Inappropriate thoughts at funerals

black123

Its actually a natural physical phenomenon to get giddy at a funeral. Your body works hard at keeping everything balanced including serotonin, a mood altering chemical in the brain. So you obviously have been on a low for a few days with the death. The chemical tries to balance itself out so you become prone to be being giddy any thing can trigger it off. So its natural don't be hating the gigglers the dead person would probably join in too if they were there.
Its really bad though when someone comes up to you to sympathise with you and your family, they are all very sad and awkward. here is you and your family doing your best not to burst out laughing in their face.

Cupcake_Crisis

I almost always get a severe case of the giggles at funerals. Always. Even when it's the funeral of a family member. At my dear old nan's funeral myself and a cousin got a mighty bout of them and just had to sit there pretending they were tears of sadness. It's so awkward.

LizT

Is it weird that I'd kind of like people to laugh at my funeral? In a "haha, remember the time Liz did this, that was funny" kind of way, not an evil "haha, she's dead" kind of way.

MadsL

black123 wrote: »

Its actually a natural physical phenomenon to get giddy at a funeral. Your body works hard at keeping everything balanced including serotonin, a mood altering chemical in the brain. So you obviously have been on a low for a few days with the death. The chemical tries to balance itself out so you become prone to be being giddy any thing can trigger it off. So its natural don't be hating the gigglers the dead person would probably join in too if they were there.
Its really bad though when someone comes up to you to sympathise with you and your family, they are all very sad and awkward. here is you and your family doing your best not to burst out laughing in their face.

Science, bitches!!!!

renegademaster

me, my brother and our cousin got the giggles at a funeral recently, we did manage to get it under control but not before a lot of the family heard us over the rosary, i'm still full of shame and embarrassment over it months later!!

Menas

I have carried a few coffins over the years. Rather than being sad for the deceased my mind tends to worry about the rotting corpse a few inches from my head...and about slipping as we place the coffin over the big hole in the ground.

foxy farmer

Listening to someone giving a eulogy at funeral mass praising the deceased and me thinking are we talking about the same person as the deceased was a pain in the ass when they were alive. I've heard some BS at funerals .

Idobai

My mam told me a story of a funeral she was at of a really large Limerick family full of eh, characters. The priest started eulogising about the deceased anyway when all of a sudden the wife stands up and roars 'He was a feckin bollocks!'

Ihatecuddles

LizT wrote: »

Is it weird that I'd kind of like people to laugh at my funeral? In a "haha, remember the time Liz did this, that was funny" kind of way, not an evil "haha, she's dead" kind of way.

Like the time you fell through a door in Messrs? :P

Cupcake_Crisis

mauzo! wrote: »

Like the time you fell through a door in Messrs? :P

HA!! Oh Liz. I'll go to your funeral just to laugh at that memory.

daveyboynire

I generally don't feel much emotion at funerals. I act sad as its the thing to do but i am more interested in it hurrying up so i can get home. Same can be said for weddings. I like when it rains at such events as it speeds things along, cant be having all that arsing about that goes on.

Stavros Murphy

Due to the fact I'm a massive immature gooning gobshyte at the best of times, it has been deemed that I have a "Pass" for funerals unless it's utterly unavoidable that I be there, and then someone stands behind with a sharp stick. I believe I inherited that from my old lad, who, during the solemn speech from the Bishop at my confirmation, where everyone was being silently well-behaved, could be heard loudly sighing "jasus, will the old bollix ever get on with it ffs..". followed by "ah God, there's more??" whenever he though the end was near but it kicked off again. There were a lot of disapproving tuts, but he was blithely oblivious/possibly blathered. My missus reckons taking me into a church is like bringing a tired toddler..

bmwguy

I was at a funeral one time, guys name was Brian that passed away. The priest said "The life of Brian" about 20 times which made a few of us unable to hold in the sniggers. Everyone heard the racket we were making, but you know how hard it is to keep laughter in when you know its inappropriate, f#%king impossible.

TheDriver

nothing beats the queue going in and the guys talking about the engine that is in the hearse.......

byhookorbycrook

My aunt died and the priest constantly through out the mass prayed for "Mary Murphy." Unfortunately my aunt was called Mary O' Brien and her best friend, Mary Murphy was sitting beside me.

This is a real teacher one. Was at a funeral of a friend's father. Her daughter, who has dyslexia is a past pupil did one of the readings and I kept thinking "There she is, look how far she has come, dyslexia or not." A few months later, I met the lady whose dad had died and confessed what I had been it. The mam laughed and said she was thinking the same thing, in the middle of the tears and sadness.

Blitzkrieger

Sauve wrote: »

I PISS myself laughing at funerals. It's absolutely disgraceful, but all it takes is one sideways glance from a cousin, or a sly dig in the ribs from my brother and I fold into a full-on meltdown.

I'll usually crack a hugely inappropriate joke too, just to make it even worse. :rolleyes:

Apt username is apt.

Blitzkrieger

Blitzkrieger wrote: »

Apt username is apt.

You think her name is Suave, don't you!

DazMarz

At a funeral I was at once, the priest fell into the grave... twice. How I controlled myself, I'll never know.

Same priest, eulogising at a funeral. This was shortly after the 2004 Tsunami in Asia. Works it in to his eulogy: "... and we must also remember all the victims of the terrible Satsumi in Asia..." Maybe not that funny, but just because it was a funeral and because it was such a terrible mash-up (and that it sounded like a dodgy mobile phone manufacturer), I had a terrible coughing fit.

Another funeral, a young man called Michael had died in a car accident. The song being played as the coffin was being brought out of the church was "The Fields Of Athenry". When the lyrics got to the point: "... Michael they are taking you away..." myself and the guy next to me started to snigger. God, we're so going to hell.

and then of course, there is the old standby joke:

A new priest in the parish is eulogising at a funeral, for a man who was known in the parish as being a bit of a bollocks. "Alas," the priest says, "I did not know this man well. Please, could someone here now, speak and let us know of his life."
Dead silence for about 5 minutes. Then, a lonely voice from the back of the church pipes up, "His brother was worse!"

Junco Partner

At my Gran's brother's funeral years ago. He'd emigrated to London and he'd wanted to be buried back in the homeland. At the graveside All the English relations at one side; his kids, grandkids etc all very sad. On the other side it was all of the irish family. Some guy steps up beside the grave and launches into a very poignant but very very badly performed aucoustic version of danny boy as the coffin is being lowered.
The English contingent all bow their heads as their dad/grandad gets committed to the earth.
Our half of the family on the other hand; unable to deal with the wailing of the singer , break down into laughter. My parent's, aunts, uncles , cousins, family friends all of us roaring with laughter. 30 paddies in black crying with laughter.

Can't imagine what the Tan cousins thought of us. First time over meeting the family for most of them and here we are laughing at their dads funeral.

Blitzkrieger

[Deleted User] wrote: »

You think her name is Suave, don't you!

Yes, yes I did.

Stupid seeing what it wants to see brain....

banie01

At my wife's funeral mass....
My son was 3 at the time and in my arms, and was fascinated by the pageantry of “the mass”.
He was asking questions to beat the band, and I’m a firm believer in being as honest and open as I can be with him (always age appropriately, of course!) so I was doing my best to answer him.
I explained the priest and mass to Josh, along the lines of; ‘Well some people feel like they need to gather together to celebrate what they believe and to give thanks to their God, and often the priest leads them in prayer’.
‘Which I think is a bit silly, really’, I told him, ‘Because if there is a God and he is everywhere surely you can talk to him wherever ya like? You don't need an operator to place the call for ya''
Next up came Communion.
How do you explain transubstantiation and all the associated mumbo jumbo to a child?! Well I gave it a stab! I told him that the priest, and Catholics in general, believe that during the Eucharist the bread and wine are miraculously transformed into the actual real body and blood of a bloke called Jesus……
My son looks at me while trying to make sense of this new information, and asks the incisive question.
‘Like a magic trick, Dad?’
Smiling to myself at his common sense view of the ritual,I answered, ‘Yes, monkey! Just like a magic trick’.
Later, as the mass ended and the priest was returning his paraphernalia to the sacristy, Josh turned to me and said ‘Dad, I don’t want to come here anymore!’
Knowing that I never wanted to see the inside of that church again; knowing that it was another step towards burying his Mam and saying goodbye to what was our little family’s planned future.
I wasn’t surprised by my Son's firm statement, but!
Knowing that he was as confused and scared as I was, and that he clearly needed answers and surety and that it was my job to provide to him… I asked, ‘Why?’
He looked up at me with an unexpected bright smile and said
‘Because that’s the stupidest magic show I have ever seen!!’

I know the timing may have seemed inappropriate but everyone who heard that exchange had a giggle, and it lifted our moods on a dark day

Aside from that, I'm usually the fecker sitting in a church making the jokes at wrong time and spotting the best dressed sexy mourners :P

TheDriver

After reading this thread, I don't feel like the biggest flake in the world now!

AfterDusk

At my Granda's funeral it came to the Communion and the priest announced that they had 'bread' for coeliacs as well. Turned to my brother and said "Ah, they have gluten free Jesus now?" Giggles galore :pac:

Pumpkinseeds

At a removal last year my thoughts turned to my mother in law. I can't stand the woman and haven't spoken to her for 4 years. At around the same time that year my husband and I had been having a slight bicker about her and I said I wouldn't be going to her funeral whenever she dies. This of course pi*sed him off. But looking at the corpse in the coffin, I couldn't help wondering how I'd manage to get out of going to her funeral whenever she dies.

Ihatecuddles

At a funeral before, the ministers of the eucharist were giving out communion or 'feeding the ducks' as my brother puts it.

There was a huge queue of people in the middle, so the priest went over to help out when his queue was gone. Its about 30ft away, and he started saying 'the body of christ' as soon as he started walking. So we had a good 15 seconds of 'the boooooooooooooooooooody of christ'

It was hilarious, thought he'd run out of air halfway there but he didn't

Sir Arthur Daley

Checking out the Nuns.

Gokei

Do the funeral directors put underware on the deceased?

cruais

Gokei wrote: »

Do the funeral directors put underware on the deceased?

Someone already beat you too it with that question

zcorpian88

Wasn't at this particular funeral but I got a good one...

About 10 years ago my Dad's uncle died suddenly, my dad hadn't spoke to him in years but was devastated over it, he and my mam went to the funeral which was in another county, in the back of beyonds in the wesht.

They and the rest of my extended family stayed in the village where the funeral was.

The grief felt by the close family of my dad's uncle was immense due to the suddeness of the death naturally.

Cutting to the chase...all the family and friends piled into their cars and drove 30 miles down to road to where the church was. Everyone was in the church and the service about to start.

Next thing this whispering begins to start and spreads all around the church, with some confusion on peoples faces.

What was being said was "Where's Aunty Mary?" Followed by "I thought she was in your car!" "Nooo I thought she was in his car!" "No s**te I thought she was in her car!" and they were standing up trying to see was she there.

Aunty Mary was the elder sister of the deceased and she wasn't in sight.

The deceased's son was in the front row and all my dad could see where his shoulders shaking, he believed he was crying then he turns around and he's pissing on himself laughing! Followed by the rest of the church erupting with laughter.

They forgot her and left her locked into the house 30 miles down the road, her son then boots it out of the church, jumps into his car and skids out the gate to go get her. When they got into the house, the poor woman was in there saying the rosary after missing her brothers funeral. She managed to make the burial. She believed it to be his last prank as the deceased was a well known joker/prankster.

My dad says he never laughed so much that weekend. It's one funeral I'd have loved to have been at!

Gokei

cruais wrote: »

Someone already beat you too it with that question

Was there an answer?

Sir Arthur Daley

Gokei wrote: »

Was there an answer?

No one knows maybe?

Gokei

WikiHow wrote: »

No one knows maybe?

Funeral directors and grave robbers would know.. Must be a few of each on here

Sir Arthur Daley

Is it not weird that people need an answer to that question?

cruais

Gokei wrote: »

Was there an answer?

Call staffords

SuperS54

Was at a funeral of an ex girlfriends mother many years ago. Standing around with a group of mates outside the church waiting to go to the graveyard and the ex comes over, wasn't really looking forward to the conversation as we hadn't spoken in about 2 years, mate inadvertently saved the day as he extended his hand and came out with "Ah how's it going, haven't seen ye in ages, any craic?"...There was a moment of stunned silence as we looked at him and she considered how to respond before moving off...

Galwayguy35

Was at a funeral last week and as we were all going around shaking hands with the family of the dead person one of them was probably one of the sexiest women I have ever seen in my life.

Had lots of innappropriate thoughts going out the door.


I remember some of the best drinking sessions have been after the burial, it seems to be dying out (no pun intended) these days though.

black123

Was at a funeral recently it was very formal as the woman was a dignified type of a lady. I am not religious but at communion time I thought that I better go up. But I have just been diagnosed celiac and just happened to be beside by friend who is also celiac she grabbed my and said you can't take the bread there's gluten in it. So I turned to her a few minutes later and said.... you know that girl in the exorcist she probably wasn't possessed she was just gluten intolerant or maybe she was allergic to god....Wasn't much of a joke but we nearly got sick laughing.

TheDriver

I remember I was at a funeral of a kid who died of illness good few years ago and church was packed, priest appears in the back of the church to do the big entrance and said to himself (unfortunately out loud for us back benchers to hear)-pity we can't have a collection today, we'd have made a packet.......

ToxicPaddy

My cousins funeral was a very very sad affair, he has been battling leukemia for a number of years but just as it looked like he had beaten it, it finally got him. The worst part was that he had to go home and plan his own funeral with his wife and their 3 young kids. What drove it home most to me was he was only 2 months younger than me.

After the removal from the house to the church, it was a walk of about a mile or so but being a small closeknit farming community everyone walked behind the hearse instead of driving up.

The two things I remember most was his brother and only sibling telling stories about the two of them when they were younger and the trouble they got into as we walked up and half the people walking were in stitches sniggering n laughing. It seemed as if nobody could control it. Even my aunt and uncle who were inconsolable from the loss of their son started giggling.

The second was his wifes speech at the funeral itself. Absolutely amazing, composed and very very funny. Everyone including the priests were giggling away. The whole church burst into spontaneous applause after it. Never saw anything like it.

Made some very fond memories of a very sad ocassion.

Gokei

cruais wrote: »

Call staffords

Tried there. They're busy.

stupid head

TheDriver wrote: »

I remember I was at a funeral of a kid who died of illness good few years ago and church was packed, priest appears in the back of the church to do the big entrance and said to himself (unfortunately out loud for us back benchers to hear)-pity we can't have a collection today, we'd have made a packet.......

seriously?

TheDriver

Seriously!

Hellrazer

Ended up at the wrong funeral removal once.

My grandfather died about a few years back and I was told that the funeral removal was on at say 6.00pm and was told to sit at the front with the family as you do.

Got stuck in traffic and arrived at the church about 5.50.Parked the car a fair bit away,ran the distance into the church and sat down right at the front with the family.Looked around and realised that I didnt know anyone that was at the funeral.

Id arrived at the end of 5.30 removal and not the start of the 6.00pm one.

Worst part was I just stood there shaking peoples hands that I didnt even know and people consoling me that obviously didn't know me either.

And then had to do the same half an hour later at the right funeral.

Im still slagged over that one to this day.

wil

Elephants and postboxes

Santa Cruz

TheDriver wrote: »

Wondering do people feel all morbid at funerals or does your mind wander? Sometimes its hard to miss the fact that mourners could be fit or something in the funeral home is a bit Fr. Ted like and the mind gets a bit giggly.....or is it just me?

Was at funeral yesterday. Two hotties dressed in black,long legs, high heels. wow wow