Things I don't get about Irish weddings MOD WARNING POST #322

keeponhurling

username123 wrote: »

Hunger really ruins an otherwise good wedding. There was one I went to that the dinner was pretty skimpy and the afters nibbles were gone before even half the people got to them
Not good. All I recall about that wedding is how hungry I was at it.

Did you not get a bite of communion bread in the church as well, or did that run out as well ?

zoobizoo

PCros wrote: »

Yes the best mans maybe, the rest shouldn’t really be too long.

My dad writes great speeches and he did 20 mins at my sister's wedding. It was a really nice tribute to her. So much so that I'd like him to do one for me if I get married - And I'm a guy.

grace80

I am getting married in Spain this year and I hate the perception that couples do this to save money.

It is quite the opposite in fact and is working out a hell of a lot more expensive for us than had we booked a venue in Ireland. We’re paying for a free bar for the whole day and night as a thank you to those that make the effort and expense to travel over. Even aside from that, venues and food packages are pricier than Ireland.

Those on here who moan about having to go to a foreign wedding, it’s very simple – don’t go! We know that this will be the attitude of some of our guests and know that the ones who are there, will actually want to be there.

eyescreamcone

Speeches before dinner

Seems like a good idea for those nervous about public speaking BUT

Speeches never last the amount of time that you think and I've been at a few weddings where the grub got overcooked as the speeches ran over.

Whatever about a bad speech, nobody will forget bad grub!

What I don't get is those horrendous facinators that women of a certain age have been wearing to weddings this past 15 years or so. Seriously what's so attractive about wearing half a bird on the side of your head.

username123

keeponhurling wrote: »

Did you not get a bite of communion bread in the church as well, or did that run out as well ?

Im not Catholic, I dont partake.

freshpopcorn

[Deleted User] wrote: »

What I don't get is those horrendous facinators that women of a certain age have been wearing to weddings this past 15 years or so. Seriously what's so attractive about wearing half a bird on the side of your head.

Its a current trend back in the 80's it was big hats. A lot of people like them.

freshpopcorn

grace80 wrote: »

Those on here who moan about having to go to a foreign wedding, it’s very simple – don’t go! We know that this will be the attitude of some of our guests and know that the ones who are there, will actually want to be there.

Your kidding yourself if you believe that everyone over there is going to be thrilled that they had to go to Spain.

lazygal

I might want to be at a wedding out foreign but the logistics would prevent me going. It's simply not true that everyone who wants to attend a wedding, be it in Ireland or elsewhere, can do so. There's myriad reasons why some one who would very much want to attend a wedding can't go.

Michael D Not Higgins

Was invited to a colleague's wedding a number of years ago. It was a morning wedding with dinner in the evening. Myself and another work colleague got our own food at the hotel around lunchtime. I wasn't expecting them to keep me fed all day. I know this isn't always possible depending on the location but have some common sense.

Last wedding I was at the best man got polluted by speech time and could only deliver a 2 minute speech. Twas great!

grace80

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Your kidding yourself if you believe that everyone over there is going to be thrilled that they had to go to Spain.

One thing I don't get about Irish weddings is people's attitude that they simply HAVE to go to a wedding when invited. No one is holding a gun to your head! The bride, groom and anyone else there will manage to survive if you don't make it

adocholiday

I don't really understand a lot of the ire in this thread about the distance to a venue. My fiance and I are getting married in 2015. We are getting married in her home-place and then we are having the reception an hour away from the church. We chose it because it is beautiful and reasonably priced, both for the wedding and for any guests that may like to stay over. We could have it in a place that's 30 minutes away instead of an hour, but it would cost us an extra €20 per head, and it would cost any guests an awful lot more in room rates and bar prices or else it's a big hotel with no personality and where every joe in the area gets married. Her mother is already expressing concern about the distance to the venue because certain family members/neighbours might not go. My response is if they can't be arsed to make a small bit of an effort to celebrate our day with us, then I'm not arsed if they're there or not.

We fell in love with the venue and that was that. Why should we have it in a location or venue that we don't like to save you a half an hour? You are invited to a wedding, nobody except the bride and groom are obligated to attend. If the venue is inconvenient for you, don't go.

PCros

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Speeches never last the amount of time that you think and I've been at a few weddings where the grub got overcooked as the speeches ran over.

Simply not true. You have to factor in that 90% percent of wedding menus will have a starter and/or soup served first before the mains would come out thus allowing the kitchen to cook the meat properly.

Any decent 4 or 5 star hotel would not let meat be overcooked.

Pistachios & cream

I had hoped to do the speeches at our wedding between the starter and soup course so people wouldn't be hungry but the hotel vetoed it they said they couldn't control the timing if we interrupted service. And i have to agree with them when they pointed it out.

So it's either before or after. My poor father hates public speaking so it will be before. THink i will have extra canapes though for the drinks reception. The hotel were going to provide biscuits, sandwiches and spring rolls as part of the package and i was going to add a popcorn bar (Pick your own topping) but reading this thread im thinking it could be good to have extra canapes and let the guests know speeches will be before the meal.

amdublin

adocholiday wrote: »

I don't really understand a lot of the ire in this thread about the distance to a venue.

Because it's an absolute pain in the backside sitting in a car for an hour in your lovely frock and makeup. And you can't even sit back comfortably with your head near the car seat because you'll ruin your nice hair style.

amdublin

ahayes84 wrote: »

The hotel were going to provide biscuits, sandwiches and spring rolls as part of the package and i was going to add a popcorn bar (Pick your own topping) but reading this thread im thinking it could be good to have extra canapes and let the guests know speeches will be before the meal.

Good plan! Some nice triangle sandwiches might be the job.

amdublin

Deleted User wrote: »

What I don't get is those horrendous facinators that women of a certain age have been wearing to weddings this past 15 years or so. Seriously what's so attractive about wearing half a bird on the side of your head.

Ha ha yeah I don't get that all!

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Its a current trend back in the 80's it was big hats. A lot of people like them.

Hmm. I don't know. A lot of women I see, look like they know they know the silly yoke looks silly on them but it's the "done thing" so they just do it. Emperors new clothes methinks!

kkcatlou

amdublin wrote: »

Good plan! Some nice triangle sandwiches might be the job.

You keep banging on about this point! I have been to 9 weddings in the past two years, and there was only one where there were no canapes/ sandwiches served between the ceremony and meal. It's not really the norm any more! Maybe a few years back, but these days it even comes part of the "standard package" in most standard hotels.

With regard the point of travelling an hour between church and venue. I agree that it would be best if it could be avoided. For us, it meant choosing between a standard hotel and your standard €50 a head package or whatever they charge, or going for something a bit different that our guests would enjoy and remember (and we could provide a lot more for them) but travelling an hour away. Some will complain, but given that they won't have to put their hands in their pockets til the first dance and accommodation won't cost them more than €35 per head, I think they might just get over the drive! I will admit though that it did stress us out when choosing a venue.

username123

kkcatlou wrote: »

You keep banging on about this point! I have been to 9 weddings in the past two years, and there was only one where there were no canapes/ sandwiches served between the ceremony and meal. It's not really the norm any more! Maybe a few years back, but these days it even comes part of the "standard package" in most standard hotels.

Lucky you, theres only been in between food served at a couple of weddings Ive ever attended. Although I did really like one where the bar had amazing food and we just ordered our own lunch then wandered on into the drinks reception.

Sligo1

Our venue was about 45-50 min from church. Nothing got to do with price tho. Was gorgeous unlimited food with beautiful canapés and quality wine. Versus the crap that was our 3 local hotels where the meat would've been tough, crap wine and cocktail sausages on arrival. (Dont get me wrong I do like cocktail sausages). However, none of the guests complained about the drive as the food was so good and they were all sozzled on the wine, dancing on the full floor till 3 ish and drinking in the bar till 5-6am.

cofy

LynnGrace wrote: »

cofy, I have to ask, what did she want the doctor to do...prescribe a bigger wedding!

Very good, when the doctor was telling me about my MIL's concerns she had a biro in her hand hovvering over the perscription pad. If I had asked for something to help keep me calm it would have been no problem:D:D:D

Kontrapasa

I think most people when start planning their wedding loose contact with reality and forget what the day is all about. Weddings are meant to be a day to make the "union" between you and and your partner official and legal and celebrate the love for each other.

This celebration can be between only yourselves, closest family or extended big party. If you choose to do the last one, it's not about you and your partner only anymore, but about you and another 100 guests or whatever you're expecting. Not taking into account the unnecessary hassles you may put them through in order to have your fairy tale wedding is very inconsiderate IMO. It's your day alright but you made it a big party and now your party is part of the wedding too. You set the rules but that doesn't mean the rules you set shouldn't be fair or considerate towards everyone else.

Your guests already made an effort, dressing up nicely for your day, driving to the church/ceremony venue, drive to the reception (given you haven't provided any bus), gifts (usually giving you more than it costs to fed them already), pay for their own drinks and spending more money in getting back home once is over. Setting the venue an hour away makes it worse, more petrol and waste of day feeling, plus probably you're asking them to book accommodation for the night. Even half an hour away I would consider it borderline too much.

Guest won't complaint to the b&g about the long drive of course. This is done behind your back. Same way ppl complain about church mass that felt too long, the time between church and seating down for meal and the length of speeches; guest comment this among themselves and then tell the b&g what a beautiful day it was and that they had good craic with a smile in their face :rolleyes:

cofy

lazygal wrote: »

Prescription for a bottle of cop on I'd say, take three times daily until you cop on to.yourself.

Where my MIL is concerned that's an awful lot of tablets:D:D:D

adocholiday

Kontrapasa wrote: »

Even half an hour away I would consider it borderline too much.

Well when you come from the bad part of the west-midlands you won't find too many decent venues for a reception inside of a half hour drive!

Kontrapasa

adocholiday wrote: »

Well when you come from the bad part of the west-midlands you won't find too many decent venues for a reception inside of a half hour drive!

Well if you live in the middle of nowhere and all around you are 3 pubs that's fair enough

But I'm talking about ppl that have many choices and nice ones yet they have to go for the one that's a long drive away.

We have a wedding next year; they're getting married in the girl's local church (groom and friends are from the area too, 5 mins down the road) and then we have to drive for an hour for the reception and the hotel is just you're average Irish wedding hotel, with same packages style thing...nothing special about it at all. And it's not like they come from a town in the middle of nowhere, plenty of hotels and and a big city less than 30 mins away, so plenty to choose from...

Sligo1

Kontrapasa wrote: »

Well if you live in the middle of nowhere and all around you are 3 pubs that's fair enough

But I'm talking about ppl that have many choices and nice ones yet they have to go for the one that's a long drive away.

We have a wedding next year; they're getting married in the girl's local church (groom and friends are from the area too, 5 mins down the road) and then we have to drive for an hour for the reception and the hotel is just you're average Irish wedding hotel, with same packages style thing...nothing special about it at all. And it's not like they come from a town in the middle of nowhere, plenty of hotels and and a big city less than 30 mins away, so plenty to choose from...

Plenty to choose from in our town. But absolutely nothing comparable to the venue we choose. Our package was well over €100 per person aswell so we DEFINITELY did not make this up in gifts... Which was not an issue either. I would personally travel 45min-1hour for good food and wine and good atmosphere than travel 15 min for what my opinion of crap food and wine would be....

rainbow kirby

****e booze selection even if you're paying at the bar - gold star to the mate of mine that had his reception at L. Mulligan, Grocer in Stoneybatter, but most hotels have the usual Guinness/Heineken/Bulmers slop.

Church weddings when both bride and groom are non-believers - was at one a few years back where the couple had a ton of gay friends at it and the priest made a few remarks of the "REAL marriage/love, between a man and a woman" kind while staring directly at them.

Sam Kade

username123 wrote: »

Last wedding I went to was at 11am, 1.5 hrs drive away, so all opportunities to eat were gone by 9am.

Dinner was supposed to be at 5 but ended up delayed due to photographs so no food til after 6pm.

I often worked days with nothing to eat from 9am to 8pm I didn't die of the hunger. A wedding is only one day it won't kill anyone to wait for food, this reminds me of people complaining that they get dehydrated if they don't get a drink it's Ireland not the Sahara desert :rolleyes:

stinkle

Will defo make sure that there's plenty of grub at our drinks reception after reading this! Though ceremony is at 3 and it's a humanist ceremony at the hotel so no long drive for anyone. .

Just as a comment re:the food. We missed out on finger food at my friend's wedding a few years back but it was entirely our own fault for stopping for a pint in her local. All the nice food was gone by the time we arrived. So if anyone has to make a pitstop on one of those long drives between ceremony and hotel, perhaps you missed out as opposed to bride and groom not thinking about food.

rachsaund

Definitely agree on the expensive dress, such a waste when its one day. i guess its one of those things that once you spot the dress you just want it!!

xzanti

amdublin wrote: »

5. "You can do party favours and entertainment/games all you like your wedding will not stand out to me in 6 months time.

It doesn't need to stand out to you.. it needs to stand out to the Bride and Groom and the memories they'll share forever

Kontrapasa

Sligo1 wrote: »

I would personally travel 45min-1hour for good food and wine and good atmosphere than travel 15 min for what my opinion of crap food and wine would be....

I agree totally. After all, all we do spaniards evolves around the table and food. I love good food and I definitely appreciate it. If you had special food and drink that it was worth it fair play.

If I'm having something like your average wedding package; sandwiches for reception, bottled heineken, spring rolls/soup and roast beef/cod for dinner with some chocolate dessert and cocktail sausages later that night, I'd rather travel down the road than for an hour.

I've already been to weddings like these and few more lined up for the coming year/two. In the long run none of them stand out to me, but maybe the one that made me travel unnecessarily or put me through unnecessary hussle

username123

Sam Kade wrote: »

I often worked days with nothing to eat from 9am to 8pm I didn't die of the hunger. A wedding is only one day it won't kill anyone to wait for food, this reminds me of people complaining that they get dehydrated if they don't get a drink it's Ireland not the Sahara desert :rolleyes:

Were you usually expected to consume alcoholic drinks and socialise during that job - because if you werent, it aint comparable to a wedding.

Sam Kade

username123 wrote: »

Were you usually expected to consume alcoholic drinks and socialise during that job - because if you werent, it aint comparable to a wedding.

Sure it isn't comparable to a wedding when working you get hungry quicker as you use more energy than lounging around as you would at a wedding How does drinking alcohol and socialising make you hungry?

username123

Sam Kade wrote: »

Sure it isn't comparable to a wedding when working you get hungry quicker as you use more energy than lounging around as you would at a wedding How does drinking alcohol and socialising make you hungry?

I dont know what kind of work you do feel free to carry on with whatever nonsensical point you are trying to make.

Drinking on an empty stomach makes most people ill actually.

xzanti

username123 wrote: »

I dont know what kind of work you do feel free to carry on with whatever nonsensical point you are trying to make.

Drinking on an empty stomach makes most people ill actually.

If they make a pig of themselves on booze, yeah.

You're responsible for your own well being.. go grab a bag of crisps on your next bar run, if the walls are starting to close in on you

username123

xzanti wrote: »

If they make a pig of themselves on booze, yeah.

You're responsible for your own well being.. go grab a bag of crisps on your next bar run, if the walls are starting to close in on you

Another one missing the point. A lot of these country house venues don't do crisps or nibbles.

I'd be sick on one drink on an empty stomach. Irish weddings tend to be places where people drink too much.

Milly33

I really do think someone should start a new thread of things like this or stuff you would like as a guest at a wedding..

Toots

I genuinely don't get why the priest gets invited to the reception. I know in a few weddings I've been to the priest is either a relative or a family friend, in which case fair enough. However for a couple who barely know the priest marrying them it seems a bit odd to essentially have a stranger sitting at the top table with you. Especially if the couple are one of the 'never gone to mass in about 10 years but are getting married in the church' crowd. I mean you pay the church to have your wedding, most couple throw the priest a few bob for himself as well, yet some feel obligated to invite him to the reception. I can't imagine the priests genuinely enjoy going to receptions where they barely know anyone there.

BabysCoffee

I don't get when the bride & groom buy guests "a drink" for the toast........but then put attach a tacky list of rules like "no doubles, no cocktails, etc".

BabysCoffee

eviltwin wrote: »

I don't get why the top table includes the priest.

I don't get why the priest says grace

BabysCoffee

username123 wrote: »

Hunger really ruins an otherwise good wedding. There was one I went to that the dinner was pretty skimpy and the afters nibbles were gone before even half the people got to them, it was a country house job so no food to be served. People started calling taxis to do take away runs.

Not good. All I recall about that wedding is how hungry I was at it.

And hungry people tend to turn in to drunk people very quickly.

Food is good for soakage!

BabysCoffee

Kontrapasa wrote: »

.

Guest won't complaint to the b&g about the long drive of course. This is done behind your back. Same way ppl complain about church mass that felt too long, the time between church and seating down for meal and the length of speeches; guest comment this among themselves and then tell the b&g what a beautiful day it was and that they had good craic with a smile in their face :rolleyes:

This thread is probably the closest most people will come to hear about what people thought of their wedding!!

BabysCoffee

Sam Kade wrote: »

I often worked days with nothing to eat from 9am to 8pm I didn't die of the hunger. A wedding is only one day it won't kill anyone to wait for food, this reminds me of people complaining that they get dehydrated if they don't get a drink it's Ireland not the Sahara desert :rolleyes:

Sam Kade wrote: »

Sure it isn't comparable to a wedding when working you get hungry quicker as you use more energy than lounging around as you would at a wedding How does drinking alcohol and socialising make you hungry?

Is this a joke?!

Comparing a wedding to a day at work!!! lol

Though in fairness sometime weddings can be seriously hard work!!! Especially if you're not fed properly by your hosts - it can be a real feat of endurance!:D

Tasden

BabysCoffee wrote: »

I don't get when the bride & groom buy guests "a drink" for the toast........but then put attach a tacky list of rules like "no doubles, no cocktails, etc".

Because a lot of people just take the piss when it comes to tabs or open bars. I was at a party where the guy didn't specify any of these rules and people deliberately ordered ridiculous drinks that they would have no intention of ever buying if it was from their own pocket. The tab ran dry very quickly and they were all back on their regular beer the minute it did. Greed plain and simple. When I insisted on paying for my own drink the barman actually passed comment on the fact that so many people show their true character when it comes to open bars.

BabysCoffee

Tasden wrote: »

Because a lot of people just take the piss when it comes to tabs or open bars. I was at a party where the guy didn't specify any of these rules and people deliberately ordered ridiculous drinks that they would have no intention of ever buying if it was from their own pocket. The tab ran dry very quickly and they were all back on their regular beer the minute it did. Greed plain and simple. When I insisted on paying for my own drink the barman actually passed comment on the fact that so many people show their true character when it comes to open bars.

The way I see it is you either want to either buy everyone their drink of choice or not.

It all equals out -particularly if you have a few guests who only enjoy a soft drink.

If I wasn't prepared to buy my guest ANY drink I wouldn't offer to buy them a drink for the toast.

As I said I just don't get the restrictions and find it very tacky.

And also, who has friends that would abuse the kind offer of a drink from B&G????

Tasden

BabysCoffee wrote: »

The way I see it is you either want to either buy everyone their drink of choice or not.

It all equals out -particularly if you have a few guests who only enjoy a soft drink.

If I wasn't prepared to buy my guest ANY drink I wouldn't offer to buy them a drink for the toast.

As I said I just don't get the restrictions and find it very tacky.

And also, who has friends that would abuse the kind offer of a drink from B&G????

But that's the issue, its not their drink of choice, its the drink they order when its not coming from their pocket.
I think the fact it is needed/advised is sad but I wouldn't say tacky. Personally I think it should be glass of wine or beer or soft drink and thats it, tough if you want something else.
That's exactly the point the barman was making, people don't realise its in someone's nature until they're presented with the offer and then they show that side. Its not necessarily that they feel ah I'm gonna bleed them dry here, more just ah sure may as well get something nice since its on them, but when everyone thinks the same it all adds up. Not malicious against the couple, more just not fully aware that just because its free for them doesn't mean someone isn't paying.

stinkle

Yup - taking the mick with open bar/toast isn't even a new thing. My parents had an open toast at theirs back in the 70s and were stung by, for example, people who normally only drank pints went and ordered double whiskies, brandies, that sort of thing. Stuff theyd never touch any other day if the week.. It worked out a bit of an expensive surprise for a pair of 21 year olds who had scrimped and saved for their wedding. Also open bars could cause extra hassle if any guests have a drinking problem that they haven't faced up to.

A recent wedding I was at had a free bar most of the night, we were v well behaved buy it occurred to me that you could easily get a bunch of people stockpiling drinks for when the tab ended.we'd all like to think our mates wouldn't behave that way but some family members could be a different story.

mulamike

stinkle wrote: »

Yup - taking the mick with open bar/toast isn't even a new thing. My parents had an open toast at theirs back in the 70s and were stung by, for example, people who normally only drank pints went and ordered double whiskies, brandies, that sort of thing. Stuff theyd never touch any other day if the week.. It worked out a bit of an expensive surprise for a pair of 21 year olds who had scrimped and saved for their wedding.

Same old story - a few dirty mongs ruin it for eveyone.

amdublin

Tasden wrote: »

But that's the issue, its not their drink of choice, its the drink they order when its not coming from their pocket.
I think the fact it is needed/advised is sad but I wouldn't say tacky. Personally I think it should be glass of wine or beer or soft drink and thats it, tough if you want something else.
That's exactly the point the barman was making, people don't realise its in someone's nature until they're presented with the offer and then they show that side. Its not necessarily that they feel ah I'm gonna bleed them dry here, more just ah sure may as well get something nice since its on them, but when everyone thinks the same it all adds up. Not malicious against the couple, more just not fully aware that just because its free for them doesn't mean someone isn't paying.

Add this to my list. People not trusting their friends and family not to take advantage of their generosity/not fully aware that someone is paying for the drink that is offered to them.

I don't get that.