Not sure what to Do, Bad work situation

roughtimes

Hello.

I don't even know where to start about my situation:

1) I am pushing 60 yrs old. 6 years ago with knowing top management was retiring, I finished my BS degree to hopefully line myself up for promotion when they left. I've always been a hard worker, dedicated to the org goals and loyal to a fault. Been in the field for many years and the job I have is huge (they admitted that I have at least 2 people's jobs).

2) I was overlooked for promotion in the area I handle as a middle manager. They promoted someone who knows nothing about the area to be over me. So now, this person does all the top management things, and I am continuing to do the 2 person work. In fact, they brought in 2 new top people for our place, who don't know much about running things in the area I work anyway.

3) Before top mgt left, they sold us out to a new org. So new top dogs are involved in their own security with the new CEO...and again I have my needs ignored. I finally said I need help! If I'm not going to be promoted, then at least give me help! Plus I need to train someone to do my job before I retire in a few years and it's so big I need a few years to groom them.

I was told no, but they would redistribute some of my overload. This was months ago and still not happening. They know I need to work...and I feel very used - well actually chewed up and spit out. And I feel I partly am responsible because a couple months ago I got them to listen by writing a letter and saying I just couldn't work like this anymore. So instead of valuing my desires, I think it gave them the opportunity to possibly take away from me...and look at cutting my position?? Not sure yet, but it's not feeling good at all. The org does need some change to survive, so my position could be one of those areas. Frustrating they would leave it to people who don't know what they are doing, but oh well.

So here I am - depressed, anxious and in a mess. Pushing 60, overworked, stuck with 20K student loan - boy was that stupid at this point in life. Feel too old to start over...and flip back and forth daily between "I need to leave" and "I need to stay and ride it out - but maybe they are preparing to AX me".

So much for hard work, loyalty and dedication. It got me nowhere. When I would ask old CEO for eval of work - he would tell me verbally I did a wonderful job and was highly valued and they didn't want to lose me. But he never did evals on paper for people and wasn't required to by HR because he was the CEO. Everyone else was required to do them. So he's gone now...and all his fluff words that kept me there for years.

I think I've been duped. I know I'm not alone in my organization with this feeling.

Part of me thinks just go in, do my job, stay out of politics (I don't do that well anyway) and let them fire me. Another part of me says run...walk whatever it takes because it has affected my health at this point.

Thanks for listening.

roughtimes

I just want to add - in this work I've done, I've handled many buildings and supervised many people who really like me and my style. I have gone to bat for many I supervise...and gotten them what they deserve as workers. But basically noone has had my back. I think in part because I havent' whined and griped enough. But even when I did a few months ago, it got me nowhere. I'm just not as good going to bat for myself as I am others.

If it makes a difference....I'm a female.

golfwallah

From the situation you describe, you are so busy “doing the do” that it leaves you little time to think things through as to how better to “manage the do”. Pardon the expressions, they come from my own work experience and involvement in dealing with people trying to cope with adverse reviews at the end of a formal annual “performance management” process.

You seem very good at managing downwards – so good that your previous manager just let you get on with it, with very little 2 way communication, and your job expanded into the work of 2 people. If you think about it, this probably suited both of you in a way – your boss because you were handling all issues / problems and getting things done and you because your comfort zone is managing downwards.

What you don’t appear comfortable with is managing upwards – it’s not a strength that comes easily or naturally to many people. So it’s an area you need to give more time to – so you can think things through, work out an approach to a solution that works for both you and your boss (i.e.”win-win”). Your relationship with your boss is important and making it as good as possible will help both of you get what you want from the situation.

Clear shared understanding on the exact nature of your relationship is needed – this starts with a bit of planning, a good communication strategy and having “SMART” objectives (Google for info). Make time to do these things, even if you find it hard. I think you will find that it will pay dividends and is worth the time investment.

I don’t profess to be an expert in HR – just trying to help based on what has worked for me. And it always helps to communicate with someone else who can help reflect back what you are probably thinking yourself anyway.

Best of luck.

Links you might find useful:
http://uthscsa.edu/gme/documents/TheArtofManagingUp.pdf
http://www.ftpress.com/articles/article.aspx?p=668004

roughtimes

Hi Golfwallah,

Thank you for your quick reply. What you say makes total sense, in fact I've told the former CEO I don't announce every move I make...I don't bother upper managers with day in day out things, because I have seen it as part of my job to "keep those things off of them" because they have bigger things to worry about. The former upper management saw and appreciated that to a degree - although they didn't realize everything I "do". And you hit the nail on the head....I've even used those words with them "I just do, and don't bother you with it".

What you said and the links will at least give me a focus in this transition. I'm glad you could see it...I tend to get caught up in the trees rather than see the forest.

Thanks again.

pinkbear

Roughtimes, I really hope my following comments don't come across as hippy-ish, or condescending or dismissive of your problem in anyway. This is just an area of huge interest for me, and I truly believe so many people need to change their outlook, and it's not as hard as you think.

I would definitely recommend mindfulness and meditation to you. While I won't claim that it changed my life overnight, it is something I have been trying to practise for the last two years, and I feel so much the better for it, and I did from the start. It is basically about focussing on the now - i.e. the sensations that you are having and concentrating on what you are doing at any point - instead of over thinking and ruminating on "what ifs".

Basically, your circumstances only make up 10% of your happiness. 50% is genetic, and 40% is how you deal with things. So while you think you are unhappy because of your work situation and loan, it is actually the thinking about it and the focussing on it that is really the problem. When I first heard this, it initially made me feel worse, as I wanted to believe that any bad experiences I had were foisted upon me and I was unlucky, and it was hard to take responsibility for them. Now I feel it is empowering, and I genuinely feel I have the ability to keep an underlying happiness through any kind of rough situation. An interesting fact is that in huge happiness studies where people were beeped by an app and asked at random times of the day what they had been doing, how much they were concentrating, and how they felt, the very surprising result was that people are happiest when concentrating at work. They are least happy when they are at home thinking and worrying about work.

Can I recommend some TED talks, and some youtube links. Watch these, and please, please, please try some meditation, even for a few hours a day. One of these talks below (Shawn Achor) talks about how we keep pushing off happiness until we reach success: i.e. at the moment you are telling yourself "I would be happy if my loyalty and hard work were rewarded", "I would be happy if my loans were paid off", "I would be happy if I wasn't worked". Achor believes that we need to turn around our recipe for success. We need to get happy NOW, and the other things will follow - we work more effectively and efficiently, and achieve greater recognition.

Meditations: On youtube look up "5 minute body scan" and you'll find loads, and also "Mindfulness Meditation track 1" (through to 10 I think). These are based on an excellent book by Penman and Williams.

Also watch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbbMLOZjUYI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJHkYhEQ5nY
http://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work.html?quote=1291

On www.ted.com, or www.youtube.com: Search for mindfulness, happiness, meditation, or gratitude. In particular
Louis Schwartzberg
David Steindl-Rast
Andy Puddicombe
Eckhart Tolle
Michael Norton
Shawn Achor

Finally, start keeping a positive journal. Ideally you would do it about everything, but even if you do it just about work, it would be fantastic. The idea is, say you attend a meeting and you share a joke with a colleague (good), make a mess of your presentation (bad), have an idea how you can solve a problem (good), get put down by your boss (bad) and come out of the meeting with more work (bad). In your journal you write: "Shared a good joke with Mary at the start of the meeting this morning, we were giggling like school girls. Had a good idea about how I get the output figures up. Looking forward to putting this into practice." Try to come up with 3 new things every day, and you can repeat things, but you must constantly look for new things. Within 21 days you train the brain to scan for the good in situations, rather than the bad. Even if the good things are as banal as "Got paid today", "Nice soup in the canteen at lunch time" or "Bill's wife had a baby boy and all went well, I'm so happy for them", the act of writing them down exaggerates them and imprints them in your brain while shrinking the negatives.

Let me know how you get on.

roughtimes

Thank you pinkbear!

This makes total sense. I tend to get into cyclic thinking about negative things in life sometimes. I did have a break last Sunday (week ago). I'm really thankful for that and ever since I've been able to see other things in life besides the job. That may seem silly to some...."of course there are more things to life than your job"... but I've found myself so entangled in all the problem areas, that it was almost like an obsession.

Anyway - I will look up the things you talked about and I really appreciate you taking the time to do it. You said initially you felt worse when you heard these things. In some ways I guess that could be true....but I am open for growth and I am teachable. So I'm pretty interested in the way of changing up the way you think....and hope it will help me grow in this thing called life :-). Meditation has never been an easy thing for me to do, but I will see what might fit for me in the teachings you recommended.

Thanks again!!
roughtimes

golfwallah

This 30 second speech by Bryan Dyson, former CEO of Coca Cola sums up quite a lot:
http://mystrategicplan.com/resources/30-second-speech-by-coca-cola-ceo/

pinkbear

When you talk about getting into a cycle of negative thinking, that is exactly what happens. Our minds have a negative bias, and left unchecked they will (unfortunately) think negative thoughts. When you think a thought, a tiny little neural pathway is created in your brain. When you think it again, that pathway is strengthened. When something else bad related to it happens, you get another link onto your path. In time, the smallest trigger starts a path of very negative thinking. If this is left unchecked it can lead to depression. Even when the depression goes, the weakened pathway is still there, but can be easily reignited, which is why depression recurs so easily. You have to actively not let the neural pathways form in the first place. How I started doing this was to literally sing out loud every time I had negative thoughts popping into my head. I would sing out like a lunatic (assuming I was alone), and the business of trying to remember the words of the song and hearing the songs and often dancing along forced the negative thoughts away. You can only think one thought at a time, so you are only ever one thought away from happiness. Your feelings follow your thoughts, not the other way round. i.e. If you think bad thoughts you will feel bad. Most people don't realise this; they think that they feel bad and then they have to analyse what is responsible for this bad feeling. Change your thoughts (which is difficult but not impossible) and you will feel better.

If you are interested you could start doing some Saturday or weeknight courses on mindfulness which will remind you. They are on in lots of places - I have used 4 or 5 Dublin places but none outside - but they tend to book out quickly. You can also do online courses which give you more flexibility but are harder to stick to. Once you get comfortable with some of the main ideas behind it - e.g. concentrating on what you are doing, stopping and being aware of your breath, scanning for things to be grateful for, and shrinking the negative thought cycles - you must then work on making these changes permanent. Try to pick things in your life to act as a trigger to bring you back to awareness many times a day, even if it's just for a second at a time. E.g. my triggers are: brushing my teeth & hair, getting a text message or phone call, first thing in the morning and last thing at night in bed, in the shower, going to the loo. Other people use different things, like opening a door handle - something that you'll never go too long without doing.

The first course I did was 2 years ago, and immediately from the first night, I started on a route of slightly better thinking. I have had small set backs on the way, but in general I have much healthier thinking patterns now than I had before.

Two more points before I finally stop rambling! One is that exercise is really good for this. It could just be a ten minute mindful walk at lunchtime (taking different routes each day is best). And the final thing is don't worry if mediation has never been easy for you. It's not easy for me, and to be honest I suspect most people (even Buddhist monks) wonder if they are doing it right. But it is the act of trying that makes the difference. I certainly don't get out of body experiences or see white lights when I meditate, my thoughts wander off all the time, but I gently try to bring them back and try again without judging my 'failure' at it. And I always, always feel better after mediation, so I can only assume that it is a success. I often meditate in bed as I have lots of sound tracks downloaded. Invariably I'm asleep in two minutes, but that's fine, and I sleep better now than I used to.

Good luck on your 'journey of life' roughtimes. In my gratitude journal tonight I will write that I feel good about maybe helping you!