Stingiest things thread(op for R&R access)

Dan Jaman

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

A Scotsman was heading out to the pub and turned to his wee wife before leaving...
'Jackie - put your hat and coat on lassie.
''Awe Ian that's nice - are you taking me to the pub with you?
''Nah; just switching the central heating off while I'm oot.'



The first people in the UK to have double glazing were the Scots .... so their kids couldn't hear the ice cream vans.


How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb? 'Och! it's no that dark!'



A Scotsman took a girl for a romantic ride in his taxi.
She was so beautiful he could hardly keep his eye on the meter...

By Scotsmen, you mean Aberdonians, right?

Lucashood2016

Saw 3 foreign lads share a pint between the 3 of them

TitianGerm

bonzodog2 wrote: »

I have never been a waiter or worked in a restaurant, but I would think the service required for 1 party of 8 say, would be slightly easier than 4 tables of 2.

It really isn't. I was a waiter for 8 years. Larger groups are always more difficult than a smaller group.

People always forget what they order, tend to order drinks one at a time so when your back from the bar someone else will ask you for another drink, and generally when people are in larger groups they are too busy chatting/shouting over each other to listen to waiting staff.

BettePorter

razorblunt wrote:

This was all on a Tuesday, I had 2 chasers by lunchtime that day and 3 the following day.

What's a 'chaser' in this context? I thought for a minute you'd taken to the drink.

razorblunt

BettePorter wrote: »

What's a 'chaser' in this context? I thought for a minute you'd taken to the drink.

Ha, well, when in Scotland ...

I had 3 chats on the work IM saying "you owe me £1.60" i.e. she was chasing me up for it.

Dan Jaman

Lucashood2016 wrote: »

Saw 3 foreign lads share a pint between the 3 of them

The price of beer is shocking, right enough.

jca

Lucashood2016 wrote: »

Saw 3 foreign lads share a pint between the 3 of them

Better than a can of Galahad I suppose. God that's some muck, even worse than the students favourite, Dutch Gold.

SuperS54

mrkiscool2 wrote: »

It's not voluntary, service charges for large groups are mandatory in some places and it's due to the amount of time and effort it goes in to waiting/servicing that table. There were 12 of them in a group, that's a lot of drinks and foods to be ordered, made/poured and delivered and a lot of clean up after.

It's also a lot of revenue for the restaurant. Always thought it a bizarre concept that if you bring extra business you are penalised by a compulsory service charge...

Katgurl

jca wrote: »

€32 a week on coffee.... That's more than I spend on petrol. What's wrong with the old fashioned jar of Nescafe and a kettle? That's what the people I work with do.

ugh

Dodge

SuperS54 wrote: »

It's also a lot of revenue for the restaurant. Always thought it a bizarre concept that if you bring extra business you are penalised by a compulsory service charge...

then don't go to restaurants in a group

STIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNGE

Atlantic Dawn

A tax exile registering their private jet in the Isle Of Man but sticking a Irish tricolour on the tailfin to make it look to the less knowledgeable that it was an Irish registered plane.

Buffman

Here's a stingy undertaker from the Garda twitter via the motors forum. Motor tax on a hearse is €102 per year and his is out 2 years!

Polo_Mint wrote: »

https://twitter.com/GardaTraffic/status/792020892331175936

RIP Road Tax 2013-14 - Passed away 2 yrs ago. Its gone to a better place now...Off the Road! All vehicle must have tax/ins/nct. M3 C/Point

Depp

Buffman wrote: »

Here's a stingy undertaker from the Garda twitter via the motors forum. Motor tax on a hearse is €102 per year and his is out 2 years!

whoever is in charge of that twitter account is very good!

Widdershins

Boiling mince and sausages to save on cooking oil.

Dan Jaman

Widdershins wrote: »

Boiling mince and sausages to save on cooking oil.

A true stinge would scrape the cooled fat off the cooled water and use it to fry the breakfast eggs in.
That didn't used to be stinge - that was survival when nobody had any money. It didn't raise an eyebrow, it was normal.

Widdershins

Dan Jaman wrote: »

A true stinge would scrape the cooled fat off the cooled water and use it to fry the breakfast eggs in.
That didn't used to be stinge - that was survival when nobody had any money. It didn't raise an eyebrow, it was normal.

You can cook mince in a frying pan with a splash of water. And there was plenty of oil in the kitchen-you dont need a lot. Sorry to disagree but while Im all for thrift, I dont like to see food ruined either. the same person happily spendt 20 quid on a bottle of vodka on the same day There was no fat on the water, only grey scum from the mince. That's what boiling does to it..

mrkiscool2

Widdershins wrote: »

Boiling mince and sausages to save on cooking oil.

Don't know how this is stinge? You can boil sausages without oil like, that'show you make coddle!

everlast75

my sis and bro in law went on honeymoon of Hawaii years and years ago.

the hotel they stayed in had a gimmick whereby when you placed your order for breakfast, they placed an egg timer on the table, the premise being if your breakfast didn't arrive before the sand ran out, you ate for free.

Yup - my bro in law waited a bit, flipped the egg timer over so the sand would run out before the hotel got a chance to ready the breakfasts. they got to eat for free everyday

Ray Palmer

I worked with this Indian guy and he was both stingy and mean.

On Fridays somebody would usually buy a cake or biscuits. He was always first in to get some. He never bought anything for about a year. Then when Indian won some cricket thing he announced very loudly that he had brought in cake and announced how glorious India was. He came around to everyone's desk showing them the cake, one measly cake that was the cheapest in the shop that people stopped getting after everybody said how horrible it was and we always bought two cakes so there was enough.

Anyway the company was folded and I thought I would never see him again. He kept ringing me anytime he needed something or was looking for a job. We were contractors but I could never recommend him for work as he was very disruptive and terrible at his work. Anyway one day he calls me and says he wants some tax advice about setting up a company. I reluctantly agreed.

Meet him in the pub and I buy the first round. He proceeds to ask me about some obvious illegal tax dodges and I keep telling him they are illegal. He had just got citizenship so that was why he could now have a company of his own rather than an umbrella company. So I pointed out to him that one of the first things he was trying to do with his citizenship was to commit tax fraud and that was at a very basic level not nice and ethically reprehensible. He always went on about his religion which was some form of Christianity close to being a Methodist. So I simply said it was stealing and against his religious views. So I had finished my pint and he was 1/2 way through and I went to the toilet. Came back and he had a fresh pint. He had downed his pint and then got a new one. Asked did he not order me a pint and he said he didn't know I wanted one. Great I think I can go and not listen to him anymore. So I starting putting on my coat to leave and he insists he still has questions. I tell him he needs to talk to an accountant as he won't listen to what I am saying. Tells me they are too expensive and sure I can tell him any way. So I get trapped for half an hour.. Still going on about very very obvious illegal methods to evade tax. Eventually I leave.

Anyway he rings me a few months later to say I was wrong and all his schemes were fine. Asked did he talk to an accountant and he tells me he just spoke to friends. Tell him again that he needs an accountant and at least once for his final accounts. He effectively told me I was an idiot for paying taxes. So I rang the tax office explained exactly what cons he was doing along with his friends names doing the same.

A few months later he contacts me to say the tax office are after him because his friends were wrong and he is serious trouble. I tell him go to an accountant and they can sort it out. He keeps going on about the price so I leave it. A few months later he is slapped with a huge fine and has to pay a specialist accountant to sort the mess out. Now don't worry too much as he comes from a very very wealthy family. The thing is he had to go to his father and beg for help. His father was livid as he was obviously spending his money really recklessly on things his father didn't approve of. He owed revenue €50k.

rightyabe

Ray Palmer wrote: »

I worked with this Indian guy and he was both stingy and mean.

On Fridays somebody would usually buy a cake or biscuits. He was always first in to get some. He never bought anything for about a year. Then when Indian won some cricket thing he announced very loudly that he had brought in cake and announced how glorious India was. He came around to everyone's desk showing them the cake, one measly cake that was the cheapest in the shop that people stopped getting after everybody said how horrible it was and we always bought two cakes so there was enough.

Anyway the company was folded and I thought I would never see him again. He kept ringing me anytime he needed something or was looking for a job. We were contractors but I could never recommend him for work as he was very disruptive and terrible at his work. Anyway one day he calls me and says he wants some tax advice about setting up a company. I reluctantly agreed.

Meet him in the pub and I buy the first round. He proceeds to ask me about some obvious illegal tax dodges and I keep telling him they are illegal. He had just got citizenship so that was why he could now have a company of his own rather than an umbrella company. So I pointed out to him that one of the first things he was trying to do with his citizenship was to commit tax fraud and that was at a very basic level not nice and ethically reprehensible. He always went on about his religion which was some form of Christianity close to being a Methodist. So I simply said it was stealing and against his religious views. So I had finished my pint and he was 1/2 way through and I went to the toilet. Came back and he had a fresh pint. He had downed his pint and then got a new one. Asked did he not order me a pint and he said he didn't know I wanted one. Great I think I can go and not listen to him anymore. So I starting putting on my coat to leave and he insists he still has questions. I tell him he needs to talk to an accountant as he won't listen to what I am saying. Tells me they are too expensive and sure I can tell him any way. So I get trapped for half an hour.. Still going on about very very obvious illegal methods to evade tax. Eventually I leave.

Anyway he rings me a few months later to say I was wrong and all his schemes were fine. Asked did he talk to an accountant and he tells me he just spoke to friends. Tell him again that he needs an accountant and at least once for his final accounts. He effectively told me I was an idiot for paying taxes. So I rang the tax office explained exactly what cons he was doing along with his friends names doing the same.

A few months later he contacts me to say the tax office are after him because his friends were wrong and he is serious trouble. I tell him go to an accountant and they can sort it out. He keeps going on about the price so I leave it. A few months later he is slapped with a huge fine and has to pay a specialist accountant to sort the mess out. Now don't worry too much as he comes from a very very wealthy family. The thing is he had to go to his father and beg for help. His father was livid as he was obviously spending his money really recklessly on things his father didn't approve of. He owed revenue €50k.

What tax dodge did he do? 50k sounds good:D

eet fuk

Ray Palmer wrote: »

I worked with this Indian guy and he was both stingy and mean.....

Fair play for calling out the tax evasion and all, but not offering to buy a pint really is such an insult. It's probably the one thing in our culture that will outlast all others, and it makes me sad that someone would deliberately dodge out of it.

Sam Kade

When I was doing the cert in farming course we usually went out to a farm in the afternoon 1 day a week so we would take turns giving lifts to others. One fella never gave any lift to anyone but he was always bumming lifts off everyone else. Every day it was the same story leaving his car in the carpark. One day a few in the class got fed up of his carry on so they came back early from the farm walk jacked up his car on blocks and hid the wheels After that he parked his car at secret locations and still bummed lifts :mad: One mane cnut.

Widdershins

mrkiscool2 wrote: »

Don't know how this is stinge? You can boil sausages without oil like, that'show you make coddle!

Yes coddle is made with other ingredients and flavourings not plain sausages boiled in a pot of water! It's not done that way because it tastes nice!

Dan Jaman

Widdershins wrote: »

You can cook mince in a frying pan with a splash of water..

Point of order - when you boil mince and/or sausages in a stew, there's a skin of fat which is retrieved for later use.

Widdershins

Dan Jaman wrote: »

Point of order - when you boil mince and/or sausages in a stew, there's a skin of fat which is retrieved for later use.

Under the grey scum is it? Jesus why would you want to. I'd sooner do sausage casserole in the oven. By the same token sausage fried in oil would exude some fat and that could be used for frying at another time.

Dan Jaman

Widdershins wrote: »

Under the grey scum is it? Jesus why would you want to. I'd sooner do sausage casserole in the oven. By the same token sausage fried in oil would exude some fat and that could be used for frying at another time.

That grey scum is good for you, laddie.

09_09_09

Ray Palmer wrote: »

I worked with this Indian guy and he was both stingy and mean.

On Fridays somebody would usually buy a cake or biscuits. He was always first in to get some. He never bought anything for about a year. Then when Indian won some cricket thing he announced very loudly that he had brought in cake and announced how glorious India was. He came around to everyone's desk showing them the cake, one measly cake that was the cheapest in the shop that people stopped getting after everybody said how horrible it was and we always bought two cakes so there was enough.

Anyway the company was folded and I thought I would never see him again. He kept ringing me anytime he needed something or was looking for a job. We were contractors but I could never recommend him for work as he was very disruptive and terrible at his work. Anyway one day he calls me and says he wants some tax advice about setting up a company. I reluctantly agreed.

Meet him in the pub and I buy the first round. He proceeds to ask me about some obvious illegal tax dodges and I keep telling him they are illegal. He had just got citizenship so that was why he could now have a company of his own rather than an umbrella company. So I pointed out to him that one of the first things he was trying to do with his citizenship was to commit tax fraud and that was at a very basic level not nice and ethically reprehensible. He always went on about his religion which was some form of Christianity close to being a Methodist. So I simply said it was stealing and against his religious views. So I had finished my pint and he was 1/2 way through and I went to the toilet. Came back and he had a fresh pint. He had downed his pint and then got a new one. Asked did he not order me a pint and he said he didn't know I wanted one. Great I think I can go and not listen to him anymore. So I starting putting on my coat to leave and he insists he still has questions. I tell him he needs to talk to an accountant as he won't listen to what I am saying. Tells me they are too expensive and sure I can tell him any way. So I get trapped for half an hour.. Still going on about very very obvious illegal methods to evade tax. Eventually I leave.

Anyway he rings me a few months later to say I was wrong and all his schemes were fine. Asked did he talk to an accountant and he tells me he just spoke to friends. Tell him again that he needs an accountant and at least once for his final accounts. He effectively told me I was an idiot for paying taxes. So I rang the tax office explained exactly what cons he was doing along with his friends names doing the same.

A few months later he contacts me to say the tax office are after him because his friends were wrong and he is serious trouble. I tell him go to an accountant and they can sort it out. He keeps going on about the price so I leave it. A few months later he is slapped with a huge fine and has to pay a specialist accountant to sort the mess out. Now don't worry too much as he comes from a very very wealthy family. The thing is he had to go to his father and beg for help. His father was livid as he was obviously spending his money really recklessly on things his father didn't approve of. He owed revenue €50k.

Sorry off-topic but, in India, we call these type of people first class wa*nker (s) .

Hollister11

Possibly posted before.

I have a mate who is so stingy, by this time it was stingy and robbery.

A group of us were out drinking. We weren't doing round, buy I have him money to get me a pint when he was buying his. He ordered got his pints. A different bar tender took the order, and after he got his pints, he was waiting to pay. When asked if he paid, he said no. Brought the pints back, told us what happened and kept my money. He's rational being and I quite 'I like money,'

So not only could I not pay the pub for my pint, the ****er had his previous two pints paid for.

pajero12

The b*stard got 4 pints?:eek:

Pyr0

Hollister11 wrote: »

When asked if he paid, he said no. Brought the pints back, told us what happened and kept my money. He's rational being and I quite 'I like money,'

So not only could I not pay the pub for my pint, the ****er had his previous two pints paid for.

And you just left it at that?