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Manhunt/Lone Target - Joel Lambert
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19-02-2014 8:21pm#1
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Dave Joyce wrote: »Well it just goes to show how good Joel is at what he does in that case
I'm 100% sure he's as legit as they come, but if you think of it the program is about two cameramen escaping a manhunt under close supervision of one SEAL0 -
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I'll take a quick, and incomplete stab at reviewing the one, well nearly one, episode of this seemingly riveting, nerve-wracking, high adrenalin, nail-biting-fest. :cool: :rolleyes:
Guys, I'm sorry, but you only have to have half a brain and watch 15 minutes of this show (Manhunt / Lone Target) to know it's completely, and UTTERLY fake!
There are so many things WRONG with this show, it's difficult to know where to start.
Okay, let's try anyway!!
- We've got a guy trying to "evade" "crack" authorities, wait for it - with a cameraman following him everywhere!!! Like THAT won't be conspicuous! Hysterical!!! This alone, MUST show anybody who has left comments like "It's legit" etc. and who obviously believes that it's a real manhunt, that it's obviously fundamentally flawed.
Need I say more?!
There are so many aspects about this guy's behaviour which scream amateur, fake, and just plain idiotic!!
- He starts off the show I watched in Korea. Okay, for beginners, he's like a completely sore thumb this way. He's a big tall white man in an area inhabited only by native Koreans, and apparently no tourists to be seen. Not his fault, absolutely. But even this just makes it seem false as there isn't much appreciation of the setup if it's ridiculously unfair to begin with. Just another sign that this show is so dumb and fake and lame.
But anyway, so he's up against it. But rather than try to 'blend in', he decides to (again) make himself look conspicuous by dressing like an urban commando. Any self-respecting character profiler in law enforcement would predict what a person would habitually feel comfortable in, in a pressurised situation. And knowing that he's going to be on the run, they're obviously going to look for someone dressed practically....errr...like an urban commando....which, he.....errr....is dressed like. Ahem.
So anyway, bad enough that he's NOT dressed like some easygoing white tourist, he also decides to wear a dark baseball cap and sunglasses - to conceal his features...which in itself is another big flag to authorities - even if they didn't predict this too.
- Then, whilst making a really big deal about how clever he is to avoid cctv's everywhere, he decides to walk in full view of a cctv which overlooks a hotel entrance. He simultaneously says that he wants to use the hotel "as a base"...but still makes no attempt at evading the cctv camera. This, he says, is to
"Draw the KNP (Korean National Police) here, so I can slip away and put distance between me and them."
I'm pausing here....waiting for everyone to catch up with this. Yes, he's attracting them, so that he can escape from them. It apparently doesn't matter to him that they would obviously be delighted to know which immediate area he is in, and not have to now search the whole island. But no! He's a Navy Seal....so that changes everything, including logic and reason, and all the laws of existence.
So inside the hotel, he shows his impressive abilities to confuse and thwart his pursuers. He changes his T-shirt to a bright grey shirt....then dons the same don't-look-at-me baseball cap and dark sunglasses, oh and action man backpack. Completely different. His own mother wouldn't recognise him even. The show then, such amateurs, show him being spotted, of course, right away without any apparent difficulty the next time he's seen on cctv. God help us....
But anyway, back to the present, after spotting him enter the hotel on the cctv (thanks to his "Don't look at me, it's not really me" conspicuous outfit), they then just 'happen' to only arrive in dribs and drabs to the area. *Not* like they do in real life, which is to SWARM on an area and surround the building simultaneously so some amateur with a cameraman in tow can't give them the slip out the side.
Nooooo. They don't do that here, even though they're the famous "KNP" and have a formidable reputation as an elite crack squad. No these guys just walz up to the reception, just two of them, show a picture of the guy (probably photo'd with conspicuous baseball cap and dark sunglasses) to the receptionist, and ask her has she seen him?
She says she has that he's up the stairs. What she *doesn't* say is that "They" are up the stairs. Nor does she say
"Oh you mean the guy with the cameraman following him everywhere?"
Why would she not say these things?? A gold star and a club milk for the first to put their hand up with the answer!
So the two boys head up the stairs in pursuit of their "most dangerous foe ever".
But haha!! Mr. Lambert has had other ideas. He has cleverly used a cell phone which he equally cleverly downloaded an application onto, which detects motion and err snaps a shot, and eh....tells him that the KNP are 'there'. Ahem. Yes. Wow, I know.
So, he slips out the window, (from a story up with a cameraman!) and proceeds to walk along walls. This obviously is yet another of his AMAZING techniques at avoiding detection. Now let me ask you, if you saw someone sneaking out a side window of a hotel, or just saw him walking along walls afterwards and in through people's back gardens, would you think it perfectly normal? You wouldn't find anything suspicious looking about this would you? No? I thought so. And most people DEFINITELY wouldn't feel inclined to phone their local police, and give a errr...'description' of the perp. But then, he's an ex-navy seal, and has a really amazing 'disguise' on him, so general members of the public wouldn't be able to give a description to the police, so all would be okay.
On we go anyway, and Joel, cunning fellow that he is, decides that they are going to get one over on the KNP and "stick to these back-street alleyways" which have no cctvs. Seems like a good choice, for once.
"But Teacher, if Joel is so clever, how come he didn't think of doing that first??"
"Well obviously because he knew they'd be expecting that son, now sit down and stop answering silly questions."
So obviously he avoids detection for a while, in the alleyways, but as described above, when he decides to re-emerge onto the main street (to call a cab) he's seen straight away on cctv, despite his incredible change of appearance. These KNP guys must be really good.
It drivels on and on, and Joel drivels on and on with impressive terminology and jargon, which is supposed to, yes, impress you, and assure you that he's extremely clever, and up to all kinds of tricks. God help us.
So many more inconsistencies in the program makeup like the 'roadblock' that they supposedly throw up to catch Joel. To begin with, they know he's in a cab, because silly sod just kept up with the same not-clever costume changes that don't work, and got into a cab, thinking he hadn't been seen, by the errr cameras that were all around him. 'Go figure'. They know the exact description of the cab, the serial number, bla bla bla. They can easily track the cab's progress as he makes his way out of town and onto the next city. I don't know why he has to go to the next city, other than to show off that he can??!!
But at the roadblock they are stopping all cars...again, this doesn't make sense as they know where he is all the time at this point.
Then he has the cabbie stop the cab less than 200m away from the 'roadblock'. It's in the middle of nowhere, and would be obvious to officers that the cab has nothing at all to stop for, other than to avoid the checkpoint. But no. With his ex-navy seal magic, they just happen to not do this today, and keep an eye out for this extremely predictable occurrence. So he gets out of the cab, and jumps down an embankment at the side of the road and into the bushes. With numerous curses and swears he realises that he has forgotten his backpack. This contains a GPS device, one mobile phone (he left the other at the hotel room to get a picture of the KNP...makes sense), and his $500, which you would of course, leave in your backpack...and not in your pockets with buttons where the cash would be much safer, and always to hand. Again, 'go figure'.
But now, he sallys forth, and remembering his training (from "Heartbreak Ridge" with Clint Eastwood), he musters his courage saying "Adapt and overcome", and evidently seems to be in a state of realisation, saying that
"This is great. Now they are on my terrain, and they won't know what hit them."
I think he brought along a pack of acorns in one of his army surplus pants. Not having oak trees in South Korea, they won't know what hit them when he starts throwing them at them. Scintillating.
Also, the fact that he ain't got no money now to go visit all the other towns around the island doesn't seem to bother him anymore. It's no longer irrelevant apparently, because he's in the jungle now and on his terrain. So...he brought all that money, because he didn't really need it....emmm...oh dear....
So he's in his very gaudy nearly white grey shirt, and he's on his terrain. Ah, but silly us! We thought he didn't spot that. And with that, he addresses this problem. With the KNP now hot on his heels he throws himself into a muddy hole of water, and rubs his body all over it to completely darken and mask his bright clothing. No, he doesn't. Actually, though they're hot on his heels, he has the presence of mind to take his shirt off, and with this two hands 'like so' he delicately and artfully works the mud-mess onto it. It takes quite a while but hey! He gets a really good job done. Ah no. He doesn't actually, as the shirt only loses about one shade of whiteness with his overly-delicate finger technique. We won't mention the fact that his pants is a bright enough coloured khaki shade, almost sand coloured and far more suited to a desert area than the olive green and dark brown landscape which he's now in.
Again, presumably because he's an ex-navy seal, he knows best.
(And camouflaging for cameraman?? Hello??)
So they track him and track him, and he walks and gives us lots of cutting edge bush knowledge as he goes, making sure we still hold up our end of things in keeping our belief in the great man's skills and old war stories of his exploits in very dangerous sounding countries. :rolleyes:
He tells us you should not step on stone with moss on it as it will displace the moss and will be very obvious to the tracking team which will no doubt be dispatched to track their incredibly elusive quarry in a rural environment. Such attention to detail might seem impressive to people who have never set foot outside of an urban jungle, but it just looks like very obvious stuff and even cruder attempts at feigning specialist knowledge. I mean, yes, it does make sense. But man, it's such a moot point for the most part, as there aren't that many rocks protruding through soil anyway where he's walking. It's also quite dark under the tree cover, and everything looks the same dull shades and tones. It's also a very large area of 20 / 30 acres, and we're talking about perfectionistic track-masking for an area of a couple of square inches, which likely wouldn't be seen anyway, unless you had Tom Brown Jr. tracking you!
Coming to the edge of the tree line he then sees what looks like an abandoned building in the middle of a clearing. After all this tedious, very time consuming attempts at masking his tracks, (even though they're still hot on his heels, he thinks) he decides he will head for the building to look for "anything which might be of use". At this point he only has to wait about 24 hours, and as the crow flies, doesn't have too far to go to get to his equally impressively labelled "extraction point". He hasn't said that he's either hungry, or thirsty to warrant going to the building. And I thought that the jungle was "his terrain"?? Might make sense to another ex-navy seal.
But wait! They might see him as he's walking across this open ground (despite his amazing camouflaging attempts), so instead decides to fly across, because they won't be expecting that. Eh, no! He doesn't, though it wouldn't surprise me to hear him say something like this at this stage!!! No, he decides to crawl across to this building where he *might* find "anything...of use." It doesn't seem to occur to him that his pursuers might have half a brain, and predict from the direction his tracks were going in, that the building would be an obvious place to 'just go' for an old visit....which they do, because they've half a brain. Or maybe the script writer does, or whatever. But before this inevitable occurrence, our Joel still doesn't show us that he figures that they might think this, and starts crawling across the open field of long grass. Yes, long grass....which obviously would show up a nice dandy easy to spot trail left by some idiot crawling across to avoid detection!!! Do you see?!?!? Do I have to go on???!!! You want more??!!
Okay, just a little more, but I've to go to bed.
So very quickly, inside he finds different odds and ends, which, if he were looking at a long period in the wild, would make sense. But he only needs to avoid detection for less than another 24 hours. He gets himself a big huge jiffy bag, which is the usual postal bright orange/amber colour. Don't talk. In his usual 'expert' tones, he advises all the people at home, whom he assumes are complete dopes, that you are "better with it than without it". At this point myself and my 16 year old cannot laugh any more with the pains in our sides!!! We envisage him leaving the building looking like Santa Clause with a big huge bag full of goodies!!!!! Oh the hysterics of this show.
He avoids detection anyway because the 'KNP' are told to wait and give him a chance for fecks sake the poor man doing his best.
Back in the wild, he just 'miraculously' finds a cave, a really nice big cave. But the KNP don't. Almost as conveniently as Bear Gryll's hotel suite in the middle of nowhere, he spends the night there 'avoiding detection'.
No, he doesn't move by night because haha! He's too cute, and knows that these pros will be using infra-red-thermic detecting goggle-'things'. I.e. they can see him by night. So he waits til daylight to move again....when, they don't need their thermic-goggle-things again...and have far better natural vision by daylight anyway, and have a helicopter, which can see a brightly coloured plonker and his we'll presume even more brightly coloured cameraman accompanying him, crawling around the countryside with signs on the trails they've left which say:
"Don't go this way because I haven't been here. I'm an ex-navy-seal, and because I say so, means it must be so. But I really haven't been up this way though, honest."!!!!!
Eventually we both just fell off to sleep, hysteric fits of laughter exhausting us.
To say that this show is as fake as Kim's new big ass would be an understatement. And to say that this guy is, or ever was, a navy seal, could potentially be uttering such a falsehood as would be deserving of castration.
Although, maybe it really all does make sense....maybe there's a reason that he's an *ex* navy seal....
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knucklehead6 wrote: »This post really needs to be moved to the ranting and raving forum. You'd get some proper kudos for displaying such righteous anger over there!!
Okay! I shall take your suggestion!! Thank you 0
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