Paying for bridesmaids hair/makeup

Calmsurrender

The thing Sligo1 is she didn't think it was expected of her to pay for the hair and makeup and fake tan and nails when she asked them. It's not stuff shes into herself so it didnt occur to her they would demmand this. It wasn't a factor in what she could afford. Now, if she booked a beautician and then told them they had to pay for it I could understand them being peed off.
As far as she's concerned they are good looking girls who are well able to turn themselves out beautifully for occasions - well that's how I read it. Now she's in this predicament. Some people see it as being uncaring and stingy towards the girls but I can see how it happened.
It's like if you were doing DIY invites and then a parent or parent in law who'd contributed to the wedding fund started demanding you get professional invites done as they wanted to impress relatives or whatever. Different expectations.
She's agreed to the hair now. She's paying towards her sisters room, necklaces and the dress alterations so its not like she's doing nothing for them.

emzolita

Calmsurrender wrote: »

The thing Sligo1 is she didn't think it was expected of her to pay for the hair and makeup and fake tan and nails when she asked them. It's not stuff shes into herself so it didnt occur to her they would demmand this. It wasn't a factor in what she could afford. Now, if she booked a beautician and then told them they had to pay for it I could understand them being peed off.
As far as she's concerned they are good looking girls who are well able to turn themselves out beautifully for occasions - well that's how I read it. Now she's in this predicament. Some people see it as being uncaring and stingy towards the girls but I can see how it happened.
It's like if you were doing DIY invites and then a parent or parent in law who'd contributed to the wedding fund started demanding you get professional invites done as they wanted to impress relatives or whatever. Different expectations.
She's agreed to the hair now. She's paying towards her sisters room, necklaces and the dress alterations so its not like she's doing nothing for them.

OP is that you?

Calmsurrender

emzolita wrote: »

OP is that you?

Yea it is.... :rolleyes:

Believe it or not , not everyone thinks like you - shocking isn't it?!

I'm aware I'm in the the minority here but I don't care

Sligo1

Calmsurrender wrote: »

The thing Sligo1 is she didn't think it was expected of her to pay for the hair and makeup and fake tan and nails when she asked them. It's not stuff shes into herself so it didnt occur to her they would demmand this. It wasn't a factor in what she could afford. Now, if she booked a beautician and then told them they had to pay for it I could understand them being peed off.
As far as she's concerned they are good looking girls who are well able to turn themselves out beautifully for occasions - well that's how I read it.

Hmm, well I read it as OP is getting her own hair and makeup done by a beautician or makeup artist ect... But is not extending the favour to her bridesmaids. Yep I read she's paying for their hair.

However, if she's getting her own makeup done professionally (which I think she is) then it is obviously something she is into. If she wasnt getting it done for herself then IMO grand. Have a fun filled morning with your bridesmaids doing eachother!? Perhaps OP could go to MAC or whatever and get some tips and do her bridesmaids etc etc. But I don't think this is the case here. I think by saying the bridesmaids are naturally beautiful and she's not into makeup etc etc... Although a VERY lovely thing to say, I read this as taking the easy way out and making excuses. Why is she getting her own makeup done? Because makeup makes some (not all) people feel more confident and lovely on the day. And she herself is probably thinking she wants to look lovely for her husband, her guests and the photos. Otherwise... Why bother with make up at all. She should extend this favour to her bridesmaids... As they are supporting her during the day...

Calmsurrender

Well I kind of agree with you there Sligo1, if she is having someone do hers maybe she could work out a deal. But maybe she's not good at it - so she requires a service - where as she considers her friends to be good at it - they don't require a service (in her book of course). She mentioned "considering doing her own herself" which implies she's having someone do it but not 100%.

Of course having them do their own make up is taking the "easy way out" but couples all over the country cut things and take easy way outs with lots of things when it comes to weddings - invites, cars, flowers, toasts, favours etc.
I can see from an economical point of view why pay for a service than can be DIYd but obviously the human side dictates otherwise. Some people buy huge gifts for their bridesmaids too, not everyone does.
Different expectations.

Toast4532

OP if you can't afford or don't want to pay for hair and make-up, would you compromise and pay for hair or make-up? Maybe you could let the maids choose whether they want their hair or make up done, rather than you deciding for them.

I was a bridesmaid once for my cousin and she gave us the option of having our make-up and hair professionally done or we could do one or both of them ourselves.

Or if you don't want to pay for them to have it professionally done would you consider buying them some new make up for the day?

carolinespring

Boombastic wrote: »

You say 'not true' because of one or two cases, yet you agree it was not the norm as 'make up would have been less common to be done other then by oneself'

Anyway I must have the best bridesmaids ever as one of them turned up tonight with jewellery for them all

In 1966 Ireland we had very few beauty salons, and yes my beautiful mother did go to one of the FEW and have her make up and bridesmaids make up done. So I fail to see your point??

As a now 41 year old woman I have had many friends/friends sisters/ cousins who have got have got married or who were part of wedding party from the early 80's and all bar one, a bridesmaid of my cousin had make up done professionally. The reason she didn't she had very sensitive skin and could not wear make up other that what products she had tried and tested herself. The other bridesmaid had her make up done along with the bride....

Lovely that your bridemaids has turned up with jewellery for all of them and your sister got the dresses so perhaps now you will get the hair and make up for them

pwurple

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I think of this as "Irish Wedding" makeup. I haven't lived in Ireland for years, but was at two weddings in Ireland last year and indeed most years. The wedding parties, the couples' mothers, and half the guests were caked in professional makeup that sounds similar. To be honest I felt they looked a bit ridiculous.

I think this is maybe some seriously poor choices with makeup artists!

I had my makeup done professionally, but I did 3 trials before I found someone I was happy with. I wanted a natural look, just something that would last the whole day and maybe hide any blemishes that appeared on the day. I have mild psoriasis so it's taken me years to find products that don't react to my skin.

Now, I know loads of people have suitcases full of cosmetic products, and know what all these yokes are for... but I'm not one of them by any stretch. Tiny bit of foundation and a mascara is about what I wear normally. If going out, I add blush. I don't even own a single lippy or an eyeshadow.

The professional person did a custom matched foundation for my skin with a product range I know I didn't react to. And she had a primer so it lasted for the afternoon and the evening. Shaped my eyebrows for me (not into a creepy thin line). She didn't do eye-liner, because I never wear it. Tiny bit of eyeshadow in a nude colour, a nice blush and a natural-looking lipstick. I didn't look a whole pile different to my normal self, but that's what I wanted. I specifically asked for, "Me, but with better skin".

Maybe people are asking for certain looks from a MUA, and certainly one of my trials was completely bonkers with eyelash extensions, flicky eye-liner, contouring and all sorts of colours on my eyelids. I wasn't in any way recognisable as myself after she was finished with me. Maybe people want every trick in the MUA box to get value for money?

But for me anyway, I knew what I wanted, and hiring a professional who had the products in her case, was boatloads cheaper than me buying and experimenting with these things.

I also paid for my bridesmaids and my mum to get their makeup done by the same person that day if they wanted it (which they did). Two of the guests also asked if there was someone around doing makeup, and they paid for themselves.

Nicman

quietasmice wrote: »

Ok, just a few things:
1. There are certainly no summonses for our guests - over half of them are from uk and as a result do not pay 100 euro a head gift or whatever it is - nor would I expect them to. If they choose to come over their attendance is enough for us BUT it does mean we do not "get back" money we've put in the wedding afterwards so need to budget.

2. The three groomsmen are my fiancés closest friends and actually asked him if they could be part of our wedding - that's why I have 3 bridesmaids to match. They are from uk and over here it is completely normal to pay for own suit hire. My fiancé will do the same for his best man who's getting married next year, and again when other two get married.

3. I haven't asked anything of my bridesmaids other than they be my bridesmaids. My sister offered to pay for dresses as a wedding present, although I'll be paying for alterations on all 3 dresses, plus hair accessories and I got each of them a necklace as a gift. I don't care what shoes they wear as they won't be seen, but all three have told me they have silver shoes anyway. I don't care what hairstyle they have, all three said they'd like to have some sort of up do but I'm not bothered what style - I told them to choose something to suit their face (I told them to choose a bridesmaid dress to suit their shape also). One girl is naturally tanned, the other two (my sis and brother's gf) always use fake tan on nights out and for weddings so they want it done. I know all three want to look nice on the day (naturally) but I'd be happy for them to paint each others nails or not at all if that's what they want - I do not care about manicures or tans.
I have promised to pay 70 euro towards room for my sister the night of wedding, as a thank you for her help with stuff.
What more can I do? I'm not being "scabby" - I just can't make money appear out of thin air. My fiancé is in the process of interviewing for new jobs, we want a house next year as I currently commute an hour and half each way, and we want to start a family. I'm making sensible cutbacks where possible, e.g. I swap work on editing websites and photography with people who can give discounts for my services, e.g. cheaper invites and videographer. I work all hours to try and save money and I just don't understand why it's expected we pay for this too.
They would've been guests at the wedding anyway - the only difference is they are in a dress they didn't have to pay for, get a necklace and get to sit at top table! If I was a bm I'd feel special to be part of it but I guess not everyone thinks as simply as I do...

I think it's totally scabby - paying a part of her hotel room instead of all of it? Scabby. Choosing to have 3 bridesmaids and then having them pay for their own stuff. scabby. Insisting the groomsmen wear a certain type of suit, not to their own liking and not paying for it. Scabby. They may do things like this in the UK, and maybe I've read this wrong but you are getting married here no? I wouldn't apply the rules of say a US wedding to my wedding in Ireland and then expect people to accept it just because it's how they do it somewhere else.

If you're getting married here you're probably from Ireland and you knew this is expected. If you weren't paying for their stuff you should have told them that at the outset. They're now in a position where they can't pull out now. If you were going as a guest you might have chosen to do your own hair and make up cause you won't be a focal point for the day or in the wedding photos.

I think you've made your mind up since you're ignoring what most people on here are saying....

clumsyklutz

I am having an extremly small wedding, because my budget simply wouldn't allow for a big one. As well as that we're marrying abroad to cut down on costs aswell, there have been arguements over this, but that's off topic. Personally, even with a budget as tight as mine, I am getting both my bridesmaids hair and make up done, I am getting my own done so why not get theirs done?

I am also paying for their dresses, shoes (hopefully) and will gift them a small item of jewellery. I am calling on all favours to get this done, one of my friends attending the wedding is an MUA and hairdresser, she is doing my make-up as a present (my mums too) and charging €40.00 for the other two. His mum is a hairdresser and has said she will do my hair on the day, which is brilliant, as my friend had said she wouldn't be overly confident of doing wedding style hair. I'm going to ask if his mum will do their hair too, I'll pay of course.

The trick is really calling on anyone in your wedding party that has a special skill you can use, while it may not be make-up, it could be something else, like excellent photography skills or baking skills, then perhaps putting that money towards getting make-up done. Or maybe get their make-up done in benefit counters or the like, then gift them a piece of make-up, which I'm sure they'll love and put an ad out for a trainee hairdresser to do upstyles for a wedding, they'll love the practice and either won't charge or will only charge a token amount.

You just need to be creative about this. Personally I don't get the photobooth thing, but then again I'm marrying on a beach in Malta!

quietasmice

I thank you for all your comments, particularly CalmSurrender and less so Nicman. I am far from scabby I assure you. The reason my sister paid for the dresses as a gift, was also a thank you as I have paid her entire uni fees for the last four years - I love my sister dearly and I assure you it is laughable to call me scabby. Calmsurrender summed it up when she said about different expectations - my post on here was to try and get a general consensus, as I am aware one sister and bridesmaid, although not well off, have incredibly expensive tastes and expectations. I wanted an idea of what MOST people thought.
It's difficult reading some of these posts as I don't think it's hard to be polite, even through a computer screen, and calling me scabby and stingy could be quite hurtful when not everyone knows our situation and I was simply asking for advice. On the upside, my bridesmaids now seem better than ever because at least they can make demands/advice with a level of sincerity and respect. The lack of understanding has been the main issue. I didn't understand why this was a necessity - in fact I hadn't even considered hair and make up until the topic was brought up, and naturally assumed I would be doing my own as they would also. I would never get my hair and makeup done and demand they get theirs and pay themselves - I just made an assumption that as they go to hairdressers anyway they'd probably do the same as bridesmaids, but I'm not fussed either way as I will probably still do my own - I know what I like and how I like it. It's worth noting I suggested my friend who is a MUA come round and do their makeup, but my sis and 1 bridesmaid don't like my friend and refused to let her do their makeup (which I do understand as they don't like her and therefore don't trust her with makeup).
Your comments have been really valued (for the most part) and this wasn't just me having a rant and then ignoring all posts like someone suggested. I will definitely pay for hair now, and actually will work hard at finding a MUA for them also - I don't want any bad feeling and although if the situation was reversed I wouldn't have the same expectations, they do and I do value them. I'm a laid back bride and don't expect them by my side all day either. We've bought the gifts for the bridesmaids, plus hair accessories and all three dresses require major alterations and we'll be paying for that too. I don't regret paying for my sister to graduate - it's one of the proudest moments of my life in fact - but that is the reason for her generous gift to us. We had the option to pay for her room in total, but as I still need to finish paying for other things, she suggested only paying two thirds and her partner will cover the remaining. We have bought our groomsmen a large cased bottle of whisky each, and we have been helping all three groomsmen out a lot recently with housemoves and the like - they know how much we care and value them also.
Anyway, bottom line is - despite some of you less than sugarcoating your opinions, I now agree with you that we should pay for hair and makeup. I may not care or want it - but they do. It turns out a wedding is about everyone else - but our marriage is what is important to me so who cares? Thank you for your comments (particularly those who got where I was coming from as it's always nice to know I'm not completely mad!) xxx

freshpopcorn

Most people on here think that you should be paying for the hair and make up. Especially are ng the fact you got the dresses as a gift.
My parents got married back in the 1980's and money was tight then. My parents could have had 5 bridesmaids/groomsmen but the but budget was not their so they had one of each because that's what they could afford. They paid for the dress/make-up/hair/suit hire becaue the knew money was to tight for everyone.
The photo booth would be something you could cut from your budget because loads of people will take pictures.
Booking a honeymoon on a credit card when money is tight is a bit extravagant to be honest. Especially if your in a tight budget.

Milly33

Glad to hear you got some help although as stated some could have been not said. Best of luck to ye on yer wedding day I hope ye have a wonderfilled day.. everything will work as tis meant to be in the end. Best of luck

Calmsurrender

Good luck to you and I hope you have a great day.

Wedding planning can be a real eye opener with politics and "traditions "
My mother was adamant the bridesmaids needed "head dresses" I still don't know what she was on about ... I remember nearly being in tears at an accessory place with an assistant showing me hair accessories in the wrong shade of blue despite me having a sample of the cloth with me ... And I was wondering ... Why am I doing this ....

Sligo1

Hi OP, I was always of the opinion you should pay for the girls hair and make up. HOWEVER, if you have a friend who was willing to do this for mates rates and the girls don't want it as they don't like your friend... TBH, id be telling them where to go. This is now a different scenario where the bridesmaids are being a bit ridiculous. Maybe they don't like your friend but she's hardly going to make them look like a clown in spite is she!?

Seriously, id give them the option of having their makeup done by the person you have hired (whoever that is) or of getting it done themselves elsewhere at their own expense....

quietasmice

Thank you Milly33 Re. honeymoon on credit card - it's 0% interest for 36 months so we can spread out the cost of that once wedding is done and dusted, plus any money we receive as gifts will help pay it off. I've heard so many ppl say about how important the honeymoon is as you get that time as new husband and wife, and I'm inclined to agree. But that'd be a whole other forum of people arguing the pros and cons so I'll leave it there

Gatica

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Booking a honeymoon on a credit card when money is tight is a bit extravagant to be honest.

If they're getting 0% rate and paying it off in the set-out time-frame, it's even better than a bank loan...
Anyway, suggestions that they shouldn't be getting married at all or should be doing away with or cutting back on honeymoon (without knowing what their plans for it are) so the bridal party can have make-up seems crazy to me.
Yes, maybe they should not have had a "large" bridal party if they couldn't afford it, but as OP said it didn't occur to her these would be such high expenses that would require to be carefully planned for.

Glad to hear you worked something out, as I'm sure it's nice to know you're keeping the peace with your close friends and sister.

PS: just saw OP's latest post...

freshpopcorn

Gatica wrote: »

If they're getting 0% rate and paying it off in the set-out time-frame, it's even better than a bank loan...
Anyway, suggestions that they shouldn't be getting married at all or should be doing away with or cutting back on honeymoon (without knowing what their plans for it are) so the bridal party can have make-up seems crazy to me.
Yes, maybe they should not have had a "large" bridal party if they couldn't afford it, but as OP said it didn't occur to her these would be such high expenses that would require to be carefully planned for.

Glad to hear you worked something out, as I'm sure it's nice to know you're keeping the peace with your close friends and sister.

PS: just saw OP's latest post...

Just a personal belief of mine that you shouldn't get a loan/use a credit card for a holiday/honeymoon/discretionary expencess. The ops issue is resolved.

Sadderday

So the OP probably should have researched the whole bridesmaid thing before asking three gals to be part of the party but it seems that some of the advice here has been taken and the OP is now opting to pay for hair etc.

Although I also think it was a bit naive to presume such costs wouldn't amount - I think we should all be a little more sensitive.

Congratulations OP, i'm sure the day will be wonderful and I'm sure your bridesmaids will enjoy the day also so I wouldn't worry too much about pleasing everyone... You must be a wonderful couple if everyone is so willing to help out !

Your sister is your sister so of course you help each other out. Pay for their hair, MU if you can and if you do make a good few quid in gifts throw a voucher for a massage to each of the bridesmaids (very very do-able on €150)...

In fact you should get one yourself and go with them, laugh about the hair drama, look at your wedding pics and remind them that you do appreciate their effort (even if you believe its minimal) - because they are family and they are close friends and lifes just too short !

Enjoy your day.

carolinespring

quietasmice, have a wonderful wedding and most important a fantastic, happy and healthy life together.

Toots

Ok, seeing as the OP's issue is resolved I'm going to lock the thread.

OP, I wish you all the best for your wedding. Enjoy the day and try not to stress too much about the planning.