsupervised?
    You'd confront the problem head on by leading it down a tangent!


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    #91
    toxicity234
    Registered Users Posts: 407 ✭✭toxicity234


    Bobby The Builder.

    i'm Sorry to say that the school is 100 correct and your son was talking. Whatever the reason. That not the point.
    Refusing to accept his detention is a bad reflection on you as a parent.
    Sorry. Life isn't fair, He could have done his detention and still explained to the teacher what happen.

    I know a thing or two about getting suspended for school. The story i told my parent and the true were two very different things.


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