Things I don't get about Irish weddings MOD WARNING POST #322

amdublin

1. Aunts and uncles taking precedence over cousins.
You grew up with your cousins, spent summers with them, maybe drink with them now yet the (old) aunt and uncle get invited over your cousins to your wedding.
Why would you not want fun people at your wedding

2. The obsession with church weddings for non practicing/non religious people.
I'd wager 9/10 b&g's don't see the inside of a church from one year to the next but they must have a church wedding. Doubt they see the inside of the church again for a long time after.
I just don't get it.

3. The gift culture.
You have your house, you have a toaster, kettle etc. You have everything you need. You've paid for your wedding. Yet a lot of b&g's start counting on what money they will get as gifts.
Why? You have everything you need, why you want more?

4. The expensive dress that will never be worn again (these days anyway).
It seemed to me that in the past that dresses were re-used/recycled much more. Nowadays it seems (to me) the norm to spend €1000 on a dress and when I ask "will your sister wear it" you get "god no she'll want her own dress".
And then for something was so important to the b before the wedding you ask where it is now "yeah it's stuffed in the wardrobe, I still need to get it cleaned"

5. "we want to do something different"
Yeah different would be doing the opposite to the above. You can do party favours and entertainment/games all you like your wedding will not stand out to me in 6 months time.

I just don't get it. Loads more of stuff I don't get either. I'll add to it later.

What you think about above? Anything you don't get?

lazygal

Huge drives between a church and a venue because the couple fell in love with it or got a cheap deal. Not providing food on arrival at a venue after said long drive.

Mainly the church thing, usually just mass with a wedding ceremony in the middle. I always think it strange how couples say the priest made the ceremony really personal because every Catholic wedding I've been to has been the same. Don't get how people give out about church rules either, don't have to get married in a church.

Also people who don't understand how it costs money to get married. It doesn't need to cost more than €200. People complaining about how expensive the day is are choosing to spend.that money.

BizzyC

On points 1 & 2;

Not everyone is close with their cousins.
I haven't seen the majority of mine in years, whereas I'd see my Aunts and Uncles a lot more often. Your situation doesn't tie in with everyone.

Churches used to be the only way to get married on a weekend.
Then Spiratualists became legal, but are still technically religious.
The legalization of Humanist ceremonies last summer has resulted in a huge move away from Church weddings. Humanist celebrants are booked out for the next few years already.

I was always more forgiving of the church wedding because of a lack of options. What always gets to me is non-religious people baptising their kids.


On the others, have a fair point.

I don't understand people who are relying/expecting to receive X in gifts and already make plans for spending it.
Pay for what you can afford, gifts are not a guarantee and expecting to receive a bench-marked amount is a little rude imo.

amdublin

Ah yes that reminds me of another thing I don't get

6. Start time and dinner time
Early ceremony (12.30/1pm etc) and then dinner not until 5.30 with no food in between.
Why not just married at 3.30/4pm and go straight into dinner?
OR (please!) provide food in between - and not cupcakes, cocktail sausages or something!

7. Speeches before dinner.
See above, we are starving. If you want people to pay attention to your speeches do them during dessert. Or at a push during soup.

8. Long speeches
Imo only really close family find the speeches interesting/entertaining.
Imo everyone finds them tedious and boring but we are all too polite to say this so we labour under the pretence that we enjoyed sitting there for 45 minutes while we'd rather be at the bar.

amdublin

BizzyC wrote: »

On points 1 & 2;

Not everyone is close with their cousins.
I haven't seen the majority of mine in years, whereas I'd see my Aunts and Uncles a lot more often. Your situation doesn't tie in with everyone.

Yeah I hear you. That's my point, invite who you are closest to, so if this is your cousins invite them. In your case it's the aunts and uncles so this is great. You sometimes see people "having to" invite their parents neighbours

eyescreamcone

Long speeches
+100

lazygal

I've never heard anyone say they wish the speeches were a bit longer! We had ours during drinks reception as the guys wanted to enjoy their meal.

amdublin

9. Weddings abroad
Bride - "we're getting married abroad. We're going to basically transpose a carbon copy of every irish wedding you've been at and do everything exactly the same but in another country. It'll be way cheaper for us, and you still have to give us the exact same wedding present money (even though we have everything we need) aaand you get a holiday to a country you haven't chosen to go to! (which you pay for)"
You - eh sounds great

lazygal wrote: »

I've never heard anyone say they wish the speeches were a bit longer! We had ours during drinks reception as the guys wanted to enjoy their meal.

Lol!
That's a really good idea.

clint_silver

as well as above.

wedding favors, like a stone with B&Gs initials on them tied up in little net bags where the stones were picked from their favorite beach.

sky lantrins (SIC). yaay. Not. everyone gets reluctantly ushered outside for a very underwhelming 30 minutes to the freezing cold while B&G hope the local farmers barn doesnt catch fire

(fireworks ) see above about ushering and also the fireworks last 3 minutes and are about as exciting as a fireworks screensaver on your pc in work. Most people have seen skyfest and sydneys new years celebrations on the telly, thats what you have to get close to.

video montages post dinner and pre-speech. watching dodgy edited photos for 14 minutes to the groomsmans favorite michael buble/celine dion tracks on the awful hotel sound system where half way through the montage even he's regretting spending 1 minute of the 6 days it took him to put it together as everyones checking their texts

hotels where the bar is not in the function room.

Thumby

What i don't get about weddings is why people have to make trouble or bitch and moan about something to do with the wedding on the day. I know in my family there's aunt who will go to the wedding give out about how much her and the hubbys outfits cost, then sit there and practically lick her plates clean and give out about the food. This gets done on every aspect of the wedding, no matter how small. (eg, oh the brides tights are a shade lighter than the should be to match her dress) she never stops and her husband is worse. he drinks too much and starts fist fights. AT EVERY SINGLE FAMILY WEDDING!!!! IT DOES my head in. Needless to say they aren't getting invited to mine in a couple of years. (maybe the drunken uncle is only my family, but the ungrateful and nit picking guest i have seen at more than one friends wedding as well. I just dont' get it. Why try and upset the bride and groom whom have worked themselves in a tizzy to have the day of their dreams and have the courtesy and generosity to invite you, and then just bitch about it?

Oh and def agree with you about the long wait time between ceremony and eating. Not to fond of speeches either but i think half the time that they are just used as a filler till the food is ready to come out. I'll be avoiding them at mine, for the most part. I'm sure my dad will want to publicly commiserate with my fiancee for being stuck with me now and thank him for taking him off my dads hands lmao. (even though i moved out of home 16 years ago and have a family of my own)

Oafley Jones

Irish people using "get". I'd understand if they were American.

amdublin

Oafley Jones wrote: »

Irish people using "get". I'd understand if they were American.

To get = to understand

Nothing American about it at all I do not understand why you don't get it.
http://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/british/get


Now back on topic! What else does anyone not GET about Irish weddings? (or understand if you are Oafley Jones)

Thumby

Oafley Jones wrote: »

Irish people using "get". I'd understand if they were American.

And how do you know i'm not? :P

Thumby

amdublin wrote: »

To get = to understand

Nothing American about it at all I do not understand why you don't get it.
http://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/british/get


Now back on topic! Why else does anyone not GET about Irish weddings? (or understand if you are Oafley Jones)

Lmao amdublin. I GET ya

Teyla Emmagan

amdublin wrote: »

Ah yes that reminds me of another thing I don't get

6. Start time and dinner time
Early ceremony (12.30/1pm etc) and then dinner not until 5.30 with no food in between.
Why not just married at 3.30/4pm and go straight into dinner?
OR (please!) provide food in between - and not cupcakes, cocktail sausages or something!

7. Speeches before dinner.
See above, we are starving. If you want people to pay attention to your speeches do them during dessert. Or at a push during soup.

8. Long speeches
Imo only really close family find the speeches interesting/entertaining.
Imo everyone finds them tedious and boring but we are all too polite to say this so we labour under the pretence that we enjoyed sitting there for 45 minutes while we'd rather be at the bar.

Everyone hates this part. All the waiting around when you are bored and hungry. It is hell

doolox

I made the mistake of not getting food between the ceremony and the dinner for the first 2 times but ever afterwards I would go off to a local sandwich shop, cafe or take away to fill up on some food ( any food ) in order to face the drinks and speeches phase before dinner.

Long speeches and calling out the names and addresses on every card and phone call tha comes to wish the bride and groom well.

In my wedding I handled this by keeping speeches to 5 mins each and using queue cards to keep itb snappy.

The names and details of well wishers were called out between sets during the band entertainment later on.

RichardoKhan

Always I repeat always have a large brekkie before a wedding. The timing of food is possibly beyond yer control & you might have nothing to fall back on to. Works well for herself & me.

shutup

I pretty much agree with what you are saying but please stop telling everyone on boards that we have everything we need and want.

A lot of people dont have either

BrianBoru00

amdublin wrote: »

1. Aunts and uncles taking precedence over cousins.
You grew up with your cousins, spent summers with them, maybe drink with them now yet the (old) aunt and uncle get invited over your cousins to your wedding.
Why would you not want fun people at your wedding

What you think about above? Anything you don't get?

I don't get people saying aunts and uncles take precedence over cousins.
If its YOUR wedding then invite who YOU want. If you're parents are having invites let them invite the aunt and uncle.

I don't get people complaining about their parents invites. Its a big day for your parents as well but its your wedding. If they're paying for the wedding they're entitled to invites. If not, its up to you to give them a set number of invites

amdublin

shutup wrote: »

I pretty much agree with what you are saying but please stop telling everyone on boards that we have everything we need and want.

A lot of people dont have either

But I'm not talking about those people. I'm talking about the people who do have everything they need/the people who have enough money to throw a big wedding and yet who want more.

Stereomaniac

Oh, well in the original post it seemed that you were talking about Irish weddings, in general.

lazygal

The "subtle hints" about cash gifts are no different to the poems or honeymoon registry mentions. Most people will give cash as it's a handy way to go but dropping any of the hints about wanting money is incredibly rude.

eviltwin

One thing I don't get is:

No vegetarian option!!! I've been to two weddings in the past year where they only had meat or fish.

Larbre34

eviltwin wrote: »

One thing I don't get is:

No vegetarian option!!! I've been to two weddings in the past year where they only had meat or fish.

Did you ask?

Every venue we visited in advance had a vegetarian option on standby even though it mightnt be on the guest menu. Many of them have gluten free ready too. Its as much to protect themselves as a hospitality thing.

Someone mentioned earlier it was a bad thing if the bar wasnt in the function room. That can be a very good thing sometimes, if people want a breather or the older guests want to escape the DJ.

amdublin

Stereomaniac wrote: »

Oh, well in the original post it seemed that you were talking about Irish weddings, in general.

I think it's clear the type of peopleiam talking about/I don't get:

amdublin wrote: »

3. The gift culture.
You have your house, you have a toaster, kettle etc. You have everything you need. You've paid for your wedding. Yet a lot of b&g's start counting on what money they will get as gifts.
Why? You have everything you need, why you want more?

lazygal

eviltwin wrote: »

One thing I don't get is:

No vegetarian option!!! I've been to two weddings in the past year where they only had meat or fish.

Veg option is usually "silent". I often ask for it if I don't fancy the beef when there's no choice. If you ask you'll get it, a quick word with waitstaff before the meal.

Santa Cruz

I think that when they cut the cake can be a very sentimental time (sorry delete that) replace with vomit inducing time

eviltwin

Larbre34 wrote: »

Did you ask?

Every venue we visited in advance had a vegetarian option on standby even though it mightnt be on the guest menu. Many of them have gluten free ready too. Its as much to protect themselves as a hospitality thing.

Someone mentioned earlier it was a bad thing if the bar wasnt in the function room. That can be a very good thing sometimes, if people want a breather or the older guests want to escape the DJ.

Yeah I did ask and did get something but it wasn't on standby so by the time it came everyone else was starting into the dessert. Its only a small thing and not exclusive to weddings, maybe just an Irish thing or a sign that the hospitality industry needs to catch up a bit.

cofy

amdublin wrote: »

Yeah I hear you. That's my point, invite who you are closest to, so if this is your cousins invite them. In your case it's the aunts and uncles so this is great. You sometimes see people "having to" invite their parents neighbours

In lots of cases, the parents of the couple use emotional blackmail to have people the bridal couple do not even know.

amdublin

cofy wrote: »

In lots of cases, the parents of the couple use emotional blackmail to have people the bridal couple do not even know.

For sure.

Add that to the list of things I don't get.

eviltwin

I don't get why the top table includes the priest.

lazygal

eviltwin wrote: »

I don't get why the top table includes the priest.

I don't get top tables, especially the row ones on a mini stage. We had a round table beside everyone else.

Username exists

Why is the hotel thanked during the speeches, it's not as if the meal and service was free.

amdublin

eviltwin wrote: »

I don't get why the top table includes the priest.

Again coming back to my original post about 9/10 b&g not seeing the inside of a church since god knows when. They've probably not talked to the priest since god knows when and suddenly he's a guest of honour.

The whole obsession with a "church wedding" when you're not religious/practicing before or after the wedding smacks of hypocrisy to me.

I just don't get it. Why bother with a church wedding if you're not into the church/religion the rest of your life?

cofy

amdublin wrote: »

For sure.

Add that to the list of things I don't get.

We had a quiet wedding 35 people. Wedding cermony started at 3pm and meal at 5.30 in a restaurant that gave us a full menu.

My mother manipulator-in-law was not happy about this and got the priest to have a word with me, when this did not work she went to the doctor to complain (we have the same doctor).

Typer Monkey

lazygal wrote: »

I don't get top tables, especially the row ones on a mini stage. We had a round table beside everyone else.

I really hate these top tables. Sitting a straight line leering down at your subjects, only able to talk to/see the two people directly either side of you.

I had three non negotiables about the wedding, everything else was up for discussion. They were 1. No way was I getting married in a church 2. No gaggle of bridesmaids (only having one) and 3. No straight top table!

Thumby

cofy wrote: »

My mother manipulator-in-law was not happy about this and got the priest to have a word with me, when this did not work she went to the doctor to complain (we have the same doctor).

I love to be able to say i'm shocked cofy, but unfortunately i'm not as i know i'll get the same manipulative behavior, unfortunately it won't be from my mother in law to be, it will be from my mother. Myself and my OH have already decided if she causes too much trouble during the planning and booking stages etc she will be told that she has to shut up and respect what we want, and if after that there's even a hint of manipulation (she tries to use my poor dad to get me to do what she wants) of criticism she will NOT be coming to the wedding. Simple as. I know that may seem a bit harsh but i'm of the opinion that if someone is determined to make your experiences of planning the wedding miserable and your worried about them doing something to mess up your actual day that you just don't invite them.

davo2001

lazygal wrote: »

Huge drives between a church and a venue because the couple fell in love with it or got a cheap deal. Not providing food on arrival at a venue after said long drive.

Also people who don't understand how it costs money to get married. It doesn't need to cost more than €200. People complaining about how expensive the day is are choosing to spend.that money.

You're giving out that if you dont have food when you arrive at a venue but your also giving out when people say its expensive.
You haven't got a clue!

zoobizoo

Weddings abroad....
100 people x €600 (min) = €60k... but as long as the bride and groom save themselves ten grand then they think that's cool.

cofy

Thumby wrote: »

I love to be able to say i'm shocked cofy, but unfortunately i'm not as i know i'll get the same manipulative behavior, unfortunately it won't be from my mother in law to be, it will be from my mother. Myself and my OH have already decided if she causes too much trouble during the planning and booking stages etc she will be told that she has to shut up and respect what we want, and if after that there's even a hint of manipulation (she tries to use my poor dad to get me to do what she wants) of criticism she will NOT be coming to the wedding. Simple as. I know that may seem a bit harsh but i'm of the opinion that if someone is determined to make your experiences of planning the wedding miserable and your worried about them doing something to mess up your actual day that you just don't invite them.

Best of luck with your wedding:)

Which is another thing I don't get is the trouble caused by inlaws, "OOhhhh, the stress of it will kill me" atittude on the lead up and then turn up on the day all smiles.

roadsmart

doolox wrote: »

I made the mistake of not getting food between the ceremony and the dinner for the first 2 times but ever afterwards I would go off to a local sandwich shop, cafe or take away to fill up on some food

How many times have you been married?

Thumby

cofy wrote: »

Best of luck with your wedding:)

Which is another thing I don't get is the trouble caused by inlaws, "OOhhhh, the stress of it will kill me" attitude on the lead up and then turn up on the day all smiles.

lmao, I know right? I mean they aren't paying for it, they aren't organizing it and they don't have to listen to themselves so where their stress is coming from I just don't know.

Oh and the thing that gets me the most is why people (who aren't the bride or groom) make it all about them. It's not their wedding or their day so why in the name of christ is anything about them? Right fair enough when it comes to the wedding party certain things are going to be focused on them alright, but after that people outside of those have absolutely no reason to going all " me me me" on it.

lazygal

davo2001 wrote: »

You're giving out that if you dont have food when you arrive at a venue but your also giving out when people say its expensive.
You haven't got a clue!

If you're making people drive an hour because of your choices it'd only be right to feed them. If you're choosing to have long drives because of venue and churches budget for food, don't be giving out that the costs are mounting if you haven't budgeted properly. We purposely chose to have a small bridal party and minimum decor because we wanted to feed and waterour guests properly. But equally if we couldn't afford to treat guests properly we'd only have spent the €150 it actually cost to get married, the fee has increased since. Don't expect. people to be delighted because you fell in love.with a remote venue and can't be arsed providing a few sangers.

mulamike

amdublin wrote: »

9. Weddings abroad
Bride - "we're getting married abroad. We're going to basically transpose a carbon copy of every irish wedding you've been at and do everything exactly the same but in another country. It'll be way cheaper for us, and you still have to give us the exact same wedding present money (even though we have everything we need) aaand you get a holiday to a country you haven't chosen to go to! (which you pay for)"
You - eh sounds great



Lol!
That's a really good idea.

This is the worst. It's cheaper out whereever for us. But everyone else attending will have to take holidays from work, you'll need to pay a few hundred for flights, you'll need to spend an extra few hundred on multiple nights accommodation versus one nights, you'll need to pay for transport to and from the airport on either side. Oh and we still expect the same present.

mulamike

Username exists wrote: »

Why is the hotel thanked during the speeches, it's not as if the meal and service was free.

Same reason you say thanks when someone serves you in a shop.

Kontrapasa

As a foreigner living in Ireland and having attended few Irish weddings:

amdublin wrote: »

2. The obsession with church weddings for non practicing/non religious people.
I'd wager 9/10 b&g's don't see the inside of a church from one year to the next but they must have a church wedding. Doubt they see the inside of the church again for a long time after.
I just don't get it.

Also in confidence they tell you how annoying/rip off the premarital course is and that they have asked the priest to keep it short. I thought getting married in front of God was the highlight and the whole point of your bid day? :rolleyes: Sure we'll come back when the baby needs to be christened then again this is not exclusive to Irish people but it happens in so much higher percentage than where I come from.

lazygal wrote: »

Huge drives between a church and a venue because the couple fell in love with it or got a cheap deal. Not providing food on arrival at a venue after said long drive.

+1

amdublin wrote: »

6. Start time and dinner time
Early ceremony (12.30/1pm etc) and then dinner not until 5.30 with no food in between.
Why not just married at 3.30/4pm and go straight into dinner?
OR (please!) provide food in between - and not cupcakes, cocktail sausages or something!

7. Speeches before dinner.
See above, we are starving. If you want people to pay attention to your speeches do them during dessert. Or at a push during soup.

8. Long speeches
Imo only really close family find the speeches interesting/entertaining.
Imo everyone finds them tedious and boring but we are all too polite to say this so we labour under the pretence that we enjoyed sitting there for 45 minutes while we'd rather be at the bar.

+1 Where I come from there is no more than 2 hours between mass/civil ceremony and sit down for food. Also when you arrive at the venue (while bride and groom are taking pictures) there's extensive selection of canapes and drink for guest as soon as you walk through the door.

We don't have speeches at all. Bride and groom say few words and thank everyone and that's it. Somebody may grab the micro and say few words, but usually something unplanned and funny and less than 5 mins. Find speeches long, boring and too formal.

lazygal wrote: »

I don't get top tables, especially the row ones on a mini stage. We had a round table beside everyone else.

+1 Bride and groom sit with their friends in a round table just like everyone else, and get to enjoy their day, relax and have fun. I find top table very "royal wedding" like...:D

eviltwin wrote: »

I don't get why the top table includes the priest.

+1

Username exists wrote: »

Why is the hotel thanked during the speeches, it's not as if the meal and service was free.

+1

Also:
- Bridesmaid and groomsmen: We don't have such an entourage. You have your witnesses, usually mother or father and that's it. Your siblings/close friends may help you preparing the wedding but doesn't mean they need to be "highlighted" or given an special place in your wedding day, and certainly no need to dress them up in matching outfits.

- Only drink offered for free being wine throughout the meal and few beer bottles in the reception while waiting for bride and groom: You can have any drink you like before the meal, throughout the meal and then there is open bar until 8-9pm at least. Bride and groom pay for it. For us it'd be rude to ask your guest to pay for their own drink on a party you've organized and specially knowing that they have probably "overpaid" for their own cost with the gift they gave you.

- The too "formal" feeling throughout the day until the band starts playing (only then starts the fun IMO). For me everything feels like it has to be perfect and following the script of a royal wedding, red carpet, speeches, top table, OTT table decorations, the priest saying prayer and blessing, fancy cars, reading out the congrats calls and text, bridesmaid/grooms men, flower girl and page boy....; to me it just reminds me of a royal wedding in a smaller scale...
Where I come from everything is more familiar and relaxed; Rice is thrown at the couple as soon as they walk out from ceremony (to wish them prosperity) and everyone approaches them to give them hugs and kisses, there is no lining up to shake their hand and move on as in Irish weddings. Throughout the meal, the younger generation (mostly friends of b&g) will sing songs making puns and requesting the bride and groom to kiss, making them stand up and kiss each other several times. There will be cheers and big applauses. There will be more songs. There is always some kinda surprise from the closest friends too and everyone is chatting and having a laugh, there is no need to keep quiet (as like in speeches or anything like that), and bride and groom are more accessible sitting among their friends and no at the top table. I think this allows for a better "celebration" of the day, where there is true joy and craic in the atmosphere and it can be felt by everyone.

kkcatlou

I think a lot of these "don't gets" are to do with our tradition and culture, and while a lot is changing and people are now doing things that make more logical sense, it is nice to keep a bit of tradition and culture in there....otherwise why not have an English or American wedding with completely different cultures (that may or may not make more sense).

Also, a wedding is one of the most emotional "purchases" you are ever going to make, so the same rational thinking doesn't go into it as it would for a car, for example. People go with tradition to keep people happy, or gut feel (far away venue) over practicalities because to be fair, it's a day about love and emotion and should feel right!

That said, here's my addition to list:
totally agree on the lack of food between ceremony and meal. We've an hour long drive from church to venue, so to combat that, we're putting on food in the pub next door to the church (people will go in anyway) and on arrival at the venue, and crisp stands all around....hopefully people won't be too stuffed though!

Long engagements - you get engaged to get married, not to be engaged or to have a wedding! Anything more than a year I just don't get! Definitely more of an Irish thing.

Hotel packages - when did this become the standard? And why are so few people reluctant to look outside the norm?

Parents friends/ neighbours - country thing, where you have to be seen to invite everyone in the area or its an embarrassment on your family. We're not doing this and it's already being talked about in the local pub (even though I haven't lived in the area for 15 years!).

Moany guests and begrudgers - a lot of the people in here sound like the moany guests :rolleyes:. Moaning about being hungry, how loud the band are, the seating arrangments.....just get over it, and try your best to enjoy the day and smile for the photos!
And the begrudgers - definitely a part of our culture....dying to hear how much people spent on this and that, and rolling their eyes or begrudging if it's any way expensive. You see an awful lot of that on here!! If people have the money and want to spend it on a big party to treat their friends and family, let them!! We've had to lie about how much certain aspects of our wedding are costing (yes, people ask!!) just cos we know the negative reaction we'll get!


To counteract some of the other "don't gets"
Church weddings - hands up, I'm one of those. Go to mass when I'm down home, but never outside of that. Totally disagree with non church goers going to a church they've never been in to get married, cos it looks pretty. For me, it was local church, which I have a strong sentimental attachment to (rather than religious) or civil ceremony. For a lot of people, the local church symbolises more than God!

Cash as presents - totally agree that's rude to ask, but as a people, Irish people are extremely generous. Generosity is part of our culture (ask anyone who has married a British person!!), and even though it can be tough on people, I think our generosity is a nice thing! These days, as people have almost everything they need, cash makes most sense. I do know though that a lot of couples add the cash they expect into the pricing of their wedding, which I don't get!

Interfering parents/ in-laws - it's all starting to kick off for me, and it's wrecking my head a bit, but again it's something that's part of irish culture, and dates back to when parents used to pay for the weddings. Kinda counteracts my above point though!

Sligo1

Kontrapasa wrote: »

As a foreigner living in Ireland and having attended few Irish weddings:



Also in confidence they tell you how annoying/rip off the premarital course is and that they have asked the priest to keep it short. I thought getting married in front of God was the highlight and the whole point of your bid day? :rolleyes: Sure we'll come back when the baby needs to be christened then again this is not exclusive to Irish people but it happens in so much higher percentage than where I come from.


+1



+1 Where I come from there is no more than 2 hours between mass/civil ceremony and sit down for food. Also when you arrive at the venue (while bride and groom are taking pictures) there's extensive selection of canapes and drink for guest as soon as you walk through the door.

We don't have speeches at all. Bride and groom say few words and thank everyone and that's it. Somebody may grab the micro and say few words, but usually something unplanned and funny and less than 5 mins. Find speeches long, boring and too formal.



+1 Bride and groom sit with their friends in a round table just like everyone else, and get to enjoy their day, relax and have fun. I find top table very "royal wedding" like...:D


+1


+1

Also:
- Bridesmaid and groomsmen: We don't have such an entourage. You have your witnesses, usually mother or father and that's it. Your siblings/close friends may help you preparing the wedding but doesn't mean they need to be "highlighted" or given an special place in your wedding day, and certainly no need to dress them up in matching outfits.

- Only drink offered for free being wine throughout the meal and few beer bottles in the reception while waiting for bride and groom: You can have any drink you like before the meal, throughout the meal and then there is open bar until 8-9pm at least. Bride and groom pay for it. For us it'd be rude to ask your guest to pay for their own drink on a party you've organized and specially knowing that they have probably "overpaid" for their own cost with the gift they gave you.

- The too "formal" feeling throughout the day until the band starts playing (only then starts the fun IMO). For me everything feels like it has to be perfect and following the script of a royal wedding, red carpet, speeches, top table, OTT table decorations, the priest saying prayer and blessing, fancy cars, reading out the congrats calls and text, bridesmaid/grooms men, flower girl and page boy....; to me it just reminds me of a royal wedding in a smaller scale...
Where I come from everything is more familiar and relaxed; Rice is thrown at the couple as soon as they walk out from ceremony (to wish them prosperity) and everyone approaches them to give them hugs and kisses, there is no lining up to shake their hand and move on as in Irish weddings. Throughout the meal, the younger generation (mostly friends of b&g) will sing songs making puns and requesting the bride and groom to kiss, making them stand up and kiss each other several times. There will be cheers and big applauses. There will be more songs. There is always some kinda surprise from the closest friends too and everyone is chatting and having a laugh, there is no need to keep quiet (as like in speeches or anything like that), and bride and groom are more accessible sitting among their friends and no at the top table. I think this allows for a better "celebration" of the day, where there is true joy and craic in the atmosphere and it can be felt by everyone.

Where are you from!!?? I want to move there! Also... Free bar till 8-9pm!!.... Yaaaas!

Sligo1

kkcatlou wrote: »

I think a lot of these "don't gets" are to do with our tradition and culture, and while a lot is changing and people are now doing things that make more logical sense, it is nice to keep a bit of tradition and culture in there....otherwise why not have an English or American wedding with completely different cultures (that may or may not make more sense).

Also, a wedding is one of the most emotional "purchases" you are ever going to make, so the same rational thinking doesn't go into it as it would for a car, for example. People go with tradition to keep people happy, or gut feel (far away venue) over practicalities because to be fair, it's a day about love and emotion and should feel right!

That said, here's my addition to list:
totally agree on the lack of food between ceremony and meal. We've an hour long drive from church to venue, so to combat that, we're putting on food in the pub next door to the church (people will go in anyway) and on arrival at the venue, and crisp stands all around....hopefully people won't be too stuffed though!

Long engagements - you get engaged to get married, not to be engaged or to have a wedding! Anything more than a year I just don't get! Definitely more of an Irish thing.

Hotel packages - when did this become the standard? And why are so few people reluctant to look outside the norm?

Parents friends/ neighbours - country thing, where you have to be seen to invite everyone in the area or its an embarrassment on your family. We're not doing this and it's already being talked about in the local pub (even though I haven't lived in the area for 15 years!).

Moany guests and begrudgers - a lot of the people in here sound like the moany guests :rolleyes:. Moaning about being hungry, how loud the band are, the seating arrangments.....just get over it, and try your best to enjoy the day and smile for the photos!
And the begrudgers - definitely a part of our culture....dying to hear how much people spent on this and that, and rolling their eyes or begrudging if it's any way expensive. You see an awful lot of that on here!! If people have the money and want to spend it on a big party to treat their friends and family, let them!! We've had to lie about how much certain aspects of our wedding are costing (yes, people ask!!) just cos we know the negative reaction we'll get!


To counteract some of the other "don't gets"
Church weddings - hands up, I'm one of those. Go to mass when I'm down home, but never outside of that. Totally disagree with non church goers going to a church they've never been in to get married, cos it looks pretty. For me, it was local church, which I have a strong sentimental attachment to (rather than religious) or civil ceremony. For a lot of people, the local church symbolises more than God!

Cash as presents - totally agree that's rude to ask, but as a people, Irish people are extremely generous. Generosity is part of our culture (ask anyone who has married a British person!!), and even though it can be tough on people, I think our generosity is a nice thing! These days, as people have almost everything they need, cash makes most sense. I do know though that a lot of couples add the cash they expect into the pricing of their wedding, which I don't get!

Interfering parents/ in-laws - it's all starting to kick off for me, and it's wrecking my head a bit, but again it's something that's part of irish culture, and dates back to when parents used to pay for the weddings. Kinda counteracts my above point though!

+1 to nearly everything you have said. Great points.

However, the moaner in me hates long long speeches. It's the only thing I have literally ever moaned about at a wedding and prob only happened once. Father of a groom talked for about 30minutes before the meal. Oooooo gawd.... Everybody had completely switched off....

kkcatlou

Kontrapasa wrote: »

As a foreigner living in Ireland and having attended few Irish weddings:



Also in confidence they tell you how annoying/rip off the premarital course is and that they have asked the priest to keep it short. I thought getting married in front of God was the highlight and the whole point of your bid day? :rolleyes: Sure we'll come back when the baby needs to be christened then again this is not exclusive to Irish people but it happens in so much higher percentage than where I come from.


+1



+1 Where I come from there is no more than 2 hours between mass/civil ceremony and sit down for food. Also when you arrive at the venue (while bride and groom are taking pictures) there's extensive selection of canapes and drink for guest as soon as you walk through the door.

We don't have speeches at all. Bride and groom say few words and thank everyone and that's it. Somebody may grab the micro and say few words, but usually something unplanned and funny and less than 5 mins. Find speeches long, boring and too formal.



+1 Bride and groom sit with their friends in a round table just like everyone else, and get to enjoy their day, relax and have fun. I find top table very "royal wedding" like...:D


+1


+1

Also:
- Bridesmaid and groomsmen: We don't have such an entourage. You have your witnesses, usually mother or father and that's it. Your siblings/close friends may help you preparing the wedding but doesn't mean they need to be "highlighted" or given an special place in your wedding day, and certainly no need to dress them up in matching outfits.

- Only drink offered for free being wine throughout the meal and few beer bottles in the reception while waiting for bride and groom: You can have any drink you like before the meal, throughout the meal and then there is open bar until 8-9pm at least. Bride and groom pay for it. For us it'd be rude to ask your guest to pay for their own drink on a party you've organized and specially knowing that they have probably "overpaid" for their own cost with the gift they gave you.

- The too "formal" feeling throughout the day until the band starts playing (only then starts the fun IMO). For me everything feels like it has to be perfect and following the script of a royal wedding, red carpet, speeches, top table, OTT table decorations, the priest saying prayer and blessing, fancy cars, reading out the congrats calls and text, bridesmaid/grooms men, flower girl and page boy....; to me it just reminds me of a royal wedding in a smaller scale...
Where I come from everything is more familiar and relaxed; Rice is thrown at the couple as soon as they walk out from ceremony (to wish them prosperity) and everyone approaches them to give them hugs and kisses, there is no lining up to shake their hand and move on as in Irish weddings. Throughout the meal, the younger generation (mostly friends of b&g) will sing songs making puns and requesting the bride and groom to kiss, making them stand up and kiss each other several times. There will be cheers and big applauses. There will be more songs. There is always some kinda surprise from the closest friends too and everyone is chatting and having a laugh, there is no need to keep quiet (as like in speeches or anything like that), and bride and groom are more accessible sitting among their friends and no at the top table. I think this allows for a better "celebration" of the day, where there is true joy and craic in the atmosphere and it can be felt by everyone.

Sounds like a Spanish wedding to me! Been to one, and while it was great, I still do like our traditions and culture more (cos i'm Irish I suppose).

I didn't like the late wedding - waiting around all day for the wedding to start. i didn't like the short wait between church and ceremony - this is a great time to catch up with people and enjoy some hopefully complimentary food and drinks.

I really felt uncomfortable with a lot of that camaradarie that goes on during the meal. Most of us Irish didn't get it, and it was messy. And I also didn't like that the meal took about 4 hours to get through!

And the lack of speeches was weird. Like that somebody got up and made some jokes, but there was none of the sentimentality you get at an irish wedding - which granted, usually is OTT, but a small bit is nice...when else are you going to get praise like that from your nearest and dearest?

But that's cos I'm Irish and I'm conditioned to like what we do.

To be honest, most things people do, they do because they work and are tried and tested. And slowly but surely, the things that don't work are being filtered out and replaced by those that do make sense.

Typer Monkey

Sligo1 wrote: »

Where are you from!!?? I want to move there! Also... Free bar till 8-9pm!!.... Yaaaas!

I think a free bar at an Irish wedding would bankrupt most couples

My friend married a man from Africa with very wealthy parents. They insisted on paying for the bar even when told it wasn't the norm. After 45 minutes the bill was at 8 grand and they pulled the plug!