My son: everyone is "beautiful!!" please read!!

miss no stars

Could just teach him the word lovely instead?

The Corinthian

Such open expressions are considered inappropriate in Anglophone cultures, of which Ireland, like it or not, essentially is - but with added Catholicism.

I moved to Ireland when I was about 7. At that stage I'd already done pre-school in Italy to the point that I was due to go into prima media (the equivalent of first class, primary school), so after six months of learning English, I was put in first class, in a mixed school (mixed only up to first class actually, like many other Irish schools).

The first thing I noticed was that boys and girls didn't really mix, which was totally the opposite to what I was used to in Italy. Add to this the idea that a girl might be 'nice' or 'pretty' or anything like that - saying this out loud was taboo and you would be branded a sissy for ever suggesting this.

The attitude in Italy was the diametric opposite. If a girl was nice or pretty you told her; after all, compliments make people feel good. I remember my great-grandfather teaching me how one kisses a woman's hand in greeting, which I learned went down a storm with any woman I was introduced to and would quickly be rewarded with chocolates and compliments in return.

In short, unless there is more of a story to what the OP's son was doing, it's a cultural thing. Some cultures are more repressed than others where it comes to self-expression; the Anglophone ones are famously so.

_Whimsical_

The Corinthian wrote: »

In short, unless there is more of a story to what the OP's son was doing, it's a cultural thing. Some cultures are more repressed than others where it comes to self-expression; the Anglophone ones are famously so.

I don't think it's a cultural thing at all. It's an instance of an individual teacher being over the top and inappropriate herself. As a 5 year old he probably said it once to his mammy or granny and got a good reaction and now believes it's a way of being nice and showing love,appreciation or affection. There's no way it's a manner of objectifying people or that it's shallow.

OP I think if I was you I'd speak to the teacher and ask her what the problem was. I don't think she should make any negative reinforcement of what is just a childish expression of a sweet little heart. If she has an issue with the word it is her issue. In that instance it would've been easy to say "how kind you are to say something nice to me, other nice things to say are "you are intelligent","you are kind" , "you are generous" etc.
She sounds like she handled it poorly to me.

The Corinthian

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

I don't think it's a cultural thing at all. It's an instance of an individual teacher being over the top and inappropriate herself.

I don't disagree that it also a case of the teacher handling the entire matter badly, but I can assure you, having experienced different cultures, that it is very definitely a cultural thing too.

Howyahorse

Of course the child has an extended vocabulary beyond the word "beautiful".
This just so happens to be the word he uses more often.

clairefontaine

Howyahorse wrote: »

Of course the child has an extended vocabulary beyond the word "beautiful".
This just so happens to be the word he uses more often.

Teacher has a dirty mind that's all. Poor kid, getting all sorts of inhibiting messages for doing no wrong.

If he were older I'd tell him to tell the teacher to get an injunction and tell him to carry on using it.

Femme_Fatale

What a sweet little boy. "Beautiful" is a word that is usually reserved for something kinda exceptional rather than mundane, but he can't be expected to know this yet. Maybe if someone suggested to him that it might be an idea to use that word for really special instances rather than all the time, as some other people might not understand why he's using it, but god... gently and positively. Not harshly the way it seems that teacher has done.
It's such an innocent, harmless, funny thing to do - I'd have thought adults would just laugh at it/find it cute...

Out of the mouths of babes like... nothing more.

December2012 wrote: »

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html


http://reelgirl.com/2013/12/open-request-to-strangers-doctors-teachers-dont-make-small-talk-about-my-daughters-appearance/

Commenting on children's appearance can be damaging.

But it's not comments on their appearance.

Hannibal Smith

December2012 wrote: »

I disagree that it's sad. Fact is it's a very easy trap to fall into - complimenting them using superficial words. Far better for everybody to use words like friendly, funny, clever, kind, than cute, beautiful, etc.

It's very sad that beautiful is seen as superficial and negative

wolfpawnat

In a world where there are so many girls that feel ugly and so unhappy in themselves, being told they are beautiful should nearly be a daily requirement. Same with boys. Are we that obsessed with offending people, that we cannot let kids be kids.

My son is 5 this week and I was told just yesterday his teacher is prettier than me (she is, but that's not the point) I asked him what he meant, he said that "She doesn't take away my toys when I'm bold" So he doesn't know what it means.

4-6 year olds have more emotions and thoughts than they know how to express or describe what they feel, so they use words they think come close to it.

For example, if they see a butterfly, they are told it is beautiful, they may get a lovely feeling of happiness or joy from looking at it. They then get a feeling of joy (a different one) from their friends, but they recall beautiful was the word to describe the butterfly, ergo to them, they may think it is the same. We adults are forcing adult understanding to people far too young to understand any of it.

Or in many cases, we buy new clothes, or get a new haircut and our friends/family/partners tell us we look beautiful and they see us genuinely happy, and they want to make others feel like that. A simple thing behind it all.

My son's teacher has had to correct him for giving girls in his class kisses, and that is grand, it is not a behaviour you want to get them into, I try to stop it myself. But to call it wrong when two children have no idea of the gravity of the act, says more about the adult that the child.

Femme_Fatale

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

It's very sad that beautiful is seen as superficial and negative

Exactly. Plus, "beautiful" does not just mean good-looking.

CarMe

My 2.8yr old tells me I "look so beautiful" anytime I wear a dress. Never really thought of it before but she never says it when I'm in my scruff so perhaps she is a shallow little sod!

clairefontaine

wolfpawnat wrote: »

In a world where there are so many girls that feel ugly and so unhappy in themselves, being told they are beautiful should nearly be a daily requirement. Same with boys. Are we that obsessed with offending people, that we cannot let kids be kids.

My son is 5 this week and I was told just yesterday his teacher is prettier than me (she is, but that's not the point) I asked him what he meant, he said that "She doesn't take away my toys when I'm bold" So he doesn't know what it means.

4-6 year olds have more emotions and thoughts than they know how to express or describe what they feel, so they use words they think come close to it.

For example, if they see a butterfly, they are told it is beautiful, they may get a lovely feeling of happiness or joy from looking at it. They then get a feeling of joy (a different one) from their friends, but they recall beautiful was the word to describe the butterfly, ergo to them, they may think it is the same. We adults are forcing adult understanding to people far too young to understand any of it.

Or in many cases, we buy new clothes, or get a new haircut and our friends/family/partners tell us we look beautiful and they see us genuinely happy, and they want to make others feel like that. A simple thing behind it all.

My son's teacher has had to correct him for giving girls in his class kisses, and that is grand, it is not a behaviour you want to get them into, I try to stop it myself. But to call it wrong when two children have no idea of the gravity of the act, says more about the adult that the child.

Alright, I have to admit I read this thread with a raised eyebrow mostly in a state of bewilderment that it's even being considered as a problem, but seriously "the gravity of the act?" What is the gravity of the act?

looksee

Heavens, what a storm in a teacup! This discussion is, as someone else pointed out, about a child's interpretation of a teacher's comment. It really is not worth getting in a tizzy about. There could have been any number of scenarios, none of which are very important. Take an interest in what he says about school, try and figure out if he has problems, but don't make a production of something that you don't even really know the whole story of.

In no time at all he will have found a new word, or habit, or activity for you to be concerned about, and in all these cases you have to remember 'its only a phase, it will pass'.

wolfpawnat

clairefontaine wrote: »

Alright, I have to admit I read this thread with a raised eyebrow mostly in a state of bewilderment that it's even being considered as a problem, but seriously "the gravity of the act?" What is the gravity of the act?

Kissing every girl he comes across at 5 years old. If you let it go on until he is older, he could get in trouble.

marizpan

wolfpawnat wrote: »

Kissing every girl he comes across at 5 years old. If you let it go on until he is older, he could get in trouble.

He is still learning social ques. The reaction (from the girls) will adjust his behaviour.
No need to 'let it go on', he is learning everyday by himself and modelling his environment.

wolfpawnat

marizpan wrote: »

He is still learning social ques. The reaction (from the girls) will adjust his behaviour.
No need to 'let it go on', he is learning everyday by himself and modelling his environment.

The girls are as bad, it is not even a kiss, grabbing each others faces, you'd say something if I watched romantic programmes with him in the room, no idea where he got it. So we correct him and we don't make an issue of it. I am sure he is not the only boy in the world doing it.But we don't freak out at the message it gives. We just nip it in the bud.

Big Bag of Chips

My 5 year old has a few gfs! One he particularly likes. But he told me he doesn't think he can marry her, because she doesn't like kissing! I asked "Do you like kissing", and he answered "No, but you have to do it at weddings, don't you?"!!

_Whimsical_

wolfpawnat wrote: »

The girls are as bad, it is not even a kiss, grabbing each others faces, you'd say something if I watched romantic programmes with him in the room,

This reminds me of something a neighbour told me about her 6 year old daughter. She found her out the back with her jumper taken off trying to force another 6 year old boy to kiss her. When her mum told her to stop and no more of that she came back with "LEAVE ME ALONE MAMMY, WE ARE IN LOVE!".
There was no more Home and Away for her after that. You never know what gets into their heads I guess and what theyre imitating.

D Trent

Howyahorse wrote: »

I have heard my son, who just turned 5, tell his female friends (of same age) "you're beautiful!" I thought this was harmless as I often tell him he's beautiful and figured he was just copying..

BUT, he told me today he told his teacher and classroom assistant this. The teacher told him not to say that anymore. I'm guessing he must have said it on more than one occasion for her to ask him to stop.

I know it's a compliment but I can see his teachers side of view that it must be disturbing.
Is this harmless or why does he feel the need to tell this to females he gets familiar with?
Am I reading too much into it now or should I be worried there's some sort of psychology issue behind it??
Comments please and thank you!

Did he see her face .... In a crowded place And he didn't know what to do .............because he'll never be with you ?

The Corinthian

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

But he told me he doesn't think he can marry her, because she doesn't like kissing!

Sounds like he has more foresight than some of the adults who post with their marital problems on the Personal Issues board.