change schools?

gubby

My granddaughter started in secondary school last September. She didn't want to go to this school as most of her friends were going to a different school. My daughter told her that if she would go there for 1 year and if she really didnt like it she would change her to a different school. Now the thing is, the school she is going to is a very good mixed school and despite her constant protests I believe she is happy enough there except for missing her best friend.
I am wondering if other parents change schools if their children complain and what is the outcome.
Nobody wants her to spend the next 6 years in a school she doesn't like but honestly feel she is in the best place.
any advice would help

the_syco

Two sides to the same coin;
No friends means distractions, but no friends can go against her during stressful times such as end of year exams, and major exams such as the Leaving Cert.

Has she made no new friends in the new school, or is she avoiding making new friends as she already has "other" friends?

echo beach

gubby wrote: »

Nobody wants her to spend the next 6 years in a school she doesn't like but honestly feel she is in the best place.

It could be the best school in Ireland but if she isn't happy there it isn't the best for HER.
Her parents did a deal with her and if they fail to honour it there will be a lot of resentment. Her education is their responsibility and there are times when it is best to bite your tongue.

The Princess Bride

gubby wrote: »

My daughter told her that if she would go there for 1 year and if she really didnt like it she would change her to a different school. Any advice would help

By saying this to her, surely in the back of the child's mind, she knew she wouldn't have to make a huge effort as she'd be moved at the end of the year anyway,if she said she was didn't like it.

There's no guarantee she'd be happy in the other school-starting in second year, she'd be the new girl, friendships would already be established and it wouldn't be much different to her start last September with new teachers, classmates etc....would probably be more difficult, I'd imagine.

I'm assuming your daughter has been to the First Year Parent Teacher meeting already-how did that go? Any serious concerns?

You mention her "constant protests"- I'd hate to have one of my children constantly protesting, but if she does have some friends, and her academic record is good-well then, that should speak volumes.

gubby

Thank you Princess Bride and others. All of this has been on our minds. Her mom and dad are separated (never married) My daughter has married again and has another child now. Although she gets on well enough with her step father she does not consider him a dad and he sort of bows out and does not get involved in any decisions to do with her. I believe she is getting on fine in the school ie test results etc. and when she comes to me after school all I hear is "my friend Jack/Mary said this today" so she does have friends. But as you pointed out I think she is just holding on to the fact that her mom said she could change if she was still not happy after the 1st year. It is very hard because we all believe she is in the best place for her.. but she, like her mom is very stubborn.

Paddy Cow

Gubby another thing to consider is that her best friend has probably moved on and made new friends. When I was 12, we moved county. About 18 months later we moved back and I was delighted as I would be in school again with my best friend. However she had made a new best friend in my absence and while we were friends again, it was never the same. Even though it was totally reasonable that my best friend had made new friends, I had expected us to fall back into our old pattern and I was hurt when that didn't happen.

If your granddaughter is expecting that she can go to this other school in September and she will have all her friends back, I fear she will be disappointed. She will be crushed if she goes there, only to find out that everyone has moved on and she is the new girl who has to fit in. Even if her friend is delighted to have her there, you don't know how the other girls she is friends with will react. I've seen it happen where a girl joins a clique as a friend of one of them and the others get jealous that someone is infringing on their "territory" and tries to isolate them. We as adults know it's petty but teenage girls are filled with hormones and drama.

She will also have to deal with a new curriculum. The overall Junior Cert course is the same but schools approach it differently and they may have covered topics that she hasn't yet.

If she does go to the other school in September, it might work out for her but I hope she is aware that things won't be the same. Does she still have a close relationship with all her old friends from primary?

iguana

Your daughter is going to have to tread very carefully here. She made a deal with her daughter and ignoring that and overriding her wishes would not only be disrespectful in the extreme, but potentially disastrous to their relationship. I'd be worried that going back on her word here would be far, far more damaging to her future than going to a school that you like less. Not being able to trust her mother to keep her word, not feeling like her mother respects her, not being able to respect her mother in return is a disastrous state for a teenager and could lead to bad decision after bad decision by both parties for the rest of their relationship.

If your daughter is determined to keep her daughter in the school she is in now then she needs to sit her down, possibly numerous times, and discuss the issue maturely. She needs to outline her reasons respectfully and really listen to her daughter's reasons if she still wants to change schools. While they aren't currently equals, and the decision is ultimately the mother's, she made a massive mistake making the deal she did last year if she wasn't going to stick with it and she needs to do serious damage control now in order to ensure her daughter's trust and respect.

gubby wrote: »

but she, like her mom is very stubborn.

This is a stand out comment for me. Why are you so involved in this and why the weirdly aggressive and dismissive comment about your adult daughter? Where your granddaughter goes to school concerns her and your daughter and, as her father isn't in the picture, nobody else. If your daughter has asked for your advice or your insight into how her daughter is getting on in school, that's fair enough. But the decision itself about what happens next (school) year, and how stubborn either party is about it, has nothing to do with you.

Zebra62

I changed my youngest daughters school in 3rd year as she was being bullied and was very unhappy. She was in a public school and some of the teachers were horrible to her also. I changed her to a private school and she could not be happier.