Being excluded at work

Hannaho

Hi! I posted here before re my work situation, but can't find the thread - so sorry I have had to open another one.

I'm still being excluded - for instance, time of work was changed by my colleague, not my line manager, without consulting me.

Also, I usually come in three quarters of an hour early on two days a week - one just to prepare for a nine o'clock meeting - and the other to do some work on the database - I was the instigator of setting this up recently, and am still learning about it. This is hugely resented by the other two women in the office - I don't mind coming in early - I drop my kids off to a friends house and they all walk to school together - school starts at 8.25, so I'm free from 8.00 a.m. - it's no big deal for me to go into work early

Recently, one of them keeps taking the bleep, even when if I am working away from the office and need it to keep contact with other professionals, or they walk off to break without me, or they will switch their days so they work together.

The advice last time was to say something to my line manager - I don't really want to do this as I feel it will escalate things and I am also not yet permanent in my job. Really I would just like advice on how to cope with it, e.g. do I ignore it, or try to ingratiate myself more with them - this would mean not coming in three quarters of an hour early, taking the same extended tea breaks as them, and also letting the other two take the lead - though we are all at the same level - with regard to the new developments in the service which we are bringing to our line manager.

I am asking just for people's different views on coping with this, rather than go to my line manager. Now it's Sunday night and while I try not to think about it, I am dreading going to work tomorrow. I also enjoy my work and want to work hard which means that I would like to still be able to go into work a little earlier.

Apart from all this, I sense that these two women are talking about me - we had an intern in the other day, and when I walked back into the room, the chat suddenly stopped and the intern could not look me in the eye - however, I obviously have no direct proof that they are talking about me.

Would really welcome any comments, or experiences of anyone who has gone through this.

Dubwat

This is going to sound very American/New Age but you could sink down to their level and rise up to your own potential.

If it's a company where people get promoted on merit, then do your best and see what happens?

RE the timetable changes, go to your boss and explain that for meeting X and database Y to happen on time, your schedule needs to Z. Do it in a friendly email and once you have his/her agreement, tell the other two that you're very sorry but you're under 'orders' to stick to your timetable.

The other 2 women probably bitch about anyone and everybody who passes in front of them. Those 2 sound like a right pair - why would you want to be friends with them?

Hannaho

Hi! Dugbat,

Thanks for your reply. I don't want to stoop to their level and want to reach my potential. I like my job, it's interesting, however, working hard and taking home work sometimes, seems to really irritate them. Today as I was leaving they asked me what I had in was taking with me, and I said a document that I might get to correct at home - I made a joke, which is actually true, that my children are always watching kids programmes, so I had plenty of time to do a little work stuff. One of them snapped, and demanded I leave the document, but I politely said that I was taking it. All day they were trying to get me to make a complaint about procedures to management - I felt like I was being given the task of shooting 'dubious' bullets - but I got out of it by saying that I thought management would listen more to them as they had been there longer than me. Then at 4.00 p.m., they said we had all done enough work for today and turned off the computers - leaving time is 5.00.

I dread going in tomorrow, and am just trying to develop a strategy to get through the days - a keeping calm strategy. I keep thinking maybe it's not a good idea to work so hard as it seems to inspire jealousy as they keep making snide comments about how much the bosses like me, then laughing and throwing their eyes up to heaven.

Lots of snide comments about how I'll soon be the boss the way I'm going - I don't anticipate this nor want it! Comments also if I go out with my kids - I'm a single parent - how can I afford to do this or that - even though it will only be a day away down the country - they can't afford it - I can afford it as I don't own a flash car, get house improvements or travel abroad for holidays. As I'm a single parent, one of them makes a lot of comments about how every house with children needs a man - I don't rise to the bait, but it's really frustrating at times. Any and all strategies to deal with this are welcome.

Stheno

Hannaho wrote: »

Hi! Dugbat,


I dread going in tomorrow, and am just trying to develop a strategy to get through the days - a keeping calm strategy. I keep thinking maybe it's not a good idea to work so hard as it seems to inspire jealousy as they keep making snide comments about how much the bosses like me, then laughing and throwing their eyes up to heaven.

Lots of snide comments about how I'll soon be the boss the way I'm going - I don't anticipate this nor want it! Comments also if I go out with my kids - I'm a single parent - how can I afford to do this or that - even though it will only be a day away down the country - they can't afford it - I can afford it as I don't own a flash car, get house improvements or travel abroad for holidays. As I'm a single parent, one of them makes a lot of comments about how every house with children needs a man - I don't rise to the bait, but it's really frustrating at times. Any and all strategies to deal with this are welcome.

On the first paragraph, you are doing just what they want, why give in to them?

On the second, why tell them what you are doing outside of work or your circumstances, you are just giving them ammunition?

As an aside, they sound like a shower of harpies, I've one in my work, and avoid any interaction with her like the plague which is difficult in a shared workspace of ten people, nearest she's gotten was one day when the OH rang me and was talking loudly down the phone and she complained he was very loud, which he is.

Next time he rang, I went to another room.

irishguy1983

Hannaho wrote: »

Hi! Dugbat,

Thanks for your reply. I don't want to stoop to their level and want to reach my potential. I like my job, it's interesting, however, working hard and taking home work sometimes, seems to really irritate them. Today as I was leaving they asked me what I had in was taking with me, and I said a document that I might get to correct at home - I made a joke, which is actually true, that my children are always watching kids programmes, so I had plenty of time to do a little work stuff. One of them snapped, and demanded I leave the document, but I politely said that I was taking it. All day they were trying to get me to make a complaint about procedures to management - I felt like I was being given the task of shooting 'dubious' bullets - but I got out of it by saying that I thought management would listen more to them as they had been there longer than me. Then at 4.00 p.m., they said we had all done enough work for today and turned off the computers - leaving time is 5.00.

I dread going in tomorrow, and am just trying to develop a strategy to get through the days - a keeping calm strategy. I keep thinking maybe it's not a good idea to work so hard as it seems to inspire jealousy as they keep making snide comments about how much the bosses like me, then laughing and throwing their eyes up to heaven.

Lots of snide comments about how I'll soon be the boss the way I'm going - I don't anticipate this nor want it! Comments also if I go out with my kids - I'm a single parent - how can I afford to do this or that - even though it will only be a day away down the country - they can't afford it - I can afford it as I don't own a flash car, get house improvements or travel abroad for holidays. As I'm a single parent, one of them makes a lot of comments about how every house with children needs a man - I don't rise to the bait, but it's really frustrating at times. Any and all strategies to deal with this are welcome.

Can i be honest with you? I would resent this - if other colleagues start taking home work then the boss will start going 'Well why aren't you able to do as much work as person X?'

I have being in situations like that and it did my head in.

Gaillimh1976

Hannaho wrote: »

Hi! Dugbat,

Then at 4.00 p.m., they said we had all done enough work for today and turned off the computers - leaving time is 5.00.

.

So which branch of the civil service is this ?

Mrs OBumble

Mod-note:

Please don't get indulge in public or civil sector bashing: there most definitely private sector organisations where similar behaviur occurs.

TimeToShine

Some of that sounds like downright bullying in the workplace, especially the comments about your personal life. If it's a small company then you may struggle but larger firms generally have very strict enforceable anti-bullying measures. Maybe take it up with the HR department (if there is one).