He cheated and I don't know what to do, I'm afraid to tell anyone!

strandedhere

So my ex kissed me, we had an intense on off relationship for the last two years but called it quits about 8 months ago and in the mean time he got back with the mother of his child (they were teen parents).

I have tried to avoid him as much as possible since then as every time we are around each other there's always "I miss you" talk from him and its just not fair on me or the girlfriend.

But any way a while had passed and we were on a big group night out and after I got separated and ran into him and while I was waiting for the rest of the group to turn up he gives me a big bear hug and went in and kissed me! I am partly at fault as I let it continue before stopping it and tried to blame it on the drink, but he kept going on about how he had so many missed opportunities and how he had ruined us, he had a good thing going and blew it with me!

I went home shortly after that as he was just up in my face a bit too much and I didnt want everyone to know what had happened as none of our friends his best friend included want to see us together again.... I didn't want their opinion at the time...

He texts me the morning after to say it needs to stay between us that he is still with the mother of the child...
But how could he do that to her? if she found out I really dont think she would handle it well...

is it a case of Drunk words are sober thoughts thing? I have never had this happen to me so I'm at a loss what to make of it!

Candy_Girl

Do yourself a favor and delete his number and keep your distance, he's just told you he's still with the mother of his child.Don't worry about how his girlfriend would feel that's not your concern, unless you're going to keep meeting up with him?

It sounds like he want's the best of both worlds...don't encourage him.

Tokyo

STAY. FAR. AWAY.

Ignore the he-was-with-me-but-went-back-to-the-mother-of-his-child part of the equation for a second.

Your ex is playing a dangerous game, trying to flit between you and his current partner. Regardless of what is going on between him and his partner (that's between them), you don't want to get involved with a guy that is prepared to cheat on his partner, even if he is your ex. The facts as they stand are that he has a partner, and he tried it on with somebody else - you.

Honestly, I'd keep my mouth shut and stay far away, and let him sort out his own life. Telling people, or his partner what happened is only going to land you in a world of hurt - you are going to get called out for leading him on, etc etc. It doesn't matter if it's true or not - that's what's going to happen. Delete his number, and stay far away form any situation that involves him being present.

Hard to tell from your post if you still have feelings for him, but if you do, remember this. If he truly wants to be with you, he'll go about it the right way - first leave his current partner, and then see if he can form a relationship with you. Anything less is disrespectful to the mother of his child, and disrespectful to you.

LegacyUser

This man sounds like a right creep. You had an intense relationship on and off for 2 years before it ended 8 months ago.
Since then he went back to the mother of his child. Perhaps he now knows that the mother of his child cannot put him first in what he wants/needs due to the child.
I know men who can't cope when a baby/child arrives as they realise that they can't always come first in a relationship and they have to consider more than themselves.

This man sound very immature. He is going on with the poor me act & telling you things he thinks you want to hear. My feeling is that he wants you for no strings sex and to still be with the mother of his child.
If you tell your friend what has happened they will tell you to stay away from him.
Meanwhile if the mother of his child finds out about what happened she will blame you for stopping her and the child having a proper relationship with him.

My advice at this stage is to stay well away from him. The next time he starts to chat you just tell him that you are not interested in him. I know it can be hard to let go of some relationships but this man thinks he can have you on standby.
You deserve more than this loser. If he comes near you again I would tell him that you are not interested in being his bit on the side.

Stavro Mueller

Addicted to drama much, are we? You have described your relationship as intense and on & off. This is just more of the same, isn't it? Only now the mother of his child has been dragged into the mix. If you have any sense at all you should cut contact with your ex and stay out of it. This is not going to end well. You clearly want him back seeing as you are seemingly incapable of seeing what is going on here.

Kidchameleon

You are not "partly at fault", you are both equally at fault. Forget about him and let him get on with his life and you get on with yours.

Big Bag of Chips

You obviously still have feelings for him, and I'm not sure by your post if it has crossed your mind to tell his girlfriend "for her own good". But maybe it would be more to free him up, so you can have this 'wonderful relationship' that he regrets messing up.

My advice... Steer clear. Your relationship was never great to begin with. Off again, on again for 2 years? Doesn't sound like much fun. Why on earth would you want to go back there? He's a creep who wants the best of both worlds. His family on one side, with his gf & child, and his bit of fun on the other.

He came onto when he was drunk... Classy. And then in the morning asked you to keep your mouth shut... Even classier! There is no need to tell anyone what happened. Because it sounds like the only reason you would tell someone is in the hope that it would get back to his gf somehow and she'd dump him.

Would you honestly be happy knowing that he was with you, only because he wasn't with her? He doesn't know what he wants... And you're better off not getting caught up in his mess.

Merkin

strandedhere wrote: »

is it a case of Drunk words are sober thoughts thing? I have never had this happen to me so I'm at a loss what to make of it!

It sounds like you want people to tell you that he is really into you. Is that the case? Do you want something to happen?

JW1982

I'm not saying our situations are the same but they're similar only I am the mother of the child (read my thread if you want). Please stay away from that man, it's only going to cause pain and heartache and i'm sorry but you will be the partly to blame for it. Do you really want to have to carry that around with you?

Run as fast as you can, while you can. If he can do it with you he'll do it on you.

strandedhere

To those who left sincere and helpful advice thank you.. I've taken everything you said on board and he has been deleted from my phone and facebook!

I did find myself slipping slightly into the "what if" mind frame but I did list of everything that he did to me, to the mother of his child and it was a huge wake up call... he disgusts me and him attempting to have the best of both worlds is horrible.

If he was any sort of decent person he wouldn't have come near me on the night in question drunk or not, a decent caring person would not have done that!

Kidchameleon

OP, did you know he was still with the child's mother? If so you are as bad as him and you need to take a deep look inside yourself also.

strandedhere

Kidchameleon wrote: »

OP, did you know he was still with the child's mother? If so you are as bad as him and you need to take a deep look inside yourself also.

I don't know what the rules are in regards to cursing on here so i'll try to refrain.

NO I did not know he was with the childs mother... this kiss came out of nowhere! I did not lead it on, give any indication I wanted anything from him at all..
I was horrified when he told me... cheating is one of my big NO NO's as I've seen it mess with a very good friends of mine!

I have feelings for someone who has no connection to him and trying to see how that goes!

Neyite

Kidchameleon wrote: »

OP, did you know he was still with the child's mother? If so you are as bad as him and you need to take a deep look inside yourself also.

No she is not.

She is not the one with the commitment. He is. If a person cheats, that person is fully, 100% to blame for cheating.

It may not be nice, or morally upstanding to knowingly be with someone who is cheating on their partner, but in no way does the single one have an obligation to that relationship. Only the person in the relationship does.