My 22 month old wakes frequently through the night.

Scoops

I am looking for advice, we have developed some bad sleeping habits with my 22 month old toddler. She wakes frequently through the night and will not go back to sleep until I go and sit by her cot and wait until she falls back to sleep, which can take anything from five minutes to an hour. Whereupon she may wake again thirty minutes later and the whole process starts again, until we give up and take her into our bed with us. Can anyone offer any advice or point me to some literature to break this bad habit and try to get her to sleep through the night. I am willing to put the hard work in for however long it takes but I am not sure where to begin. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Rose35

I could have posted the above, having the exact same problem with my 18 month old at the moment, he used to be so great at going to bed and only waking once for a bottle but now I have to stay in the room whilst he gets himself off to sleep, and can wake numerous times as well during the night, i gave in at 4am this morn and brought him into the bed, I asked in creche and he is great at nap time there, one of the best they said, at first I thought he was afraid, then i heard of 18 month sleep regression and it would pass, but its over two weeks now and no joy, i will be following this thread with interest.

jigglypuffstuff

Scoops wrote: »

I am looking for advice, we have developed some bad sleeping habits with my 22 month old toddler. She wakes frequently through the night and will not go back to sleep until I go and sit by her cot and wait until she falls back to sleep, which can take anything from five minutes to an hour. Whereupon she may wake again thirty minutes later and the whole process starts again, until we give up and take her into our bed with us. Can anyone offer any advice or point me to some literature to break this bad habit and try to get her to sleep through the night. I am willing to put the hard work in for however long it takes but I am not sure where to begin. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Ok ill keep it short and sweet

When you go into the room, you teach crying will get the child their way,

Best way to stop this is, stop going into the room

Let the child cry until the child falls back to sleep, let them learn they dont need you by their side to do that.

At this stage if its been happening for a while the child has most likely formed a sleep association and thinks they cannot sleep without you there. You need to prove this is not the case

Its basically operant conditioning. Child wakes and crys, parent goes to child, child learns that this action gets this response.

You would do well to just leave the child put themselves back to sleep, once the child is fed, changed and not ill there is no issue for concern only habits which you have reinforced that need to be broken. To teach you child to sleep, Unteach them its ok to wake and cry until they get their way.

Source : Im about to graduate from BA (Hons) in EYCS and just recently had the pleasurse of sleep training my partners very very difficult child! She wasnt able...took me a week to where the crying was almost stopped in 5 mins and by three weeks no more issues

here you are..i touched on this in more detail in a previous post

Quote:
Originally Posted by yellow hen
I really don't want to go down the road of having him screaming crying so has anyone any advice on how to approach tonight? At the moment we're planning to go in and just stroke his cheek and shush him initially but maybe leave then and wait 5 mins before going in again. Should we try not using the dodie or is keeping him in his cot enough initially?

Unfortunatley that is often the road that needs to be taken. Children are funny and its best to let toddlers/preschoolers cry in certain scenarios. Whats important to remember is that infants usually cry only due to needs, whereas toddlers/preschoolers cry for wants. And as im sure you know life is not always about getting what we want

As a person who's just sleep trained my partners child successfully let me refer you to Skinners theory of operant conditioning which helped me to a great extent.

Quote:
Skinner coined the term operant conditioning; it means roughly changing of behavior by the use of reinforcement which is given after the desired response. Skinner identified three types of responses or operant that can follow behavior.
• Neutral operants: responses from the environment that neither increase nor decrease the probability of a behavior being repeated.

• Reinforcers: Responses from the environment that increase the probability of a behavior being repeated. Reinforcers can be either positive or negative.

• Punishers: Response from the environment that decrease the likelihood of a behavior being repeated. Punishment weakens behavior.
Basically if you are looking to sleep train the child a good idea from my experience is put him into his bed/cot give him a kiss/hug/story or whatever the usual is and then leave the room. There is no point to stroke the child to sleep, as this only forms a sleep association (which I can see with my partners child as she no longer lies with him..he now plays with his own hair). You do not want to form a sleep association as it will only make it harder.

Now lets take an example..if the child cries and you go to the room, this gives the child the desired response, thus increasing the chances of a repeat in the behaviour, if you are in the room before you put the child to bed and the child cries and you leave the room, this creates a type of ''punishment''. the child will learn that when they are going to bed they should not cry as you will leave thus this decreases the chances of a repeat in the behaviour

Now im going to end on this note..this was the approach taken for a 20 month old who is very stubborn. Put down to bed, once the tears started leave the room, until the child puts themself to sleep, if the wake in the middle of the night, try and gauge if its genuine as in you would know if the child is sick etc. After 5 days the crying went from 1hr to 10 mins and after about 3 weeks no crying or maybe just close the door and by the time we went to the bottom of the stairs it had stopped,

Now the child not only sleeps a full 12hrs per night but is also happy to wait until his mother comes and gets him in the morning, so theres no need to for her to jump up the minute he's awake, she can get another hour if she needs it, he will happily play with his toys in his room. Also we stopped his daily nap as that was interfering

Best of luck!

Oh and he was waking 2-3 times per night too before i started the process!

dublinlady

As much as I never thought I would say it - leaving my eldest to cry Is the only thing that taught her to fall asleep - now she lies down says night night ,we leave, she chats to herself for 20 mins while we are in the kitchen etc - she drifts off - we don't go into her til gro clock says its morning - 7am . She rarely wakes during night - we would only go In if she was sick or teething to give pain relief .
We started by going back in after 2,4,6,8,10 min intervals but actually stopped cos was just winding her up more - she settles quicker if we leave her to it. I'd say she cries one night in ten now and we leave her to it and she has stopped after 10 mins or so. At start she used to cry for up to 35-40 mins as was heart breaking - but we tried every other way we could first - no one was getting sleep!

January

dublinlady wrote: »

As much as I never thought I would say it - leaving my eldest to cry Is the only thing that taught her to fall asleep - now she lies down says night night ,we leave, she chats to herself for 20 mins while we are in the kitchen etc - she drifts off - we don't go into her til gro clock says its morning - 7am . She rarely wakes during night - we would only go In if she was sick or teething to give pain relief .
We started by going back in after 2,4,6,8,10 min intervals but actually stopped cos was just winding her up more - she settles quicker if we leave her to it. I'd say she cries one night in ten now and we leave her to it and she has stopped after 10 mins or so. At start she used to cry for up to 35-40 mins as was heart breaking - but we tried every other way we could first - no one was getting sleep!

I have to say the same but with my youngest... she hadn't slept 1 whole night through in her first 15 months and I just had to do it. Going in seemed to wind her up so we just had to do it. First night it took her 45 mins, second night (with a cot mobile) 20 mins and third night 5 mins she was out cold. Sometimes after she has been sick/teething I will have to let her cry it out again but it usually only takes one night for her to get back to routine now.

ceadaoin.

Good luck OP. I started bringing my daughter into bed with us when she woke in the night and wouldn't settle. She is 27 months old now and won't sleep in her own bed, won't go to sleep without me lying beside her and wakes frequently in the night to 'snuggle up to mummy'. I have always been against leaving a child to cry but I think it might be my only option at this stage if I want to reclaim my bed.

Sligo1

Although a lot of people will disagree with me I have to say I agree with Pone2012 110%.

We left out fella to cry and he Wasnt long getting into a routine. We never had him in our bed and only ever went into his room if we thought he was in pain, teething or with wind or a wet/dirty nappy. He sleeps right through the night 7.30-8pm until 8am. I'm not saying other ways aren't right or whatever... I'm just saying this is what worked for us. We did this for his daytime naps aswell with the same results.

Perhaps we're just very lucky but we will soon find out if this works again with number 2 on the way or of we will have to try other avenues.

luckyboy

Sorry to hijack the OP's thread, but can I ask a slightly different question of some of the posters who have already answered? How does the "let the child cry themselves off to sleep" approach work where there are a few kids in the house? In other words, the risk of letting the youngest child keep crying is that they will also wake the other (slightly older) kids. Would anybody have any suggestions that might work in that scenario, or is it a case of just toughing it out until a better routine is established?

Sligo1

luckyboy wrote: »

Sorry to hijack the OP's thread, but can I ask a slightly different question of some of the posters who have already answered? How does the "let the child cry themselves off to sleep" approach work where there are a few kids in the house? In other words, the risk of letting the youngest child keep crying is that they will also wake the other (slightly older) kids. Would anybody have any suggestions that might work in that scenario, or is it a case of just toughing it out until a better routine is established?

Tbh I am wondering how this is gonna work when we have a new born in a couple weeks! Lol. I'm sure she's gonna be waking our 15 month old all the time. But I wouldn't be letting her cry it out till she's a bit older anyway.

Better sound insulation in the walls maybe??!! Lol.

pwurple

Maybe they keep eachother company?

It's something I think about now as well with another on the way. We were very lucky with first babs, never had to do cry it out. She always settled as long as she had the Unholy Trinity of Blanket, BooBoo(dummy) and Bob(teddy) there for comfort. Woe betide anyone who tried to put her to bed without those three on hand though. When she woke, if she couldn't find them, there was a yelp alright. But it was usually a 2 minute job to locate and she was gone off again.

I'm already sleeping with the comfort blanket for next baby in my bed at night, so it smells a little bit like me for when she is born. Hopefully that will work!

dublinlady

I worried about noise so much - my girls are next rooms to each other with v flimsy wall! The 2 yr old never wakes when the 9 month old cries! For the first 5 months the baby was in our room so didn't really apply, but last 4 months they've been settling themselves side by side and going down at same time, baby goes first and is usually conked before I make it back up with number 2!
Funnily if the baby is in unsettled humour then the eldest wakes her but the eldest wakes so infrequently it's not an issue! We've had them sleep in the same room together and i did crying intervals with the baby while the other one slept in the same room and she only twitched! I've also had it where the baby has slept thru the 2 year old chatting to herself - even at the start when she was only a couple weeks old and he eldest just 15 months.
Honestly, once they get their attention, their bed time routine and so long as in good health then they will not be fussed about what the other is doing.
We play both of ours music at nap time to drown out other noise, but only for first 20mins, then at night it's story in sleeping bag in room with dim lights and then bed , kiss, hug and night night.

morebabies

I could have written your post a few weeks ago - my 24 month old girl had us wrapped around her little finger so that she would wake several times a night unsettled and after crying or shouting at us she would be airlifted into our bed - her cot was just a couple of feet from our bed. When we decided enough was enough, it actually only took 2 nights of her shouting for about 15 minutes at us for it to sink in that she would have to settle herself back to sleep. And we were right beside her so we could see she was ok, not sick etc, so it was very safely managed, but when she started whinging we just remained like statues in the bed til she went back to sleep.

That was 2 weeks ago, now she is sharing a room with her 5 yr old sister, rarely wakes during the night and if she does, settles herself back to sleep without crying. This is something we never thought would be possible, but now it's clear to me - she was training us to pick her up when she cried out when really we should have been sleep training her.

January

luckyboy wrote: »

Sorry to hijack the OP's thread, but can I ask a slightly different question of some of the posters who have already answered? How does the "let the child cry themselves off to sleep" approach work where there are a few kids in the house? In other words, the risk of letting the youngest child keep crying is that they will also wake the other (slightly older) kids. Would anybody have any suggestions that might work in that scenario, or is it a case of just toughing it out until a better routine is established?

I have a 5yo, 4yo and 2yo, when I was sleep training the 2yo the (then 3 and then 4) other two were downstairs watching tv, bedtime was staggered. Now they all go up at the same time and will soon all be sharing a room, going to be interesting to see how that works!

wmpdd3

Since Christmas my little guy just doesn't sleep, he finally conks out at 12 am. Up again at 8, I map was 1 -2, now a half hour nap. I still put him to bed at 7.30.

He babbles, crys, calls, shouts exec. I can see him on video so I usually know if he is dirty etc.
Ive tried a long walk in the morning and evening, makes no difference.

Gee_G

My 18month old is waking constantly now to get into our bed...nobodies fault but our own. We also have to lie with him at bedtime until he falls asleep. I've been thinking and talking about letting him cry it out and settle himself now for months but I really think it is going to have to happen soon. Its getting harder and harder to get him asleep and even in a king size bed, for us all to get a bit of sleep. As somebody said above, I think he is training us!!

jigglypuffstuff

Gee_G wrote: »

My 18month old is waking constantly now to get into our bed...nobodies fault but our own. We also have to lie with him at bedtime until he falls asleep. I've been thinking and talking about letting him cry it out and settle himself now for months but I really think it is going to have to happen soon. Its getting harder and harder to get him asleep and even in a king size bed, for us all to get a bit of sleep. As somebody said above, I think he is training us!!

You have trained him, but in the wrong way,

See my earlier post for advice on that (operant conditioning)

Best of luck, it is not easy listening to a child crying it out, but after 1 week you will see a drastic improvement

The key thing to remember here is

He does not need to go into your bed, he wants to go

I find many people often find blur the line between need and want

I wish you success in the coming days

Vel

I'll preface this by saying that thankfully all our kids are great sleepers and generally all sleep through the night and laways have done from early on. We have a 5 year old, 3.5 year old and 17 month old and they all share a room. Like others we wondered how it was going to work but I think they get used to each other's presence and after an initial bit of upset when we moved the newer ones in, they never seem to wake each other up. I'm touching wood as I type this!!

Rose35

Looks like I will have to take the crying it out method aswell, as hard as it is to hear him cry, shout, jump up and down with temper, Guess I will have to be strong, it seems like it's the only way.

How Strange

I'm not a fan of crying it out but there's a world of difference between a baby and an 18 month old/2+year old.

We went through phases with our son where after weeks of not sleeping because of teething he'd cry in the middle of the night for attention. We had to leave him crying for a while on those times and the next night he was back to sleeping normally. I didn't like doing it but it was a means to an end.

We're also going to be putting our 10 month old screamer/non sleeper in with her brother soon. If she'd been a better sleeper we'd have done it sooner. Everyone tells me that after a few nights they don't disturb each other anymore.

Rose35

Update, tuesday night i spent 5 hours going in and out of room, reassuring and saying No you have to lie down, No you must go to sleep in your own cot, etc etc, I did not give in and bring him into bed and last night he slept the whole night through, well he wanted a bottle around 2am but he didnt stand up and expect to be taken into bed, I guess he understands now mammy isn't such an easy touch, I couldnt do the crying it out at 18 months his crying was more like screaming, so I did the reassuring way, mammy is here but you must go to sleep, anyway it worked (so far).

addob

We did the cry it out with our little guy when I was about to go back to work and he was going to start the creche.

My tip for the first night is a bottle of wine and a video monitor. You can see him so you don;t need the volume on and you can drown your guilt!

I hope I'm not sounding flippant, we did all the reading on it ahead of time and it worked for us after just a few days. It's like it was what he was waiting for!