Paying for bridesmaids hair/makeup

viper006

CaliforniaDream wrote: »

I think people are being overly harsh on the OP.QUOTE]

I dont think people are being harsh at all. I think most of the posters have offered their advice on the issue some more sugar coated than others but the overwhelming feeling here seems to be that to priortize a gimmick like a photobooth over not just your bridesmaids but your own family members is poor form and certainly comes across as stingey. I never heard of any wedding where bridesmaids especially sisters and the like have had to fork out of their own pocket for everything like accom, hair, make up etc.

I think alot us know only too well how hard it is to balance the cost of weddings, buying a house and starting a family but really at the end of the days, it if you cant find afew hundred euro at most for the bridesmaids , you shouldnt have 3 bridesmaids and things like a photobooth shouldnt even be considered before the funds are available to at least get the basics like bridesmaids sorted. Expecting them to pay their own way to attend your wedding isnt fair at all i feel . OP i really hope you have a lovely day and its everything you hope it is but dont potentially sour things with family members and friends for really what is a small money at the end of the day. I think a compromise can be reached alot easier than you think.

whiteandlight

I don't think you really are gettin mixed opinions OP. The vast majority think you should be paying.

In general I think that the following are a given and should be paid for
Dress, jewellery, hair, makeup

Everything else is optional (providing you are not insisting on things matching)
Shoes, bags, hairpieces, room, tan, nails etc

Also, you got the bridesmaids dressed as a gift so what are you getting for them?!

I had a tight budget but we paid for dresses, jewellery, hair and makeup. Dresses were from ebay €65 and looked stunning (€195 total). That saved me the bit I needed towards the girls hair and make up which we went into the hairdresser/beauticans for on the morning because I didn't have the extra for them to come to the house. The jewellery was got online too to save costs

Sligo1

OP I understand you are on a tight budget and all... But seriously, as has been said you shouldn't really have asked 3 friends to be bridesmaids if you couldn't afford it.

I dont mean to sound harsh, but what strikes me here is that you haven't even paid for their dresses! You are getting off extremely lightly! Your sister has paid €400 for these! That is a huge present... I didnt get that much money as a present from any of my family and believe me they can afford it.

We covered all expenses for my bridesmaids including accommodation. But that's what we budgeted for. Obviously things like accommodation, tan and nails etc aren't really a necessity... But seriously, you should AT LEAST be paying for their hair and makeup. As I said... You've not even paid for their dresses. Perhaps pay for their hair and makeup and let them pay for their own dress alterations as they are in different countries? I dunno.

But one thing I will say is... These girls are your bridal party. They are probably girls who are your best friends or girls you are extremely close to. They are going to be walking down the aisle and they are going to be sitting with you at the top table on probably one of the most important days of your life. They will also probably be putting a lot of thought and effort into throwing you a hen party (if Youre having one)... and will probably cover your costs for this aswell. You probably shouldn't refer to them just as any other guest/friend who would be coming to the wedding anyway... If that was the case you probably should have just invited them as guests as opposed to asking them to be your bridesmaids.

Mr.Fred

Your sister is right. You have every right to tell them to pay for their own dress and make up but don't be surprised or get in a strop if they decline your invitation to be a bridesmaid.

As mentioned above it's an inconvenience for them I'm sure they'd rather be sitting with their partners and wearing what they like. Not to mention the time spent running around and cracking smiles for every photo.

emzolita

I think you're being very tight. I'm buying a house and getting married next year and I would never ask the bridesmaids to be out of pocket. You keep saying you're not putting any pressure on them to have hair and makeup done, and that you don't mind them doing it themselves. That's all they need the morning of a wedding, to be looking after you, and trying to get their eyeliner even and their hair to stay up. Most people arent naturally talented at MU.

There are hair and MUAs who do hair and MU for a bargain price, and you could try get more of a deal if you're getting a few people done.
You've done the same with the shoes, "wear what you like" ...thankfully they all had silver shoes, but by you being "not fussy" you're putting the pressure on your BMs to fill the gaps.

the dresses were bought for you,
the suits are being paid for by the groomsmen
they're wearing their own shoes,
and you're begrudging them hair and MU because you think they're more than capable of doing it themselves? You need to be more mindful of how stressed out they will be on that day too, it's your wedding, sure, but they have a big responsibility and I think you need to be a little more appreciative of them.

BabysCoffee

quietasmice wrote: »

Hi,
I desperately need advice. I live in the uk with my fiancé (who's English), and we are getting married in Ireland this summer. My little sister has been a great help in organising things up until now, but we've hit a brick wall.
She is adamant that we should pay for her hair and makeup, along with the other two bridesmaids' hair and makeup. We are a young couple who plan to buy a house if we can next year, and everything is so tight. Our wedding budget is so limited because of the price of everything in Ireland, the expectation of ppl invited and the fact that we cannot get loan if we want to get house deposit next year.
My sister paid for the 3 bridemaids dresses online as a wedding present, costing 400 euro, this is for our wedding present. We are asking that the groomsmen pay for their suit hire, and the two things we splurged on was a photobooth (it was my one wishlist item) and our honeymoon which is on credit card at 0% interest. My sister has said we are putting money in the wrong places and it's asking too much and insulting to expect bridesmaids to pay for their own hair and makeup. I told her once I know where money stands, we may be able to cover hair as I understand they may not have booked hairdresser as a guest, but makeup they could easily do themselves? I just don't think it's fair when guys are paying for suit hire, and although I know it's Irish custom, we just can't afford it, particularly as half our guests will not gift as generously as the Irish side, simply down to different customs and culture.
Please help me solve this situation - am I being unreasonable? I feel like two of the bridesmaids are just so demanding, the other is from uk and seems to be the only one putting my feelings and situation first.

If you want them to wear a particular hairstyle or makeup look you should pay.

kippy

quietasmice wrote: »

Boombastic, thank you - If nothing else your comment made me giggle and stop pulling my hair out for five mins! My sister has been great so far but has ENTIRELY different ideas of wedding etiquette, expectations, etc. I just feel clueless, frustrated and stupid with it all

General etiquette is for the couple to pay for hair and make up so her expectations arent exactly skewed from the norm.

Boombastic

kippy wrote: »

General etiquette is for the couple to pay for hair and make up so her expectations arent exactly skewed from the norm.

people keep saying its general etiquette and its the done this. getting make up donr Is only the 'norm' in Ireland for the last 10 - 15 years so not a tradition, more of a celtic tiger hangover

Sligo1

Boombastic wrote: »

people keep saying its general etiquette and its the done this. getting make up donr Is only the 'norm' in Ireland for the last 10 - 15 years so not a tradition, more of a celtic tiger hangover

Perhaps you're right ... But if this is the case then what's the point in having bridesmaid dresses, grooms suits etc etc. if it was really just the point of being supported by close friends on the day why couldn't the girls also just go in their own dresses etc etc. as it is the sister (bridesmaid) is already paying for the dresses... €400 worth.

Make up artists don't need to do trials on bridesmaids usually. Mine didnt. And I think on the day it's probably about €30-50 per bridesmaid for makeup so say €150 extra max. Chances are you will get at least a couple people declining invites which uou have budgeted a meal for. Surely this money which would probably total more than €150 of your budget could be used to do their makeup?

We got about a 20% decline rate which we had budgeted for due to where were having our wedding...

kippy

Boombastic wrote: »

people keep saying its general etiquette and its the done this. getting make up donr Is only the 'norm' in Ireland for the last 10 - 15 years so not a tradition, more of a celtic tiger hangover

And photobooths aren't?

As I said, it's the generally accepted etiquette in marriages these days....generally.
I couldnt tell you of a couple who have had a "standard" wedding in the past 10 years (I dont know any that well outside of that time frame) who havent paid for their bridesmaids hair and makeup (which to be fair is usually all done together on the morning of the wedding in the home of the bride)

If you want to go back to pre celtic tiger ettiquette be prepared to change a whole heap of stuff about your wedding.

Milly33

Do what you want. If your sisters really wants to be part of the day she will understand if she gets upset about something like this kinda shows what type of person she is..not saying anything that she isn't loverly now but there is so much pressure on the bride and groom side to accommodate people but sure tis what ye want to do if people really want to join in they will if not sod them

Boombastic

kippy wrote: »

And photobooths aren't?

As I said, it's the generally accepted etiquette in marriages these days....generally.
I couldnt tell you of a couple who have had a "standard" wedding in the past 10 years (I dont know any that well outside of that time frame) who havent paid for their bridesmaids hair and makeup (which to be fair is usually all done together on the morning of the wedding in the home of the bride)

If you want to go back to pre celtic tiger ettiquette be prepared to change a whole heap of stuff about your wedding.

I never said photo booths were or weren't. BTW I have changed a 'whole heap of stuff about my wedding'

I have seen one where it was done at home in the brides house by a beautitian. Most people I know go to the beautitian. Do you in how much it costs for the beautitian to come out to The house?


I hope all these traditional people aren't sleeping with the partners, living together or having babies before the wedding, because that's not traditional

carolinespring

I personally think you SHOULD pay for the hair and make up. A lot of salons do great deals. I would be very upset if I was asked to be bridesmaid and told to pay for my own hair and make up or do it myself. You are asking them to be a major part of your wedding and be in the spot light so they want to look and FEEL amazing. I don't see why you would have asked them to be such a part if your wedding if you didn't want to have to pay for them...??

You made the point that as a wedding guest they would still have have hair and make up done... yes but nobody would be taking dozens of pictures of them. I have gone to wedding having GHDed my own hair and done my own make up. I was a guest and looked fine but would I have been happy to do my own hair and make up as a bridesmaid. Hell no and would ne majorly p***ed if I had to pay for my own.

Blow dry and make up for all 3 will cost you about 150 so just do it. Cut other costs as needs be but pay up.

carolinespring

Boombastic wrote: »

people keep saying its general etiquette and its the done this. getting make up donr Is only the 'norm' in Ireland for the last 10 - 15 years so not a tradition, more of a celtic tiger hangover

Not true. I was bridesmaid more that 20 years ago for a family member and it was paid for. When my mother got married in 1966 she paid for her bridesmaids to have hair and make up done. At that stage make up would have been less common to be done other than by oneself.

Again I was flower girl for my godmothers wedding in 1981 and she paid for all the hair and bridesmaids make up

Boombastic

carolinespring wrote: »

Not true. I was bridesmaid more that 20 years ago for a family member and it was paid for. When my mother got married in 1966 she paid for her bridesmaids to have hair and make up done. At that stage make up would have been less common to be done other than by oneself.

Again I was flower girl for my godmothers wedding in 1981 and she paid for all the hair and bridesmaids make up

You say 'not true' because of one or two cases, yet you agree it was not the norm as 'make up would have been less common to be done other then by oneself'

Anyway I must have the best bridesmaids ever as one of them turned up tonight with jewellery for them all

wuffly

To be honest i wouldn't ask someone to be a bridesmaid and expect them to pay for anything, its not really fair, your photos will turn out pretty odd with four girls all done up differently. Besides if you expected them to pay you should have said at the outset and they could have said yes or no. Now they are trapped. What about your budget? Surely you had money aside for the dresses and now that your sis has paid that money should be available? As for a photobooth, we had one and loved it but i wouldn't have dreamed of getting one if it meant asking people to pay for things that i expected them to wear etc... I only had one BM, i have been one of group of BM's twice and both times made they made the whole thing more stressful for the bride, no help with planning, moaning about dresses and wandering off instead of staying near the bride on the day. Mine was glued to me all day, she made it so stress free. If i had asked her to pay I'm sure she would have but i think it would have been pretty crappy of me after all she did to help with the wedding. If you want a cheaper option get a polaroid camera for e50 on amazon and ask someone to get photos of all your guests, I did this for a friend that had a small wedding (80), I got everyone done by the end of the meal and handed it over at the end of the night, they absolutely loved it and i had great craic chatting to everyone. Whatever you do try not to fall out with anyone over this, its your wedding. you should have good memories, you don't want to be looking at photos of people that you don't talk to anymore because of something silly... good luck.

tinkerbell

OP, you are being incredibly stingy and miserable to your bridesmaids. Your sister has given you an incredibly generous gift by spending €400 on dresses - that is probably double than what most siblings would give as a present! What would you have done if she couldn't afford to give you any gift or given you a much lesser gift? You would have found the money elsewhere.

Personally I think photo booths are unnecessary and tacky - getting guests to put on huge glasses, wigs, moustaches, use props looks stupid and cringeworthy. None of my friends used these at their weddings so I've never understood the fascination. If you can't afford hair and makeup but can afford a photo booth then you should be cancelling the photo booth. Your sister is right - you are putting money in the wrong places.

And finally, nobody forced you to have 3 bridesmaids, you decided to have 3. People don't match up bridesmaids with groomsmen these days if they don't want to. If you wanted 3, you should at least be paying for dress, shoes, jewellery, hair, makeup.

certifiedcrepe

I've been bridesmaid twice.

The first time, it was my best friend. There was 3 bridesmaids and we all got our hair and makeup done seperately (I did my own hair as I do not like upstyles) and paid ourselves. I was quite young at the time so I didn't really mind. Her father paid for our hotel rooms.

Second time, it was my sister and I was maid of honour. She paid for the hair and makeup and the trials for everyone about 6 weeks beforehand for everyone (herself, myself and the other bridesmaid, my mother, the groom's mother and the flower's girls hair). However, at the trial I really disliked my makeup so I ended up doing my own on the big day (I've done many beauty and makeup courses so it wasn't a big deal). I still had my hair done and disliked that. I may sound ungrateful but I know my style and I know what I like and I felt the makeup artist was trying to make the bridesmaids look like drag queens rather than beautiful belles of the ball. Too much contouring, heavy eyebrows, dramatic eye shadow, strong lips, big big hair, the works. Also, my sister told the makeup artist to do what she thought best so it's not like that was the actual look my sister wanted on us.

Just to add, both times I paid for my own tan. I wasn't orange, but I am literally the whitest shade of white you can find and I needed something to take the dead look off myself! I got it done 2 days before on each occasion so by the time the wedding came it was lovely and light.

My point is, if you do end up paying make sure you look for someone your bridesmaids are also happy with to avoid drama and tears and to also have some bit of control on what they do, it's doubtful your bridesmaids would all have the same style and if they get their makeup and hair done separately you might not like something in particular and get annoyed. It happens, emotions run high around weddings and you get upset over petty things that shouldn't matter when you're about to marry the love of your life.

Best of luck and congratulations!

AoifeCork

Personally OP if I was asked to be a bridesmaid only to find out a few months before hand that I had to pay for my dress, hair, make-up, etc etc myself, I would politely bow out. Everyone is on a strict budget these days, not just you and your fiance. You mentioned that "these girls are not well off", so why is it ok for them to splurge on your big day and for you to save an extra €150-€200 for your new house next year?

Cut all the frills and concentrate on what is really important for the day-which is your maid of honour feeling appreciated and valued for all the work she has done. She is your sister, she obviously wants nothing more than for you to have the best day possible. You need to fix the issues between you before even BEGINNING to argue about paying for hair and make up.

Big honeymoons and photobooths are NOT crucial to your day. Happy bridesmaids and drama-free atmosphere is!!!!

Calmsurrender

I'm sorry I think some of the replies on here are OTT,
I'm going to be pulled apart for this but I don't care, maybe it will help the OP a bit.

I got married young, I didn't know anything about weddings or what was the done thing with this or that. I had three bridesmaids, my two sisters, one was 20 the other was 8, and my now sister in law who was 17.
Wedding make up never even occurred to me , not even for myself!! I paid for the dresses and we chose them together.
I bought my sister in laws shoes because she was just starting college, my mum paid for the 8 year olds, a pair of 10 euro flats and my older sister insisted on buying her own as she was working. The groomsmen decided among themselves they would use their own shoes or buy them if necessary - we offered to pay.
I paid for the hair for myself, the three bridesmaids and our mothers.

Now the makeup, my friend was handy with make up and she offered to do mine for me - until that point it never even occurred to me that I wouldn't do it myself !
So she did mine, my older sister didn't and still doesn't wear make up, my friend offered on the morning but she said no thanks, and the little one had a tiny sweep of eyeshadow and that was it. Again it never occurred to me that my sis in law should have been there, she was getting ready with her family at the hotel and I just subconsciously assumed she'd do her own as she was handy with makeup too.
So I can see why this scenario the OP is in came about, it's not about being stingy or tight, it's different expectations and understandings.

Our photographer did a lot of close up facial shots and everyone looks radiant , guests bridal party the whole lot, maybe it's because we had a good day weather wise, maybe he was just a really good photographer I don't know. But I don't think any of us suffered for not having our make up done professionally!

So ok, the bridesmaids have to walk down the aisle and pose for a few extra photographs - that's if the OP is even having a photographer - other than the controversial photobooth it's not mentioned. (Edit just read back and a mates rate videographer is mentioned) But are they really going to look terrible without professional make up? They'd still be in pictures as guests anyway ...
For my sister in laws wedding one of her relatives paid for the makeup for her and the bridesmaids, which I was one of - I honestly don't think I looked any better for having it done professionally (as opposed to my friend doing it) - but then no one was looking at me - just the bride haha.

I have to laugh as well at some of the comments - cut back on your honey moon and photobooth - they're unnecessary and tacky etc but it's more important to have your bridesmaids swanning around like Lady Muck and a face full of slap for a few hours? Really ? I mean really like . Some of you need to get real - if you're going down the route why have a weeding at all... It's ALL unnecessary apart from two witnesses and a piece of paper and a solemniser.
I wonder how those bridesmaidzillas would really feel if they found out the OP had cancelled her honeymoon or entertainment just they could be princesses for the 30 seconds it takes to walk down the aisle. Maybe the OP should cancel her own dinner and eat the scraps for their plates as well? Haha just kidding

Yes the sister bridesmaid has been very generous buying the dresses, but it seems to me she was giving free reign over what was picked. She could've got cheaper dresses anywhere , but I don't know the full situation there and you could assume most people going to a wedding as a guest would buy a new outfit anyway? Isn't that what a lot of people crib about - the expense of going to weddings - HAVING to FORK OUT for an outfit coz they couldn't possibly be seen on Facebook wearing the same one twice. I see it on these type of forums allll the time. Maybe the OP should've bought the dresses from a charity shop for 50 quid each instead - then they could've had their make up

Anyway none of that helps the OP.
Half of me thinks tell the two others you're very sorry but you have to ask them not to be bridesmaids now that you just can't afford it and sell the dresses and then your sister can have her tan and manicure etc. but that wouldn't be fun.

I would talk to your sister again , maybe get some prices and see what if anything you can work out between you. Maybe you have a cousin or friend who is good with makeup and could do it for you as their gift to the wedding or for a mates rate? Or even someone who'd like to pay for it as a gift.
Explore those options but to be honest any bridesmaid who would cause tension and a drama filled atmosphere over it on your wedding day doesn't deserve to be a bridesmaid in the first place. I've been a bridesmaid it's not THAT big a deal you know. The way some people on here go on ....
Well that's enough ranting from me... Bring on the flames and insults.

Hope you do sort something out OP that suits all of you. Good Luck!

Gatica

I am surprised that so many posters keep saying OP should pay for things she's expecting off her bridesmaid, e.g. a certain look, etc.. (I agree, B&G should pay for things they expect off their bridal party) There's also plenty of mention of the specific dresses, etc..
However, OP has mentioned the BMs overruled her and picked own dresses and more than once already made clear she wanted it to suit their shape, she didn't mind what look they went for or how they had their hair.

Also, why does it keep getting mentioned as such a big deal that she got the bridesmaids' dresses for free because the sister paid for them? If someone buys a gift, it's their choice and I doubt they'd keep mentioning, remember how I bought you X for a gift? Now to compensate me for the gift I chose to get you, you should do Y for me.
However, I do think that if OP planned on getting the dresses for BMs herself, and presumably budgeted for it, then maybe the money saved now should still be spent on them - I'd prioritise hair, then make-up and personally would never bother with manicures or tans. No-one's gonna zoom on their perfectly done nails in photos...

I can understand how someone may want something so specific as a booth for their wedding. People have different likes, and while it wouldn't be my priority in a million years, I don't see what's so wrong with wanting this one specific thing. Especially as she's tried to cut back even on own dress and own make-up (if I remember correctly?).

I think for the OP it would be a good compromise to pay for hair, just shop around for someone local. Our up-styles for wedding cost 30 apiece, and I thought it was good value. If they're used to doing their makeup normally, surely they can do that again. Maybe suggest you girls do each other's makeup.

emzolita

Calmsurrender wrote: »

I'm sorry I think some of the replies on here are OTT,
I'm going to be pulled apart for this but I don't care, maybe it will help the OP a bit.

I got married young, I didn't know anything about weddings or what was the done thing with this or that. I had three bridesmaids, my two sisters, one was 20 the other was 8, and my now sister in law who was 17.
Wedding make up never even occurred to me , not even for myself!! I paid for the dresses and we chose them together.
I bought my sister in laws shoes because she was just starting college, my mum paid for the 8 year olds, a pair of 10 euro flats and my older sister insisted on buying her own as she was working. The groomsmen decided among themselves they would use their own shoes or buy them if necessary - we offered to pay.
I paid for the hair for myself, the three bridesmaids and our mothers.

Now the makeup, my friend was handy with make up and she offered to do mine for me - until that point it never even occurred to me that I wouldn't do it myself !
So she did mine, my older sister didn't and still doesn't wear make up, my friend offered on the morning but she said no thanks, and the little one had a tiny sweep of eyeshadow and that was it. Again it never occurred to me that my sis in law should have been there, she was getting ready with her family at the hotel and I just subconsciously assumed she'd do her own as she was handy with makeup too.
So I can see why this scenario the OP is in came about, it's not about being stingy or tight, it's different expectations and understandings.

Our photographer did a lot of close up facial shots and everyone looks radiant , guests bridal party the whole lot, maybe it's because we had a good day weather wise, maybe he was just a really good photographer I don't know. But I don't think any of us suffered for not having our make up done professionally!

So ok, the bridesmaids have to walk down the aisle and pose for a few extra photographs - that's if the OP is even having a photographer - other than the controversial photobooth it's not mentioned. But are they really going to look terrible without professional make up? They'd still be in pictures as guests anyway ...
For my sister in laws wedding one of her relatives paid for the makeup for her and the bridesmaids, which I was one of - I honestly don't think I looked any better for having it done professionally (as opposed to my friend doing it) - but then no one was looking at me - just the bride haha.

I have to laugh as well at some of the comments - cut back on your honey moon and photobooth - they're unnecessary and tacky etc but it's more important to have your bridesmaids swanning around like Lady Muck and a face full of slap for a few hours? Really ? I mean really like . Some of you need to get real - if you're going down the route why have a weeding at all... It's ALL unnecessary apart from two witnesses and a piece of paper and a solemniser.
I wonder how those bridesmaidzillas would really feel if they found out the OP had cancelled her honeymoon or entertainment just they could be princesses for the 30 seconds it takes to walk down the aisle. Maybe the OP should cancel her own dinner and eat the scraps for their plates as well? Haha just kidding

Yes the sister bridesmaid has been very generous buying the dresses, but it seems to me she was giving free reign over what was picked. She could've got cheaper dresses anywhere , but I don't know the full situation there and you could assume most people going to a wedding as a guest would buy a new outfit anyway? Isn't that what a lot of people crib about - the expense of going to weddings - HAVING to FORK OUT for an outfit coz they couldn't possibly be seen on Facebook wearing the same one twice. I see it on these type of forums allll the time. Maybe the OP should've bought the dresses from a charity shop for 50 quid each instead - then they could've had their make up

Anyway none of that helps the OP.
Half of me thinks tell the two others you're very sorry but you have to ask them not to be bridesmaids now that you just can't afford it and sell the dresses and then your sister can have her tan and manicure etc. but that wouldn't be fun.

I would talk to your sister again , maybe get some prices and see what if anything you can work out between you. Maybe you have a cousin or friend who is good with makeup and could do it for you as their gift to the wedding or for a mates rate? Or even someone who'd like to pay for it as a gift.
Explore those options but to be honest any bridesmaid who would cause tension and a drama filled atmosphere over it on your wedding day doesn't deserve to be a bridesmaid in the first place. I've been a bridesmaid it's not THAT big a deal you know. The way some people on here go on ....
Well that's enough ranting from me... Bring on the flames and insults.

Hope you do sort something out OP that suits all of you. Good Luck!

This attitude is driving me mad. The OP seems to have the same too :rolleyes:
It stinks of cheapness and laziness. "sure wouldn't they be at the wedding anyway" ....when you're a guest, you can eat,drink and be merry all day, when you're a bridesmaid, you have to be on alert and tending to the bride all day.

I also think by the OP not caring what shoes they wear or what way they wear their hair/makeup or dresses is unfair. You're basically leaving it up to your bridesmaids to sort themselves out.

Milly33

Well said Calmsurrender.

I cant believe from reading a few post in this thread and a few others in the overall section how narrow minded some people are and that they are forgetting the day is not about them it is about the bride and groom..

We are just planning ours now and its already started with this is how it should be done you should be doing this make it better for others or this is what they would like. Sod that well go so far as to make people comfy and have a great day and make sure there is gluten free options, babysitters and that but anything else like oh tis on a wens and well have to take a day off work, mmm if you cant manage it then grand.. This kinda stuff really would annoy me!! Don't stress OP do what makes ye happy for the day all else will fall in place if anything starts just brush it off and deal with it after if needs be

Calmsurrender

emzolita wrote: »

This attitude is driving me mad. The OP seems to have the same too :rolleyes:
It stinks of cheapness and laziness. "sure wouldn't they be at the wedding anyway" ....when you're a guest, you can eat,drink and be merry all day, when you're a bridesmaid, you have to be on alert and tending to the bride all day.

I also think by the OP not caring what shoes they wear or what way they wear their hair/makeup or dresses is unfair. You're basically leaving it up to your bridesmaids to sort themselves out.

And your type of attitude drives me mad. If it's such a chore don't be a bridesmaid.
I've never been to a wedding where a bridesmaid was "tending to the bride all day" maybe you know some right bridezillas who need to tending to all day but in my experience it's never been the case but then I don't hang out with drama queens.
As for cheapness and laziness - haha - if a bride was in here whinging coz she wanted the girls wearing a type of shoes or their hair a certain way she'd be called a bridezilla of the highest order. She's happy for them to do their own thing and what's so terrible about that?
But whatever, I stand by everything I said. You have your ideas I have mine.

Calmsurrender

Milly33 wrote: »

Well said Calmsurrender.

I cant believe from reading a few post in this thread and a few others in the overall section how narrow minded some people are and that they are forgetting the day is not about them it is about the bride and groom..

We are just planning ours now and its already started with this is how it should be done you should be doing this make it better for others or this is what they would like. Sod that well go so far as to make people comfy and have a great day and make sure there is gluten free options, babysitters and that but anything else like oh tis on a wens and well have to take a day off work, mmm if you cant manage it then grand.. This kinda stuff really would annoy me!! Don't stress OP do what makes ye happy for the day all else will fall in place if
anything starts just brush it off and deal with it after if needs be

You're dead right Milly, the things people find to bitch and whinge about when it comes to other peoples weddings astounds me - good luck with yours

Electric Sheep

Calmsurrender wrote: »

Half of me thinks tell the two others you're very sorry but you have to ask them not to be bridesmaids now that you just can't afford it and sell the dresses and then your sister can have her tan and manicure etc. but that wouldn't be fun.

I suspect the bridesmaids would be very happy indeed with this solution.

Milly33

thank you were looking forward to it now kinda scary at the same time...it really is mad what people find to give out about by the sounds of it, twud be easier to have a nudist wedding!!

Calmsurrender

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I suspect the bridesmaids would be very happy indeed with this solution.

Win win for everyone so!
I do think the bride should've stuck to her guns and only had her sister as bridesmaid to begin with. But hindsight is a great thing...

Sligo1

Although I do agree some posters are being a little OTT in their comments... I still believe that the bride should not have asked 3 bridesmaids if she couldn't afford the bare minimum of hair and makeup.

I was the most relaxed bride, my bridesmaids chose their dresses etc... But I still wouldn't have them out of pocket.

As for this thing about the bride 'not expecting' or caring how they have their hair, makeup done point is that as a bridesmaid you are going to be focused on A LOT more then ANY of he other guests. Apart from the bride and groom themselves. They ARE going to be photographed A LOT more than ANY guests there and probably more so than the close family members aswell.

Ive never been a bridesmaid myself so i am open to correction. But whenever I've been a guest at a wedding I always do my own hair, makeup etc. I never buy a new outfit (I'm lucky to have a nice wardrobe full already)... But if I was a bridesmaid I would want to feel a little bit more special for the day! Is that not the point of being asked to he a bridesmaid???! So you are their to support the bride and feel a bit special that she has picked you above everyone else to sit with her and support her throughout the day?? Surely the bride could return the favour by AT LEAST providing hair and makeup. As I have said in a previous post... She's not even paying for the dresses for god sake! Bridesmaids (most) put A LOT of thought and effort into supporting the bride and making her day special (well mine did anyway)... I woulda thought the LEAST the bride could do was pay for their hair and a bit of "slap".

Electric Sheep

certifiedcrepe wrote: »

I may sound ungrateful but I know my style and I know what I like and I felt the makeup artist was trying to make the bridesmaids look like drag queens rather than beautiful belles of the ball. Too much contouring, heavy eyebrows, dramatic eye shadow, strong lips, big big hair, the works!

I think of this as "Irish Wedding" makeup. I haven't lived in Ireland for years, but was at two weddings in Ireland last year and indeed most years. The wedding parties, the couples' mothers, and half the guests were caked in professional makeup that sounds similar. To be honest I felt they looked a bit ridiculous. Between that, the evening dresses at 2 in the afternoon, and the fascinators, my general impression of irish weddings is that of trying too hard and not quite pulling it off.

But when in Rome, do as the Romans, if the OP is getting her make up done, she should extend the service to her bridesmaids.