Contribution for birthday party - OK or not?

AK333

AK333 wrote: »

Didn't give you much notice if its next weekend and you haven't seen them in 9 months?

Nah, if they emailed you the invite, email them back that you have other plans but hope they have a good night (that way they might invite you to something decent at some stage)

In fairness, she did say they would be sending invites out so I knew I was invited and that there may be a contribution required.

The more I think about this, the more irritated I feel. He's one of those people who hardly ever replies to your texts or emails because he's so 'busy', as if the rest of us have shag all to do all day. He hasn't made any effort at all with us over the last 9 months...now they do have a 2-year-old but I have plenty of other friends with kids and they don't totally ignore me!

jobeenfitz

If you don't want to go, don't. If you care about whether or not they will like you after refusing then make up an excuse. Or Tell them you can't afford it.

Femme_Fatale

crockholm wrote: »

I'm reading this post in a knocknaheeny accent :pac::pac::pac:

Yeh, Roy Keane on Gift Grub quality to it.

ballsymchugh

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

In fairness, she did say they would be sending invites out so I knew I was invited and that there may be a contribution required.

The more I think about this, the more irritated I feel. He's one of those people who hardly ever replies to your texts or emails because he's so 'busy', as if the rest of us have shag all to do all day. He hasn't made any effort at all with us over the last 9 months...now they do have a 2-year-old but I have plenty of other friends with kids and they don't totally ignore me!

say you're going to the london forum night out!

ballsymchugh

ballsymchugh wrote: »

say you're going to the london forum night out!

LOL

"Soz, can't make it, gonna meet some random strangers from the internet...have a gud 1 babes"

wil

ok, so the real problem is the (stingey) wife.
Surprise (not)

You're paying for her wonderful:rolleyes: surprise.

AK333

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

LOL

"Soz, can't make it, gonna meet some random strangers from the internet...have a gud 1 babes"

Perfect response, no seriously, perfect - right type of cheeky chappy response.

Just hope they aren't on Boards.ie thinking of a suitable retort:)

wil

wil wrote: »

ok, so the real problem is the (stingey) wife.
Surprise (not)

You're paying for her wonderful:rolleyes: surprise.

It is stingy, isn't it? I couldn't imagine throwing a big party for my OH and asking the guests to pay for it. If I couldn't cover it myself, I wouldn't do it.

Fox_In_Socks

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

The more I think about this, the more irritated I feel. He's one of those people who hardly ever replies to your texts or emails because he's so 'busy', as if the rest of us have shag all to do all day. He hasn't made any effort at all with us over the last 9 months...now they do have a 2-year-old but I have plenty of other friends with kids and they don't totally ignore me!

Then text back two days after his birthday saying:

"Sure, I'd love to come! How much money again do you want me to pay?":pac:

AdMMM

They shouldn't be throwing a party that they can't afford to throw!

ballsymchugh

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

It is stingy, isn't it? I couldn't imagine throwing a big party for my OH and asking the guests to pay for it. If I couldn't cover it myself, I wouldn't do it.

it reminds me of larry's cousin in Curb your Enthusiasm, asking larry to pay for his wife's hat making course.

Stavros Murphy

AdMMM wrote: »

They shouldn't be throwing a party that they can't afford to throw!

Austerity is the new bling. It should be Aldi sweetmeats and fifty five bottles of plonk. Bring your own bucket.

delw

Who are the actors that the party goers have to pay for? RSVP saying you don't like the actors & your not giving them your hard earned money.

anncoates

ballsymchugh wrote: »

i think Martha Shy Table lives in london!

Phew.

wil

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

It is stingy, isn't it? I couldn't imagine throwing a big party for my OH and asking the guests to pay for it. If I couldn't cover it myself, I wouldn't do it.

There's your answer. Someone did that to me before.

Went all out to impress his girlfriend (a friend of mine) after asking for suggestions then inviting us along. End of night, kept his loads of cash in his pocket and we had to pay up on the spot. Not impressed. If it was the other way around I'd be too embarrassed to show such stinginess.

They're not together any more.

Ihatecuddles

If my OH organised that for me, I'd kill him. I'd be mortified he asked people to contribute!!

osarusan

Just say you can't make it. Give some generic personal reason.

Did she pull the trick about initially mentioning a date you should keep free for 'something small' so that you wouldn't be able to cancel even after the full plan was explained?

Muise...

mauzo! wrote: »

If my OH organised that for me, I'd kill him. I'd be mortified he asked people to contribute!!

Ah now you've gone and ruined the murder mystery!

Fox_In_Socks

Muise... wrote: »

Ah now you've gone and ruined the murder mystery!

With the poker in the greenhouse and all!

shopaholic01

Fox_In_Socks wrote: »

With the poker in the greenhouse and all!

Is that an innuendo? :P

osarusan

osarusan wrote: »

Just say you can't make it. Give some generic personal reason.

Did she pull the trick about initially mentioning a date you should keep free for 'something small' so that you wouldn't be able to cancel even after the full plan was explained?

No in fairness she was up front about there being a contribution. I suppose she thought we could start saving for it!

Fox_In_Socks

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Is that an inneundo? :P

In YOUR endo!





(No, not really. If I wanted an innuendo, I would have had her murder him with a cucumber. :eek:)

Muise...

Fox_In_Socks wrote: »

In YOUR endo!





(No, not really. If I wanted an innuendo, I would have had her murder him with a cucumber. :eek:)

in the pantry?

Fox_In_Socks

Muise... wrote: »

in the pantry?

I suppose it's as good a word as any. If ever you wanted a word describing a room that was in essence, a small nook, then pantry would be it.:)

That or murdered in the cranny.

Fox_In_Socks

Fox_In_Socks wrote: »

I suppose it's as good a word as any. If ever you wanted a word describing a room that was in essence, a small nook, then pantry would be it.:)

That or murdered in the cranny.

I can't believe we got to page 5 before it descended into this. Colour me shocked AH.

OK, so what should my excuse be? 'Something else on that weekend?'

endacl

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

OK, so what should my excuse be? 'Something else on that weekend?'

I'd go with 'sorry, can't make it'. You don't owe them an explanation. Maybe add a 'we should meet up for a drink soon though', if you feel bad about this.

I'm sure you won't be the only one's to say it.

deandean

the tight fecker is probably aiming to make a profit from his friends at his party.
I wouldn't go.

wil

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

OK, so what should my excuse be? 'Something else on that weekend?'

no explanation, simple sorry, wish you had told me sooner, family plans.

If they really mean something to you suggest next time they're in town, take them out for a meal. £50 max. Present sorted.
Embarrass the wife by telling her she doesn't have to pay. (Don't stop her if she does)

Lando Griffin

Id love to go, sounds like a good dose of Shakespeare is in the cards, supporting the arts does come at a price IMO.
"He that wants money, means, and content is without three good friends"

I would imagine the guy would be quite embarrassed to hear that his wife is charging admission! Although they have both become incredibly self-absorbed since their daughter was born two years ago. We've bought clothes for the kid, remembered her birthdays etc and they barely manage to reply to the odd email asking how they're getting on. My partner got a massive promotion last year and not a peep out of our mate, even though he works at the same company and definitely heard about it. I guess their life is just their kid now...until they want your to fund their parties!

c68zapdsm5i1ru

They sound like those couples who plan big elaborate weddings that they can't afford, and then request cash gifts from the guests to finance it.

ronjo

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

I would imagine the guy would be quite embarrassed to hear that his wife is charging admission! Although they have both become incredibly self-absorbed since their daughter was born two years ago. We've bought clothes for the kid, remembered her birthdays etc and they barely manage to reply to the odd email asking how they're getting on. My partner got a massive promotion last year and not a peep out of our mate, even though he works at the same company and definitely heard about it. I guess their life is just their kid now...until they want your to fund their parties!

I thought you were skint? :pac:

Alf Veedersane

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

I would imagine the guy would be quite embarrassed to hear that his wife is charging admission! Although they have both become incredibly self-absorbed since their daughter was born two years ago. We've bought clothes for the kid, remembered her birthdays etc and they barely manage to reply to the odd email asking how they're getting on. My partner got a massive promotion last year and not a peep out of our mate, even though he works at the same company and definitely heard about it. I guess their life is just their kid now...until they want your to fund their parties!

So, why is this a big decision?

Sounds like an easily-made decision.

"Hi, I can't go. I'll be doing anything else".

godtabh

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

Got an invite to a friend's big birthday which is next weekend. He used to be a fairly close friend, but we have drifted apart quite a bit and the last time I saw him was about last June.

His wife has arranged some sort of 'themed' evening with actors and so on, and has asked for a contribution of £25 per person for it. This is quite a lot for me and my partner at the moment, as my hours were cut and we're struggling a bit. In addition to that, he lives miles away and the train is £25 per person on top of that, so the evening will end up costing us £100 as well as any gifts, wine, etc.

Would you go if you were me? It's annoying that we've been asked for a contribution, IMO - I'd definitely go otherwise but I feel like it's a hell of a lot to ask for a birthday party. It's not like it's £5 each or something...can't decide what to do!

Is it a key themed party and is the wife hot?

geckovision

That sounds ridiculous and she sounds like a muppet. I've a feeling it'll be her, him and a few actors. What a sh!tty and not to mention, weird birthday.

And if she needs contributions to fulfil this nonsense then she should scrap it and do something more modest.

ronjo

ronjo wrote: »

I thought you were skint? :pac:

We are. I had to take 5 months off work, so my partner had to cover all the rent and bills, and we live in London. Massive promotion doesn't equal lots of money in our industry, though. It's just a good opportunity for him.

geckovision

geckovision wrote: »

That sounds ridiculous and she sounds like a muppet. I've a feeling it'll be her, him and a few actors. What a sh!tty and not to mention, weird birthday.

And if she needs contributions to fulfil this nonsense then she should scrap it and do something more modest.

I might actually just say we can't afford it so they can't accuse us of not bothering. If it were a normal party, we'd go.

FTA69

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

I would imagine the guy would be quite embarrassed to hear that his wife is charging admission! Although they have both become incredibly self-absorbed since their daughter was born two years ago. We've bought clothes for the kid, remembered her birthdays etc and they barely manage to reply to the odd email asking how they're getting on. My partner got a massive promotion last year and not a peep out of our mate, even though he works at the same company and definitely heard about it. I guess their life is just their kid now...until they want your to fund their parties!

I hate to break it to you but your friends are assholes. Don't worry, it happens to the best of us; one minute we get on with someone and the next we realise that in reality, they're complete tossers. Murder mystery parties? Charging admission to a vanity-fest in some backwater miles outside the city? F*ck that.

I've never heard of such effete and self-absorbed nonsense in all my life. Tell them your mam is over that weekend to visit and then ignore them from then on.

Eejitry of the highest order.

ronjo

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

We are. I had to take 5 months off work, so my partner had to cover all the rent and bills, and we live in London. Massive promotion doesn't equal lots of money in our industry, though. It's just a good opportunity for him.

Sorry about that comment. Tell your friends you cant go and good luck to your partner with his big opportunity.

FTA69

FTA69 wrote: »

I hate to break it to you but your friends are assholes. Don't worry, it happens to the best of us; one minute we get on with someone and the next we realise that in reality, they're complete tossers. Murder mystery parties? Charging admission to a vanity-fest in some backwater miles outside the city? F*ck that.

I've never heard of such effete and self-absorbed nonsense in all my life. Tell them your mam is over that weekend to visit and then ignore them from then on.

Eejitry of the highest order.

Haha, well yes. That was my first thought. My partner doesn't seem to think it's as outrageous as I do, so I was wondering if I was the one being weird.

eamonnq

Ask if you two and the other people cc'd on the email, can do the acting bit and get paid for turning up!!

FTA69

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

Haha, well yes. That was my first thought. My partner doesn't seem to think it's as outrageous as I do, so I was wondering if I was the one being weird.

They sound like the type of people to make you take your shoes off before coming into the house. Also your partner needs to realise that a birthday party poncing around some cringe-inducing acting b*llocks is no party at all.

He should be out getting drunk with his mates like real men.

FTA69

FTA69 wrote: »

They sound like the type of people to make you take your shoes off before coming into the house. Also your partner needs to realise that a birthday party poncing around some cringe-inducing acting b*llocks is no party at all.

He should be out getting drunk with his mates like real men.

Haha, they do make you take your shoes off! Last time I went, I was getting really passive aggressive vibes from the wife and I wondered what I'd done wrong until I realised I STILL HAD MY BOOTS ON! Shock horror!

FTA69

I knew it.

You live in London. Go eat some nitro-glycerine ice-cream in Camden. Go for a walk around the golden Sikh temple in Richmond. Rent a boris bike and cycle along the canal. Go to Smithfield at 4am and buy a cheap steak for later and eat a sausage on a stick.

Don't waste a weekend in some bore-fest in the Home Counties with anal people you don't like.

Pumpkinseeds

The only birthdays I've financially contributed to are milestone birthdays like 65ths, where our families have organised a meal in a hotel and some expensive gift, that's fine but there's no way I'd pay for anyone elses birthday. I find the idea of being asked to pay to attend a party a bit offensive actually.

Riskymove

I think the issue is the framing of it by the wife as a contribution

If it was a suggestion that ye all go to a show or an event together with people paying for their own admission I dont think it would look so bad.

FollatonWood

If they're good friends I'd genuinely tell them you'd like to be there but you just can't afford it. A real friend will understand your situation and also see where they've gone wrong here. Maybe offer them an alternative meet up, but I wouldn't stress yourself over it. They've created the obstacle here with their thoughtlessness, not you.

December2012

Just be straight out and say why you can't come because it points out how ridiculous she is being.

"I'd love to come but can't afford it, the train fare and €25 is too much.

Have a great time, why don't you come to us the following week for dinner?"

Alf Veedersane

Why even invite them over for dinner?

The nthe OP wastes time and money on people you don't value enough to waste time and money on.