Issues with drink - Opinion sought

drydub

Back ground, I am in my early 30s and like most of my friends (who don’t have young children) I enjoy a pint or two out watching a game or just going out for a 30th / wedding or whatever social occasion arises. When out I could drink anything from 5-10 pints, maybe more, although of late my tolerance or ability to drink huge amounts 15+ pints has diminished since over recent years (along with my enthusiasm to do so)

With my partner over 4 years now, we both probably drank a bit too much over the first couple of years we were together and my dad pointed that out to me, but that was more of a personal attack rather than solid advice, but I also in the clear light of day and time took it as advice as when I thought about it, my parents would not have the greatest relationship to alcohol either.

My mother is an alcoholic. I know I never really saw it growing up as I was the youngest and don’t recall a lot of it but my sisters tell me how bad she was and now that I am older and I can see these things. She is constantly in a state of drunkenness and although she went through a minor illness where I confronted my dad about her drinking to which he just shrugged it off as nothing.
Its only now looking in that I can see it not just as my mam being an alcoholic but genetically how we deal with addiction. Could I have her disposition to crave alcohol? Am I just on her path or am I just someone who likes a few pints?
The lowest point I’ve had while drunk is being stopped by the gardai pissing on the street after having about 13-15 pints on a day long session last year. I was in the horrors for about 2 weeks after that as I have never had any brush with the law till or since then. I tend to be high spirited when out and don’t black out or get violent or anything. I have drink driven before which constantly shames me also, it was a one time event that I will not repeat.

But I do realise it was effecting my health. I’ve cut back completely on drinking at home. I would have always had beer in the house for midweek, I used to drink 5 cans easily of a Tuesday just because but now I don’t bother. I will sooner have a cup of tea or if im in the mood for a beer il have just the one or I enjoy craft beer so will have one bottle and enjoy it.

I’ve started to get back into my health to get my body into the shape it was maybe 5 years ago, I run and go to the gym 3 times a week. I need to lose some weight still but am happy enough with my direction. So why when I think ‘ya know what I think il knock the drink on the head for a while’ all I seem to be able to do is look at the calendar and think ‘what have I coming up that I have to drink at’. I read this forum last week and was so enthusiastic to give up drink I printed a calendar out so I could cross the days off. That was on Thursday, I am looking at the calendar now on Monday and I can’t even cross one day off! I went to a family occasion on Friday and got so drunk I vomited Saturday morning. I went to a sports game on Saturday night and had a pint at half time to take the edge off. And last night we went out with friends for some food and I had 3 pints.
Is it the want to give it up isn’t there or Is it just my addictive personality that I can’t?

I acknowledge that I used to drink a hell of a lot more. I don’t drink as much these days and I have made a conscious effort to identify areas that I can cut down or cut out completely and that has helped hugely.
I don’t know if I have a problem with drink or not. Is it that I just have little to no will power when it comes to drink? In reading other peoples experience, it just frightens me to think something worse will happen now to force me to realise I have a problem.

I don’t know what im asking here. I don’t know IF I have a problem but looking at it from the outset with my family history and looking at my own behaviour its starting to worry me.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading.

burnhardlanger

Thanks for posting.

I've been reading Allen Carr's book about Alcohol for the past week and he is at pains to point out that we can never control our drinking. Control as in your case of identifying the need to cut down.

He uses the analogy of the flys and the pitcher plant to explain the addictive cycle of alcohol. The pitcher plant (alcohol in the analogy) and the fly (the drinker). The pitcher plant contains a sweet nectar that any passing fly is instinctively drawn to. Such is the ideal trapping design of the plant, it draws the oblivious fly deeper and deeper in. Near the bottom, the fly attempting to escape is unable to do so. It is weighed down by the consumed nectar and the ingenius sloped design of the plant conspiring to trap the fly and it is eventually consumed by the plant. The point made is that the fly is simply following it's instinct to feed on the sweet nectar, it doesn't know it's in a trap. Sometimes a fly might realise the danger and fly away sooner or in other cases go deeper and deeper past a point of no return.

It would help to focus on the positive aspects of cutting down and not the neagatives. It's often said that people with problems with alcohol must abstain from the booze. Don't look at cutting down in terms of denying yourself, avoiding, foregoing, ceasing, shunning, etc etc. This will serve to increase your frustrations and stress and we all know how a drinker deals with that!!. Abstaining is simply framed as a negative thing to be endured by the problem drinker.

Instead focus on the more positive aspects of reducing your drinking. The benefits. The freedom, having the choice, the health aspects etc. What are antonyms of abstain? Do, Accept, Continue, Allow, Embrace, Want, Indugle, Encourage. (notice the positive words here).

You can however control your attitude to drinking. You will know that you have the choice to have 'just one'. But you will also know in your own mind that the 'just one' will inevitably turn into more than that. Once you accept that, you are free to make an informed decision about drinking. You can continue but you are fully aware of the consequences. Once you have that drink, the alcohol is in control and you know that 100%. And you will also know the consequences of making the choice to have those drinks.

Quitting the drink is framed in society as being an incredibly difficult thing to do. But if you focus on the positives instead of the imagined negatives then it can be quite easy.

sopretty

I understand your questions.

How do you feel when you're not drinking? Is your tongue hanging out for the next time you'll get the opportunity to drink? Are you completely at ease with yourself, or more anxious?

On the occasions you only have the 1, or 3 pints, are you grand after, or are you like a hen with an egg i.e. very restless, but not sure why?

drydub

@burnhardlanger – I guess I don’t look too negatively about cutting down, I do feel a great sense of achievement having really not drank at home and cut down so much. Like over Christmas I didn’t want a whole lot of cans around the house as I knew ultimitately I would end up drinking them, I’ve had 6 gans of Guinness sat there since Christmas so I know I have broken the cycle of drinking in the evening and that pleases me no end.But in saying that I would just love to say ‘knocking on the head for a month / lent’ but I just can’t, I just instantly think of all the social occasions that I ‘need’ to drink at! I appreciate your reply , thanks for taking the time to reply. I feel I can go out for ‘just one’ but its what changes that from just one to 10 that worries me sometimes. 




@sopretty – no not at all does the tongue be hanging out, not especially. I would look forward to , say , going out on a Friday or a few cosy pints in the local of a Sunday but im not leggin it home to grab a can or anything. To be honest, when I had a couple pints the other night I was in flying form, headed off home early enough and stopped off to get my gf a bottle of wine as she was driving and I could have grabbed a few cans to continue when I got home but I just was happy with what I had had.

sopretty

drydub wrote: »

@burnhardlanger – I guess I don’t look too negatively about cutting down, I do feel a great sense of achievement having really not drank at home and cut down so much. Like over Christmas I didn’t want a whole lot of cans around the house as I knew ultimitately I would end up drinking them, I’ve had 6 gans of Guinness sat there since Christmas so I know I have broken the cycle of drinking in the evening and that pleases me no end.But in saying that I would just love to say ‘knocking on the head for a month / lent’ but I just can’t, I just instantly think of all the social occasions that I ‘need’ to drink at! I appreciate your reply , thanks for taking the time to reply. I feel I can go out for ‘just one’ but its what changes that from just one to 10 that worries me sometimes. 




@sopretty – no not at all does the tongue be hanging out, not especially. I would look forward to , say , going out on a Friday or a few cosy pints in the local of a Sunday but im not leggin it home to grab a can or anything. To be honest, when I had a couple pints the other night I was in flying form, headed off home early enough and stopped off to get my gf a bottle of wine as she was driving and I could have grabbed a few cans to continue when I got home but I just was happy with what I had had.

Well, to me you don't sound 'addicted' per se, but I'm no expert! I suppose, figure out whether you're happy enough with how much you're drinking now or not. If it's affecting you negatively, I would say you might not find it too difficult to stop or cut down. Obviously, this is only my own opinion as a lay person!

sopretty

I've just now read the top part of your post which was directed in reply to another poster. Your information there, would seem to contradict what you replied directly to me.

I really don't know what to tell you. There is a saying out there 'if you have to try to control something, you've already lost control of it'.

I could speculate that given your mother's history, you've controlled your consumption somewhat, but that you struggle sometimes to control your consumption. Maybe have an open and frank discussion with a GP if you're suitably concerned about your consumption.

Aaah35

I am an alcoholic, not drinking at all for about a year now and feeling great. I definitely think there is a family link. Looking back now I can see that basically everyone on my mothers side of the family has a bad relationship with drink. I am the only one to put my hand up and admit it but it's true. I have an addictive personality and can get hooked on anything! Life without drinking is hard at first but you do get used to it, my partner drinks at home and it genuinely doesn't bother me now. It just takes a while to break the habit. If it is in your family I would keep an eye on it for sure.

Aaah35

I am an alcoholic, not drinking at all for about a year now and feeling great. I definitely think there is a family link. Looking back now I can see that basically everyone on my mothers side of the family has a bad relationship with drink. I am the only one to put my hand up and admit it but it's true. I have an addictive personality and can get hooked on anything! Life without drinking is hard at first but you do get used to it, my partner drinks at home and it genuinely doesn't bother me now. It just takes a while to break the habit. If it is in your family I would keep an eye on it for sure.

Aaah35

Ha ha sorry posted twice! Not drunk just new.

drydub

Thanks for your comments guys. I am seeing my gp tomorrow for something else and I will talk to her about it.

Appreciate your replies.

drydub

Just as a follow up, i suppose. I spoke frankly with my GP and she told me that knowing and being aware of my family situation is half the battle as far as she was concerned, that we all have blow out nights till 6am occasionally but she said once i acknowledge what i am doing and am aware of limitations it's perfectly normal.